To Live Without You
A/N: Thank goodness that I finally got this chapter out! It took a while due to busy schedules on both myself and my beta's parts. But here Chapter 11 is in all of it's glory! Hmm...I don't want to give anything away to those who read my notes so I'm going to shut up right now. Oh wait! I was having a bit of writer's block during the second half of this chapter and so I was watching Ouran High School Host Club to make myself feel better. Then all of a sudden, I just got a plot bunny that had to do with Kyouya (Love him almost as much as Kaoru) and an OC who plays the violin. Well, that's how I got my first fanfic and one-shot for OHSHC!
So, maybe you could read that one and leave your personal opinion for those who also follow that particular manga/anime. It's called Oh, The Possibilities and you can find the link if you just click on my author's name above. Thanks!
Oh yeah! Did you see!? I'm two reviews away from my goal of 150 reviews! Thank you soo much guys! Whoot!
Disclaimer: I only own the wonderful (yet sometimes stupid) Selena Nelson! That, and this particular plot. Nothing else I'm afraid. Too bad...
Chapter 10: Uncertainties
"That's my cookie, Tina!" Selena shouted suddenly from the couch, reaching out into the air and grabbing nothing. With a sigh, her arm dropped down and she rolled over on her stomach. "Have the double chocolate."
Taka-san gave an awkward cough as he and his old sensei stared at the strange girl. He scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to do next. Sumire turned to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"I'll bring her home tomorrow," she said. "Thanks for bringing her over."
Taka-san smiled. "No problem, Ryuzaki-sensei. Well, I'd better get home now," he said. Sumire nodded as she ushered him out and locked the door behind him.
The older woman let out a noisy yawn as she brought a blanket from upstairs and tucked it around Selena. "Aren't you lucky to have met everyone?" Sumire whispered before going upstairs to her bed.
Sakuno felt herself jump out of her deep sleep from a nightmare. The time was 2:37 a.m., according to her bedside clock, and she rolled over to try and go back to sleep. A few moments passed by with her staring at her pink and white wallpaper before she decided to get a glass of milk to cool her jittered nerves.
She wrapped her housecoat around her as she walked down the wooden stairs and flicked on the living room light so she wouldn't hit any furniture on her way to the kitchen, or run into a cackling clown that was trying to make her laugh to death.
"Turn off the lights!"
Sakuno jumped with a squeak. "Go-Gomen nasai!" she replied, quickly flicking the lights back off.
Her cheeks flushed lightly in embarrassment as she tried to make her way to the kitchen, feeling her way past the coffee table before something dawned on her.
"U-Um," she asked into the darkness. "May I ask if you're a clown?"
Something squeaked near her and the lamp clicked on. Selena held the brown blanket close to her as she stared at Sakuno with sleepy eyes and a horrible bout of bed head.
"No, I'm not a clown," she said in a deadpan voice as she sat up, rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyes. "Sakuno-chan?" She asked, squinting into the darkness.
Sakuno let out a gentle sigh of relief. "Hai?" She replied, sitting down on the couch opposite of Selena.
Selena scratched her head and covered a yawn. "What are you doing in my apartment?"
"This is Obaa-chan's house," Sakuno said with a smile. Selena thought for a moment before she remembered falling asleep while speaking to Taka-senpai. She presumed that he took her here, since she never mentioned where she lived. She blushed at the thought of intruding on Ryuzaki-sensei and Sakuno.
"I should head home then," Selena said, sitting up and running her fingers through her hair.
Sakuno looked alarmed. "No!" She practically shouted, making Selena look at her in confusion. She looked down to her lap in embarrassment. "I-I mean, that it would be too dangerous for Selena-senpai to walk home at this time of the night. Tomorrow is the weekend, so you're welcome to stay."
Selena thought for a moment. "Are you sure?" she asked.
"Of course!" Sakuno nodded with a determined expression on her face.
Selena leaned back into the sofa with a smile. "If it's so late, why are you up?"
"Nightmare," Sakuno said simply, pulling her legs up from the floor and bringing them up to her chest as her arms circled around them.
"Oh," Selena gave her a consoling look. "When I have a nightmare, I find someone and have them talk to me until I'm sleepy again. Want to try it?" Selena asked as she patted the space beside her on the couch, lifting up the blanket.
Sakuno viably relaxed as a smile spread across her face. "Sure," she said, walking over and throwing the thick blanket over her legs, turning to Selena, who mirrored her movements.
"So, is there anything that you're curious about?"
Sakuno thought in silence for a few moments and she seemed like she couldn't think of anything to ask. That or she didn't want to say what she wanted to.
Selena nudged the girl with her leg. "Just spit it out Sakuno-chan."
"Um, I don't want to sound intruding," she said nervously.
Selena turned thoughtful. "How about my life? It's not that interesting, but it'll take your mind off of your dream." Sakuno nodded and, in turn, Selena rested her chin in the palms of her hands.
"Is it okay if I tell you everything? It's not all pretty but I've been told that once you say everything that's bothering you, that you feel better in the end. I've never told anyone the whole story before."
Sakuno felt touched that her senpai would trust her enough to confide in her. "I'll listen to everything you have to say Selena-senpai," she said, putting on an encouraging smile.
Selena smiled back before she took a deep breath.
"Well, I was born in Oshawa in a big house with both of my parents and my two older brothers, Maurice and Terrence. My brothers and I were pretty close and so we used to play together all the time. Since I was the only girl, minus my mother, I guess I would have called my younger self a tomboy. I had to, in order to keep up with both of them, though I always drew the line with bugs and things like that. Winter was my favorite season obviously because of all of the snow that would pile up in our backyard. There was a little hill by our playground that we'd go to almost every winter break just to toboggan all day long." Sakuno saw the small smile crept across Selena's face and guessed that she was probably remembering a moment that she had with her brothers.
"We lived there until I was six and then my father got a job offer in Florida. I was still pretty small and so the thought of moving to America was exciting and adventurous in my mind. The first few years were fantastic. We went to the beach almost every weekend, my brothers and I was making friends at school, and we all seemed to prefer the scorching summers to the bitter winters anyway."
"Unfortunately, the sweet years drifted by and out of no where it seemed, I started to hear my parents argue. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and listen to their muffled shouts. My mother always came to our rooms to check on us when they stopped."
Sakuno looked at her in surprise, but Selena had brought her knees to her chest and was resting her cheek on top, thus hiding her expression from view.
"My mother and I were always close ever since I could remember. She was always my best friend and we knew each other maybe even better than we knew ourselves. That's how I could just look at her and notice that she was hurting by what was happening to her marriage."
"When I was 13, we moved back to Canada after my father lost his job after a big fallout in the company that he worked for. It was impossible for us to survive in a place where we weren't citizens in a country where it's own people were jobless as well. I didn't want to go back and I cried myself to sleep during the first few months that we did. I stopped crying when I heard my mother tell her friend how helpless she felt, knowing that none of us wanted to leave where we grew up. I didn't want to be another reason why she was unhappy."
Selena felt her throat begin to tighten painfully at all of the memories that flashed through her mind as she spoke. She wanted to look up at Sakuno, but she knew that if she did, she'd only see what she saw in everyone else that knew of her story; pity. It was something that she got too often, and it was not what she wanted or needed.
"We moved almost every six months. My father never neglected me and, if anything, everyone knew that he loved me the most out of everyone in my family. He would kiss my head, cook me meals, and tuck me in at night but I didn't want him to. I always wished that he would give all of the affection that he showed to me, to my mother instead. When I was 14, I began to get sick all of the time: horrible migraines, high fevers, fainting spells, and crippling chest pains. I seemed to spend most of my days at hospitals, being poked at and tested for things that I couldn't even say myself and I knew that this only made my mother feel worse."
"At age 15, I found a picture of a beautiful woman in a shoe box that I accidently dropped. My father was having an affair with a woman that was 10 years younger than him for over a year and my mother kicked him out. He called me everyday for the first couple of months, but I never answered my phone. He stopped after that."
Selena closed her eyes as she thought about the now in her life. It seemed so much better and happier than when her father was living with them. "We just bought a house last May and my brothers are in and out of the house since they're older now. It's usually just my mother, our cat, Mickey, and myself. Now, we're okay as we are. I always told her that she should have kicked him out sooner, that she shouldn't have taken all of the insults and emotional abuse that he put her through, but she would always she kiss my cheek and say 'When you love a person, you're afraid to know what it's like to live without them. In your heart, you just never want to know.' I don't know if I'll ever understand what she meant when she said that."
She let out a loud sigh before raising her head to look up at Sakuno. Tears hung in the corner of the younger girl's auburn colored eyes, but a kind smile was spread across her face. "Selena-senpai is such a strong person," she spoke in a hoarse whisper. "Nelson-san too."
Selena stared at Sakuno for a few moments before a soft sob escaped her throat. Sakuno looked alarmed and began to quickly apologize to her as she patted her hand nervously. All of her antics make Selena just feel even more overwhelmed, and hot tears began to streak down her face. "That's the most perfect thing you could have said, Sakuno-chan," Selena cried as she reached over and pulled Sakuno into a tight hug.
"Arigatou."
Sakuno felt herself relax a little as she gently wrapped her arms around the senior girl. "You're welcome, Selena-senpai."
Selena woke up early the next morning with Sakuno draped across her legs, still asleep. Carefully, she pulled away from Sakuno's grip and wrote a quick thank you note before leaving. Today, she'd have to quickly stop by home before heading to Syusuke-senpai's for a two-hour tutoring session.
She heard Minako laughing from across the hall as she opened her door and walked into her quiet apartment. A light sigh escaped her as she made her way to her bathroom, dropping her things along the way.
Talking to Sakuno had released some of the homesickness that was starting to build up inside her. She took a mental note to call her mother before she went to bed that night as she took a shower and changed into fresh clothes. A simple pair of tan pants with a white turtleneck that was edged with gold stitching was enough for her. As she tied her hair up in a messy bun, the phone rang.
She cradled the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she packed her bag up. "Hello?"
The voice on the other line was quickly recognized. "Selena, I was just checking that you made it home safely," Sumire said.
"Oh yes, thank you for letting me sleep over. Yesterday was kind of stressful," she replied, as a mental picture of Atobe Keigo waving her off arrogantly.
"I wanted to ask you something, even if the actual date is a bit far away."
Selena stopped what she was doing. "What is it?"
"Well, there is a tennis camp that's going to run during the break in March and I wanted to know if you'd like to volunteer."
Selena was a little confused, since it was just the beginning of December and she was already talking about March. Though, the thought of volunteering in a tennis camp seemed fun since it was obvious that the boys were going there as well. "Sure. Are you preparing it so early?"
"Hai, just because it's a nice camp and I know that some of the other high schools were going to jump on it next year. I wanted them to get first pick."
"It's nice of you, Ryuzaki-sensei." Selena heard the older woman scoff at her comment before they said their good-byes and hung up. Noticing that time was rushing by, Selena quickly ran out her door and towards the grocery store.
The travelling distance wasn't that bad compared to the many hills in Canada, so the trek wasn't so bad. It was just that even though Selena knew that, in size, Japan wasn't the biggest country, but even near home, she never really saw anyone outside of school. It seemed like it was a totally different story in Tokyo because she saw Tezuka-senpai sitting in an outdoor café booth, Eiji-senpai and Oishi-senpai heading towards a tennis shop, and she almost crashed into Sakuno when she was walking into the grocery store.
Sakuno smiled with her hands full of grocery bags. "I'll see you at school, Selena-senpai! Mata-ne!"
"Bye," Selena waved with a tired expression before reaching to grab a basket when she accidently touched another hand that was reaching for the same one. "Ah, gomen," she felt herself blush as she looked up to none other than another senpai.
"Syusuke-senpai," she said in a deadpan voice. Some things just didn't surprise her anymore. "Guess you're out today too, huh?" She asked picking up two baskets and handing one to him.
Fuji smiled at her. "My family needs to eat too," he replied in a matter-a-fact tone.
Selena blushed, noticing how dumb she must have sounded. "True. I've just been seeing everyone today."
"Sou ka," he laughed lightly, before they both walked towards the fruit section. Selena hummed softly to herself as she picked up some apples, inspecting each one carefully.
Fuji watched her quietly as he picked up some of the things on his list, thinking as he went along. He had recently come to the conclusion that he was in love with the girl before him, but now he was second-guessing. He'd had only a few passing crushes in his lifetime, where it was just childish admiration more so than the head-over-heels feeling.
Maybe he got overexcited and labeled a first real crush as being in love.
The thought sounded reasonable and he didn't want to over-analyze the situation. He found her interesting, funny, cute, and a comfort to be around. Also, he noticed the on edge feeling in the bottom of his stomach that he got whenever he saw her in trouble, but that could be labeled as a friend's protectiveness over another.
This was why he had to invite her to go with him to the Winter Festival. If they were to go on an actual date, then he would most likely be able to decipher if his feeling of affection were just a mere crush or something more. Of course, she would have to accept for this test to be set into motion.
He knew that he could make her blush, but so could everyone else. He did catch her staring at him for a few moments some days, but that didn't really mean anything either. He couldn't tell if she was looking into space in thought, which she did often, or if she was honestly just looking at him because she wanted to.
Fuji was never a type to go into a situation without some kind of advantage and the category of girls wasn't foreign territory either. Unfortunately, those girls were mostly fans, which were easier to deal with than someone who seemed to be making her own special category.
Selena tapped his shoulder gently. "Syusuke-senpai, are you okay?" Her basket was almost full and Fuji noticed that he'd grabbed the things he needed without paying much attention.
"Hai," he responded, noting that his heart almost jumped out of his chest when she broke his concentration. "Saa, are you finished?"
Selena nodded. "Just one last thing," she pointed to the aisle of snacks with a shy smile. "There are too many types to choose from and I don't want to take one that tastes bad. Can you help?"
"Sure," Fuji grinned as they walked towards it. "I personally recommend the wasabi-flavored Doritos. They're really good,"
Selena grimaced as he pointed to the green bag. "Maybe you're not the best person to help me."
Selena happily munched on a stick of strawberry shortcake flavored pocky as she swung her bag of groceries with her other arm. She'd offered one to Fuji, but he said that he liked spicy things more than sweet.
"Are you sure Syusuke-senpai?" She pouted half-heartedly. "It's really good."
Fuji shook his head. "Are you sure you don't want some Doritos? They are western, right?" He asked, lifting up a chip and moving it towards her.
Selena leaned away from the strong smelling snack. "I haven't eaten any wasabi-flavored Doritos in my life, no point in starting now. Pocky is much better anyways, anything with strawberries is even better," she said, taking out another stick for effect.
Fuji shrugged as he ate another chip and smiled when Selena's face twisted into a strange look before she turned her eyes away and frown at something. "Selena-chan?" He asked, before following her line of vision to see none other than Atobe heading up the stairs to the street courts along with Kabaji and Oshitari.
It certainly wasn't her common personality to yell and point saying, "Hey! You owe me an apology, Atobe!" then proceed to pull him along side of her as she stomped towards the Hyotei captain.
Atobe looked back at the sound of his name then saw the girl practically running to be in his presence. "I'm sorry girl, but I'm not doing autographs today," he said with the wave of his hand.
Fuji looked wearily at the tick that appeared in Selena's eyebrow as she glared at the grey-haired boy. "Selena-chan, why does Atobe owe you an apology?" Fuji asked, trying to understand the situation.
Selena pointed her stick of pocky aggressively at Atobe. "This fool almost ran me over yesterday!"
Oshitari silently raised an eyebrow before turning to the accused. "Do you remember this happening, Atobe?" He asked in a dull tone.
Atobe flipped his hair back behind his shoulder. "Ore-sama did no such thing. Ne, Kabaji?"
The silent giant nodded. "Usu." Selena blankly looked up at him.
"He wasn't even there so how would he know?!" She cried.
Atobe seemed to be paying attention to something else other than their conversation. "Ore-sama didn't think that Fuji would have such a loud girlfriend. Someone much prettier would have been better suited for you."
Selena's face flushed red in an instant as she stuttered to correct him. Fuji obviously saw her distress and smiled. "Her loudness is refreshing," he said patting her head. "And I think that she's pretty cute when she's like this."
Selena swatted his hand away. "Syusuke-senpai, don't instigate!" She huffed before she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just say sorry, Atobe-san."
Atobe thought for a moment before crossing his arms over his chest. "Ore-sama apologizes only because you are Ore-sama's adversary's friend's girlfriend," he said in a tired voice. "Gomen nasai."
Selena glared at him. "Syusuke-senpai is no- " The rest of her sentence was cut off by a loud crunching noise, curtsy of a wasabi-flavored Dorito.
"Selena-chan says 'Arigatou' Atobe. Well, we'd better be going," Fuji smiled before he dragged off the shell-shocked girl towards where he knew her apartment was.
"Aa." Atobe said, giving his hair a final flick before turning away. Oshitari gave an all-knowing look to Seigaku's tensai, gave a nod, and then followed his captain.
"-lena-chan? Selena-chan, are you okay?" Fuji asked, gently poking her cheek.
Selena coughed loudly, rubbing the gathering tears from her eyes. "S-Spicy!" She cried before quickly chewing on her stick of pocky and breathing quickly. "Syusuke-senpai is so evil!"
Fuji smiled. "If you wanted an apology from Atobe that was the only way to get it."
Selena puffed out her cheeks as she frowned before noticing that they were near her apartment. She pointed to one of the large windows. "That's me up there," she said and Fuji nodded.
"We don't live that far away, ne?"
Fuji noted that the sun was setting and decided that now was the best time. "Selena-chan?"
She seemed to be studying the sky as she walked. "Hai?"
Fuji noticed that he didn't feel that nervous, but was more interested in her reaction than anything else. "There's a festival coming up in two weeks and I wanted to know if you would join me."
Selena almost tripped over her feet and began to cough up tiny bits of her snack. She placed a hand on her chest as she collected her breath before turning around to look at Fuji carefully. Green eyes clashed with cerulean as Selena felt her heart accelerating just by the brightness of the clear blue color, but she looked indecisive.
"Repeat that please?" She asked in a tone that seemed suspicious, but dull at the same time.
"I'm asking you to come with me to the Winter Festival on a date," he repeated.
Why was she looking at him like that? Did she find going out with him to be so strange?
Selena hung her head, hiding her eyes behind her bangs. "I…" her voice trailed off along with a passing breeze. She turned around, not wanting to see the evident look of confusion on his face.
"I-Is it okay if I answer later?"
Fuji never thought she could ever sound so timid, and yet here she was. He didn't even know how to describe what her acts where doing. His eyelids slid closed, and he reached out to touch her shoulder then stopped himself.
"Hai." He responded as his hand dropped limply to his side.
Selena turned her head to look at him with a smile that made his heart jump. It reminded him of what he would do when he was trying to put up a façade.
"Arigatou." She stuck another pocky in her mouth and began to walk away. "I'll see you later then."
"Ja." Fuji watched her until she went into her building before walking to his own home, his thoughts strangely unorganized and his heart even more perplexed.
A/N:Phew! I hope that all of the dialouge in the beginning wasn't too hard on the eyes. I tried to cut it up a bit so that it would be easier to read than one big paragraph. Well, all I can really say now is...READ & REVIEW! Though I do have to ask one question. Who saw that coming? Truthfully, because I don't want to make it predictable. I personally am proud of myself for thinking about this because I was going to have her say "It's about freaking time!" or something like that! So yay for me! And thank you to singer in the wind for betaing for me once again! I'll try and remember your advise to make this story better and less confusing!
The Special Spotlight For My Faithful Reviewers!
Ruffle (You're probably all better now, right? Wow, the best OC fanfic?! Thank you sooo much!), Hakumi.xo (I guess I'm just easily moved.), SecretSnow (Was it really long? The SelenaxAtobe moment wasn't really that ground breaking...she's not as violent as she pretends to be.), fujilovesme (The voice couldn't stay forever, right? Glad I kept him in character. I never pegged Fuji as the 'horribly jealous' type of guy), Anime-Kunoichi, singer in the wind, White Alchemist Taya (Can't have Atobe thinking that he can walk over everyone right?), misaki34 (Don't worry! Your opinion was just shown in less words. I'm glad that you like it!), aikoflutist247 (Thank you for the advise! I tried to fix it and I'm sure that I'll be better about remembering it in the future.), seshata4434, unknown player (Maybe...maybe not!), eclecticeyes (Yep it did! Keep it coming!), .the.alaskan.musical.pig. (You're too funny!), lawli-chan (Thanks for all of the help), LittleSnowDancer (You think so? Thanks!), silver0scorpion, demonsadist (Thanks for reviewing in the previous chapters! Hope you still like it!), xxArianaxx, MidnightSunrise951 (Thank you for the info. I'll try to be smart and figure it out lol), InnocentxSorrow (Well then I'm so honored that you reviewed my story! I understand about the emotional stuff...there are plenty more chapters for that to come into.), Hoku ala, Ellie Tennis Girl, and last but not least One-Precious-Moment (Lots of people love drama, huh? I'll try and stick some in some places).
Thanks so much you guys! I hope that you keep liking my story as much as you say do! That's all for now!
Bye-bye! Until next chapter!