Arizona could feel everything in her body. She could feel the blood pumping furiously around her, worryingly slowing with each shaky breath. She could feel her chest burning with the struggles of breathing, her throat feeling like it was clawing any oxygen away from leaving or entering her body. And more of all, she could feel her bullet that had torn through her abdomen, leaving in its path ripped tissues and oceans of blood to pour from her like it had newly found freedom. She couldn't breathe. She needed someone. She was going to die. The blonde lay in what she was sure was a pool of her own blood, lifting her hands to see them stained in a red liquid that made her head cloud and her eyes blur. She tried to move. Her brain focusing on moving her legs and regretting it when it caused her stomach to erupt further in pain and feel like she was ripping the bullet hole open. All she needed to do was find someone. If she found someone they would help, they would stop the bleeding and get her to an OR. Just find someone. Shout for someone. Ignore the pain and look for someone. She opened her mouth and pulled in the most oxygen her body would allow, swallowing it down and holding her chest before shouting for help. Over and over. Help. Someone. Please, help me.
That was when she saw it. At first it was just a dark figure that appeared at the end of the corridor, her head straining and shaking to hold itself up and look. Her eyes were blurring the longer she fought against the pain to hold her head up, but she couldn't look away. The dark figure, a person, was walking towards her. She couldn't see their face. All she could see was their body, covered in a surgical gown. Their gloved hands carrying things. Surgical pads. Oxygen. A scalpel. She watched as they moved closer and closer, their feet echoing down the empty hallway. Arizona was certain they were coming right towards her, whoever it was. They were going to help her. They were going to save her. Her head dropped back down onto the floor, a laugh or relief tickling up her throat and as she stared at the ceiling. It took her a few more seconds before she realised she was still lay alone. No one was by her side, no one was helping her. She strained her head up once more and her eyes fell on the utensils. Everything that was needed to stop her from bleeding out set neatly and politely on the floor right in front of her, just out of reach. The figure was stood there, just watching her.
In that moment she felt like a thousand more bullets were pouring into her body. She was being tested. The means of saving her life were a fingers length away and she couldn't reach. The person was stood there, watching her die. She was being made to die and this person was watching. As they turned and made their way back down the corridor, Arizona opened her mouth to shout. Come back and save me. Please, help me. But nothing came out. Nothing could be heard except the clicking on heels on the floor. She was going to die.
She was being left to die.
/
Arizona shot up in bed, the sheets falling from her sweat covered body and pooling on her legs. She was gripping handfuls of it tightly, her head turning to her side to see the naked back of Callie, her hair falling haphazardly over. The sight of it calmed her slightly, her hands releasing the sheet and the stiffness of her body easing somewhat. But her heart was still hammering in her chest, sweat pouring from her forehead and back, her skin feeling like it was burning when she touched it. She looked at Callie for a few more moments, trying to focus her whole body on the naked woman and the activities they had been engaging in an hour ago, but it wasn't working. Her heart still felt like it was going to burst through her chest as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, grabbed a shirt off the floor, and padded her bare feet along to the cold wood of the apartment, heading to the kitchen.
She grabbed the nearest glass she could see and filled it with water, taking a sip and feeling it run down her throat. She leant both hands on the counter in front of her, leaning forward and dropping her head to focus on her ragged breathing for a moment. A quick glance at the clock confirmed what her burning eyes were telling her, she had been asleep for less than half an hour. She told herself to think about something else, but she couldn't move her mind away from the image of someone stood watching her. The surgical pads brushing against the tips of her blood covered fingers. She stood there pressing against her own skin to remind herself that she wasn't dead, that someone hadn't left her to bleed to death. It all made everything feel too real. She felt her hands wind its way up the hem of her shirt, her fingers skirting first along the incision scar before moving over to her bullet scar, her finger tracing the still sensitive skin. The dream had made it feel like she had been shot all over again, her stomach contracting in the same way. She felt like she was going to die all over. Arizona arched her head and let out slow breaths, repeating it over and over until they no longer shook and ragged her up her throat.
The feeling of arms wrapping around her waist made her whole body flinch before it sighed into the shape of Callie pressing up behind her. One of Callie's arms remained firmly around the blonde waist, the other moving up to pull her blonde hair to one side of neck before joining her other arm. Callie held her waist tightly, one hand lightly the hem of her shirt and allowing her nails to tickle along skin, whilst she pressed three soft kisses along the length of the blonde's neck. Arizona sighed, feeling like someone was running warm water over with each kiss, stretching her neck to the side to offer Callie more exposure. Every time she felt Callie's breath on her a small part of the dream disappeared from her mind. Callie laughed against the skin before closing her lips around her neck, a long kiss being held against her. Just like that Arizona could no longer feel the burn in her stomach like she had been shot. She couldn't see the dark, faceless silhouette. She pressed back into Callie, feeling every curve of the other woman against her.
"I love you." Arizona breathed, hardly loud enough for Callie to hear. She hadn't been saying it for a purpose or a response, but more so because she simply couldn't stop herself from saying it. She wanted to say it over and over, let Callie hear it every single minute of every single day if she could. She felt Callie's nails tickle quickly over the skin of her abdomen, a movement that made Arizona's stomach clench with excitement rather than pain.
"I love you more."
Arizona turned in Callie's arm, the brunette leaving her nails to teasingly scrape along her skin as she spun. Her tired and blurred eyes flickered between the ones directly in front of her, Callie's soft brown one's looking back at her with a sleepy wash over them. Callie's lips spread into a playful smile that came across adorably dopey from her being tired. A sweet, soft and perfect smile that made Arizona feel like her breath was being taken away once more. That was all that was needed, that feeling, for her to close the minimal space between them, her lips capturing Callie's. Arizona was surprised by the noise that groaned in the back of her throat, her mind not realising how much her body still wanted Callie in one night. The chaste kiss wasn't enough, she wanted to show Callie how her statement was wrong. How there was no possible way that anything on earth could love something more than she loved Callie. Her hands moved up the brunette and tangled in her hair. She no longer just wanted Callie, she needed her. She needed her to wash away the remnants of the dream, the wipe away the taste of blood in her mouth and the sound of her pulse racing past her ears. She needed to reset her body.
And Callie's tongue was doing just that. Arizona pressed against her, pushing until the brunette collided with the kitchen island behind her. Her hands were gripping, removing the shirt from Callie's body in one swift motion to minimise the time in which their lips were apart. She felt like Callie was her only source of oxygen, her fingers pushing and pressing into her skin, her nails following after with scratched that tickled against Callie's skin. Arizona wanted to touch every part of her, run her tongue along every part of her. She wanted to feel every single thing like it was the first time all over again, and this time she wanted to remember it. She wanted to sear every aspect of Callie into her mind because she knew what it was like to go without. She knew how weak and fragile her memory had been when Callie wasn't there, brief glimpses of a body she could no long picture clearly. She wanted to know every spot that made Callie moan a little lower, a little louder and a little longer. She dragged her mouth down her jawline with her hands ran over her breasts, Callie throwing her head back and offering access to her neck easily. Arizona felt like she was exploring as she grazed and nipped at areas with her teeth, sucking at the spot until she knew she would leave a mark. The sound of Callie's moans in her ear were like wildfire, burning her on and on.
"God, I've missed you so much." Callie moaned out, her voice just a hot, breathy blur to Arizona's focus. Arizona just smiled into her neck, pressing a softer and more tentative kiss to her pulse.
She ran her hands up Callie's sides once more, her fingertips brushing gently against the skin on her throat as her tongue darted out to run along the other side. Callie made a weak noise which struggled up her throat, Arizona feeling it against her lips and biting once more against her neck. Arizona would have sworn in that moment she felt Callie give everything against her, open herself up and offer everything. The brunette pushed her weight against the blonde and the kitchen island, pushing herself up and wrapping her legs around Arizona's waist as she laid her down on the cold surface and tried not to focus on the wetness Callie had left on her stomach when wrapped around her. Arizona didn't care about the fact Callie currently lay naked on the surface they cooked and ate off of, because the mere sight of a naked Callie spread out on the kitchen island in front of her was enough to her to fall apart. She arched her back when Arizona tucked her arms under her thighs, pulling her closed until she was perched on the edge and only a breaths distance away.
Arizona pressed a kiss to the inside of Callie's knee, pressing her hand down onto her stomach when the brunette squirmed on the cold surface. She moved slightly higher, though nowhere near high enough for Callie, before pressing another kiss. She repeated the process, spending more time with each kiss. Paying more attention to that part of skin with each process. Arizona could feel her whole body shaking as she stood, Callie's legs perching over her shoulders and mouth moving to trail her tongue along the length of her left inner-thigh. She hovered her mouth over Callie for a moment, hearing a soft whimper when she felt a warm breath against the area she wanted Arizona most.
Arizona just took in the sight of her. Her back arching off the island and pushing her breasts up. Her hair falling haphazardly around her head, small curls stuck to her forehead from sweat. Arizona knew it would be curling at the back of her neck too, and she wanted nothing more than to stop what she was doing and run her fingers through them. As soon as the taste of Callie touched her tongue her head was clear. All she could focus on was everything around her. The way her body burnt, shook and ached. The way Callie tasted. The way Callie's moan echoed through the apartment. Her head was completely clear as she worked her tongue against her, working on remembering and learning every single part of Callie in the most intimate details.
/
Arizona stared absentmindedly at the eggs in front of her, moving them around and barely focusing on her hand. She could feel her body lagging from the sleepless night. Once she and Callie had managed to peel themselves off the kitchen floor and back to the bed she couldn't shake the dream. With Callie peacefully curled up asleep beside her she didn't have a distraction, and just like that the dark of night repeated it over and over until every time she closed her eyes all she could see was the faceless figure and all she could taste was blood. Arizona blinked her eyes at the eggs to shake the image from her head, shaking her head quickly to also loosen the sleepy haze. She needed to focus on something else. She needed a distraction. So she looked for the easiest one in the room; Callie.
She watched her perched on the edge of the couch, sloppily pulling her hair up into a messy bun as she watched the headlines shoot across on the news. Arizona loved the way Callie would tut or roll her eyes every time a politician made a comment she disagreed with. She watched as the brunette huffed at a certain comment before pushing up and walking over to the kitchen, stopping at the other side of the island in front of Arizona. Both of them fully aware of why Callie was throwing a playful smirk whilst placing her hands down the surface, theirs minds flickering to the night before. Arizona loved the fact that from now on, every time she would look at this kitchen she would remember the way Callie's back arched on the island counter, or the way Callie's fingers made her unravel on the floor underneath her feet. It was the way a kitchen should be remembered.
Arizona turned and grabbed two plates, chucking the already made toast onto them. She leant over to grab the butter, turning to place it in front of Callie and pausing when she noticed the brunette's eyes burning into her. The playful smirk was gone, her eyes glazed over with thoughtfulness that wasn't on the night before. Arizona watched her for a moment as she dished out the eggs, Callie's attention snapping back when the plate was pressed in front of her.
"What are you thinking about?" Arizona asked as she walked around the island and hopped up onto the stool, Callie turning to the side so her knees bumped against the blonde's thigh, Arizona's hand moving to rest on it without her even thinking. It was the small gestures like that which both of them had missed so dearly. Both of them feeling like they just could. They just could touch each other, and they just could call each other theirs.
"I was just thinking about something you said last night."
"That sounds worrying…" Arizona joked as she bit her toast, grabbing her coffee and washing it down a large mouthful. She was already on her fourth cup, sneaking two in when Callie was still struggling to peel herself out of bed.
"It's nothing bad," Callie countered quickly, Arizona just nodding as she took another sip from her coffee and waited for Callie to explain, the movement following quickly after a sigh, "I was just thinking that you were wrong if you think that our kids will grow up to wish they're nothing like you. I pray to God that our kids grow up to be exactly like you. I want to hear the shrieking sounds of laughter through the house at five o'clock in the morning and not be able to get mad because I'll find it so adorable that they've inherited your insanely infuriating habit of being able to be so happy in the morning. I want them to care about other people in the same way you do. I want to wake up every Sunday morning to see you in the back garden teaching our children to wheel around on their heels, and then I want to spend the next five minutes arguing with you about how dangerous it is. If our kids aren't like you, Arizona, I don't want them."
Arizona felt like she had frozen as she held her coffee cup to her lips, the mouthful she had just taken still hanging bitterly in her mouth. Somehow she felt like they had been in a bubble for the past twelve hours, but instead of time standing still it had sped up. She felt like she was sitting next to Callie, ten years down the line, having breakfast with her. They had done everything, seen everything, felt everything. And with Callie's words still hanging in the air, Arizona felt them crashing to the ground with the realisation and reminder that only twelve hours she had been running out of an airport and calling for the nearest taxi. The night had been filled with remembering each other bodies, their hands and tongue doing the talking and refraining them from having sobering moments like this. But now they were sat having breakfast. Twelve hours had passed, their clothes were on, and Callie was reminding her so casually about everything that was new. She and Callie were new-borns, less than a day old and learning how to walk away. They were re-learning how to crawl and walk on a bed of promises and potentials, a shaky cement underneath their trusting feet. It scared Arizona just how much it felt like she was at home right now without actually being in her home. How she was realising her home wasn't her apartment, nor was it an operating theatre or hospital, but simply a person. Callie was her home. Always had been, always would be. And it terrified her how she had been away from her home for so long, how it was so alarmingly possible that one day she could be away from her home again, and how she was trying to build her home stronger. The walls had been weakened, the foundations cracked and the furniture burnt. But they were rebuilding. They were giving each other everything back, brick by brick, and they were rebuilding. So, with the startling clear-headed aura in the room, Arizona swallowed her coffee and set the cup down, flashing a smile at the woman in front of her and said the only thing she could think of in that moment.
"You're not going to let our kids skate around on their heels? Just think about how adorable the shoes will look."
"Arizona, I'm an orthopaedic surgeon. Do you really need to ask that question?" Callie laughed, Arizona smirking back at her. She loved the way Callie's mouth pulled so effortlessly up into a smile. It was something she could watch forever- something she will watch forever.
"Okay, I see your point."
/
Arizona chewed on her lip as she flicked through the research paper in her hands, absentmindedly scanning every other sentence and barely picking up what the actual subject was about. She sighed and dropped it down onto the bed next to her, picking her phone up from the pillow and rolling her eyes at the two missed calls. Both from the Chief of Surgery at Hopkins, a voicemail showing on the screen that Arizona pretended she hadn't seen. The phone call in which she explained she was still in Seattle, wasn't on her way to Baltimore and never would be, was painful enough without having to endure what she was almost certain would be a begging phone call followed by a harsh tone and downright rude declaration of her making a stupid and regretful decision. She lifted the paper and opened it from the beginning for the third time, Callie's timekeeping having failed to change in the time they were apart.
She made it halfway down the third page of the article when Callie appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. She was fixing her earring, looking nervously around for something. Arizona watched her, her mind moving away from the article and instead wondering if she knew any words that could describe Callie in that moment. Resplendent. Pulchritudinous. Fascinating. Her black dress clung to her in areas, swaying away from her in others. But then again, Arizona found Callie breath-taking in scrubs. It wasn't the clothes that hugged her curves that made her any of those things, it was just her. So instead of reading her article, knowing full well that when Callie said she was nearly ready it actually meant another ten minutes, she watched her. She watched as she played nervously with her earring. Watched as she fumbled her hands over her dress. Watched as she checked herself in the mirror, checked a moment later and then turned around when walking away to check once more. It was only when Callie was back in the bathroom, Arizona lifting the article and searching for where she left off, that the brunette's voice floated through.
"I feel nervous."
"It's only dinner with Teddy and Henry." Arizona shouted back through, a small laugh of confusion as she set the paper back down and looked to the bathroom. She could see the shadow of Callie moving around, occasionally catching a glimpse of her black dress. There was silence for a few seconds until Callie appeared in the doorway again, leaning against the frame as she attached a bracelet around her wrist.
"I know, but… I don't know, I just feel nervous. This is the first time we've been, you know, a we in a while and I guess I'm just a little nervy about it."
"Cal," Arizona smirked, sitting forward slightly on the bed and ducking her head to catch the brunette's shy eyes, "I'll say it again, it's only Teddy and Henry. We have been a we to them for a very long time, we just didn't know it ourselves."
"I guess so. Have you worked out what you're going to say to The Chief yet?" Callie asked as she finished putting the bracelet on, jiggling her wrist about before dropping it to her side and looking over. Arizona just shrugged her shoulders, sighing deeply and running her hands through her hair.
"I haven't really thought about it. I'll just say I changed my mind and grovel for a job."
"He's going to give you your job back, don't worry about," Callie spoke as she turned and walked back into the bathroom, her voice echoing as she continued to talk, "you bring too much business to the hospital for him not to and you're too good to pass on. Can you grab me my black heels? They should be somewhere in the bottom of the wardrobe, I always just kick them in."
"Chief will probably give me a job back, but not my job," Arizona groaned as she pushed herself off the bed and walked to the wardrobe, bending to shovel her way through the mountain of shoes that Callie just dumped there, "Stark is there now, I'll have to work for him and I don't know whether he'll want…"
Arizona felt her voice fade before she even realised it was going to. Her crouched legs suddenly felt heavy as she glanced down at the grey fabric that had previously been in the corner of her eye. She didn't know why she stopped to look at it. Maybe it was the red lettering on it that caught her eye, or maybe she noticed the faded coffee stain. Or maybe it was simply because she had spent countless minutes spent wondering where she had placed the sweater over the past months, that now seeing the subtle indicators of it, she couldn't help herself. But she had looked. And she had not only seen an old sweater that she recognised, but a small pile of clothes that all triggered weak memories in her head. She dropped the shoe that was in her hand and stretched to the lift the pile of maybe ten items, pushing herself up and moving to set them on the bed. She flicked through it. Her grey-coffee-stained-ridiculously-worn-out Hopkins sweater. An oversized Baltimore Raven's shirt that Nick had given to her when she left for her residency. A cheap pair of joggers that were still speckled with paint from helping Teddy decorate her old apartment.
"Callie?" Arizona called out as she continued to look through the old clothes, a few more piece that had no particular sentimental value but she remembered wearing. Arizona wondered why she had never considered that she had left them here. She had thought endlessly whether she left her Hopkins sweat at the hospital by accidents, or at the park maybe. But never had she thought she had left it here. She lifted it and held it as she heard Callie's voice continue from the bathroom.
"Stark's contract is only for year and with you here The Chief won't offer him a new renewal. He'll be UCLA or Mayo's problem a year from now and you'll be the Head again, you don't need to worry about Stark because he's just-"
"Cal?" Arizona called out once more, Callie's voice stopping. Arizona looked up from the jumper in her hand, watching as Callie appeared in the doorway, fiddling with the bracelet around her wrist.
"Yeah?" She asked absentmindedly, not looking up and seeing the destructed pile of clothes that lay on the bed instead of her black heels. Arizona began to refold some of the clothes, recreating the pile and waiting a second long enough for Callie to look up. Even in the shade of light and the shade of her skin tone, Arizona could have sworn she watched Callie pale in front of her. The brunette's mouth opened and closed, a bubbing mess as she just stared at Hopkins sweater. It was as though she herself didn't know it was in there, or at least she hadn't seen them in a while. Embarrassment washed over her face, like she had been caught in the tangle of a secret, Arizona frowning in confusion.
"What's this?" Arizona asked as she pointed at the clothes, Callie licking at her lips before pulling her bottom on in and chewing on it. She leant her head back on the wall and closed her eyes, breathing out a loud sigh through her nose before looking back up.
"They're your clothes. From when… you forgot to pack them when you were leaving, so they got left behind."
"How come you never gave them back to me? Or got rid of them? You could have gotten Teddy to give them to me if you didn't want to speak to me."
"It wasn't like that," Callie spoke softly, pushing off the doorframe and walking to the other side of the bed. She looked at the clothes for a moment before taking the Hopkins sweater that Arizona had now dropped on the bed, looking down at it in her hands, "I don't know. I just never wanted to do any of those, I guess. I mean, there were times when I picked them up and went to throw them in the trash, but for some reason every time they would end up back in there. I just didn't want to get rid of them, they were all I had left of you in this apartment. They helped me remember that you were once here."
"Callie…"
"I know, it's sad really. And a little strange. But one minute you were here and the next you were gone. One night I was sleeping curled up with you and the next I couldn't sleep because I forgot what it felt like having you here- having you with me all the time. But whenever I looked at the clothes I remembered. Because this sweater was your favourite sweater. And that Ravens shirts was your favourite shirt to sleep in. You used to cook breakfast for me in nothing but that shirt and underwear. So I kept the clothes and I guess I just wished and hoped that one day I wouldn't need the pile anymore."
Arizona didn't need to take a moment to digest the words. She didn't need thirty seconds to think about what to do, or what to say, or whether to say something at all. Because she knew. All she did was move her feet around the distance of the bed, take the jumper from Callie's fiddling hands, and grab her face until she was pulling her in for a kiss. She kissed her until she could breathe. She wanted to kiss her until she was sure that neither of them would ever need a garment of clothing to remember the other by, kissing Callie over and over in attempt to gain that. She kissed all over Callie's face, relishing in the giggles and ignoring Callie's weak and feigned attempt to stop when she protested they were going to be late. Suddenly the half an hour Arizona had spent waiting for Callie to get ready didn't even matter. She didn't care whether they were a whole day late to dinner, she just wanted to kiss the woman in front of her for a little while longer.
/
Arizona stood staring out at the darkened cityscape, the lights of the city illuminating and showing the water in the distance. She turned and glanced around the apartment, now furnished and unrecognisable from the bachelor-pad-type apartment that she had viewed with Teddy weeks ago. Her eyes fell on the hideous coffee table that Teddy had been so adamant about burning if it even moved an inch into the apartment, now sitting proudly in front of the couch. It felt like it had been lifetimes ago that she stood in the place she was now, her heels clicking on the wooden floor and echoing in the bare rooms, explaining to Teddy her reason to move to Baltimore. The last time she had been here she had been so certain of what her life would look like and where she would be. She was so sure that she would be sat in a new apartment, or stood in a new OR, or drinking in a new bar. But she was here, and everything was different to what she had thought.
So much had happened. A bullet had powered through her body, torn her literally apart, and left her bleeding to death. Her life had literally been threatened in the time since she had originally stood in this apartment, and every single night she was reminded of it. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept for longer than an hour straight. Every single night she would wake with sweat either soaking through her shirt of sheening over her naked body. She would peel herself out of the comforting grip of Callie, knock back a glass of water in an attempt to stop the shakiness and nausea, before returning to the bed and spending the night lay watching Callie sleep. It was a painful regularity, and the more nights that passed by without her sleeping anywhere near enough, the more she wondered when it would stop.
Arizona stared out of the window longer, her mind wandering to the dream once more. She felt the familiar taste of blood enter her mouth as she stood there, her stomach churning. She needed to move. She walked past the kitchen area, flashing a smile back at Callie's sweet one, before heading down the hallway. It was only when she was passing a doorway that she stopped and looked into the empty space, frowning. She turned to see Teddy now walking up the hallway, two wine glasses in her hands. Arizona pointed to the empty room and frowned at her friend.
"It's empty."
"I know." Teddy sighed as she handed over one of the glasses, Arizona taking it and just frowning even deeper back at her.
"Teddy, it's empty. The second room is completely empty, there's not one piece of furniture in here."
"I know, it's literally sat completely empty, collecting dust and awkward conversations. It's like a box-shaped-fucking-stop-watch. I constantly mention it. Hey, Henry, had any ideas what you want to make the second room. What about a home office for us to do work in? I even offered a freaking tiny gym. All he ever does is shrug his shoulders and tell me we don't have to make a decision right now and that there's plenty of time to wait and see what we need the room to be. Well, there may well be time but every single time I walk past and see an empty damn room I feel like it's a pretty clear symbol of how little time there is between me walking down the aisle and me pushing a nine pound bowling ball out of me."
"Ted, I don't want to me that kind of person who says I told you so, but I told you so. I told you everything was moving too quick. When we came to view this apartment you felt like you were being rushed, and suddenly I wake up from being shot and you're moving in, getting married and clearly telepathically having conversations about babies without actually having the conversation. This room is a cold war stand off on who is going to mention first about it being a nursery."
"I want to marry him- I'm going to marry him. But everything else just needs to wait a little, so I'm going to win this cold war standoff," Teddy sighed as they walked into the room, large windows on the far side showing the other side of the city, Arizona peered out of them whilst hearing Teddy mutter under her breath about Henry before stopping and turning to her. "Speaking of the shooting, how are you doing?"
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Arizona spoke quickly, taking a gulp from the wine that in no way indicated she was fine. Teddy clocked the movement but didn't mention it, instead shrugging her shoulders casually and glancing at the few boxes that were in the corner of the room, needing to still be unpacked.
"I'm just checking. It hasn't been that long and you went back to work sooner than you should have. Plus it would be normal for you to be experiencing some PTSD after what happened, especially after what you went through," Arizona just nodded as Teddy spoke, flashing a securing smile and heading for the door as Teddy spoke once more, "Are you? Experiencing any PTSD, I mean. Any flashbacks? Nightmares? Reckless behaviour?"
"I ran out of an airport and abandoned a job at Hopkins if that counts as reckless behaviour," Arizona teased, a strained laugh coming from her as she walked out of the room and Teddy followed after her. Arizona glanced to the concerned but also stern glare on Teddy's face, sighing weakly, "Teddy, no. I'm fine, okay? No flashbacks. No nightmares. Questionable behaviour I guess, but really who is to question an act of love after all and deem it reckless."
"You're an ass." Teddy shoved her as they walked, Arizona laughing as she moved her wine glass to stop it swaying over the edge. They walked back out to the main room, glancing over to the kitchen where Henry was taking animatedly about whatever he was cooking, Callie pretending to be interested as she chopped an onion.
"Is this how excited he gets over wedding planning?"
"He's been wanting to throw a dinner party for weeks and you staying gave him a perfect opportunity, so thank you for this. I've been on my feet all day long with the ER being hectic, all I wanted was a glass of wine and my bed. Speaking of work, I met your swanky replacement today."
"Stark? How was he?" Arizona asked as they walked over to the couch, perching on the edge. Teddy rolled her eyes as she noticed the tray of appetisers Henry had left for them, all neatly presented and enough to feed a small army.
"Oh, you know, the usual moody-arrogant-self-absorbed-asshole that everyone knows him to be. I paged him for a consult in the pit and when he finally showed up after fifteen minutes he was very keen to tell me that he doesn't come all the way down to the ER just to do minor checks and that I should page someone else in future. Like, seriously, all the way down? Its four floors in an elevator. Asshole."
"He is good, he can just be somewhat sloppy and rushed. You just need to keep an eye on him." Arizona spoke, shrugging her shoulders and leaning back as she took a sip of her wine. She heard a small laugh come from Teddy.
"Or you could get your ass into The Chief's office and get your job back."
"I'm going to see him tomorrow."
"What have you been doing for the past two days? Living on cloud nine?" Teddy joked as she leant forward and sniffed around the appetisers, picking her way through them. She lifted something and popped it into her mouth, turning to look at Arizona who pretended to think for a moment before nodding.
"Pretty much. Just lots and lots of sex."
"Jesus, I didn't need to know that," Teddy groaned with a mouthful of food being shown to Arizona, "so, how is it then? Everything you dreamed of? Has she filled that void that made you feel like you were sinking into the abyss? Has she made the stars line up?"
"You want to know who's an asshole? You." Arizona sighed as she pushed up from the couch, Teddy following after her and laughing. Arizona grabbed the bottle of wine from the kitchen counter and refilled her glass, turning to refill Teddy's which was already waiting ready.
"I'm not even sorry," Teddy laughed, Arizona hearing Callie and Henry's voice floating out from the empty second room as Henry explained how they had time before needing to choose what the room should be, "I listened to both of you whine separately about each other for months, I've suffered enough, I think I should be allowed to take the piss now. Seriously though, down the nitty gritty, how was the talk?"
"The talk?" Arizona asked, wine sticking in her throat and making her voice come out choked. She swallowed thickly as Teddy raised her eyebrow and nodded, as though Arizona should be fully aware of what she meant.
"Come on, you know, the talk. The painful sit down to discuss everything that's happened. The agonising torture of picking apart everything that has been said and done to each other over the months apart and the subsequent apologies. The talk."
"Oh, you mean the talk, I'm sorry I thought you meant something else. How silly of me not to know about this magical talk?" Arizona teased as she walked away, heading for the second room to save Callie from Henry's ongoing discussion about the wedding. She could hear him talking through which flowers he wanted, moaning that Teddy hadn't been of much help. Arizona only made it a few steps before Teddy was grabbing her elbow and pulling her back, a slightly more serious look on her face.
"Arizona, come on, I'm serious…"
"We haven't done that… We don't need to do that." Arizona shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly, Teddy raising a judging eyebrow.
"Trust me, you need to do it. Do it tonight. As soon as you're home."
"What? No, we don't need to. So, we said things. So, maybe some of those things were mean and uncalled for. But it doesn't matter now. We're back together and that's all that matters." Arizona turned and began walking again, Teddy following behind her and making the blonde stop when she spoke.
"Fine, but you'll regret it when this honeymoon period is over and you're both screaming at each other over burnt pasta, seven months down the line, because you remembered something one of you said months ago and you suddenly realise you're secretly and majorly still pissed off by it. Then you'll wish you had apologised and forgiven during the honeymoon period when it's easier to have the talk."
"Teddy," Arizona spoke in a lower voice, stepping back to be closer to Teddy now that they were closer to the room and she could clearly hear Callie's voice, "I don't hold anything against her, okay? There's nothing that makes me angry. And I'm sure she's the same, if she's not she'll say something."
"Really? What about her not visiting you in the ICU? What about everything she said when she thought you were sleeping? What about her screaming all over the hospital about how crazy she thinks you are? I'm serious, right now you don't think this matters but in a few months-"
"None of it matters. All of that stuff… All of it was just there to cover up. We were angry and upset so we yelled and said things we didn't mean. I did things to Callie that I'm sure she could be angry about, but I don't I only did them because I was annoyed about how shitty the situation was. Things are different now, the past doesn't need to be dug up."
"Fine, but just make sure the past doesn't bite you in the ass in a few months when you're on Perfect Island and not expecting the storm." Teddy held her hands up to show she was done, Arizona laughing as she walked round and they headed for the room.
"If it does I promise to let you know that you were right." Arizona laughed just as they got to the door and looked in to see Henry pulling out large rolls of paper. Arizona watched as he unfolded them to show large diagrams of wedding plans, intricate with details and all different ideas. She smirked at Teddy's clear disinterest, her friend sighing and turning back around as they stepped into the doorway.
"Thanks. And maybe in-between all the crazy sex you should try and sleep, you look like hell."
/
Arizona lay staring at the ceiling, her fingers fiddling with the sheet. She stared at the moonlight on the ceiling, lighting up the fan and showing clearly its continuous spins. She didn't know how long she had been awake for, all she knew was she couldn't sleep. She hadn't even had the chance to be woken by the dream tonight, her body refusing to shut down. She chewed on her lip, sighing softly and trying to focus her mind on something else.
It turned to Teddy's conversation that night, her words doing nothing to quench the tension in her chest. What if Teddy was right? What if everything that had happened, all of the days that had passed, had ruined everything? Arizona knew people who loved each other, who had been together for years, being broken over time apart. Time ruined everything. Too much time apart gave growth to other things. Things had happened in their time apart. Arizona knew that both of them had been with other people physically. Callie had even dated, offering herself to someone else and fully tried to make her life with someone else. She was willing to look for someone new. What if all of that meant that Callie now knew there were other options, that she didn't need to fully try with this relationship because she knew what was being offered out there?
Arizona felt her heart thumping in chest, shuffling down in the bed so her head was lay flat on the pillow. She glanced to the side, eyeing Callie for a moment and holding her breath when the brunette moved. She was tugging the sheets tighter around her, her legs moving underneath them and wrapping into Arizona's even more than they already were. Arizona waited for a moment before whispering into the room.
"Cal? Are you awake?" She was met with silence for a second until she heard the familiar grunt of a sleepy Callie, her hands scrunching more of the sheets around her.
"No."
"Do you think we need to talk?" Arizona whispered into the room, the darkness making everything feel so much more secretive and heavier. She turned her head to look to the brunette. She considered for a second that she may have fallen back asleep until Callie sighed and rolled over, her eyes closed as she curled up next to the blonde. She kissed her on her bare shoulder softly, breathing out before huffing out in a tired voice once more.
"Talk about what?"
"I don't know. Everything."
"That could take a while and we have to be up in three hours." Callie mumbled. Arizona felt her smiling against her shoulder, looking down to confirm it when she saw the brunette smirking against the skin of her shoulder. She could feel Callie's lips brushing over her skin with every movement, feeling her stomach settle slightly at the feeling.
"I know, it's just…" Arizona's voice faded with her confidence for a moment, Callie kissing her once more and reviving her, "Teddy said something earlier and at first I thought it was stupid but now I'm lay here thinking that maybe she was right. I just- I don't want to be stood arguing over burnt pasta with you in seven months."
"I literally have no idea what you're talking about." Callie commented in a joking manner, but she was shuffling back slightly to look up at Arizona's eyes. The moonlit room meant Arizona could see Callie's face, a sleepy smile playing on her face as she tickled her fingers over the blonde, just under her breast, and wrapped her arm over her. Arizona smiled down at her, tears choking in the back of her throat so quick that she didn't have time to realise they were coming. She bit down on her lip to stop them showing but realised she was too late when Callie pushed up onto her elbow, concern on her face as her arm pulled back and moved to tuck a strand of Arizona's hair back behind her ear.
"I've been cruel. To you. I've been cruel and horrible and awful to you. I ran away to Fiji after we broke up because I was too scared to face everything, and maybe if I had stayed things might have been different. Maybe if I was there we might have spoken, fixed things earlier, instead of forcing us to drift apart. I played with your emotions for months, over and over. I made you be my person when you shouldn't have been. I made you be there for me during everything with my dad when really I should have let you be- I should have known that wasn't your job anymore. I ignored you for weeks when I didn't know what to do or how to fix things. I avoided you and you didn't even know why- you had no idea what you had done wrong and I never explained myself. I just left you. Then I physically left you. I took a job on the other side of the country without talking to you, without telling you, and without considering how that would make you feel. I've done cruel and horrible things to you over the past year and I'm scared that I've maybe done too many things for us to just forget about them. Maybe it's too much to just-"
"Arizona-" Callie breathed painfully, the blonde barely being able to hear her. She was so focused on what she felt like she needed to say, words tumbling out of her mouth, that she couldn't stop.
"Maybe it's too much to just ignore forever and I don't want us to start something the wrong way, I don't want to-"
"Arizona-" Callie tried once more, the blonde batting at her face to wipe tears that were threatening to fall. Callie pushed herself further up, wiping Arizona's tears quickly and opening her mouth once more, determined to stop Arizona.
"I just think that-"
"Arizona, please shut up a minute, okay?" Callie spoke, her voice coming out with a small laugh but strong enough for the blonde to clamp her mouth closed, "I want to say that none of it matters now, that everything that's been said and done is in the past, but I can't. You're right, you said things to me and did things that hurt me, but I did the exact same to you. I said things just as cruel and horrible. I left you as well. It wasn't a one way street, you don't get to take all of the blame and guilt here. So, I can't say that none of it matter when it clearly does."
"So, what do we do then?" Arizona asked, her voice sounding so vulnerable and childlike that Callie felt herself crumble as she looked at the broken woman in front of her. She sometimes forgot how vulnerable and scared Arizona could be underneath her strong and hard exterior. She was sometimes blindsided by the powerful woman that everyone else saw, having to remind herself that she knew Arizona. She knew that she was just like everyone else. Needed to be loved and terrified of losing what she loved. Callie shuffled up in the bed, catching Arizona's lips in a quick and chaste kiss. She could taste her tears and it broke her heart.
"Want to know what I think? I think we just give it time. I think we let time do its thing. We carry on the way we are now and we let each day that's filled with love erase each moment that was filled with anger. We remember the moment now instead and just learn from the ones in the past. And if we do happen to argue over burnt pasta in seven months? We work through it, okay? I'm in this, Arizona. I'm full-body-whole-heartedly in this, I'm not leaving. I can't leave. And neither can you. So we work through it. We scream over pasta, and yell about clothes being left everywhere, and storm out of the room over dirty dishes. But every night we climb into this bed and we fix it before we fall asleep. Because we're in this together now. The past is the past, we can't change what we've said and done, but we can help forget it by making the future so much better. So, we're in this together, deal?"
"Deal." Arizona sniffled, giggling as Callie curled her little finger around Arizona's and kissed them quickly. Callie grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her head forward, placing her lips to the top of her head and holding her there. Arizona just held her, her hand holding on tightly to the other woman's neck. Callie breathed her in, placing a long sloppy kiss to her, before pulling back and holding her cheek.
"Good. So stop worrying about everything and go to sleep, you look tired."
"I love you." Arizona spoke as she shuffled down in the bed, staring back up at the ceiling fan once more. She held her arms up and allowed Callie wriggle into her, her head resting on Arizona's shoulder. Arizona kissed the top of her and ran her fingers through her hair, feeling Callie relax at the feeling. Silence settled through the room as Arizona lay contently. So maybe she couldn't sleep. So maybe her recurring dream made her feel like she was being shot again. But she had Callie. And she was content in spending her nights holding her. She continued to tickle her hair, stilling only for a moment when Callie's sleepy mumble vibrate against her.
"I love you, too."