Chapter 11…
"Eli," Clare breathed out with a final gasp when she felt what must have been the tenth and final wave of pleasure and love wash over her. Her curls, palms, and legs were slightly sweaty, and a strong essence of heat radiated off her pale skin. Her blue eyes were wide open, her pink lips forming an O shape.
It was around 2AM, Clare noticed, as she glanced over at her watch that was strewn across the tent by the extra blanket across from them. She didn't have much time to think, because as soon as Eli recovered, he slowly pulled her into a gentle, warm embrace. He had turned on his side, bringing her to lie almost on top of him, under the warmth of the sleeping bag and the blankets.
"Hey, Clare," Eli kissed Clare's temple when he saw her shaking. Her shoulders trembled. He slowly adjusted his warm arms so that they wrapped around her entire torso and she hid her face in his neck. "Shh, it's okay, sweetheart." Not knowing what else to do, Eli laid his head on top of hers and stroked her arms lightly.
Clare burrowed deeper into his neck. "I don't want to lose this."
"Lose what?" he asked kindly, kissing her forehead and closing his eyes as he felt her entire body pressed against his. Luckily, her pink lace panties were still on, so she was not fully exposed, as he was still in his boxers.
"This moment," Clare sighed shakily, her nose nuzzling his shoulder. "You,"
Eli raised his eyebrows and pulled back so that her head was no longer hiding in his neck. "I'm not going anywhere, Clare." He said this with finality and gave her a firm look.
She shook her head, her wild curls moving everywhere. "Ever since…my dad died, I've been scared that something's going to happen to you. I know it's not rational, but I'm terrified of losing you…and we just shared something really special. Not the special thing, but close to it. I've been worried about my mom and the baby, and you, and just everything, Eli." She avoided his gaze until he coaxed her chin up with a single finger so her gaze could meet his. Clare was gently pulled into a hug, feeling her hands lay on his bare shoulders, heat still radiating off the two. She had put her bra back on, but her body was still buzzing. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, not wanting to sound like she was whining for attention.
Eli shook his head with patience. "No," he kissed her shoulder and allowed his head to fall beside hers. "It's alright, Clare." Her shoulders continued to shake as he gently rubbed her back. "I don't mind if you need to cry, Clare. Clare, it's alright. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." His voice was shrouded with love and all the patience in the world, its warmth pushing Clare closer to the edge.
"Eli," Clare cried, a few tears slipping from her eyes. "You make me…so happy." He patted her back rhythmically when she hiccupped over her words. "You really do," She put emphasis on this as he nodded and began running his fingers through her soft curls.
"It's okay, Clare." Eli reminded his love. "You make me happy, too. Clare, it's only been a few months. It's going to take some time before you feel better; you know that, sweetie." He felt her nod and a few warm tears sticking to his skin. "Don't you worry, Clare. Everything will play itself out. You don't need to think about everything right now. You just need to have faith in me and, more importantly, in yourself." Eli pressed a kiss to her forehead and continued running his fingers through her wild curls. "Okay?" he asked gently, keeping his voice low and gentle.
Clare smiled up at him, her body bursting with happiness at his generosity and care. "Okay," she whispered, gently kissing his strong shoulder blade before falling into a sweet and deep sleep.
That following Friday… Clare quietly stepped into her house after the long walk home. She had been missing Eli at school. With the seniors gone, Degrassi seemed much emptier now. She and Adam had been hanging out much more frequently, considering he knew how she felt with having Drew gone as well. Drew was going off to Queen's University with Katie, and Adam was going to miss him immensely. Along with that, she had been busy helping her mother around as her stomach was increasingly growing with each passing day. Glen had finally decided to stay home permanently with his pregnant wife as he could see her struggles and wanted to be more helpful and involved.
Not being able to see Eli much had sucked. They had not seen each other since the passion-filled night of his graduation, when he had snuck her back into her house completed with a gentle kiss and a long hug goodbye without Helen's notice the following morning. Eli was busy receiving writing scholarships to various colleges, quite a few of them being prestigious American universities, but he had turned them down, writing back that he had already chosen U of T and that they should offer the scholarships to other young writers who really needed them.
Sighing deeply, Clare smiled faintly at her stepdad, who was gently rubbing Helen's belly and smiling proudly. Even Jake had smiled a bit, feeling things start to come back together for the first time in quite a while. He had graduated and was preparing for the following school year that he was headed for at University of Ottawa. He would be studying contracting and architecture there, moving out of the house to permanently dorm there for his years of schooling. This meant he and Clare wouldn't be seeing each other much, but Jake knew that giving Clare her own personal space and time to find herself again wasn't such a bad idea. In fact, as he still felt very guilty for the selfish way in which he had used and hurt her, all Jake wanted was Clare to be happy once again; he wanted her to be the happy girl she had once been all those years ago when they were only about ten and eleven years old. Back when things were simple, Jake had spent his days simply throwing dead frogs at Clare as a joke and secretly crushing on her all the same. Although they could never see the feelings between their parents that seemed to have always lingered and been present, Clare and Jake had actually once been great friends, and he didn't want to lose that altogether. Distance would do the two good, and Jake Martin knew that. The birth of their baby brother or sister was approaching in a matter of months, and he couldn't believe he was thinking this, and the guys at school would make fun of him eternally for it, but Jake wanted to try to be the best big brother he could be. He had never had a sibling, and he hardly counted his ex-girlfriend as a full-on sister. Smirking, he slowly entered his room and shut the door behind him, finally feeling alright for the first time in a very long time.
Prom was approaching in just over a week, next Saturday. Clare giggled at Eli's not-so-subtle hints about the upcoming dance. For example, he had texted her quite often over the course of the days they had been apart.
ELI: Hey, beautiful. Know what dance is coming up pretty soon? I forget what it's called. Starts with a P? Any guesses?
CLARE: Hmm. Nope. I cannot recall the name of this dance you speak of.
ELI: What a shame. I miss you.
CLARE: Miss you too. I'll see you soon. 3
She certainly hoped she did see him soon. School was lonely without Eli by her side, holding her hand nonchalantly as he walked her to class, hugging her gently in the hallway, kissing her secretly, and just being there. There was nothing Clare missed more. Feeling this strongly about a boy was not something Clare had ever been used to. She couldn't believe just how much she loved Eli Goldsworthy. All she could think of, as she sat on her bed cross-legged in her pink pajamas that Friday night, was how grateful she was that she had realized she loved him before it was too late. Had she remained the way she was earlier in the school year, desperate to please Jake and pushing her friends and family away from her, Clare would have watched him graduate and walk away from her forever. Had she not texted him that very night that Jake had broken her heart, Clare would have had to live her entire life without him. She would have seen him occasionally at college, but that would be the limits of their communication. She would never get to kiss his full and soft pink lips again, feel him gently intertwine his fingers with hers and stroke the back of her pale hand, be in his strong arms, cry on his shoulder as he did everything he could to make her feel better. It would have all been…gone, and she would have lost the boy who cared more about her than any other boy had.
Thinking about this sent Clare into a deep thought process. What if she hadn't even met Eli? Where would she be right now? Who would have held her in that hallway on that terrible day of her breakdown over her parents' divorce? Who would have taught her how to drive? Who would have taken her on expensive, well-planned, and romantic dates? Who would have done everything and farther than mentally sane things just to protect her from a past attacker? Who would have gone so far to protect her that they put aside their own happiness just for hers? Who else would she have abandoned in a hospital room, only for the guilt to eat away at her? Clare shivered as she recalled arms reaching out for her denim jacket clad arm on a cold night. She remembered his scratched, bruised face, the IVs connected to his hand, and his scared and trembling body hidden beneath a blue hospital gown. The look in his eyes that literally and openly read please, don't leave me tonight. Most importantly, who would have restrained and comforted her as she hysterically sobbed the evening of her father's death? Eli had done all of those things; no one else on this Earth would have.
Thoughts like this made her wish that he was sitting on her bed so she could sit on his lap and hold him close, maybe some kisses here and there, she thought smiling. Little did Clare know that the moment she laid her head on her fluffy pillow, her dreams would be filled with Eli holding her tight in his arms just as he always did.
The very next day, Eli had picked her up at noon for lunch at the Dot, a trip to the movies to see a film Clare had been dying to watch, and a sweet dinner Eli had prepared for the two of them. The only problem was that he wouldn't tell Clare where they would be eating dinner.
"Come on, Eli! Just tell me!" she begged, giggly stumbling through what felt like grass. Her ankles were lightly brushed by the soft grass as she walked steadily in her blue sundress and sandals to keep up with Eli. It was almost the end of May, and she couldn't believe how warm it was starting to get.
Eli smiled and gently released her hand, only to reach his arms behind her back and under her knees. "We're here, sweetheart." He whispered into her ear, causing a deep blush to creep down to her neck as he slipped off the soft blindfold and set her on her feet.
"Eli," Clare exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his waist. He gently hugged her back, squeezing around her waist and softly rubbing circles on her back. "This is the place where we got back together." She realized this as she saw the very tree where she had cried in his arms the night her heart had been broken, the tree where he had laid her down on the soft grass and kissed all her fears and doubt away. Just in a single evening, this tree, this park, this area, had changed her life.
"Exactly; our new safe haven," Eli said softly as he gestured to a picnic blanket set up with two plates that held Clare's favorite foods. He slowly sat down with her and as they ate, smiles were shared and laughs were created.
Their love only grew and flourished more.
Clare stood up as the cool breeze ruffled her hair, and Eli couldn't help but stare at her beauty. Her curls were shoulder length by now, and they gently flipped and swirled in the light wind. Her pale skin was brought out by the star-speckled black sky, and he couldn't help but admire the light speckling of freckles on her right shoulder. He smiled and stepped closer to her, as she did the exact same. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he brought her close and allowed her arms to wrap themselves around his neck before bending down to kiss her deeply. His lips were gentle with hers, allowing Clare to control the pace and keep it sweet and tender.
She broke apart first, staring up at the crescent moon outlined brightly in the sky. "You know, I've never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. Before you say anything, I need you to hear something that I should've told you so long ago." Clare gently traced the outline of his soft lips and pressed her own to them. She could feel Eli's shaky breath as he kissed her back, the kiss innocent as could be. Looking directly into his green eyes while playing with the hair at the back of his neck, Clare's breath hitched.
He met her eyes with equal ferocity and gently rubbed her back. "You don't have to say it, Clare. I know."
"No, you need to know." She swallowed tears as she began to pour her heart out. "I love you, and someday I hope I can fully express that love to you, hopefully on a wedding night. I really love you, Eli. You've been here for me through the ups and downs. I can't recall a time where you left me, even if I deserved it. Like, the time I used you to make my parents angry at me to try and stop their divorce. I humiliated you at dinner and I even got jealous of Julia. I never…understood…how you felt losing Julia, and having to deal with the guilt that you put on yourself of her death. I understand now, Eli. I understand how it feels. My dad is gone, and I know how you felt to lose someone so close to you. I was so insensitive to you. I left you in that hospital room all alone, when all I should have done was hold you, and you know it! You know I should have stayed. I shouldn't have left in that horrible, insensitive way. I don't care that it's been so long either. I don't care that it's been over a year or how different things are now. All I care about is you not walking away without knowing that I love you more than anything in the entire world. I don't know what I'd do without you." She took a break to draw in a short breath and went on with, "I never want you thinking that I didn't appreciate everything you've done for me…everything you still do for me. I can't believe you've stuck around for so long. I can't believe that you love me so much. More importantly, I see myself spending the rest of my life with you, Eli."
Eli's eyes pricked with tears as he softly whispered, "Come here." He hugged her close as she gripped onto him, light tears spilling onto his jacket. "I don't hold anything against you, Clare. I just want us to forget those things. Please, Clare. Let's just move forward and be happy." He saw confirmation as she nodded her head and kept it buried in it shoulder, her tears subsiding. "Prom?" he murmured in a low tone.
"What?" she muttered, pulling back to only be pulled in for a quick kiss as he whispered, "Prom?" once more.
Clare jumped into his arms and hugged him so tight he could hardly breathe. "Yes! Yes, Eli! I want to go to prom with you."
"Good," he smiled as he gently hugged her close and breathed in her flowery perfume. "I love you, Clare. We're going to be fine."
"Forget the past and love the future?" she guessed, holding his hand tightly and pulling him to the ground.
Eli smiled. "Forget the past and love the future." His arms settled around her for about two more hours until he safely returned her home to a smiling Helen and Glen.