A/N: Thank you for all your lovely reviews!
Fuck! What in the hell is wrong with me?! I didn't want to start a fight! I just wanted him to talk to me. He wouldn't even look at me and that pissed my demon off. I had to be near him, but when I got to close… it didn't matter that I couldn't smell him. Fuck! I never felt that kind of pull with Buffy. So what did I do?! I gave in and listened to my demon instincts.
I had to get out of there as fast as I could. I left him where he blacked out on the floor.
His blood tasted like the blood of a mate. I don't remember forming a mating bond with him when we had sex. I don't even know why I bit him. That just doesn't make any sense. Sure I want to be with him, but forcing him into submission isn't the way to get him. It's just going to piss him off and he might run away. Not that I think he's coward, he will just retreat for awhile and when he comes back, it will be twice as hard to get to him.
This is odd. Why can't I remember marking him? I never would have left him if I marked him. It's not possible to leave a mate. I heard of a ritual that can undo a matting bond, but it's extremely painful and there has never been one that was successfully completed. Something is wrong here. I hurt my mate and left him again. I don't know what I am going to do.
There has to be something wrong and there are only two people (well one person and a demon) who could help me figure this out. Giles is out of the question, because he will just get mad and then everyone will know. He might even try to stake me. Spike…well, I would rather not think about asking my wayward childe for help. I know that I am going to half to ask one of them for help. I can at least control Spike's reaction to a point.
I went looking for Spike. When I found him he was in the library with the others going through some of the older books that Giles normally keeps locked up. They're probably looking for a way to stop the Mayor or destroy him. I don't think there are any new big players in town. Why couldn't he have been alone?
"Spike I need to talk to you alone". He looked up from the book he was with a doubt, not reading and lifted his scared eyebrow. "What about Peaches?" I swear one of these days… "Alone Spike". He gave a dramatic sigh and stood up. "What's this about Angel? Did the bleached wonder do something?" Sure accept him into the group, but the minute I might have a problem with him so do you. "It's between me and Spike, Buffy don't worry about it". Just back off. "If he is causing problems don't you think the rest of us should know?"
"Buffy… this doesn't concern you or the Scoobies. Spike hasn't done anything…well, he hasn't done anything that I know of," "Oi! I'll have you know I haven't done anythin'!" Yet. I know it's only a matter of time before he tries something. "Buffy, this is a Family issue. I need to talk out with Spike". "But, Angel…," Why can't she just let it go? It doesn't concern her. "No Buffy, I need to talk to Spike alone, I'll see you guys tomorrow". I turned around and walked out of the library knowing that Spike would follow. I am beginning to regret picking Spike to help me figure this out.
When we got back to the mansion we sat in silence for a few moments. I don't know how to explain this to him. Spike pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit one. He inhaled deep and then exhaled, "Come on Poof, I ain't got all night". I want to wrap my hands around his throat, not that it would do any good. "Spike this is serious". He put his feet up on the table. "Well then get on with it". I think I should have taken my chances with Giles.
"I don't want you to tell anyone anything about what I am going to tell you Spike". He just smirked at me. "Sure Peaches. I won't tell anyone". I growled at him. "I mean it Spike. This is important and just between family". "Ok, just get on with it already!" I took a deep breath, not that I needed it and told him what was going on as well as my concerns.
When I was finished explaining what had happened; we fell into an awkward silence. I was getting worried about the silence on his part, when he busted out laughing. How can he think this is funny?! "Spike, stop laughing right now! How can this be funny to you?!" He waved my question off and continued laughing. I really should have taken my chances with Giles.
I got up and started to pace while he kept laughing. What am I supposed to do now? Spike wasn't any help at all. I was so worried about what to do next, that I didn't even notice that Spike had stopped laughing.
"Look, Peaches I get that there is something wrong with the bond and…," when he first started talking he sounded sympathetic, but then he started yelling at me. "Possibly your mind; I mean what possessed you to leave your mate and run back to Slutty?! You know that might be the problem with the bond! It's punishing you for your idiocy! I mean the whelp is loyal to a fault, brave to the point of stupidity, but still brave, and he wanted you?!" What the hell does that mean? "Spike," he cut me off. "Do you have any idea the things I would do if I had a chance to be with someone like the whelp?! I knew I should have accepted him when you offered him to me in the school".
Does Spike like Xander? That thought made me want to rip him to shreds. I growled threateningly at Spike "William, I am not kidding, I want you to keep your hands off of my mate". He glared at me. "Angelus, I don't plan on taking your mate. Although I will admit that I wanted the boy when I first saw him, only because he reminded me of Dru as well as myself before I was turned. I didn't come back here, to good old Sunnyhell to fight over the boy". He paused for a few seconds and then continued. "I came back here after Dru was dusted, because you are the only family I have left, plus I like to annoy you". His smile was so brief I am not sure I even saw him smile. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think you deserve him. We are vampires; you left him to be with your natural enemy. I agreed to help the white hats, so I could stay here with you, Sire. I don't like the Slayer or the rest of the do gooders, but I put up with them so we don't have to fight every time we see each other".
I had no idea Spike could be so…so well, I just can't describe this Spike. I have never seen him so serious. "Look Spike, I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him anymore". I paused and thought about some of the things he said. "I don't think the bond is trying to punish me Spike. It doesn't feel anything like that. It feels like something is tampering with it or disrupting the connection". He frowned at that, "Don't you think it's weird that you couldn't feel the bond? That you can't even remember making it in the first place?" Now that he points it out; it is defiantly odd that I couldn't feel the bond, let alone a pull towards Xander; until I was close to him. That is a good question; how come I can't remember marking him?
"Spike do you think, that Xander is the one messing with the bond?" He looked at me like I am an idiot. "No I do not. When you were explaining what happened between you two while you were at his house should have clued you in to that". Umm…I stared at him blankly, apparently I am missing something. He sighed, "If the boy was messing with the bond; why would he avoid looking at you? You said he went out of his way to not even glance in your direction. Maybe there is something wrong on his end as well. He only looked at you when your demon felt like it was being brushed to the side and attacked him. Which I might add was a ridiculous idea. You should have better control then that, Peaches".
"I get that you were upset, but just think how the boy must feel. After all he is just a human". I hope this gives Spike a good shock, "No he isn't". He shakes his head at that, "To you he may not be just another human, because he's your chosen". He doesn't get it. "No Spike, that's not what I meant. Xander isn't human. I don't think he ever was. His blood doesn't taste human. I know it's him and not someone else, because when I removed the bracelet he was wearing; he smelled the same as before, only with a little something extra".
"Ok, so he's not human, but you and I both know that he was raised to think and act human, because if he wasn't he would be a very different person". That's true, if Xander was raised to act and think like whatever he is, then he would be a completely different person. "I wonder what he is". He stubbed out his cigarette. "Does it matter? You already marked him. That is something you can't take back". I didn't mean it like that. Why would I take it back even if I could? I want to be with him. "It doesn't matter what he is. It would just be nice to know. What am I going to do Spike? He wouldn't even look at me". I don't want to have to force him to acknowledge my existence.
"Did you ever think that it might be because it's a defensive act?" I shook my head no. "Think about it for a moment. Imagine you're a young confused teenager with a kid, you're basically being stocked by a bunch of people you once trusted; but turned their backs on you, and you're most likely feeling unexplainable emotions for the bastard of a vampire; who just suddenly up and left you for no other reason than to try and get back together with his ex-girlfriend". I guess I wouldn't want to look at me either.
"That's another thing you need to think about". What is he going on about now? "What are you talking about Spike?" He pulled out another cigarette. "I don't recall you being this dense, but if I must spell it out for you, then fine. You're mate has a child. What are you going to do? May I remind you that if you do the wrong thing; you will alienate your mate. The kid may not be yours, but she is a part of your mate". What am I going to do? I don't think I could hate a child just because she was created by Xander and some other girl. Not to mention that she was conceived before I marked Xander. "Don't be stupid Spike, I would never do anything to harm his family".
"Sire, I am going to be honest with you, you fucked up and you have no idea what you're going to do to make it better. I can promise that it is going to take a lot of work and hell of a lot more time to undo the damage that you have caused". I hope he isn't thinking that I am just going to give up. "I am not giving up Spike, not now; not ever". He nods his head, "Good, because you would be a fool if you did".
"Spike there's something I may have forgot to mention…" He crushed out his cigarette and looked at me with suspicion. "What did you do Peaches?" I didn't mean to do it, hell I don't even know what I was thinking. "I may have threatened Xander". He glared at me. "With what Peaches; with what?" I never should have done it. "I told him I would tell Buffy that," I never got to finish that sentence, because Spike punched me really hard in the face.
"Have you lost your fuckin' mind?! What in the hell were you thinking Angel?! He is your mate! I was right you don't deserve him! How could you be so fuckin' stupid?!" I wasn't thinking at the time. I just wanted him to tell me the truth. "Look, I know it wasn't the smartest," "Ya think! I don't understand what's wrong with you! This could be the greatest thing that has ever happened to you in your entire existence and your throwing it away! I already know that your stupid happiness clause is gone and that you have merged with your demon! This might be your only chance at real happiness! Please tell me your not dumb enough to believe you can be happy with Slutty?! She kills our kind! I will never except that bitch as a member of this family! It seems to me that every time your around Xander your hit with some sort of spell that turns you into a senseless fuckin' jackass!"
Wait…what? A spell? Could it be? I ignored Spike as he continued to rant about my recent stupidity. I decided to cut Spike's rant short. "Spike shut up a second! You said something about a spell?" Oh, if looks could kill… "Don't blame magic for your short comings Peaches". I would hit him, but he has been right so far. "Think about it Spike; when have I ever behaved like this? Since when do I leave my family without some sort of interference?" After all it was Darla that caused me to leave Dru and Spike when I got my soul. I never would have left them if she didn't fill my head with all those lies about them not wanting me around because of my soul.
"I will look in to this, but if it turns out that it's all you; I will personally make sure you can never see that boy again". He is my childe; how dare he threaten to keep me from my mate? "Spike," I let a little warning seep into my voice. He started to shake his head at me. "No Angel. You need to understand that you could permanently damage that boy's psyche, but you shouldn't worry; I am positive that there is something effecting you".
I just hope that whatever is happening is stopped soon and I can start proving that I can be a good mate to Xander.