AN: More drama and cute stuff to come in the chapters ahead... a touch of PTSD, Carisi's overbearing parents, somebody to help the squad out while Amanda's on restricted duty... oh my!
Three days later, it was Sunday afternoon and she was alone in her apartment. In sweatpants and a college t-shirt, hair in a sloppy braid, Amanda hovered over the stove while the kettle heated up with her eyes on the living room television. She had been watching E! for three straight hours and it was delightfully mind-numbing. That was what Amanda was after: something petty and shiny and superficial that distracted her for awhile. She hadn't slept well since leaving the hospital two days ago; she felt like every time she tried to close her eyes she was crawling out of her skin. Her ribs ached and so did her head, although at least her bruises were fading.
There was a knock at her door but she wasn't expecting anyone. Through the peephole, Amanda saw Liv, holding what appeared to be a bakery box in her hand. She had seen her only briefly at the hospital, although she had called and texted Amanda to check in (and to make sure she wasn't going to try to show up at work).
Amanda pulled open the door. She was too tired to care what she looked like or to worry about the current state of her apartment. "Liv, hi. Everything okay?"
Her lieutenant smiled kindly at her. "Everything's fine. I thought I'd drop by, see how you were doing." She lifted up the box. "I brought cookies."
She motioned for Liv to come inside. "Come in, have a seat. I was just making some tea. Want some?"
"I'd love some," she said as she followed Amanda into the kitchen and sat at the small table. She draped her coat on the back of her chair. "It's freezing out there."
"Yeah, looks like it." Amanda snatched the remote off of the counter to quickly turn off the reality television shows she knew Liv despised, embarrassed. She pulled down another mug from a cabinet, back turned to Liv, but she could feel her watching her. Or at least - she thought that she did.
"Where is everybody?" Liv asked curiously.
"Sonny is with Jesse in Staten Island. They went to church and then lunch with his parents," Amanda explained.
"Church, huh? You didn't go?"
Amanda glanced over her shoulder. She didn't always like discussing her personal life with Liv - it made her feel vulnerable, which she had never been very good at. "I'm not the biggest fan of organized religion," she admitted sheepishly, carefully pouring hot water over the two tea bags. "Jesse doesn't really know what's going on, she's in it for the meatballs." A cup in each hand, she walked over to the table to sit across from Liv, wincing a bit at the jolt of pain she felt in her side as she changed positions. "Plus, I'm not exactly looking my best."
Liv's brow furrowed in concern. "How are you feeling?"
She toyed with the tag of her tea bag. "If I take the medication they gave me, not bad. I'll be back to work Tuesday, don't worry. I know we're short-staffed."
"Amanda..." Liv began slowly, her head tilting in an effort to make eye contact with her. "When were you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Amanda asked, looking up, confused.
Liv gave her a pointed look, one that clearly said 'are you serious?' "That you're pregnant."
Her eyes widened, caught off guard. How the hell had she figured that out? Certainly not by the small swell of her stomach - she thought she had been hiding it pretty well. Amanda felt her cheeks heating up and peered down into her tea. "I was... gettin' around to it..."
She heard Liv sigh, felt the lieutenant studying her. "Look, I know that I've been really hard on you..."
Amanda took a sip from her mug in order to avoid responding.
"You're a good detective," Liv continued. "But more importantly, you're a good person. After everything you've been through I've become a little... protective over you, a little cautious, and I know you hate that."
"Mm."
Liv reached across the table and set her hand on Amanda's wrist. She was smiling. "There's more to life than SVU. It took me a really long time to figure that out. I don't want it to take you as many years as it took me."
"Trust me, Liv. After what happened the other day... I get it," Amanda murmured, looking back into her tea.
"You wanna talk about it?"
Amanda scrunched her nose. "Not really, no."
"I figured you'd say that. You give Carisi this hard of a time, too?" There was a hint of playfulness in Liv's voice.
She offered Liv a small, self-deprecating grin. "I give everybody a hard time."
Liv opened the bakery box between them, revealing six giant chocolate chip cookies sitting neatly in parchment paper. "That's not true, Amanda. You and I, we've always had to keep everything locked up to survive the old boys' club, to tolerate all the 'Thin Blue Line' crap and prove ourselves as equal. It screws us over when our badges are off."
"I've been working on it. Sonny kinda... well, he wears you down after awhile," Amanda admitted.
"He's the salt of the earth. He's good for you, but don't forget - you're good for him, too," Liv said emphatically. She passed Amanda a cookie. "All I'm asking is that you take care of yourself, of your family. Especially now. I'll never think less of you for doing that."
Amanda met Liv's eyes and felt a sudden swell of gratitude. "Copy that, Lieutenant."
When Amanda called her mother, Beth Anne didn't pick up the phone with a 'hello.'
"How come I had to find out on the news that my oldest daughter was held hostage by some lunatic?"
"Mama-"
"I mean, really? You don't think that's somethin' you could find the time to share with your mama?"
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm calling you now, aren't I? I only have a minute, but I have something else to tell you."
"Oh, Lord, Amanda, please-"
"I'm pregnant."
"On purpose?"
"Technically no, but I think it's a good thing."
"Whose is it?"
"It's Sonny's, obviously. I mean, we live together..."
"That doesn't necessarily mean anything."
"Seriously?"
"I'm just sayin'."
"Uh huh."
"Well, I'm happy for you two. Although at this rate you're never gonna make it to sergeant..."
"Don't start that. Look, I gotta go, but... mama?"
"Hm?"
"Love you."
There was a long pause; Beth Anne's surprise was palpable all the way in New York City. "Love you, too, baby."
"Here. I got you a 'welcome back to desk duty' bagel."
They were the first two to arrive at the squad room that morning. Fin dropped a giant bagel wrapped up in white paper on Amanda's desk in front of her, followed by two small containers of cream cheese.
"Cinnamon raisin?" She raised both eyebrows expectantly as he took a seat across from her.
"C'mon, of course. I know you." Then it was his turn to lift an eyebrow as he added sarcastically, "although apparently not as well as I thought..."
It was obvious to her what Fin was implying. "I was going to tell you."
"When? When the kid was born?"
"You're bein' dramatic." She began to unwrap her breakfast, starving.
"You tell Carisi everything."
"Well, I kinda had to share this one with him, Fin..."
Fin leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, eyeing her skeptically.
"What?" Amanda sighed, exasperated. She looked up from assembling her bagel. "You getting soft on me?"
"I'm just sayin'. You're my partner. I like to know these things."
She knew what he meant: they had been through a lot over the years and he cared about her, not just as a colleague but as a friend. "Sorry," Amanda finally said sheepishly, then asked playfully, "if I name the baby Fin, will you forgive me?"
"I'll think about it," Fin retorted, smiling at her.