Kaitlyn POV
I silently cried against Dean's chest as he took me to his room. I couldn't believe that I freaked out so much that I began to transform. That's never happened to me before, but I guess I have the curse to thank for that. Now that I'm not bound by the moon anymore I guess my emotions trigger my transformations. The transformations don't hurt anymore but at what cost? That family's blood is on my hands. That little girl lost the only family she's ever known because of me! I don't even know what we're going to do with Jojo now. Punk wouldn't allow a human child to stay would he? Even so, how would a human be integrated into wolf society? She'll forever be a misfit because of me. What if she wonders what happened to her birth parents one day? Dean took away her memories, but if she asks should she be told the truth? Should we tell her that I killed her entire family? That poor girl! This is all my fault. This is all MY fault! If I hadn't contacted Natalya she could have never possessed me. I should have fought harder. I should have done whatever it took to expel her from my body. I'm a murderer. Oh my God, I'm a murderer! I start crying harder as we finally reach Dean's room and he walks in closing the door behind him. "Kaitlyn, stop crying, please?"
"But it's my fault!"
"No, it's not your fault." He places me on my feet in front of him and brings his hands up to cup my face. "There's nothing you could have done, pup. Natalya was controlling you. She killed those people, not you." His words offer me little solace. I know he's trying. He's trying really hard, but it's not enough.
"The blood is still on MY hands, Dean." His face is full of concern as he gazes at me. His hands move from my face to my shoulders.
"You'll survive this, Kaitlyn," He tells me as he lets me go and walks over to the dresser next to the window. "We all had to at some point." He looks through one of the drawers and pulls out a long black shirt. "The important thing is how you deal with the guilt you're carrying now." I walk over to him and he hands me the shirt. It's only then that I realize that I'm only wearing a towel that barely goes past my butt. It's definitely not leaving much to the imagination and neither will the shirt, but at least it will cover my shoulders, arms and it does look longer than the towel. He turns away from me. "Tell me when it's okay to look." That's very gentlemanly of him.
"How did you guys deal with the guilt?" I pull the shirt over my body before taking the towel off and putting it on the dresser. "Did you guys feel any guilt at all?" He doesn't turn around and puts his hands in his pockets.
"You never escape the guilt of taking a human life. It's always there. Roman, Seth and I had different ways of dealing with it. Some were better than others, but eventually you learn to live with it." I dried my face of my tears and sat on the bed.
"I'm decent now." Dean turns around and looks at me again. "What methods did you guys try?" He took a deep breath and sat next to me on the bed.
"Seth was probably the most constructive. He focused all his energy on hunting down vampires. He figured that he could make up for the life he took by saving other humans from becoming vampire food."
"That does sound constructive."
"Yeah, it was." Dean leans back on the bed with his hands behind his head and his legs still dangling off the side. "At least until he started hunting during the day time and broke the vampire-wolf treaty. It almost caused an all out war. Punk stepped in and negotiated with the vampires though, prevented something that could have been pretty ugly."
"I guess it wasn't really constructive then." I look away from him kind of defeated. I can't use that method to deal with this guilt then.
"Hey it was better than what Roman or I did." I look back at him, quizzically. He smirked at me and kicked off his shoes. "Roman turned into a whore."
"What?!" No way! Roman slept around? That seemed so opposite of how he is now. I mean it was pretty obvious to me from earlier that Bayley had a thing for Roman. She was all over him, but he never made a move.
"Oh yeah. With Eve and Layla."
"At the same time?!"
"No! Well kind of. He started sleeping with Layla first. When that wasn't enough for him he started sleeping with Eve, but he didn't stop sleeping with Layla. So, in a way, you can say he slept with them at the same time."
"But he stopped right?"
"After they found out about it, he didn't have a choice. The both of them wanted to be his mate and he told the both of them what they wanted to hear so he could keep them. When they found out about each other they double teamed him, kicked his ass pretty good too. Punk and Sheamus had to tear the both of them off of him."
"Are they good now?"
"Nope. The both of them hate him, and he's apologized profusely since the blow up, but they have yet to forgive him." I turn to face him completely and sit on my knees with my hands in my lap, making sure that the shirt covered everything.
"What about you?" Dean props himself up on the back of his elbows and looks at me. His facial expression is… interesting, as though he's saying, "I guess I should tell you after I ousted my brothers." He brings his legs up to the bed and sits up to face me.
"I shut everyone out. Became really irritable, stopped going to my mother's grave. I picked fights with everybody: Sheamus, Sami, Graves, Punk, Seth and Roman. When I ran out of guys to fight I picked on the girls. Eve, Layla, Sasha, Charlotte and Paige would fight me without a problem, but when I started picking on Bayley things got really ugly."
"How so?"
"Paige and Bayley were the last ones born into our pack, but Paige was always really mature. Bayley, however, was the real pup of the pack. She was emotional, sensitive and a huge sweetheart. When I was going through my phase around 20 she was about 15. I picked on her, but she never got mad. She never wanted to fight me or even defend herself. I got mad that she wouldn't fight me and one day I just jumped her."
"You jumped that sweet little thing!" I knew that Dean could be cold, but I didn't think he could be so heartless against his own kind.
"It wasn't my proudest moment. Anyway, she tattled on me to Roman, and I've never seen him so mad. He attacked me in my sleep, and the fight ended up waking up everyone in the house. Nobody could separate us. Usually when fights get out of hand Punk would use a dog whistle to stop it, but when he tried to use it Roman and I completely ignored it and kept fighting. I mean we had fought before and after that incident, but it was never to that magnitude."
"What made you stop fighting?"
"Bayley started crying and begged Roman to stop. Good thing too, because by that time we had both transformed and we had some serious injuries."
"Did you stop picking fights after that?"
"Not exactly. Seth took us both to Mom's grave the day after. I thought killing made me feel guilty, but knowing that I was letting my mom down was the worst guilt I could ever feel. Ro and I made up and I apologized to everyone I messed with."
"Then how should I deal with my guilt?" He reaches out to me and takes my hands in his. I look down at our hands. Mine are so small compared to his, but they just fit into his so perfectly. I lift my eyes to look at him.
"You need to realize that your situation is entirely different. Your mind was literally not in control of your body and the only person to blame for that is Natalya. She killed those people, and she is the reason Jojo doesn't have a family." I take a deep breath. I know he's right, but I can't help but still feel guilty. I feel his hand cup the side of my face and he lifts up my head to make me look at him. "Hey, you're gonna be alright. You've got a lot of folks who care about you, and we can help you. Just don't shut us out." I let myself smile and look down. I can feel my face get hot and I'm probably blushing wildly. Thank God the only light in the room is the moonlight shining through his huge ass window.
"Do you care about me?"
Dean POV
That's a loaded question. It's not like I don't know the answer though. Of course I care about her. Why else would I do half the things I've been doing? I mean, I didn't snap at her when she interrupted my time with my mother, I gave her rides, I was there after she had her less than pleasant reunion, I confronted the Queen of Sirens for her and I was the one who calmed her down several times since I found her in that tent. Don't my actions speak for themselves?
"Dean?" I'm pulled out of my thoughts as she calls my name. Her face is subtly full of hope and she's expecting those words every woman wants to hear. I can't tell her those things just yet, but I've got to tell her something.
"Do you really want me to say it?" That's not exactly what I had in mind.
"I guess you don't have to." Disappointment washes over her face and she turns her head to the side. Dammit I always mess these things up! I have to salvage this situation somehow.
"Hey," I move one of my hands from hers to her forearm and her face falls on me again. "Come here." I take her in my arms and lean back on the pillows. Her head lies on my chest and she intertwines her legs with mine. "You know, just because someone can't say how they feel, it doesn't mean that they don't feel it." She lifts up her head with a look of slight surprise on her face.
"Really," she asks softly.
"Really." She smiles widely. It's the first time I've seen her smile like this since I met her. She scoots up closer to me and places a chaste kiss on my cheek. I guess that's her way of saying thank you. I'll accept that. A smirk appears on my face as I turn to face her. Our faces are a few inches away from each other and she's blushing lightly with a huge smile on her face. I have to tease her; she's just too adorable right now. "Why are you so red?" She looks at me devastated and tilts her head down. She's blushing furiously now. I need to tease her some more, this is too much fun. "Are you blushing, pup?" She smiles slightly and tries to turn away from me to hide her blush. I hold her to me tightly and prevent her from turning away from me. "Why are you hiding, huh?" She giggles and opens her eyes, looking into mine. Slowly she stops giggling and the smiles on both of our faces disappear. This has happened before, in the cemetery. Before Sheamus interrupted us, we had an intimate moment like this, but it's different this time. This time she's in my room, at night, in my bed, wearing nothing but a shirt, and no one's going to interrupt us. Ah damn, I need to remember my promise to AJ. I told her I wouldn't try anything. That promise is getting more difficult to keep by the minute. I clear my throat abruptly and turn on my back. "Well anyway we should get some sleep. Especially you, you've had a long day, and tomorrow's not going to be easier." I look up at the ceiling. I hope that Kaitlyn just goes to sleep, but a big part of me is hoping that she won't. I close my eyes and feel a pair of lips on my cheek. I figured Kaitlyn was just giving me a kiss good night, but a second later her lips her on mine. Kissing doesn't count as trying anything if she initiates it… right? I respond to her lips with a passion. Gently, I grab the back of her neck and turn us over so that she is underneath me. I feel her hand tangle itself in my hair while the other one goes on my back and presses me closer to her. I prop myself up on one elbow to make sure I don't crush her as I move from her lips to the side of her neck. My other hand is on her thigh and slowly moves up, going underneath the shirt. I suck on her neck slightly and a light moan escapes her lips. Shit, that's the sweetest sound I've ever heard! My hand reaches her hip and I squeeze it softly. She gasps at the contact and I continue the movement, slowly kneading her hip and waist, which elicits more gasps. I can't take much more of this teasing. I sit up on my knees and move in between her thighs. I glimpse up at her and throw her a smile before removing my shirt and tossing it on the floor. She looks up at me, wide-eyed and reaches out to me, placing both hands on my chest. She sits up and our lips meet again in a slow but passionate kiss. Suddenly I feel her stumbling around with my belt. Reality finally dawns on me and I stop instantly. Is this really about to happen? Are there any consequences if we do this? What about AJ? I promised her I wouldn't do this. FUCK! Just fuck! I look up at Kaitlyn and confusion has overtaken her features.
"What's wrong," she asks me. I take a deep breath. There's no easy way to do what I need to do.
"We can't do this, Kaitlyn."
"Why not?"
"I promised AJ that I wouldn't."
"But, but I can't explain it to her, o-or she doesn't have to find out!"
"Kaitlyn, AJ doesn't want this to happen, not because she doesn't want this for you, but because the timing is wrong." I stroke her cheek slightly with my thumb. "After everything that you've been through tonight, it wouldn't be right."
"But Dean- "
"Let's not rush this okay." Dear God what am I saying?! Am I really about to deny myself of sex?! "We have time, pup, and we can do this under better circumstances." She nods her head and takes a deep breath. She lies back down as I get off of her and roll to her side. I pull the sheets over us and she snuggles next me, and, soon, she falls asleep. It's probably for the best that we didn't have sex. I already have to explain ditching and a human child to Punk, at least I don't have to explain the smell of sex now too.
So I really struggled with this chapter! I really wasn't sure whether or not to include smut, but at the end of the day I'm glad that Dean and Kaitlyn didn't have sex. I'll work a little more on building their relationship before they do anything physical.
Anyway, I'm really excited for the direction that this story is heading to! Slight spoilers for future chapters: enter the Realm of Sirens, The real reason Jojo was left behind, the death of a wolf AND the marking of a mate.
Keep reviewing!
-J.