Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King... and I don't think you would really believe I own the whole thing. But seriously this is just a fanfic... the plot is the only thing I can call mine and maybe Masuda (but I do not like to own him because I hate him)

This chapter is mostly about Ren... Pirika's part would be in the next chapter...

Well... now let's continue.

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Chapter 11: The melancholy of Ren Tao

Ren Tao didn't have a good night sleep last night. He was not feeling good at all. He had been thinking of her face the whole night long.

He cannot take it. He was hurting. But the most excruciating part of it all... was the fact that he was the one hurting her.

But what choice does he have? He knows that Pirika would leave him like the way she left all her ex-boyfriends. He also knows that she could even take away Men from him.

He doesn't want that. He cannot handle that. She could take anything from him aside from Men.

'She had already taken my heart... so I cannot allow her to take anything else...' He thought.

The dawn was just around the corner. Ren could see from the window the sun rising up. He looked at the nearest watch and counted the hours.

'Four hours of sleep...more or less...' He said to himself, 'The first time was still worse.'

He completely gave up the idea of going out for a jog. He always does this every morning before Men would wake up. But this time he was not up to it. His whole body was still weak. Although he hadn't done anything physical to weaken his body he feels like he can't even stand up.

He felt empty and hollow as if something was missing from him. It was as if he took something out of his body and was now completely gone.

He also felt something else... he felt as if he was the one who was completely responsible for the whole empty feeling.

He felt stupid on top of it all. He felt as if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

If Men had not woken up then Ren might have not went down as well. Everyone was already up that morning. It was really odd for them to know how late Ren came out of his room.

Ren was just walking down the hallway towards the common room when he came across Yoh. Ren noticed how Yoh looked at him.

"What? Is it a crime to wake up late?" Ren asked.

"Horohoro has been looking for you. He said he needs to talk to you." Yoh said.

Ren lifted a brow. He then started to walk. He knows where Horohoro was.

"I think you should give Men to me..." Yoh suggested.

Ren paused for a while. 'That serious huh?'

Ren thought for a while. He then agreed. He gently gave Men to Yoh. The child went to Yoh without a word.

Men was busy playing with something in his hands. There was nothing that could bug the little boy.

Yoh and Ren then walked together. Horohoro was outside in the garden. Yoh was just behind Ren as they approached the Ainu.

Ren then noticed how Horohoro looked. He seemed to be annoyed at something. 'Maybe it's just his face...' Ren thought.

"You were looking for me?" Ren called.

Yoh walked away from them with Men in his arms. He was aware of what was happening so he knew better not to get in between them while holding a child. The others were also there sitting in the porch. Yoh sat beside Anna and placed Men down. Hana instantly went towards his father.

"What's happening?" Hana asked.

"Let's leave them be... this is something between the two of them." Yoh said with a smile.

Hana somehow understood. He then went towards Men and tried to play with the younger boy. Hana took the toy in Men's hand. Men instantly slapped Hana and grabbed his toy. Men then stuck out his tongue.

Hana looked at Yoh. Yoh just smiled. There was no use fighting a boy younger than him.

Horohoro finally looked at Ren. His eyes were angry. Horohoro marched up towards Ren and grabbed his collar.

"What did you do to my sister?" Horohoro asked.

Ren looked confused but somehow it seemed that Horohoro had known about his conversation with Pirika last night. Ren just looked calm and brushed Horohoro's hand aside.

"I just talked to her last night. There was nothing wrong with that." Ren answered as he straightened his clothes.

"To hell with that!" Horohoro shouted, "I know everything Ren. I know about the date and the time she was kidnapped!"

Ren was somehow surprised. He thought Horohoro was just dumb.

"You knew?" He muttered.

"Yes I know! What kind of brother do you think I am!" Horohoro barked, "I just didn't interfere because I know Pirika would hate me!"

"You got that one right." Ren retorted at once.

Horohoro growled. Ren was still being arrogant despite what happened.

"What's your problem! Why are you always like this!" Horohoro shouted.

Ren still doesn't know what is happening. 'I know I have made Pirika cry but– '

Just then he noticed it. His eyes instantly scanned the common room. Everyone was there... even Ryu was inside. He could feel everyone inside. He could hear their soft murmurs and whispers.

He could hear them all aside from one.

"From the look of your face I know you have noticed it already." Horohoro said.

"She's gone?" Ren said looking surprised.

Ren then took out a cell phone from his pocket. He then dialled a number and placed the phone on his ear.

A ringtone suddenly started to play as Ren heard the other line ringing in his ears.

Horohoro chuckled as he felt something vibrating in his pockets. He then shook his head.

"I can't believe you even know my sister's number." Horohoro said as he pulled something from his pocket.

The ringtone continued to play as Horohoro swings the phone in front of Ren. It was her pink phone alright Ren had already seen it several times already.

Ren finally stopped the call and instantly the ringtone stopped as well.

"It seems she doesn't want us to contact her." Horohoro said.

Ren looked down. She might be kidnapped again accidentally leaving her cell phone. She could be in trouble as they speak.

Horohoro could see that Ren was thinking. He then pulled another thing from his pockets this time it was a folded piece of paper.

Dear Niichan,

I would leave the onsen earlier than anyone of you. I need to find someone. Do not worry because I'm fine. I left my phone because I do not want you to call me or anything... if I would contact you I would find a way I promise.

I still am not sure if I would come back to the onsen... it depends if my trip would end early.

Thank you and I love you. Please take care.

-Pirika

Horohoro read the letter out loud. He knew what Ren might be thinking and he would want him to know that his sister left on purpose and not because she was taken away.

"So... why did you drive her away?" Horohoro asked.

Ren looked directly at Horohoro.

"She never said I drove her away." Ren answered.

"She didn't have to say it." Horohoro said.

Horohoro breathe. He wanted to calm himself before doing anything foolish.

"I know what is happening. I know what my sister thinks of you... I know." Horohoro said calmly, "and I also know what my sister feels for you."

"I do not understand you at all." Ren said trying his best to remain composed.

Horohoro was trying his best to keep himself calm but Ren was not helping at all. That emotionless face, those uncaring eyes and those words... were more than enough to fuel Horohoro's irritation once more.

"Listen to me!" Horohoro said raising his voice once more, "You always make my sister cry! Why do you do that? Even then until now... why dammit!"

"What?" Ren just asked.

Horohoro groaned. This was very annoying. Ren was being stupid.

"Are you insensitive... or just plain stupid?" Horohoro said once more.

"My sister is crying for you... the first time was after the Shaman Fight... then when she came here... then last night! Damn! How can she love someone that makes her cry as much as this!" Horohoro shouted in exasperation.

Ren then chuckled. He had caught that word. It was one thing that cannot escape his ear.

"She cannot love me... she loves me like the way she loves those other guys."

Horohoro slammed his palm on his forehead. His temper was there once more but he must not lose his cool. He's an ice Shaman for crying out loud!

"Honestly... I have never seen or heard her cry over those other men you are talking about." Horohoro said seriously, "It was always about you... those tears were always for you."

Ren suddenly came into deep thought. 'I am worse... I am worse than those lowlifes...'

"Why? Why is it me?"

Horohoro finally lost it. He looked at Yoh with defeat in his eyes.

"I give up..." He whispered.

Yoh just shrugged his shoulders. Whatever might happen he could always call Faust and do a gattai then heal Ren. Yoh also believed that Horohoro would not actually kill Ren.

Horohoro then looked at Ren. Ren was still shocked and was still staring blankly at nothing. Horohoro became more annoyed.

He clenched his fist and hit Ren right in the face.

Because of too much contemplating... Horohoro's fist hit him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Ren was sitting on the porch with Men sleeping beside him. The sun was slowly setting. The day was ending.

Chocolove saw Ren. He silently went towards him and sat beside him.

"Still not talking to Horo?" Chocolove asked, "Is the punch still painful?"

"You know that kind of thing would not last." Ren answered with a smirk, "you know me better than that."

Chocolove laughed. True Ren was tougher than that. He had seen it back when he still had eyes that can see.

"So why are you still sulking?" Chocolove asked.

Ren looked at the orange sky. The sun was slowly going down but it was still shedding its light. It was still holding on as the darkness was starting to cover the land.

"I am terrible huh?" Ren asked, "But do you think she really likes me?"

Chocolove smiled.

"Horohoro knows his sister the most... and if he says she likes you then she probably does." Chocolove then paused, "But he is still not Pirika so better ask her for yourself."

Ren looked at Chocolove. Though Chocolove is blind he could still see more things than Ren could. Somehow Ren was envious. Chocolove was true to himself... so true that even after getting blind, going to hell twice and even getting imprisoned... he was still himself. He never forgot who he really was.

Ren on the other hand, had always lied to himself. He thought he had learned his lesson back in the Shaman Fight but after that it seemed that he had forgotten all those lessons already. He started to close his heart once more.

He felt ashamed... to Chocolove, to Horohoro, to Yoh and to everyone who helped him seven years ago. It seemed he just wasted all their efforts in teaching him how to be himself.

"But what if she treats me like all those other guys." Ren said, "I do not want her to leave me as well. I am sick and tired of being left alone... I might handle it if it was a different person... but if it was her who would leave me..."

Ren caressed Men's sleeping face. The child looked peaceful as he slept.

"I might not be able to take it anymore."

"Damuko!" Someone suddenly interrupted from the door.

Ren and Chocolove looked at the door and saw Horohoro coming inside.

"The reason why Pirika and I stopped talking... was because of her." Horohoro continued knowing that what he said doesn't make sense.

"Ready to talk?" Ren asked looking smugly at Horohoro.

Horohoro walked towards them. Chocolove moved aside letting Horohoro sit in between him and Ren.

"I'm talking if you talk as well." Horohoro said smiling at Ren, "the truth please... you can even go mushy in front of the girl's brother."

Ren lifted a brow.

"Are you sure?" Ren asked with a teasing look.

Horohoro thought once more.

"Maybe go a little easy on the mushy part... just tell the damn truth." Horohoro said.

Chocolove suddenly laughed. Ren instantly hushed him while covering Men's ears.

"I'm sorry... just happy." Chocolove then turned to Horohoro and Ren, "The Ren Team is reunited once more."

"You first Horohoro... I swear I'll talk after your story." Ren said with all sincerity.

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The next day Lyserg had decided to go home. Someone called him and was needed back. He doesn't want to go yet but it was really urgent. Yoh and the others understood. They can't keep him in the onsen forever.

It was only the boys who escorted Lyserg home. The children were brought as well. It was already dark when they have returned home. Dinner was already served. It was Anna and Tamao who prepared dinner.

"You shouldn't have... really... it's my job." Ryu said to Tamao. He just arrived as well.

Tamao just laughed.

"Miss Anna insisted." She whispered.

Ryu looked over Tamao. Anna was still in the kitchen doing the final touches to the meal.

"Well... I can't object to that." Ryu said.

Ryu and Tamao just helped Anna in bringing the food to the table. Anna was more than happy to have servants.

Once more the table was crowded. Although two people were gone there were still Chocolove, Ren, Manta, and Horohoro as guests.

"So when are you coming home Chocolove?" Horohoro asked.

"I don't really know... I'm still not planning anything yet so maybe I could stay longer." Chocolove asked.

"I need to tend the farm but I could still stay... " Horohoro answered.

Yoh just smiled. Ryu and Tamao already came in with the food in hand. Anna also came in and sat beside Yoh. Hana jumped to his seat as well while Ren fixed Men on to the child's chair.

"You could stay here as long as you like... since the onsen is still closed then we could still accompany you guys." Yoh said.

"I thought the onsen should have been opened like last week. What happened?" Ren noticed.

"The Hanagumi seemed to have some problems... they still can't come here yet. It's not like we're waiting for them... but I expect a lot of customers on our first day so I think Tamao might need a little help." Anna said.

The food was already prepared. Tamao and Ryu finally took their seats.

"The commercial was already changed so the people are already informed." Manta said, "we don't have anything to worry about."

"Why are we talking about business here... let's eat happily okay! I'm still on vacation..." Horohoro said.

Everyone then looked at him.

"I mean... we all are having our vacation! So come on."

The people around Horohoro just smiled but after that they started eating as well. Horohoro was right. They were still enjoying their vacation.

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Ren was the first one out of the bath that night. For some reason he doesn't want to hang around with Yoh and the rest. Men and Hana were already sleeping. Ren just left Men for a while to take a bath. He wanted to go back to his son once more. Since Lyserg already left it was only Men and him inside the room. He doesn't want to leave his little boy that long.

He was already going back to his room. He passed by the kitchen where he saw Tamao taking care of the dishes. He went on and passed by the TV room where Anna was. He went on and finally arrived in front of the stairs.

"I saw her that night... before she left... she doesn't know I was there but I saw her..." It was Horohoro who said it when team The Ren had their talk.

"She was behind the stairs... in one corner... she looked miserable... but I can't do anything for her. If I interrupted her then she might hate me. But I wanted to embrace her, console her... comfort her and make her cry in my shoulders. But I can't."

Ren could remember how torn Horohoro looked. He loved his sister but he had promised himself that he would only come to Pirika's rescue only if she wanted it. He didn't like it but he cannot do anything. He respected Pirika's decision. He only wanted her to be happy.

Ren found himself staring at the stairs. She was there that night. There was something tugging inside his heart... something hurting him...

'Even I cannot do anything about it... and it was I who was at fault. I made her cry.' Ren thought to himself.

He felt stupid, useless and worthless all at the same time. But he pushed himself to go up the stairs. There was no point regretting this now. For all he knows... he might not even see Pirika once more.

He passed by the room where Tamao and Pirika were sleeping. It was then that he heard something.

He knew this ringtone. He had heard it once when Horohoro showed him her phone. He can't believe he would hear it again.

He looked around and saw no one. He slowly went inside and looked for the source of the sound. There on top of the desk lay the phone. It was ringing slowly moving around the desk because of its vibration.

Ren picked it up. It might even be Pirika...

'But if it is her... what should I say to her?' He thought only now.

But it was too late he already pushed the button to receive the call.

Unlike what he was expecting it was not Pirika.

"Pirika?" The person on the other line muttered silently.

Ren instantly knew the person. He would know this voice even if he only heard it a couple of times. Ren Tao never forgets.

"Masuda." Ren said through gritted teeth.

Ren clutched the phone tighter. 'Why is he calling her?'

"Oh! This is not Pirika?" The voice on the other line seemed surprise.

"Quit the act Masuda. I know it is you." Ren said in almost a growl.

If fear can only be heard then Ren might be deaf by now. Ren could only her him swallow on the other line.

"Is... this... R...Ren Tao-san?" Masuda said his voice shaking.

Ren smiled evilly. The worthless worm remembered him.

"Yes... so if you love your life then I suggest you stop calling her." Ren said in a very threatening tone of voice.

Masuda gulped again. This time it was more audible. Ren pleased to hear his fear.

"I just... wanted to apologize. I am wrong... I know... I see it now. I- I would stop... but...I... I..."

Ren calmed himself. The man was sincere. He wouldn't want to murder a man who was sincere in apologizing... Yoh would certainly disagree. He wanted to crush Masuda and throw his ashes in the sea but because of his friendship with Yoh he would not do it.

"Do you want to talk to me?" Ren asked.

"W-what?" Masuda seemed dumbfounded.

"Face to face... I could apologize to Pirika for you." Ren said, 'right after I apologize... if ever I have the courage to do so.'

"WHAT!" Masuda said almost screaming.

"You know that even if you prepare a bunch of goons larger than before, you'll never take me down. So basically be good... or else."

"O...Okay... S-sure..."

Ren placed the phone down. He went back to his room. Men was still sleeping soundly. Carefully, Ren changed into his going out attire.

"Papa needs to go somewhere... but I'll be back." Ren whispered as he leaned towards Men and gently kissed the child on his forehead.

Ren then went outside closing the door silently behind him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

There was a park nearby. That was the place where they would meet. Ren instantly saw him. He was sitting in a bench near the light pole.

Ren finally showed himself to Masuda. Masuda instantly stood up.

"Ren... Ren Tao-san!" Masuda said almost shouting.

Masuda then bowed really low. His nose was already touching the ground. Ren, on the other hand, sat on the bench with the bowing Masuda before him.

"I'm sorry... for whatever I caused... I'm truly, truly sorry."

Ren rolled his eyes.

"Are you a man or a maggot? Come on sit down." Ren shouted.

Masuda instantly snapped up and obeyed Ren.

"I just... wanted to say sorry." Masuda said.

"You have said it several times already. I get it."

"Where's Pirika?"Masuda asked.

Ren looked at him and Masuda instantly flinched.

"She's gone. I guess... she left me as well. You were right."

Masuda then looked surprised. Ren noticed it at once. Masuda looked like he cannot believe what he just heard.

"Stop making that face or I'll kill you." Ren threatened getting annoyed already.

"I'm sorry... but that can't be right."

This time it was Ren who was surprised.

"What do you mean?" Ren asked coldly.

"I remember your name now." Masuda started, "Back when Pirika was still my girlfriend... I had heard your name before. Heck! I have even seen her cry because of the memory of you."

"What?" Ren muttered. He was taken off-guard once more. 'THIS IS THE THIRD TIME ALREADY!' He scolded himself.

"She had always remembered you... I have heard her murmur your name... and whenever that happens she would turn sad. I have been with Pirika for about a month and a half but I never felt that she truly loved me. I guess it was because..."

Masuda then looked at Ren. There was truth in his eyes.

Ren had known Masuda only now... and this was the first time he considered Masuda a human worth believing.

"She was not looking at me... her eyes were only for you."

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Masuda's words were bugging Ren. They parted peacefully... without Masuda dying. Everyone was already sleeping by the time Ren went back to the onsen.

He instantly went towards his room. He closed the door and changed back to his sleeping attire. He then went to his futon and settled beside Men.

Because of the movement Men slowly woke up. His crimson orbs looking at his father.

Men was not the type of child that easily cries. Ren had trained his child to be like that. The child can even stop crying at once. Because of that Ren had an easier time raising the child alone.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." Ren whispered to the child.

The little boy still looked sleepy. He could barely open his eyes. His little mouth opened and yawned.

"Go back to sleep." Ren whispered gently.

"When will mama come back?" Men suddenly asked.

Ren was surprised. Men's eyes were already closed but his father could still tell he was half-asleep.

"Which mama?" Ren can't help but ask.

"Mama... Pirika... " Men said barely a whisper, "when will she come back?"

Ren felt his chest hurting once more. The boy obviously likes her. For a short amount of time his son had felt the motherly love in Pirika. Somehow it hurt Ren even more.

"Do you want her to come back?" Ren asked. He feared the boy's answer... but he still wanted to hear it.

"Hmm hm." Men muttered while nodding a bit.

Ren can't say anything anymore. Men just continued sleeping. It seemed the child was unaware of the pain he had caused his father.

Ren embraced the boy. He knew Men was already in deep slumber probably dreaming by now.

"Why?" Ren said quietly.

"Why can't I be enough for you? Why?" Ren said closing his eyes tightly.

It hurts. Knowing that the only one whom you know loves you wanted another one. Men wanted a family... a mother... but Ren was too foolish...too selfish to give it to him.

The pain was unbearable. He loved Men even more than himself but he cannot give his son the thing he wanted most.

His heart was suffering. He now knows what Pirika felt but he was too stupid to accept it. He still didn't want to trust her... he still doesn't want to have her. He was still thinking what would happen if he might lose her.

He was already thinking of losing her even before having her. It was some kind of torture... already thinking of the consequences before even making a step.

It was stupid.

However Ren had to sleep that night... no matter how painful this day was he still needed to sleep and look forward for the next day.

Who knows? Pirika might come back the next day.

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What about Pirika? What happened with her meeting with Jeanne? Did they even saw each other?

Will Ren and Piri see each other again or will it end by the two of them knowing what they felt? Just knowing... and nothing more

If you want to find out what happened then please read the next chapter...

Author's Notes:Well I guess that was the last appearance of Masuda and (maybe) Hao. Anyway, I would love to write about Horohoro and Damuko in this chapter but this fic is not about them. I'm thinking of writing another fanfic that's purely about them... but if I do that then I have to make another version of this fic concerning Yoh and Anna as well... or else it would be totally unfair... so what do you think? Any comments and suggestions... and also reactions are welcomed... so please review.

A lot of things happened in this chapter... so I know it was quite long... I just wanted to make this a single chapter so I packed everything into one... but I still hope you like it. I am not rushing. I just cannot find the right place where to cut...

Also the story that Ren told Horohoro and Chocolove and to Yoh in the earlier chapter... it would appear in the next chapter (from Jeanne's point of view)... basically that's the truth about Jeanne and Ren... I hope you would like it.

Please continue your reviews... the end is getting nearer so please hold on and continue your support... I would really like to make you happy.

Thank you...Thank you very much... and please review...