Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (though I wish I did), Back to the Future or their various quotes (I wish I owned that too...), Wal-Mart, American Idol (Soul Patrol!), or anything else that's too expensive for me to own.

A/N: Time for a completely random chapter that has almost absolutely nothing to do with the plot! Yay!

Anyway, I didn't really bother to include how exactly they arrived at the store, so I will do that now.

oOoOoOo

How They Arrived At the Store: As I'm sure you recall, at the end of the last chapter we left our heroes struggling with a predictably over-dramatized shopping crisis. You see, since Slughorn's Dance was now muggle themed, they now had to buy the proper muggle costumes in order to fit in when the night of the dance arrived. This left Harry and his friends with a decision; where to go? Fortunately, this choice was made for them because after Ron had left for a midmorning snack the following day, he came back to the Room of Requirement and informed Harry and Hermione that Lupin had told him to tell them to construct a portkey and go to a muggle shop. There, they would find all the muggle outfits they needed. Harry and Hermione were skeptical at first, for it was not like Lupin to send them off to such risky circumstances as a muggle department store. But, at Ron's insistence, they agreed to go on with Lupin's plan. So, Hermione took Lupin's advice and constructed a portkey out of a nearby half-read Quidditch magazine. All three immediately placed their finger on the object once Hermione was finished. Harry wanted to get the shopping trip over with as soon as possible, and he suspected Hermione felt the same way. Ron however, seemed incredibly eager to plunge himself in the midst of another alleged "adventure" as he had described it. As soon as Harry's finger touched the portkey a tornado of color and lights encircled him completely as he was pulled toward an unknown destination, and then, just as suddenly, the journey stopped, and Harry hit the ground with a thud. So now, we continue the story as our favorite protagonists are curiously exploring their new surroundings…

oOoOoOo

"Clean up on aisle 12," announced a blaring voice over the loudspeaker.

"AH!" screamed Ron, covering his head with his arms. "NO, no! It's those voices again!"

"No Ron!" hissed Hermione, trying to calm him down. "It's okay, they're only loudspeakers!"

Many people turned around to stare briefly at Ron, who was cowering in the middle of the walkway. Harry resisted the urge to smack Ron upside the head, and instead resorted to giving huge grins to any Muggles looking their way.

"Ron," growled Harry, yanking Ron to his feet by the scruff of his neck. "These are muggles; therefore, you cannot act different from them or give them a reason to be suspicious!"

"And that would include not shrieking like a girl every time the loudspeaker goes off," added Hermione angrily.

Ron scowled. "Sorry! I'm just…a bit nervous. I've never been in a Muggle Department Store before."

Harry glanced around idly as Ron brushed himself off. 'I suppose I can't really blame him,' mused Harry. Everything was shiny and dazzlingly white in the Department Store, making it seem slightly intimidating, especially for a wizard who had never stepped foot in one before.

'In fact,' thought Harry, examining the canned food aisle closely. 'I haven't been in a Muggle shop since…since that one time Aunt Petunia dragged me to that one place…Wall Shop was it? Wall Mart? Something like that…all I remember was that they definitely didn't sell walls…'

"Come on guys," sighed Hermione, interrupting Harry's train of thought. "The clothes department is this way." She gestured toward the walkway to their left, illustrating her point.

Ron gaped at her. "She knows everything Harry! How is it she knows everything?"

Hermione cocked an eyebrow and pointed above them. "There's a sign Ronald."

Harry looked up and, just as Hermione had said, there was indeed a sign that read 'Clothes Department' complimented by an arrow, pointing them the right way.

Hermione proceeded in the direction the arrow pointed and Harry followed, smirking slightly at Ron, whose ears were now a delicate shade of pink.

Hermione stopped abruptly, almost causing Harry and Ron to knock her over, considering they were letting her lead the way.

"Let's see," muttered Hermione, glancing from left to right. Harry followed her gaze. The left side of the clothes department appeared to hold the men's attire. The right side was women's.

"Me and Harry could look at the men's stuff, and you could look at the women's," suggested Ron.

"It's Harry and I," corrected Hermione, turning to Ron. "And you can't go look with Harry."

"But why nooot?" whined Ron.

"You're going as Rhonda, remember?" reminded Harry, barely concealing another smirk.

Ron scowled. "Oh yeah…"

"Okay, so Harry, you'll look in the men's department for suits," instructed Hermione bossily. "And Ron and I will look for dresses."

Ron's jaw dropped. "What do you mean dresses?"

Hermione grabbed Ron's arm, dragging him towards the women's department. "I mean dresses, you know, for Rhonda."

"NOOOOOO!" shrieked Ron as Hermione dragged him away. "Harry! Save me! I don't want to wear a dress…!"

A nearby little girl holding her father's hand looked up, bewildered, at this comment, her wide eyes following the disappearing Ron. Her father also threw a glance over his shoulder, muttering something that sounded along the lines of "Bloody cross-dressers…"

Harry sighed and turned away from the after-effects of the sorry spectacle Ron had made out of himself. Sometimes it was hard being Harry Potter.

'Now,' thought Harry. 'Where to begin?'

Harry gazed at the shiny racks supporting the hooks of the crisp suits. The suits were every color Harry could imagine, and more. Different styles, varying sizes, essentially everything you would find in the men's suit department. But it was so hard to make a choice…

The men's suits faced Harry, taunting him. 'Pick one of us,' they said. 'Don't worry, even though you can't shop for yourself doesn't necessarily mean you'll make a fool of yourself at the dance…'

Harry subconsciously emitted a low growl as he browsed through the suit racks. And as the shopping trip wore on, it became excruciatingly clear that Harry had absolutely no experience whatsoever in choosing muggle suits. Harry had faced Lord Voldemort, the Ministry of Magic, and the wrath of a man-eating Chihuahua, and he couldn't pick a bloody outfit. Oh the Irony…

'Pick one of us,' chorused the suits mockingly. 'One of us, one of us one of us…'

"Oh will you all just shut the bloody hell UP?" roared Harry, hurling a particularly ugly orange suit onto the floor.

The little girl cast Harry a frightened look and fearfully clutched to her father's shirt.

Harry sighed. This was going to be a long day.

oOoOoOo

"Harry!"

Harry turned around, spying a head of bushy brown hair striding towards him.

"Hey Hermione," Harry gave a weary smile. "Where's Ron?" Harry peeked over her shoulder, expecting Ron to be sulking somewhere behind her.

"Oh, he's looking at the cleaning supplies," said Hermione dismissively.

"…Why?"

Hermione shrugged. "He said he wanted to see something in the cleaning department, I didn't ask."

"Ah. So why are you here? Are we ready to go?"

"Not quite," smiled Hermione dryly. "I'm here to get you, and we'll find Ron and go to the fitting rooms."
"Fitting rooms. Of course, how silly of me to forget."

Hermione rolled her eyes playfully. "So, did you find anything to wear?"

Harry nodded proudly; holding up a suit that looked suspiciously as though it had come out of the Blue's Brothers. "Took me forever to find it."

Hermione bit her lip, eyeing the suit critically. Then, finally, she gave a small smile and nodded. "It'll work. It's nice and simple, and it'll go with anything Lily wears."

"I also picked out something else," added Harry, pulling out a pair of black sunglasses.

Hermione cringed.

Harry grinned and took off his glasses, replacing them with the sunglasses.

Hermione crossed her arms and smirked. "Of course."

Harry blinked for a few seconds, adjusting to his new eye sight. Squinting his eyes, Harry peered through his glasses. It was dark and everything was blurry. He still needed his glasses to see properly…but that was the price for beauty.

"Don't you think they look cool?" pouted Harry, pretending to be hurt.

Hermione snorted. "Oh yes, Harry. Very cool."

"Thought so."

"By the way Harry, you're talking to a suit rack. I'm right behind you."

Harry grimaced and turned to Hermione, thankful that he couldn't see her smirk.

"So, did you get a tie?"

"Tie?" repeated Harry blankly. He hadn't thought of that…

"Yes a tie," replied Hermione. "You know, those things you wear on you neck?"

"I know what a tie is!" cried Harry indignantly. "I was just repeating it for dramatic effect!"

Hermione shook her head, amused, and grabbed Harry's shoulders, pointing him in the general direction of the Tie Racks. "Whatever Harry. Come on, let's go."

Harry placed his real glasses safely in his pocket and held out his hands, feeling the way. After about five minutes of exasperated sighs and pokes, Hermione seized Harry's forearm and guided the way.

The journey to the Tie Section was long and perilous, consisting of many painful collisions and a particularly nasty run-in with an old lady. The lady had mistakenly believed that Harry was trying to steal her purse when his hand had only brushed across it for a fraction of a second as he was trying not to bump into anything sharp. The lady stopped Harry at once and began screaming and beating him with her very pointy umbrella, much to Harry's confusion. Why she was carrying an umbrella when it was perfectly nice weather outside was a mystery to Harry, for he never got the chance to ask her since Hermione had dragged him away from the furious woman and her pointy Umbrella of Doom. He could only assume it was used as a weapon against nasty criminals, or in Harry's case, innocent, blind people.

Once they reached the ties, Harry quickly took off the hazardous sunglasses and tossed them into a mountain of socks (50 PERCENT OFF!). He replaced them with his real glasses, inwardly swearing to himself that he would never in his life wear sunglasses again, unless they were prescription.

Turning to the ties, Harry examined them carefully, searching for one that caught his fancy. Sure enough, out of the corner of his eye Harry spotted something bright yellow. Harry grabbed the tie and squealed delightedly when he saw it completely. He held it up to Hermione excitedly. It was neon yellow, covered in little black lightning bolts.

"No," said Hermione hastily, wrinkling her nose. "It's hideous!"

"It's perfect!" insisted Harry.

"No, it's not. It will look terrible on you."

"I think it's brilliant."

Hermione groaned. "Harry please. Anything but that."

"Fine," huffed Harry, throwing it back on the tie racks.

"Ooh!" gasped Hermione excitedly, gazing at the edge of the rack.

"What?" asked Harry, alarmed. He swiftly pulled out his wand and whipped around, all in one move. He was that good.

"Look!" cried Hermione, snatching up a tie. "It's absolutely perfect!"

Harry glanced warily at the tie she was holding. It was plain, but it was a striking emerald green color that had a slightly sleek and lustrous look to it. Hermione held it up to Harry's face.

"It matches your eyes!" smiled Hermione delightedly.

Harry nodded, taking the tie into his hands and feeling the smooth, silky material. He liked it.

"Right," said Hermione. "Now that we've got your outfit, let's find Ron and we'll see if our clothes fit."

Harry nodded and let Hermione lead the way. Strangely enough, she seemed to know where the cleaning department was…

Harry looked up and mentally slapped himself. 'Of course,' thought Harry grimly. There was a sign above Harry and Hermione, pointing the way. 'I should really learn to be more observant…'

oOoOoOo

Much to Harry's relief, they managed to make it to the cleaning supplies unharmed. No crazy old ladies with dangerous and unseasonable umbrellas to whack them senseless. No DVD racks in the middle of the aisle for them to collide into. They were in one piece, and for that, Harry was thankful. He was starting to think that muggle department stores were much more trouble than they were worth.

Nonchalantly inspecting the dishwasher detergent, Harry vaguely wondered why Ron needed to explore the cleaning supplies, seeing as Ron had never cleaned unless forced. In fact, he barely even had a sense of hygiene.

"Argh!"

Harry and Hermione whipped around (Hermione's hair smacking Harry's face in the process). The cry of frustration sounded as if it had come from the aisle next to them. Harry quickly strode to the end of his resident aisle, Hermione at his heels. And, peering around a nearby box of Suntan Lotion, Harry (much to his bewilderment) found Ron looking as if he was trying to strangle a broom.

"Stupid brooms," muttered Ron darkly, throwing the poor broom aside. "They don't work!" Ron grabbed another broom from the rack, his intents unbeknownst to Harry.

Hermione emerged from their hiding place, arms crossed.

"Ron…what are you doing?"

"Hermione!" exclaimed Ron, swiftly concealing his next victim behind his back (which didn't work very well, considering Ron had placed the broom behind his back horizontally).

Harry revealed himself also.

"Harry! What a lovely surprise…"

"Ron," began Harry, eyebrow cocked. "What are you doing to the brooms?"

"Oh…well I was just…you see…"

"Ronald," smirked Hermione. "Were you trying to ride those brooms?"

"No…"

"Trying to throttle them, eh?" asked Harry, amused. "Ridding the world of evil brooms with immoral purposes?"

"I most certainly am not!"

"You looked like you were trying to ride them," insisted Hermione. "You do know that these brooms are used for sweeping? You honestly don't think that muggles would sell racing brooms, do you?"

Ron scoffed. "Of course I knew that!"

Hermione shook her head. "If you say so Ron…"

Ron set the broom carefully back in its rack, nose in the air. "So, why are you guys here anyway?"

"We're here to get you so we can go to the fitting rooms," said Harry, shifting his suit from one arm to the other.

Ron scowled. "Do I really have to put on that dress?"

"Yes you do," replied Hermione sternly. "I've got it right here, now let's go."

Harry gave a small sigh and signaled Ron to follow them. Was this day ever going to end?

oOoOoOo

'Hermione was right,' mused Harry, inspecting himself in the mirror. 'That tie really does look good on me…in fact, the whole suit does…'

Harry took a step back on order to get a look at his whole body. The suit, simple as it was, fitted Harry's build perfectly, accenting his features. The tie matched his eyes precisely and caused them to contrast against the black and white of his outfit dramatically, making him look quite elegant. All in all, Harry thought he look pretty darn good.

"Alright in there Harry?" called Hermione from outside the stall door.

"Yeah," replied Harry, tearing his eyes away from his reflection.

"Can I see?"

"Sure."

Harry opened the door and stepped out, running a hand through his messy black hair. "What do you think?"

"You look lovely Harry," smiled Hermione, looking him up and down. "Good choice of suit, I didn't know you could find something that actually looks good on you!"

"Neither did I," admitted Harry, scowling slightly at her latter comment.

"I looked lovely too!" frowned Ron, pulling on Hermione's sleeve. "Didn't I Hermione?"

Hermione blanched slightly. "You must be joking."

Ron glowered, ears red.

"So," said Harry casually, flicking a speck of dust off his suit. "Do you think we should go now?"

"Yes," sighed Hermione. "So get back into your clothes and we'll buy this stuff and leave."

Harry nodded and strode back to his fitting room, changing very carefully so as not to wrinkle his new soon-to-be outfit.

"I'm done!" announced Harry, opening the stall door.

"Good," breathed Hermione, rushing toward Harry. "Ron won't stop bugging me."

"Hey!" scowled Ron, approaching Harry and Hermione. "Hermione, there's a little thing called manners! You can't just walk away from me when I'm talking to you!"

"You weren't talking," snapped Hermione. "You were whining."

"Was not!"

"Why is he whining?" questioned Harry.

"Oh, so you just assume she's right," snorted Ron, crossing his arms. "Well, I see where our friendship stands."

"I wouldn't let him see me in my dress," huffed Hermione.

"…Why did he want to-?"

"I dunno! But what possible fashion advice could he give me?"

"Excuse me!" exclaimed Ron indignantly. "I'm right here! And I know plenty about fashion! I just wanted to see if Hermione was going to look suitable for the dance is all…"

Harry sighed exasperatingly. Shopping was just too difficult. In fact this whole situation was difficult. And now, Ron and Hermione's bickering was something Harry did not want to hear at the moment. So, just as any other person would do in his position, he decided to poke some fun at them.

"You just wanted to gawk at Hermione, admit it Ron."

This definitely had the desired effect. Hermione and Ron simultaneously flushed, glaring murderously at Harry.

"That's not true!" croaked Ron, ears reddening.

"Harry!" exclaimed Hermione, scandalized. "I can't believe you would imply such a thing!"

Satisfied, Harry winked at them. "Say whatever you want. Come on; let's buy our stuff and go."

Ron and Hermione muttered mutinously behind Harry's back as he led them to the cash registers.

Harry stopped before the rows of registers, determining which one had the shortest line. After a couple of seconds, Harry decided on a register and stepped in line behind a lady wearing a suspiciously familiar vulture hat, and Ron and Hermione followed suit.

Browsing disinterestedly through the tabloids, Harry yawned. Shopping was tiring and waiting in line was boring. Suddenly, Harry heard a small squeal of delight behind him. Turning around, Harry saw Ron clutching a magazine, eyes brimming with tears.

"YES!" cried Ron excitedly. "Taylor won! I knew he could do it! Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol! SOUL PATROL!"

Harry shook his head and faced the line again, listening to Hermione hurriedly shush an ecstatic Ron.

Once it was the Trio's turn, Harry prodded Hermione to the front and left her to pay for their stuff. He returned to examining the magazines, feeling as if he had accomplished more shopping than was humanly possible.

They each grabbed their respective bags after the paying was over, and headed towards the way out.

It took a while to escape from the masses crowding the exit, especially since Ron was particularly fascinated by the automatic doors ("Wow, Harry look! Magic!"), but they finally pushed through.

Harry panted, trying to catch his breath. The crowd was suffocating, and it was a miracle they actually made it out without being run over by a cart.

"Are…you two alright?" asked Hermione, hands on knees.

"Yeah," breathed Ron and Harry in unison.

"That was quite an adventure."

"Yeah," replied Harry. "Shopping is…interesting."

"It was awesome!" squealed Ron, eyes alight. "I hope we get to go muggle shopping again sometime!"

"I think I can wait for a while," muttered Harry, feeling his tender bruises.

"Me too," mumbled Hermione grumpily.

Suddenly, without warning, Harry felt a crack of pain on his head. He yelped in alarm, covering his head and hastily jumping away from the source of the blow. Harry heard Hermione and Ron yell in surprise and he spun around, discovering quite a spectacle unraveling before his eyes.

The same lady that had earlier walloped Harry repeatedly with her unseasonable umbrella was now doing the same to Ron and Hermione.

"POLICE!" screamed the old lady, whacking Ron, who was trying to use Hermione as a shield, with her weapon. "POLICE! POLICE!"

Harry rushed forward, attempting to calm the woman. This action was pointless, however, because the lady simply turned around and started beating Harry instead.

"H-help!" cried Harry, covering his head with his arms.

"POLICE!" shrieked the old lady, smacking Harry.

A portly police officer stepped forward, chewing casually on a doughnut. "What seems to be the problem?"

"What does it look like?" yelled Hermione, gesturing frantically to Harry. "Help him! He's being attacked!"

"There he is officer!" screamed the woman, ceasing her blows (much to Harry's immense relief) and pointing accusingly at Harry. "That hooligan tried to steal my purse!"

"He did?"

"No…" moaned Harry, nursing his wounds. "You've got it all wrong, it was an accident-"

The police officer held up a hand, interrupting Harry in mid-sentence. "Now, now, Son, no excuses. I'm afraid you'll have to come with me please."

"But he's telling the truth!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Yeah, I didn't do anything!"

"LIES!" screeched the woman, frantically waving her umbrella in the air. "ALL LIES!"

"But its true!" insisted Ron, sidestepping away from the lady's hazardous umbrella. "That old bat just started beating him with her umbrella!"

The officer turned to Harry, hands on hips. "Son, you do know there are laws against stealing?"

"Yes, but-"

"No buts now. Come along."

Harry was about to deny the allegations that were being thrust upon his completely innocent self again, but Ron stepped forward, interrupting Harry's intents.

"Officer," began Ron somberly. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to deny you the right to take custody of Harry."

The police officer guffawed loudly at this statement. "Oh you will, will you?"

"Yes," stated Ron simply. Harry and Hermione exchanged worried glances. What kind of trouble was Ron going to get them into this time?

"You see," continued Ron, much to the bafflement of the police officer and the old lady. "In a world where war wages continually, where children are left out in the cold, where governments are corrupted, and where pizza delivery services are much too late, we need to stick together amidst the world's hardships. We need to unite, and fight for what is right, no matter what. Our survival depends on each other, and we cannot bring each other down, or we cause our own demise! We need to band together and bring peace to the world, bring coats to the freezing children, bring ethics to our governments, and bring that darn pizza to the poor starving people!"

Harry stared at Ron, utterly perplexed as to why this incredible speech had to do with anything. Hearing several sniffles, Harry quickly turned around and noticed to his great surprise that a small crowd of people had gathered around Ron as he was speaking. Most of the audience was pulling out handkerchiefs and wiping their eyes or crying silently in their sleeves. Harry noticed that both the police officer and the old woman were also touched; the old woman was wiping tears from her eyes as the police officer sniffled profusely.

Hermione, however, looked positively horrified and observed the audience apprehensively.

"So you see officer," persisted Ron. "I cannot allow you to take Harry in, for it would be an insult to our country, our people, our pizza, and all that we ever stood for. So, in the name England, we salute you and take our leave."

And with that Ron took a baffled Harry and a shocked Hermione by the forearm, paused to salute a waving (and weeping) audience, and led his bewildered friends away.

Once they reached the portkey, the Trio quickly hitched up their bags to their shoulders and Harry prepared himself for the familiar tugging just behind his navel, never once looking back.

Harry's feet left the ground; he could feel Ron and Hermione's bodies banging unmercifully into his; a swirl of light and color surrounded them, the portkey pulling him magnetically forward and then-

Harry felt his feet slam into the ground and his knees buckled as he fell to the floor, subconsciously grabbing Ron's shoulder and pulling Ron with him.

"Oww…" moaned Harry, shutting his eyes as his whole body suddenly began to throb with exhaustion.

"You're back!" cried a familiar voice as someone helped Harry to his feet.

Harry reluctantly opened his eyes, recognizing his helper as Lupin, one hand supporting Harry and the other carrying a large box. Hermione was already up and dusting off her skirt, still looking slightly dazed. Harry felt something tug at his sock and he looked down, only to find Ron sprawled across the floor, gazing up at him indignantly.

"Oh, sorry mate!" exclaimed Harry, leaving Lupin's support to aid Ron.

Once Ron was back on his feet Harry took a quick glance at his surroundings; they were in the Room of Requirement. Too tired to feel anything but grateful, Harry staggered to his bed (the Trio managed to add beds to the décor, but nothing else), and both his friends followed suit. But Lupin wasn't through with them just yet.

"So," began Lupin, seating himself on the edge of Harry's bed. "How'd it go?"

"It was awesome…" whispered Ron breathlessly.

"…Never…again…" muttered Hermione darkly.

"Agreed," sighed Harry, sitting up slightly so as to give Lupin more seat-room.

Lupin retrieved his package from where he left it by his feet and took it in his lap, tearing it open.

Harry gazed at the contents curiously. They looked almost like…

"Sunglasses Harry?" offered Lupin, holding out a pair. "I got them 50 percent off at a costume store in Hogsmeade. Oh, and I got my costume there too."

"…Costume store…?" repeated Harry lividly. "You mean we went to a department store when we could have just gone to Hogsmeade?"

"What?" asked Lupin, furrowing his brows. "You went to a muggle department store?"

"Yes," seethed Hermione, crossing her arms. "Ron told us that you told him that we were supposed to get a portkey and go to a muggle department store!"

Lupin frowned. "I instructed Ron to inform you to shop at Madam Charlotte's Costume Emporium in Hogsmeade!"

Harry and Hermione turned to glare venomously at Ron, who had hidden himself under his covers so that only his frightened eyes and fiery red hair peeked out from under them.

"…I…I thought it would be…fun…" mumbled Ron fearfully, wide eyes darting back in forth, as if looking for escape.

Hermione scoffed, and much to Harry's surprise, did not scold Ron but only turned over on her bed so that her back was to him and moved no more. Apparently, Hermione too drained to even lecture Ron. 'Well,' considered Harry. 'I guess there's a first time for everything…'

Lupin stood up and clutched his box of sunglasses, shooting an annoyed glance at Ron. "I'd better go now Harry, my friends must be wondering what I'm up to."

Harry yawned. "…Yeah…bye Remus…"

"Goodbye," replied Lupin, closing the door softly behind him.

Harry leaned back on his pillow; he could feel himself slowly drifting off to sleep. Already, he could hear Ron snoring. It had certainly been a trying day…

Harry's last thoughts before he fell asleep were of his newly-found hatred for muggle department stores. Especially ones that sold sunglasses and umbrellas.

oOoOoOo

A/N: Ron is a genius, is he not? But anyway, I rather like this chapter, even though it's completely pointless. But it was so fun to write! I giggled practically the whole way through.

And as for the woman in the vulture hat…well I'll let you decide who that was (coughcoughSNAPEcough).