K2: Moving On Chapter 11
As soon as I got off work I went to go see Kyle. I got to his house but was surprised when his mother said he wasn't there. "Do you know where he went?"
"I think he went with Stan somewhere..." She looked at me funny then. "Kenny, I'm sure everything's fine." It's only then I realize I'm clenching my fists. I force myself to unclench them. I let out a long sigh to try to calm myself.
"Thanks for your help ma'am," I said. She smiled warmly at me. I couldn't help but smile back. I turned and walked down the steps, hearing the door shut gently behind me. I dialed Kyle's cell phone.
"Kenny? I didn't know you were off work yet!" he said, his voice bright with excitement. It made me feel a little guilty for being angry. "Kenny?"
"I stopped by your house and your mom said you were with Stan," I said, trying to keep the anger out of my voice. I don't think I succeeded.
"Oh..." he said, the happiness draining out of his voice. I felt yet another pang of guilt. "Are you mad?" I thought about that for a moment, and couldn't come up with an honest answer. I sighed.
"I don't know dude. You said you'd tell me if you were hanging out with him." I was trying really hard to control my feelings, but I couldn't help it. I felt betrayed.
"I'm sorry Kenny. You were at work, I didn't think I should bother you. I swear we haven't done anything." Every word he spoke was weighted down with sadness. It just made me feel even guiltier.
"I...I just need a little time okay? I'll talk to you later..." I shut my phone as I heard Kyle saying he loved me. I was practically crushed with guilt. But I can't feel this way, suspicious of him, untrusting. I just had to think things through.
I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. And, of course, I ended up at Stark's Pond. I sat down on our bench, my head in my hands. I know that I shouldn't be jealous. I know Kyle would never cheat on me. But...I just can't help it.
"Hey conformist," I looked up. To my surprise, the goth kids all stood in front of me. "What are you so depressed about?"
"I...I'm having relationship problems?" I said, sounding unsure. "Why do you care?" They all rolled their eyes at me, seemingly in unison.
"Any time anyone in this damn town is depressed it like signals us or something. You and the Jewish kid have been setting us off like crazy lately. So get the fuck over whatever it is so we can go back to how things were," the curly haired one said.
"Right. And...how exactly am I supposed to do that?" I asked. Again, I was treated to the simultaneous eye roll. The red haired one took a drag on his cigarette and blew the smoke in my face.
"You talk things out, dumbass." He looked at me through eye liner rimmed green eyes. "I thought you and Kyle were supposed to be such a PERFECT couple, why don't you just talk out whatever's bothering you."
"But...I..." I blushed with embarrassment. "I just keep getting jealous, it's not his fault...I don't want him to feel bad for something he can't help..."
"So tell him that," the girl mused. She pursed her purple lips. "Talking about it with him will at least make you feel better, and he will probably be more considerate in the future."
"I..." I paused to think about what they were saying. It all seemed to make really good sense. "Wow...that's actually good advice. Why are you guys so smart?" I actually saw them smile.
"We've all faced things most people haven't," the youngest one said. "You have to be smart to survive in a world like this one." I smiled back at them.
"Thanks you guys. You...You really helped me out." I got off the bench and went home. I wanted to go there before going to see Kyle. I checked on Karen.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked, looking in her room. She looked up at me from her bed where she was reading a book.
"Hey big brother. Kyle called and said he's coming over." I grimaced. I hate when Kyle comes over here and has to see this...Karen rolled her eyes at me. "Don't look like that. He just wants to talk. He says he's worried about you. What did you do?"
"N...nothing. It was stupid. I was actually going to go find him to tell him that...I wish he wouldn't come here..." Karen smiled sadly at me.
"I know you're embarrassed by how we live, but you should know he doesn't care. He lo-" I shushed her. She caught herself. She knows not to mention our relationship at home where our parents can hear. "He's your friend."
"Thanks Karen." She smiled at me and went back to her book. I closed the door quietly. I went back to my room to get my phone and call Kyle, but at that moment there was a knock on the door. I guess that's him. I went to answer it. "H-...oh, hi Butters," I said, confused. Butters smiled at me, but it looked fake. I motioned him inside and shut the door. We went back to my room. "What are you doing here?"
He sat down on my bed, looking at his hands in his lap. His head was bent and his face was cast in shadow. I sat down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I...I just wanted to come over to talk I guess. Kenny..." He finally looked at me, and I could see the tears in his eyes, about to spill over. "Why do you love Kyle and not me?"
"Oh Butters...I..." I thought for a while. "I don't really know how to answer that...I mean, you're great. Really. You're an amazing person. You're sweet and smart and fun to be around. But...I love Kyle. There's nothing that can change that. I know that someday you'll meet someo-" Before I could finish, he kissed me. My eyes widened and I pulled away. I heard a sound from across the room and turned to look.
Kyle stood there, trying to hold back tears. He looked at me and his eyes were full of betrayal. I got up to go to him. He turned and ran away.
"Kyle! Kyle, please, wait!" I cried. I ran after him, but once I'd made it to the door, he was already gone. I sighed and went back to my room. Butters sat on my bed still, looking shocked and guilty. "Please leave." He looked like he wanted to speak, but he chose not to. I think he knew that words wouldn't be of any use now. He got up and left.
I fell down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Dammit! How has it come to this? I called Kyle over and over but he wouldn't pick up. He must be really mad...
I tried to just go through the rest of my day and not think about it. I stayed home, doing nothing. I called Kyle more times than I can count, but still nothing. I sighed and snapped my phone shut. "Dammit! Kyle..." I rolled over on my bed, blinking back sudden tears. "...I love you..."
My door slammed shut. I jerked up to look. My dad stood there, drunken and stumbling. I sighed. He looked up at me, a strange look on his face.
"Kenny, what the fuck is going on?" he asked. He looked angry, but there was something else. Something dangerous. "You love Kyle? What are you, a fag?" I felt myself tense up. I was about to speak, but he continued. "Don't answer that. I already know you're a fag. You and that little Jew are two fags who are bringing your smut into this household. I'm not putting up with it anymore!" In his drunken rage, he came at me. He pulled me off the bed and threw me on the ground. My head smacked against the floor hard. Before I had time to get my senses back, he was on top of me, beating the crap out of me. "You little fag! You fucking piece of shit!" I tried to get him off of me, but I was too dazed. I don't know how long this lasted. Eventually I stopped feeling anything. I was barely maintaining consciousness.
At last he got off of me. He looked back at me and spit on my face. "That's what you get, you fucking faggot." He left. My head was swimming. Everything was going black. I closed my eyes and saw no more.