"I'm on the outside, I'm looking in"
Levy loved nature. The smell of the woods and all its animals mingling in. She loved how the earth's scent below her would rise up in the morning dew and seep into the greenery low to the ground. It felt like home. So it was no surprise that she was laying in a familiar open field staring at the flight patterns of surrounding butterflies, but there was a nagging sense that she was forgetting about something.
She sat up to look around and that's when she saw her. Literally, herself. A younger version, probably four or five years old, of the eighteen year old was running through the field giggling and laughing with her arms flapping while chasing the monarchs. She smirked at the image of herself trying to fly but failing to ever leave the ground. The young strawberry blonde made one final attempt at flight before stumbling to the ground. With tear filled eyes, she let out a wail, "Momma!"
The older, now blunette, held her breath and searched wildly for the next image to come through. When no one answered to the little girl's cries, Levy deflated, curling her back a little and scrunching her shoulders at the disappointment. She perked back up to attention when she heard the deep laughter and voice behind her.
"I can see through you; see your true colors"
"Gihihi. Aren't you going to answer her? Or are you going to just let her cry it out for once?" Levy turned to see crimson eyes gleaming back at her. As soon as they made eye contact, it was like his body just materialized around her. His face was at ease, with no grim presence that usually lurks behind his normal demeanor. She could easily see all his facial piercings and had to resist the urge to bring a hand up to touch each one individually. She was leaning into his torso and he had his long legs on either side of her waist and he was putting all his weight on his arms that held him up from behind his back. "Oi. Earth. To. Shrimp." Gajeel brought one hand up to wave in front of her face, "Are you in there?"
"W-wha-?"
Before Levy could even finish, her arms were filled with a sobbing child. At a closer look, Levy noticed a few different slights in the child's face that didn't make sense. Her nose was slimmer, although the curve at the tip was all McGarden, and the heart shaped face ended with a slightly more austere chin, but it was the eyes that caught Levy off guard. Huge red orbs filled with tears came face to face with shocked golden brown ones. "Mommy! I wanna fly like the fairies!" A huge smile split Levy's face as she heard the word that she used as a child to describe the butterflies and repeated what her own mother would say to her, "You will one day, once you earn your wings."
With that, the little girl's tears instantly vanished and her face mirrored her mother's. She laughed and quickly ran out of Levy's arms to continue chasing them. The blunette sighed and leaned into her remaining companion. "So why did I dream of you?"
"'Cause inside you're ugly. You're ugly like me"
"Oi! 'Cuz I'm so fucking amazing that I'm the man of your dreams!" Gajeel pretended to be wounded before wrapping his arms around her and whispered, "I don't know why; It's your dream. But I'm glad to be a part of it, even if I don't show it in the real world."
She let him embrace her and put her hands over his, her fingers brushing against the studs along his arms. "Normally, I have this dream with Jet." She felt him stiffen and hurriedly continued, "She would have his crazy red hair and everything. He would by laying next to me and we would be holding hands but it never felt right, the dream would always turn into a terror. I could never learn to love him the way he deserves. It's like he was my sun, but when it got dark, when the nightmares came, he could do nothing to stop them. With you, it's like you are a mirror or a huge closed metal door, you reflect the light at night. If Jet is my sun, then you are my moon."
A blush creeped onto her face and he nuzzled the nape of her neck to urge her to continue, "Keep going, Squirt. It's your dream afterall, I won't remember this in the real world."
Levy turned to face him, still in his embrace. She looked him in the eye, "That first night, on my car, I dreamed of some pretty amazing things. Although, it was afterwards, when I was alone for the first time in years without Jet down the hall ready to run to my side, that I had fought the nightmares off myself." She saw his gaze go pensive, "Maybe it was a coincidence, but from the moment I met you, the sense of fear that constantly hangs around me, unless I'm stoned or with Jet, has slowly drifted away. It's almost as if my soul knows yours. As if my family never left, they were just resting within you." The blunette settled into his arms once again and closed her eyes.
"I can see through you"
"If I don't get the chance to say it in the real world, I need you to know: I'm sorry, Levy." Gajeel settled his chin above her blue curls and continued, "I was a jerk to you and I should have followed you out to apologize right then and there but I was selfish and I honestly couldn't have given a damn at the moment." She felt his hands curl into fists, "You didn't deserve what happened to you. You don't deserve to be lost in this field right now."
"Lost?" Levy opened her eyes and looked at him questioningly, "What do you mean lost? Am I not just asleep right now?"
"You need to wake up, Shrimp. It's been three days."
"Three days? Since what?" All of a sudden, a sharp pain hit Levy in the back of her head. "Ow! Gajeel that hurt!"
"I know it does, but you need to wake up Shorty. Your nakama are worried." Her hands grabbed her head as she tried to quell the stinging but then her right shoulder started to burn with pain as well.
"Gajeel, this isn't funny anymore." She looked down at her shorts and saw blood pooling from the spot between her legs. "Gajeel, I'm scared."
"I know, Shrimp. But I'm worried for you too." His arms held her tightly as if to ease her pain. "I'm waiting for you, so please wake up."
"See to the real you"
Levy opened her eyes and immediately closed them to the bright lights in her room. She could hear two voices arguing just outside her door.
"Like hell you're gonna see her!" She tried to make out what they were saying, and it wasn't too hard since they were slowly raising their voices. "I've got a right to see my friend in there!"
She knew that voice, "You don't even know her" Jet? "I know I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you don't let me in that room." Gajeel? What's going on? Levy didn't have much of a chance to think as she tried to sit up causing pain from multiple areas in her body, she let a soft cry of pain out and the voices outside hushed.
"All the times that I felt like this won't end"
Gajeel sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair giving off waves of gloom, forcing anyone within a three foot radius to either move or distinctly avoid eye contact. He had been waiting there for three days only going home to grab some books and shower before rushing back out his door. The open books surrounding him lay forgotten, he was restless and couldn't stop fidgeting. Gajeel tried to remember when the last time he had taken a hit and could only think back to before he saw Levy. Tsk. He stood to pace out his agitation, recalling the past few days with the nurses.
~~~~Early Saturday morning~~~~~
"Please sir, the waiting room is down the hall." A young nurse put a hand to his chest to lead him away from her patients.
"I need to see if she is okay. Can you at least tell me that?" Gajeel had pursued the ambulance on his bike all the way to the hospital. He tried to go join the flurry of nurses and doctor's but he was quickly pulled out of the room. He didn't want to become too much of a bother since he still had the drugs in his boot and there were cops surrounding him in the hospital, trying to get what evidence they can from the doctors.
The nurse simply gave him a look of pity, "No, I can't." She removed her hand, "I'll let you know as soon as I know more."
He backed up and slammed a fist on the counter of the nurse's station, causing the paperwork to fly off. Looking around, he noticed he had caught the attention of a few police officers from his violent outburst. "Tsk," Gajeel turned and left the hospital to drop off his incriminating evidence and shower the party off of him. He needed to wait until the cops left before he could return anyways.
"It's for you and I taste what I could never have"
He dreamed of Levy that night. They were back in the guest room except this time he was patient. The dream would fade out and restart but now he ran after her to apologize. Restart, he jumps her attacker just in time. A hundred dreams. A hundred scenarios. None of which ended with Levy being raped. As good as the dreams were, it was a nightmare for Gajeel to sleep through it.
The next morning Gajeel quickly dressed and rushed out his door, speeding his way to the hospital. Running through the double doors of the ICU he noticed the police were gone but was thwarted by a new nurse. "I'm sorry sir, but only family can visit patients in the ICU. If you would like to wait, there is a waiting room down the hall. Someone will notify you if and when she is moved to a private room." Her bony finger pointed back out the doors he had just come through.
He looked back and forth between the nurse and the doors. "But I'm her boyfriend. That's got ta account fer something." The lie easily rolling off his tongue, he ignored the butterflies that settled in his stomach from the meaning behind his words.
The nurse's face scrunched up and she looked quickly at a chart on the counter. " It says here that she has a fiance named, uh, Jet Sarusuke and I'm pretty sure he is in there right now." She raised an eyebrow as if daring him to contradict her.
"It was from you, all the times that I've cried"
Gajeel was stunned to hear the news of her engagement. Shrimp? Engaged? The nurse used his uncertainty to push him off of her ward and he easily let her push him out the double doors. He went to the waiting room she indicated and discovered Mira, Erza, and three other girls waiting in there. One was a blonde and two were blunettes, he took the colored hair to infer that they were freshman.
Groaning as he took his seat, he caught the attention of the two elder girls and the red head made her way over. "You just missed Laxus. So far as we know she is stable but had to undergo surgery for her head injury. She just got out about thirty minutes ago."
He covered his hands with his face and tried not to let her see how upset he was getting with every word coming out of her mouth. "I should have fucking been there."
Erza's hand covered his to look at his swollen eyes. "Gajeel, there is no way you could have known this would happen. No matter what, this is not your fault. They will get who ever did this and put him away. If the authorities don't, then I will." He saw her face darken with the promise she was making, but he still couldn't shake his guilt.
"Erza, she was with me moments before it happened." His face broke, the feelings from his dreams and his own thoughts finally overpowering him, "I-I was a fucking jerk and she ran because I hurt her. She ran and was raped and it's my fucking fault. I should have been better. I should have followed h-"
"My intentions full of pride"
"Shut up right now, Gajeel Redfox." Mira, who had wandered over to hear their conversation, had interrupted the crumpled man. "Don't you dare take this blame. Some horrible person did this, not you. I have known you for years and I know two things." She held up two alabaster fingers, "One: You have never forced yourself on a female no matter how drunk they were. If anything, you've always defended them from other creeps. And two: I have never heard you say that you should have been better." She paused to let him understand the weight of her words; of his own words. "So stop your tears and quit pussyfooting around, Levy will be fine because she has someone like you waiting for her to get better."
He opened his eyes to see how serious her face got at her last sentence, Fucking She-Demon. "She's engaged."
Bright eyes stared back at him in surprise, "Really?"
Taking a deep breath, "Yeah, to someone named Jet Sarusuke." He would never have a chance to make things right with her. Gajeel stood to go back home, already feeling antsy from the lack of drug in his system.
"E-excuse me, Gajeel-san?" He turned to see one of the young blunettes staring at her feet but still walking towards him. "Juvia apologizes for eavesdropping but Juvia is Levy-san's suite mate and knows that Levy-san is not engaged." The young woman stalled, but continued when she saw the hope in Gajeel's eyes, "Juvia probably shouldn't tell you this but Levy-san has no family. She only has Jet-san and someone else named Droy-san who she considers family but are not related by blood. She only has Jet-san as her fiance because, if anything happened to her, the doctors would listen to him. But he is just a really close friend to Levy-san."
"But I waste more time than anyone"
The news of her false engagement had willed him to stay the weekend but on Monday, he was feeling the withdrawals from his lack of sleep and cocaine to keep him going. People had come and gone waiting to hear any news of her recovery but with nothing new to say, they quietly left with promises of return. He was still pacing when the same nurse on Saturday came in to the waiting room, "I knew you would still be here." Her hands rested on her hips as a smile creeped up on her face, "Her vital signs have finally normalized and they are moving her to a private room."
Gajeel ran over to the tiny older lady and easily lifted her into a crushing hug, "Thank you." He had to wait a few more hours before he could wrangle a room number out of the front desk but eventually he found himself in front of her room door, his hand hesitating over the door knob. Before he could muster the strength to open the door, it opened up and he found himself face to face with a tall orange mop head that he recognized, "Carrot top?"
The look of surprise quickly turned into distaste, "What are you doing here Black Steel?" Gajeel had looked past him to see a slumbering Levy on the bed. Following his gaze Jet quickly put two and two together and closed the door before protesting, "Like hell you're gonna see her!"
The raven haired man quickly straightened up and fisted his hands "Oi! I've got a right to see my friend in there!"
"You don't even know her" Jet scoffed and crossed his arms, blocking the only entrance into the room.
"I know I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you don't let me in that room." Agitated and fighting off a killer head ache, he lifted his arm to make good on his promise and smirked when he saw the flash of fear enter the younger male's eyes but stopped short of actually throwing the punch when he heard a soft cry of pain come from inside the room. It took a moment for both of them to register what the noise meant but Gajeel quickly and easily pushed aside Jet and stormed into the room. "Shrimp!"
A look of irritation crossed her face before mumbling, "That's not my name metal head." He stopped at the foot of her bed assessing whether or not to continue closer and was encouraged when the irate scowl she had quickly melted into a tired smile, "Hey Gajeel."
He crossed over to her side in two steps and quickly knelt by her bed putting her hand in his and bringing it to his lips before softly whispering, "Welcome back, Levy"
A/N: So here it is! sorry it took so long, but this chapter is the longest so far. Now I'm debating whether or not to put a time hop or using a chapter for a quick layout of the next few months so it may be a little longer for the next chapter as well.
SpecialShoutout: Doraluan ~ no I don't have a kik, but you can pm me if you want my fb or tumblr account. And thank you very much, sometimes I feel like the plot is a bit scattered but apparently it works for me, lol.
RepeatingSimplePhrases ~ Hope this explains why Gajeel wasn't there first.
Heathernlnd ~ Thanks so much! :)
LevyMcGarden18 ~ The disclaimer is the title of the chapter, but I want to make a point to say that it means a lot to me as a fellow human being that you care for the mental health of those who you do not know. PTSD is a real disease and something as simple as reading can really be a trigger for some. And thank you, it means so much that you enjoy my writing. :)
DeadmanSteadman ~ I humbly thank you. It feels crazy that my writing can move someone to tears, but the song choice was one of the few that I had already picked out before I even wrote the first chapter, and I feel like that may also have something to do with the feels in the previous chapters. And of course, the fact that Hiro did such a great job with the characters as well contributed. Thank you again for the review.
Music Credit:
Outside ~ Staind