Happy Halloween!

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Beyblade, Pepsi, or the Care Bears.

Ray stands in the middle of an aisle. There's razors and deodorant on one side and medicine on the other.

Ray waves. "Yo! Kai and me are buying stuff for the trick-or-treaters tonight. It's Halloween, my favorite day of the entire year. I'm Ray."

Kai says to camera "I'm Kai, this is our Halloween special. (to Ray) So what are we gonna get for the sons-of-bitches tonight?"

" I'm all for deodorant sticks. Kids really smell like shit these days. Should we get Avalanche Rush or Lighnting Strike?"

" Are you serious? 1) they both smell like something died and 2) hundreds of kids are gonna come to Tyson's place, so I really don't feel like wasting money on 3 dollar sticks of clay."

" Fine, smartass, what do you think we should get them?"

" Follow me." Kai leads them to another aisle. "Condoms. Kids get hornier at younger ages, every fucking year. Plus, for the same price of one deodorant stick, you get six condoms."

Ray smacks his own forehead "How much fucking crack did you take this morning?!"

" Not enough, apparently. You think I'm crazy."

" I know you're crazy. They're six to ten year-old kids, not sex criminals in the making!"

" Not yet, anyway. Soon, they will be."

" Tyson suggested candy."

" Kai suggests condoms. Kai also suggests crucifying Tyson to his kitchen wall."

" Shut up. Let's just get the candy."

After getting candy...

Ray screams "No way!"

Cashier gets worried that she did something wrong "What's wrong?"

Ray continues "What the Hell? That's way too much. I can't afford that!"

" Sir, it's only $18."

Kai agrees "Really, man. I'll pay, how's that?"

Ray argues back "Don't you dare pay, Kai, that's way too much for anybody to pay for fucking candy! I'm protesting!"

Ray goes outside and starts screaming at random passer-bys about the price of candy.

Kai mumbles "What an asshole. Here." he pays.

" Thanks. Will he be okay?" She points at Ray getting beaten by police officers.

" Yeah, he'll be fine. Everytime we buy stuff, he finds a new way of getting me to pay when he promises to." He leaves "Please, leave him alone, he's a special needs child!"

Camera stops and starts with Kai going through someone's closet.

Ray says "Thanks for bailing me out, dude."

" Whatever. Just tell me next time you don't wanna pay or can't pay."

" It's not like that, at all. $18 for three fucking bags of candy? Give me a break. And what are you looking for in Tyson s closet?"

Kai answers "My costume."

Ray doubts it. "You put your costume in Tyson's closet?"

" No. Tyson's clothes is my costume."

" Why?"

" I wanted something really terrifying and scary this year. So I decided to steal Tyson's clothes since Tyson's the scariest fucking being in the world."

" You had no other ideas?"

" A cheerleader, but I couldn't fit into the mini-skirt."

Ray celebrates "Thank God!"

" Fuck you. I got Tyson's stuff. Leave the room."

2 min. later...

Kai is heard from behind a closed door "I'm not coming out!"

Ray shouts back "It was your choice, so get your ass out here!"

" Noooo! I look really queer!"

" Get out before I break down this fucking door!"

" No!"

" Why are you screaming at my bedroom door as if it s gonna answer you?"

Ray turns to see Tyson and answers "Kai is in there."

Tyson gets angry "What?! Get out, fucking idiot! (opens door) Why are you wearing my clothes!?"

" It's my scary costume!" chirps Kai.

" Change back and get out!"

Ray pushes by Tyson "Let me see." Kai is in Tyson's blue jeans and yellow T-shirt and red jacket and holding his cap in his hand "That's really ugly."

" My costume is ugly, I know. But it's having the effect I wanted."

Tyson screams "Get out of my clothes!"

2 min. later...

Kai pouts "Now I have no costume."

" Not to sound gay, but you look so much better, now." says Ray.

" Not to sound conceited, but I know!"

Kenny walks by them.

Kai spits out "You're a piece if crap, Kenny."

Kenny grumbles and walks away.

Ray wonders "What was that for?"

Kai gets all excited "I have this new way of thinking: if you tell someone enough times 'you re a piece of crap', then they'll believe that they're a piece of crap. So I'm making the Chief believe he's a piece of crap."

" You're so stupid."

" Actually, it's smart."

Camera stops and starts again showing a chess game, and Ray upset. Kai moves a piece.

Kai chuckles "Checkmate, asshole. 25-0."

Ray goes crazy "FUCK YOU!" He whips chess pieces on the floor.

Max asks "What the fuck is your problem?"

Ray growls back "Nobody asked for your consolation, Tate!"

Doorbell rings.

Tyson calls out "Can someone get that?"

Ray takes charge "I'm on it." Ray starts for the door followed by Kai. They walk by Kenny.

Kai says "You're a piece of crap, Kenny. Nothing more, nothing less."

Kenny moves away, hiding behind his laptop.

Ray answers the door.

Ray screams very loudly "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

Kai laughs "Trick-or-treaters, man."

A witch warns "Watch your mouth, mister."

Ray gets mean with the little kids "What do you want?"

A pirate answers "Let's see. It's Halloween, so candy."

" What kind of bullshit is this? You disrespectful punks came here for fucking candy? You can't just show up once a year to everyone's house just for candy when you don't even know their names!"

Tyson yells "Just give them the fucking candy, Ray!"

" Never! Prepare to die, incompetent punks!"

He runs after them outside Tyson's house and Kai follows with the camera. Finally, they leave.

" And stay away, assholes!"

Kai catches up "You're the asshole. We even went to buy candy for them."

Ray smiles "Technically, we went for deodorant and condoms."

Hilary stomps outside and to Kai and Ray. "You two are staying away from the door, got it?"

Kai reasons with her "I didn't do anything."

" I don't care." She leaves.

Kai sighs "I swear, she's such a slut."

" Hey, let's make a haunted house out of Tyson s house. We'll play eerie music and dress like vampires and make the house look dark and dangerous and we'll lead the kids through and give candy at the end."

Kai corrects him "It's already haunted, just lead them through."

Ray thinks. "You have a point there."

Kenny comes outside for air.

Kai calls out "Kenny, you're a piece of crap."

Kenny retreats back into the house.

Ray defends Kenny. "Will you leave him alone?"

" Fuck you. Gather some kids together."

Camera stops and begins showing Kai in front of a pack of about 20 kids.

Kai announces "And this is where Hilary the Whore killed her victims, Tyson, Max, and Kenny." He is pointing into dojo.

" Ooooouuuuuuu." The kids are impressed.

Kai continues with his history lesson. "Sometimes, their ghosts come back to get revenge on Hilary the Whore, who lives forever because she is supported by Satan and his minions."

Kids sigh "Aaaaahhh!" They're in awe.

Ray is giggling as softly as he can.

Kai says "Let's see if we can find them. To the living room!"

He leads the kids to the living room where everyone else is. All 20 kids come in the room.

Hilary screeches "What the Hell?! What do you think you're doing?"

Kai gasps. "It's Hilary the Whore! And the ghosts of Tyson, Max, and Kenny!"

Kids scream.

Kai remembers "Kenny, you're a piece of crap. Worthless."

Kenny bites back tears.

" You called me a whore?" Hilary asks Kai.

" No. Hilary the Whore. I made you a legendary sex offender!" he chirps.

Max speaks up. "You've gone way too far, Kai."

Kai pushes Max. "What are you gonna do? Huh, tough guy? You're gonna lecture me on what's right and wrong?"

" Just give the kids some candy and get rid of them, or else."

Kai challenges "Or else what? Hilary's gonna scream at me? Again? Well, guess what. I've grown immune to her high-pitched voice! Scream all you want, bitch, I can't hear you, anymore!"

Kids get bored "Can we have our candy?"

Ray also gets fed up. "Stupid faggot kids! All you care about are your sugar-highs! I oughta –"

Kai interupts "What's that, Maxy?"

Max is confused. cuz he didn't say anything. "What? I didn't – (Kai punches him) What the fuck?"

Hilary yells "What was that for?!"

Kai answers "For looking at me funny." He shoves Max into a wall.

Kids get excited and start screaming. Max and Kai start pushing, shoving, and wrestling. Kai has the advantage.

Hilary orders "Stop it! You guys are gonna break something!"

Ray chants "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Hilary grumbles "What did I just say, Ray?"

Ray recites exactly what he heard Hilary say "Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah."

"You guys get me so mad! Get these kids out!"

Ray obeys "Yes, sir. Get outta here, mother-fuckers! Show s over! Don t make me stab you!"

Kids run away, screaming. Kai and Max are still wrestling.

Tyson wonders "Why does Max even bother trying to put up a fight? Kai's too much of a savage animal for Max to beat."

Hilary screams "You make me sick. Stop fighting!"

Kai gives in "Fine." He pushes Max down, puts his foot on his chest, and steps over him, putting pressure on Max's chest.

Max wails in pain. "SHIT, what's wrong with you?!"

Kai ignores Max "Why do you always have to chase the kids away, Ray? I wanted them to watch me pummel Max."

Ray argues back "Like those kids meant anything to you."

Camera stops again and shows Ray looking under a bed when it starts again. He crawls under the bed so only his legs can be seen.

Kai asks "Did you find it?"

Ray's muffled voice comes from under the bed. "Yeah, I just can't pull it out. Push from the other side as I pull."

Kai pushes and Ray pulls and they manage to pull a big plastic bin from under the bed.

Kai complains "That shit smells nasty." He fans air in front of him.

Ray agrees. "Seriously. (gags) The smell makes me (gags) nauseous. (steps back) Aw, dude."

"Explain what it is."

"Right. We've been mixing this stuff since August, so we would have enough for Halloween. We prepared oatmeal and blended it with brocoli, Pepsi, and microwaved nacho cheese. We plan on whipping this poison at trick-or-treaters. Go get the salad spoons."

"I have them, already."

Ray points upwards. "To the roof!"

Kenny peaks in the room.

"What's that smell?"

Kai looks over at Kenny. "Last time I checked, Kenny, pieces of crap don't talk."

Kenny frowns and leaves. Camera stops. It starts again showing Ray lying on the roof on his stomach. The sky is a dark blue.

Ray says "Why aren't any sugar-crazed kids coming?"

Kai figures "Word probably got around that a couple of crazy Russians and Chinese live here and torture kids who trick-or-treat here."

Ray looks at the camera "Fuck you, man. (looks in front over roof) Look, some kids are coming."

They grab their large salad spoons and scoop some of their mixture from the plastic bin.

Ray whispers "Ready...aim...fire!"

They launch their goo just as Hilary comes outside to hand out candy. Hilary screams her high-pitched girly scream.

Hilary questions "What the Hell is going on?"

Kai whispers "Throw more."

Ray and Kai bombard the kids and Hilary with their disgusting guck, and eventually, the kids run away, without receiving candy. Hilary finds Kai and Ray on the roof.

Ray calls to her "Hey, Hilary! Wanna harrass kids with some mystery-goo?"

"After being covered in it, NO! Get down, you immature jerks!"

Kai groans "Yes, Mommy."

Hilary answers dryly "Believe me, Kai, if I was your mother, you would be up for adoption right about now."

Ray defends his crazy friend. "No he wouldn't, because it would be your duty and destiny to love him as your son."

Kai exclaims "I love you, Mommy!" with his arms open.

"No, it would be my curse to love him and my duty to put him up for adoption. And –"

Camera stops before Hilary can continue. It starts showing Kai pouring the remainder of his poison on someone's bed and stuff.

Ray says "Tyson s gonna kill you."

Kai begs to differ. "Tyson wouldn't stand a chance against me. Hilary has a better chance at inflicting pain on me."

"Now that has to make Tyson feel good about himself."

"Damn straight." They leave the room. "What time is it?"

"Ten thirty (10:30) Wanna watch that horror flick we picked up?"

"Hell yeah! All six of us."

Max happens to walk by. "What's that about a horror flick? You guys rented something?"

Ray explains "Actually, this movie's so good, we stole Tyson's money and bought it for him."

Kai gives a small warning "It's pretty horrifying, so I'm not pressuring you to watch it. I just really wanna see you pee your pants."

Max answers flatly "I can handle a horror movie."

They get everyone together around the T.V. set.

Ray announces "Does everyone have a hiding-buddy?"

Tyson asks "A what, now?"

"Hiding-buddy. Someone you can hide behind when you think you're about to scream."

Hilary asks "It's really that scary?"

Kai answers "Beyond your wildest imagination."

"I don't have a buddy."

Kai puts his hand up. "My armpit is willing to be your buddy!"

"I'll pass."

Ray comments "You're sick, man."

"I try to be nice, but everyone –"

Max orders "Start the movie!"

Kai and Ray sit down and start the movie. Kai pauses.

"Before we start-Kenny, some farmer called, he wants his piece of crap for his crops." and plays.

Hilary argues "That was mean!"

Kai reminds Hilary "Nobody asked you for an evaluation."

The movie starts. It's...it's...

Tyson hollers "Care Bears?! What the fuck?!"

Ray wonders innocently "What? 'Care Bears: The Movie' is really scary."

Kai joins in. "I dunno about you, but it's the scariest film I've ever seen."

" I hid behind the couch the whole time."

"Care Bears: The Movie? You guys are so burnt!" informs Hilary.

Ray shouts "OH MY GOD! THEY'RE SHARING!"

Max moans. "Oh, please. I have better things to do, like counting bed-bugs on Tyson's bed."

Tyson glares at Max. "Fuck you, Max. I'm going to bed! (goes to his room) Aahhh! What the fuck!"

Kai calls out to Tyson by his new name. "Yeah, Asshole? I might've done something to your room. I recommend not opening your door. OH MY GOD! THEY'RE BEING KIND! Make it go away!"

Hilary says "You guys are beyond any form of help."

Everyone leaves, leaving Kai and Ray to scream stupid things. They laugh and stop the movie.

Ray sighs "That was crazy. We still have all the candy we bought."

Kai grabs some wrapped candy. "Beautiful, I want some. I'm Kai. That was our KaiRayRayKai Halloween."

Ray to camera. "I'm Ray. See you next week or Halloween."

Kai complains "I hate fucking nuts in chocolate." and he starts spitting out chocolate.

Ray directs the camera to Kai still spitting. "All you ever do is fucking complain."

Yet, the camera stops again and starts showing Ray in the dark, outside.

Ray whispers "I know it's supposed to be finished, but Kai and I forgot to do some trick-or-treating of our own."

Kai moans to the camera "He woke me up 5 minutes ago to do this. It's, like, two thirty (2:30) in the morning, and every sane person is asleep." He turns back to Ray.

"Shut up and follow me." He leads Kai to a house that is entirely dark. He rings the door bell three times. A few minutes later, someone opens the door.

" What the Hell do you want?" comes the question.

Ray says in his normal voice "Trick-or-treat, prick. Give me some fucking candy."

"GET OUTTA HERE!" Ray and Kai run and the owner of the house follows them.

Kai looks at the camera. "I am soo gonna kill this stupid asshole. One: for waking me up, two: for waking me up for this! This Production is so over..."

The camera stops for the final time.

To some reviewers who asked me a certain question:

Where do I come up with this stuff? Honestly, I have to tell you, it isn't all that hard. I live this comedians, being a crazy one, myself. So whenever we joke around I get new ideas. Coming up with ideas for me is like it is breathing for you! It comes naturally. And no, it isn't stuff I wanted to do during my short lifetime and never got to do so I wrote it down. Who does that? I am not making asses of Kai and Ray (someone said that) I'm simply...Idunno, showing you how they truely are from my point of view when they're not being the loyal house-pet and anti-social loner.

Rei's#1gurl, I didn't get your e-mail, so try again, and I wanna talk to you concerning your request.

With lots of love! Bye!