Chapter 11: Kindly, the Runaway is Welcomed

Part 1

"... so that's how it is."

"Hikki..."

As expected, Yuigahama was staring at me with disappointed and disapproving eyes. When I looked to see the reaction of the other person, I was met with a surprisingly warm gaze.

Eh? Why? What's going on?

"Hikigaya-kun..."

Yes...? The fact that there was no disappointment in her eyes was throwing me off. Rather, they looked strangely happy. Just what was happening?

"... I knew my initial assessment of your character was correct!"

Oi!

If that was going to be your response, don't behave like that! What if I got the wrong idea?

Now that I looked carefully, Yukinoshita's fist was clenched and her arm was shaking, as if she was suppressing the urge to do a fist-pump. Were you that happy about my suffering?

"Well, jokes aside..."

Sure didn't seem like one.

"Hikigaya-kun. I believe your bad habit is showing again. As human beings, we need to confront our problems. Only then will society progress. Nothing will ever be solved if you keep running away. I am sure that if you try talking things out with Hiratsuka-sensei, this issue can be resolved peacefully."

"No no no! You are only saying that because you haven't seen what she has become. Even if I accept your ridiculous premise that problems have to be confronted, she is in no state of mind to be reasoned with!"

"Such an exaggeration... even if it is Hiratsuka-sensei, she should still be open to negotiation and compromise."

Negotiation and compromise? Neither of those have ever happened with Hiratsuka-sensei even while she was sane! Just how much of an idealist was Yukinoshita?

"Listen well. Even at the time when I passed my phone to Zaimokuza, Hiratsuka-sensei had already sent mails naming our nine children, and was discussing how we would lead them to the Koshien together! She is planning so far ahead that it's scary! And most importantly, I do NOT want nine children!"

"That's the most important?"

Yukinoshita stared at me in disbelief, doubting my words, but that was the terrifying truth. Hiratsuka-sensei's love was way too heavy!

Meanwhile, Yuigahama had started to blush and fidget about again. Would you please stop doing that? It is incredibly distracting...

"Hikki... do you not like children? So you don't want to become a father in the future?"

"No well... if you asked me whether I like or dislike children, I would say I like them. The problem is that children cost a lot of money to take care of. While teaching is a stable job in today's economy, the salary that it receives is really not that high. So if we have too many children, Hiratsuka-sensei may not be able to bring in enough money by herself. Once that happens, the probability that I would be forced to become a corporate slave instead of a house-husband would increase..."

"Just who is the one that is planning too far ahead here..."

Yukinoshita interrupted while pressing her palm on her head to indicate that my speech was giving her a headache. But you see, a wise man always plans for his defeat, that way even when you lose, you can still win a little bit!

Part 2

"So why did you come to us?"

"Well, this is the Service Club right? So this is a request..."

"Another request, is it? You seem to be making a lot of these lately, are you not becoming too overly-reliant on others?"

"Let me stop you right there. I can't have you misunderstanding the situation now! This is not a request by Hikigaya Hachiman, it is a request from all of Sobu High. Think about it. If Hiratsuka-sensei wins here, it will become a scandal that will affect the entire school's reputation. Your high school diplomas from here when you graduate will be devalued! That is why the request this time is not about me at all."

Hehehe. Impeccable logic if I say so myself. I did have a few hours to think of a reason to persuade Yukinoshita while waiting for her after all. The proof of my victory could be found in how Yukinoshita had once again taken her signature headache pose. She was ready to become a professional actress who starred in Advil commercials. Then again she was successful in everything so I guess she didn't need to choose this particular career.

"Such sophistry..."

"Ehhh... let's help him Yukinon! I also... don't want to see Hiratsuka-sensei marrying Hikki..."

"Well... if Yuigahama says so..."

I had suspected this for a while now, but it seems that Yukinoshita had a new catchphrase. Just how whipped had she become? From now on I should just direct all requests to Yukinoshita through Yuigahama. I could probably get anything approved that way... anything...

"So, specifically, what exactly do you want us to do?"

Hah! Not good, I was about to head down the path of a sleazebag! Let's see...

"Well, for now, I need a place to hide until Hiratsuka-sensei calms down. Especially at night... I don't want to be attacked while I'm asleep. Komachi already betrayed me so my own house isn't safe anymore..."

"Ahaha... Ah! Couldn't you stay over at a friend's house or something?"

Urk! That hit right where it hurt. I turned to give Yuigahama a resentful stare, while Yukinoshita gave her a disappointed one. And then Yukinoshita proceeded to give the standard rebuke that would hurt me in the process.

"Yuigahama-san. Please be more considerate. You already know that thing couldn't possibly have friends. In a situation like this, the only thing he could do would be to stay overnight at an internet cafe..."

"No. I already rejected that idea. Those places don't particularly have a lot of security, so Hiratsuka-sensei would be able to get in easily if she somehow figured out where I was."

Plus, with the rising cost of residences in Japan, I had the feeling I might be forced to start living in one of those in the future, so I really didn't want to start now...

Hm? Yuigahama was fidgeting again. Seriously quit waving your arms near your chest, it's hard enough trying to avoid looking at them!

"T-Then... Hikki, do you want to come over to my house instead?"

...

My brain just imagined an impossible scenario. A scenario of cooking and dogs and delicious noodles. And an angry Mr Yuigahama that led to my doom. But this was getting dangerous in various ways so I'll stop right there.

This girl was scary. She seriously did not think about things before saying them. She was so careless that even I was getting worried that one of these days she would get tricked and invite some bad guys over to her house...

"Yuigahama-san. Please be more careful and value yourself more. You don't know what that thing would do once he gets in your house. Your personal possessions would be in danger. And even if we somehow manage to deprive his freedom of movement, your family's property would still be devalued by his presence."

Yes yes you tell her Yukinoshita! Wait.. halfway through that speech it suddenly became about me didn't it? By that logic, didn't I already devalue Yukinoshita's apartment? ... she wasn't going to press charges and demand compensation right?

"Besides, if Hiratsuka-sensei was checking out my home, then your home is probably not safe either. So that option is out."

...

A short silence ensued as our ideas ran out.

"Hm... I understand the situation now Hikigaya-kun. First, let's change locations."

Part 3

After splitting up and regrouping at a more comfortable location, in other words a family restaurant, it was now my turn to do the headache pose.

"I understand that you didn't want to stay in that dirty alley. But why is this guy here?"

"Well, it is a rare request from Hikitani-kun after all, so I couldn't refuse."

I swear this guy's nice-guy smile was one tier higher than normal. Was he so happy that I was the one in trouble for once?

"Hikigaya-kun. You wanted a place to hide from Hiratsuka-sensei right? In that case, we should choose a place that you would never choose yourself. So in that sense, since you two are complete opposites, it is a perfect fit."

No, I understand the logic but still! If I had to stay over with this guy... Grrr... I think I would rather get caught instead.

In fact, if you thought about it, this matter would eventually get leaked. Eventually, Ebina-san would hear about it, at which point she will suffer from massive blood loss and use up a lot of blood transfusions. Then wouldn't the other hospital patients who needed that blood be in serious trouble?

"That suggestion is rejected. We can't sacrifice the hospital patients of this city."

"Just how did you reach that conclusion?!"

"It's either this or you stay with someone from your middle school. Even if Hiratsuka-sensei can find out the addresses of Sobu High students, she shouldn't be able to find out where your middle school classmates live."

A trauma-inducing image of me begging Orimoto Kaori to let me stay at her place appeared in my mind.

"Please spare me from that."

"In that case it's settled."

"Looking forward to having you, Hikitani-kun."

Ugh, that smile was now two tiers higher. Grrr...

"On second thought this is impossible! I definitely do not want to owe this guy any favors!"

"Hikigaya-kun. I believe you were the one who said this request had nothing to do with you? Thus what you want is completely irrelevant."