2 months later

I walked to my locker and put my books away from English, thinking of what I could write about. Every song I write I have to put 'she' or 'her' or 'girl' instead of 'boy' or 'him' or 'his'. I looked to my right to see Andy coming up to me with a camera
"what are you doing?" I asked
"I'm filming for Short Stack TV"
"you're going to get in trouble for recording you know"
"no I won't"
"Clemmensen. Camera away, now" Ms Willis said
"told you"
"shut up" he turned it off
"I love you" I whispered
"I love you too" he smiled
I smiled and got my lunch as Bradie came "guys, we're making music with keyboard and drums now, I can't do both, we need someone else" then it came to me "Luke…"
"What?"
"Luke, you know, my brother"
"oh, he plays piano?"
"yes" I laughed
"oh…I'll go ask him, thanks Shaun"
"no problem" I smiled as he walked away and closed my locker, I didn't even feel hungry so I threw my sandwich in the bin.
"What was that for?" Andy said
"what? I'm not hungry"
"you'll be hungry later"
"yeah" then I whispered "for you…" and giggled, you could see the shade of crimson in his cheeks.
"Shh, save that for after school"
"after school?"
"yeah, I wanna kiss you, cuddle you and tell you how much I love you…In a portable…after school"
"oh I see, I see" I giggled
"now be quite"
"sure thing buckaroo" we both giggled.

After school Andy and I quickly ran to the portables at the back of the school, we went up those three steps and he held me close and stroked my cheek, I looked into his beautiful eyes
"I love you so much…" said Andy
"I love you too baby…"
He leaned in and kissed my lips, those soft beautiful lips. I kissed him lightly and smiled
"Shouldn't we go before the school closes"
"yeah.." he frowned slightly and kissed my cheek
"come 'ere" I pulled him close and hugged him tight, clenching my eyes shut, he hugged me back tight and then broke apart
"I fucking love you Shaun, I know I say it all the time but it's true…"
"I love you too Andrew and I do it too so it's okay" I giggled, he leaned in and kissed my lips deeply, I kissed him back deep and slow, I felt my heart skip a beat, he pulled away.
"you're amazing" I said, he smiled and took me by the hand, walking me out of the school
"come on"
We stopped holding hands as we exited the school and just talked about music and about everything else and then I looked up. Fuck my life.
"A-Andy, run"
"what?" he looked at me, I directed my eyes to Daniel coming our way
"oh god… come on" he grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around, we started running until I felt someone pull us back by the shirts.
"Looks like I was right about you gay cunts"
"w-what?" I said, I looked at Andy, he looked terrified
"I saw you too hugging and smooching in the portable you faggots" he pushed us to the ground, I grazed my arm on the footpath, Andy just sat there quiet, shaking slightly.
"You're such a homophobe! Who cares if me and him were kissing! We're in love!"
He kicked my stomach hard, I groaned.
"Shut up fat ass" He grabbed Andy by the shirt, lifting him up
"you're such a pussy; you just sit there like you're nothing. Oh that's right. You are nothing. Worthless prick" Andy burst into tears, my heart started to ache
"LET HIM GO!" I pulled Andy by the legs and he fell on top of me, I held him and then I saw Daniels friends coming. Fuck.
"you're pathetic losers, at least I've got my boys to help me" he smirked and ripped Andy out of my arms and kneed his balls as Daniel's friends pinned me up against a fence and punched my gut, I groaned in pain, they punched my face over and over, my vision went blurry, where was Andy, I burst into tears and they kicked my legs, throwing me on the ground and I watched them walk away as I slowly passed out.

I suddenly woke up in my room, my mum was sitting on my bed
"m-…mum?"
"You feeling okay Shaun?"
"Y-Yeah, my face is just numb and my stomach is sore. Where…where's Andy?"
"He's at his place, he didn't get as badly hurt, he ran away. I'm so sorry baby"
"I wanna see Andy…" I was trying so hard not to cry right now.
"He's at home"
"I'll go see him then" I went to sit up and then moaned from the pain
"shh baby, I'll ask if he can come over"
"o-okay…"
"Just rest up…please Shaun"
"okay mum" she half smiled and got up, walking out of my room. What have I done…?
I closed my eyes and didn't realize I had fallen back asleep until mum woke me
"Shaun, Andy's here" my eyes shot wide open, I looked to my door and saw him limp in, I felt that heartache feeling again as mum walked out, closing the door.
"Andy…"
"I'm so sorry Shaun"
"w-why are you sorry? It's not your fault"
"I-…never mind…as long as you're safe"
I looked into his eyes for a good minute, fuck. "Andy, I love you"
"I love you too Shaun, always" he sniffed
"are you okay?"
"I-...I could have lost you Shaun"
"you would never lose me, I'm stronger than that…"
"But still"
"S-Shut up and kiss me"
"I'll hurt you"
"no"
"Shaun, please…"
"Please what?"
"Don't act like this? I want you better; I don't want to kiss you when you're filled with pain"
"please? I want you…to kiss me…"
he sighed limp over to me, leaning down and kissing my lips, I took a deep breath and kissed him back lightly. He was right. I'm in too much pain to feel.
"I love you Shaun…"
"I love you more…"
"no"
"yes"
"never"
"always"
"I'm not going to believe that" he said, I smiled. He's amazing.
"ANDY! YOUR MUM'S HERE!" I heard Liam shout, I frowned. The best facial expression I could do right now.
Andy sighed "I have to go, I'll see you when you get better Shaun, I love you…"
"I love you too Andy…"
and then he walked out, I closed my eyes. I just wanted sleep. I was sick of this pain.

It's been 2 weeks since the incident…I'm healed, only slight scars, Andy's better but he's acting weird…he's not acting the same around me, he seems sad but I'm perfectly fine. I just want him to hold me, forever like he promised. I saw him approach me like every day so we could walk to the lockers, I smiled, and he didn't smile back. He just walked on, I followed.
"Andy…"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you acting…funny?"
"I'm not? What are you on about"
"this" I hugged him with one arm and he pushed me off
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"
"S-See what I mean?"
He sighed "I haven't changed Shaun…"
"I want you to love me" I whispered in his ear
"not now…"
"What about tomorrow?"
"No"
"the next day?"
"No"
"weekend?"
"No"
I felt like breaking down right then and there, why is he acting like this.
"Andy"
"Shaun"
"I love you"
"I love you too"
"prove it"
"not now"
I'm pissed off, is he just playing with my heart now? What does he want; I stormed off from him and went to my locker, putting my things away. I want to be alone, I grabbed my lunch money and went to the canteen, buying a packet of hot chips and went to the portable were we last had a proper hug; I sat there and ate my chips. I don't care if he's looking for me, if Bradie is or if Shannon is. I want to be alone; I finished my chips and pulled out my iPod, closing my eyes, listening to my music which seems to be the only thing understanding me right now. I faintly heard the bell ring. I sighed and took my iPod off and went to my locker. Luckily I have a free period now; I took my homework and put it in my bag. Then I felt someone near by, I turned to see Andrew.
"Shaun, I love you"
"o-okay…"
"Shaun"
"what Andy?! Don't you have a class to attend?" I felt my eyes glaze over with tears, I felt so neglected
"I-…I'm going home early today…did you want me to drop you off?"
"Okay whatever, I'll meet you at your car"
"okay babe, I love you"
"I love you more…"
He walked away, going to his car, I hit my head on the locker and burst into tears, I've been getting the same shit from him the same two weeks. What was he doing to me? I fucking love him with all I've got. I wiped my eyes quickly and put my bag on my back, breathing deeply. Stop letting it get to you Shaun. I made my way out to Andy's car, getting in.
"Shaun"
"what?"
"Look at me"
I turned my head to him, he quickly put his hand on my cheek and kissed me deeply, I kissed him back and clenched my eyes shut. His kisses were amazing to resist. He pulled away, I stared at him.
"That's all I wanted" he smiled slightly
"okay"
He sighed shakily and started the car, I looked out the window all the way home. We got to my place.
"I love you Andy…"
"I love you too Shaun"
"Forever? Right?"
"…yes" he said unsure
I just got out and slammed the door, running inside. I feel broken and he hasn't even dumped me yet.
"Hey Shaun, how was school" mum asked as I walked in
"yeah, fine, perfect, whatever" I said, going to my room, I lied on my bed, staring at the roof and turned my iPod on, listening to music from Blink-182 to My Chemical Romance. I listened to I'm Not Okay (I promise) on replay, I felt my pillow vibrate from underneath me and pulled my phone out, I had a text from Andy "babe, I'm coming over soon…I need to speak to you…love youx" I sighed and replied "okay baby. I love you too xx" and then put my phone away, just waiting for him to walk in. Later I heard a knock on the door.
"Hmm?"
"It's Andy"
"come in…"
He came in and closed the door, sitting next to me on the bed
"Shaun, I really do love you"
I looked at him "then why are you treating me like trash?"
"Because" he looked down, I sat up
"w-..why?"
He took a deep breath "Kiss me first…" I put my hand on his cheek; he looked into my eyes sadly. Like, he had to do something because it was eating him up inside, he leaned in as did I, we closed our eyes as our lips touched, I moved into the kiss were my lips fitted perfectly with his, we kissed soft and slow, slowly getting deeper into the kiss and more passionate. He took a deep shaky breath and pulled away.
"I love you"
"I-I love you too Andy…"
"Shaun" he looked into my eyes, I saw tears glaze over them
"w-what Andy"
'w-we…we…us…no…it can't happen anymore, I-I love you I do! B-but I can't stand seeing you harmed, I-I can't stand being hurt"
tears escaped my eyes"A-Andy no!"
He started to cry heavily as did I "I-I want u-us…s-so bad but it can't. It-it just can't…"
"b-but I LOVE YOU!"
"S-Sh Shaun, I l-love you too, I do, I really do b-but I can't take this anymore, I don't want you hurt anymore"
"y-you're hurting me right now!"
"a-and it'll be the last time"
"Andy…" I sobbed
"I-I have to go…c-can we be friends…f-for the sake of us…the band…the fans"
I nodded "y-you'll always be my best friend…"
"o-okay. Can I have a hug?"
"m-mhm" I jumped onto him slowly, wrapped my arms around his neck, clenching my eyes tight. I had so much pain in my chest and my gut feels dead. I love Andy, I always will. He wrapped his arms around me, that one last loving hug. That one last perfect kiss, I shall remember it forever. He pulled away and sniffed, wiping his eyes.
"I have to go…"
"o-okay"
"I-…see you later…"
"m-mhm"
He smiled slightly but with a frown, walking out. This was all Daniels fault. I got up, still in tears and went through my drawers. Where did I put it? I looked and looked and then I found it. That shiny silver blade that was as sharp as a shark tooth. I pulled my pants down and sat on my bed, holding it to my thigh; I quickly swiped as hard as I could. Crimson started pulsing out, it felt good. It relieved the pain I deserved. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom, washing it off then pulled my pants up and then it all came rushing back to me. The whole relationship, the break up, the pain. I burst into tears and punched the wall. Why me? What did I ever do? So what, I fell for my best friend, so what if he's a guy? So what if I'm different?…so what if I'm worthless? So what if I'm in pain? No one cares…no one…I ran back into my room and laid back down on my bed, acting as if nothing happened, but the thoughts were still there. My heart was aching my gut was empty and my thigh stung like hell. I started humming….humming a tune I just came up with then I suddenly sung "this so called 'romance' never wanted me…" then I got up and grabbed my song writing book, I hummed to myself again and wrote down 'this so called romance, never wanted me' then I kept humming and more words kept rushing to my head then it hit me I realized I was humming the same tune of when I wrote 'Sometimes' only a week or so ago I took out all of the things that had so much impact on bleeding and being in pain because of love such as 'cut so deep till I bleed' and 'we used to laugh, we used to cry, I took the tear drops from her eyes, I saw her face so I broke inside again'. These lyrics were so raw. As much as I loved my original, I didn't like it I looked at the paper, I sung softly as I wrote "t-take your advice 'cause I-it's easy to see, this so called 'romance' n-never, wanted me, I-If only tonight and only tonight you're right back here, I-I swear I'll cut, till crimson falls, over the bedroom walls" I stared at it as tears started to fall again and then I continued to sing and write "s-so will you lay me down, tonight" remembering that first kiss, when he laid me down and kissed me so deeply and lovingly, I burst into more tears and continued "a-and we'll be better off, today" and then I remembered to the beginning. When I told him I had feelings for him, I wrote and sung again "and I would die, if you never got to know." Then I remember him saying that we can't be together because he doesn't want us to be hurt, I burst into more tears and wrote "but would it do, more harm this way". I stared at it for a long time. I kept staring at it and writing more on to it. It builded up and up. Almost every line meant something; I was still in tears as all this happened. But my mind was focused on a song. My forbidden love story which was my twisted love story. I stared at what I just wrote and started to sing softly
"In this place we lie, cutting slightly in vain.
Hoping and praying you'll remember my name" I smiled slightly and sniffed. Remembering the first day I met him, thinking and hoping that he'd remember me.
"if only tonight and only tonight you're right back here I swear I'm done" I felt my eyes glaze with tears again, remembering how he had treated me for the past few weeks. I took a deep breath and continued.
"Take your advice 'cause it's easy to see, this so called 'romance' never, wanted me. If only tonight and only tonight you're right back here, I swear I'll cut, till crimson falls, over the bedroom walls" I felt a tear cascade down my cheek and my thigh started to sting, remembering the pain.
"S-so will you lay, me down, tonight? And we'll be better off, today, and I would die, if you never got to know. But would it do, more harm this way?" I burst into tears at that line. I already miss him. I want him back. I took a deep shaky breath and continued.
"2, 3, 4.
Between you and I, it's the two-step I crave, morbidly swaying to a dying refrain, if only tonight and only tonight you write back here…I'm so sincere…" I missed his hugs, his kisses, the way he held me, I crave him. Always. But I must let him go, for his own sake. I continued singing through the tears.
"So will you lay, me down, tonight? And we'll be better off, today, and I would die, if you never got to know, or would it do more harm, this way? And we'll go…so will you lay me down, tonight? And we'll be better off, today, and I would die, if you never got to know, or would it do, more harm this way…" I stared at it again, this song means so much, I'm hoping I can perform it without crying, I really do.