I stood in the shower, letting the hot water run down over me as I cried. I had no idea what I was doing, my life was completely out of control and people I had loved and cared for were dying or trying to get themselves killed for me. I wasn't worth that.

I had really only wanted to come in here, stand under this water to relax my body, but after staring at that hair pin, I just couldn't. My mind was racing and then it all clicked into place again for me. The pin, the girl, Cinna, her refusal to really talk to me, and the way she interrupted me. She was on my side, she could help me. Then I was panicking, she couldn't talk because I was being monitored. I doubted they were watching my every move, but they were more than likely listening; even if they were watching, there was nothing dangerous about a hair pin. I retreated to the bathroom, the one place I knew that I could probably be safe, be alone, and the sounds of the shower could cover my pain and my tears.

I wiped angrily at my cheeks, wishing I could stop, wishing I wasn't so weak and helpless here and now. I punched a button on the wall of the shower and was immediately blasted with soap that smelled fresh and clean and earthy, it smelled like home in my mind. This is what it smells like to come home. I stood still, now leaning my head against the wall as I choked on my tears as the soap and water ran off of my skin in rivulets. What was wrong with me? This wasn't me. The me I knew swallowed all of this pain and sorrow and soldiered on. It's just what I did, it's how I survived this long. Maybe I was broken, is this what broken feels like. I punched another button, just to be able to hit something that would give and the water pressure changed, turning into a gentle fall, like rain.

My legs gave way slowly, sinking down to the shower floor, where I wrapped my arms tightly around me and continued crying. I sat there, just letting it out for who knows how long before I was able to pull myself together enough to stand up and get out. I hit another button once I was out and let the air blast me before I picked up a fluffy robe and wrapped it around me.

I moved slowly out into my new room and looked around. I was still alone. I tumbled into bed and then ordered the lamb stew, waiting the few moments it took before it arrived on my bedside table.

I tried to eat slowly, but it didn't work. It had been a while since I had eaten anything more substantial then bread, cheese and water, and this really was my favorite. It was gone before I realized it and I had to talk myself out of ordering it a second time. Instead I decided to sleep, it was almost dark out and I knew tomorrow would be a long day.

My eyes felt like they had barely been shut when I was being shaken awake. My eyes flew open to meet with the brown, gold lined eyes of Cinna. "Morning, sleepy head." he said with a smile.

I made incoherent noises in response as I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face and through my hair. "What time is it?" I grumbled.

"It's early still, but I figured this might take some time. Stand up." He told me, I did as he asked and shrugged out of the robe when he made a motion at me. I threw it behind me on the bed and watched his expression as he took me in. His brow furrowed and his lips became a thin line. I looked down at me now too, trying to see what had him so upset. "Go take a shower." he said after remaining silent for minutes on end.

"I just did, last night." I growled.

"You missed a spot."

Huffing in anger, I stalked past him and into the bathroom, he followed closely behind me.

"I haven't got much time Katniss." he told my lowly, turning the water on for me. "You look terrible, I'm going to need to alter a few things, and put some padding in your dress."

"No. I don't want it."

"But, Katniss, you're shrinking away."

"Good, leave me looking the way I am. I want people to see." I growled, stepping into the water.

"Fine." he finally sighed. "But I'm still going to do what I can to make you dazzle, girl on fire."

I looked over at him, giving him a small smile, receiving one in return. "I wouldn't ask for anything less. I've missed you Cinna." I confessed quietly.

"And I've missed you, my little Mockingjay. I'm going to try to get you out of here, you need to fly again." I nodded, deciding my words were no good anymore. "I'll be back soon; Peeta's prep team will be here in an hour to get you ready, play nice."

I grinned and agreed as he left the bathroom. I was right; this is the only safe place. I showered quickly, and stepped out into my room again, without a robe, to find Peeta's prep team waiting.

"Morning Katniss." they chimed together.

"Good morning." I replied, and then I was pulled to them, pushed down into a chair and poked, and pulled and plucked and waxed until I couldn't take it anymore and Cinna came back, dress in hand.

Cinna let the prep team stay, and they all lounged on my bed, eating a veritable feast of items from my console as they watched Cinna work, oohing and aahing over almost everything. I found it more than agitating, until I noticed their constant chatter was more than likely drowning out what Cinna was mumbling to me. He told me what he knew of the rebellion, more about what happened in district 8 and what he knew of 13, which wasn't much. He told me they were completely underground, they even were able to grow food down there. They had an agreement with Snow and the capitol that as long as they didn't bother anyone, they wouldn't be bothered. Well, I guess that was over.

"What will happen?" I heard myself ask him as he worked on my lips, the words ghosting out of my mouth as it couldn't move properly.

"I can only guess, I've heard about the deal Snow made with you, all I will say is don't count on it."

I grinned, as he reached into his tool kit for my eye makeup. "When do I ever?"

He nodded, turning back to me. "Yes, but Peeta is there, isn't he? And others from 12." He saw my eyes widen and he continued on. "I can't answer your questions right now Katniss, but I know some people have made it. I just need you to think what Snow not keeping his promise would mean to you and to everyone there."

"He can't reach them underground." I scoffed and then paled as Cinna lifted a brow at me, continuing to work in silence. "Oh..." I bit my lip. "Well, maybe I can convince them tonight, to stop. I have too. I can't let people keep dying for me Cinna, I just can't. I can't live with that pain, I hate doing it, those people that already have died to try and save me, to get me out of the arena. I can't Cinna."

"Katniss." he growled, clutching my shoulders tightly. "I'm only going to say this once. You can't blame yourself for that. You never asked that of anyone, it was their own choice, so please, don't feel guilty about that, and you've been wrong about someone dying already, maybe it will happen again. Do you understand."

I nodded mutely, but I knew he knew something I didn't, something he couldn't or wouldn't say.

He stared at me for a while before going back to my makeup and then he declared me finished, and the prep team was rushing over to me as the watched Cinna get out the dress. My eyes widened as I took it in. "What is that?" I asked in shock.

"Your dress." Cinna told me with a smile. I rolled my eyes. I tried to figure out my statement in this, but I couldn't. It was a light, wispy dress, done in the palest of blues, with a deeper blue wrapped around it as a belt and shoulder straps. It was simple, but still beautiful in the way only Cinna could do; I wore a pair of silver shoes without a heel.

"I don't understand." I hedged, as I watched him move around me. Clearly he made this dress after our reunion, because it looked like it would fit me then, as it was it just sort of hung sadly off of my frame while he tried to pin and tuck as much as he could so it looked a bit better. I almost regretted telling him 'no' about the padding, but looking at me in mirror, this would be more shocking. "What happened to the fire?"

He stared at me long and hard and with such sadness I wanted to cry, but finally, he whispered in my ear, "It's all burned up now."

I started, my eyes growing wide before I began to tremble all over. I was weak, maybe Cinna was right, maybe my fire is gone. He grasped my hands firmly. "Katniss, you need to start playing their game today. It's safer for you if you're out of those clothes, and appear to be distancing yourself from the rebellion," I made a sound in my throat, but he knew me. "Shhhh, it's going to be fine, I know. Don't worry, I'm just trying to keep you safe in the only way that I can right now." My head nodded jerkily as I stepped out of his grasp. I reached up and ran my fingers through the ends of my hair. I couldn't wait for this day to be over.

There was a knock on the door, and we all jumped, so immersed in the bubble that was getting me ready we forgot where we were, if only for a moment. Two burly men were waiting on the other side. I sighed, resigned to the fact that this was me, it was time for me to go on, but Cinna stepped in front of me. "You'll be alright, won't you?" He asked urgently. I nodded. "Good, I - I won't be in the audience today, so, just pretend I am. I need to go. I'm still betting on you, girl on fire." I gave him a weak smile as he stepped between the guards, the prep team following them and then the door closed and I was left with the revelation that they were all prisoners, just as much as I was.

I paced the room for the next hour, waiting. It wouldn't have been terrible if I knew what time it was and what time someone would be here to get me, but I didn't, so I paced, restless as a caged animal. I knew I should eat, but I couldn't, I even stood, over by the table, staring down at it, but I couldn't bring myself to order anything, so I went back to walking.

There was a knock on my door 20 paces of my room after the food contemplation and I ran over to it, pulling it open, ready to go, ready to be done waiting and working myself into a panic. It was the guard who had picked me up from my cell yesterday. He didn't scoop me up this time, instead he settled his large hand onto my frail shoulder and steered me through the house, to the elevator and then we were on our way. Soon I would be on that stage again. I wanted to vomit, but I knew that would only be bad, so I breathed in and out slowly through my nose, swallowing the bile.

The elevator pinged and the doors slid silently open. I was pushed out into the backstage area and I was immediately engulfed by the crew, much like I was last time.

"She looks stunning, leave her be." I heard Caesar's voice interrupt the hum of questions around me. Everyone shut up instantly and stepped back, hands falling to their sides. "Take a walk with me Katniss." He said lightly, offering his arm. I stepped to him slowly, reaching my hand out to rest it on his arm, wondering where we would go in this small backstage area.

"How are you doing Katniss?" he asked, smiling down at me.

"I'm alright." I replied, giving a small smile in return.

"Good, good, I thought I would show you something different than what you're used to seeing." I could still hear the smile in his voice.

I didn't say anything in response as we moved through a hallway, and then we were at a door and he was pulling it open and ushering me through. "Oh, wow." I felt the words escape me before I could stop them, and then turned back around as I watched the door close, blending in perfectly with the rest of the wall. I was in the large audience area of the studio, it looked even bigger than I had imagined, especially when it was empty and there weren't thousands of lights shining into my face and blocking my view of almost everything but the flamboyantly colored Caesar.

I was on the main floor, but there were balconies stacked above us. I felt like they could seat all of the Capitol in here.

"So, what do you think?" he asked, seating himself in a chair at the end of a row.

"It's amazing." I told him. "But why are you showing me this?"

He shrugged. "We aren't having an audience today; I thought it would be nice."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He sighed. "Honestly Katniss. You look terrible, I just thought I would be nice, because who knows how you're really doing. I thought a break from whatever it is would be nice for you."

I almost laughed. I did look terrible, Caesar off camera was much more real of a person than I thought possible, but I knew he was Snow's man, through and through, I couldn't trust him. "So when do the people arrive?" I asked, walking down the center aisle.

"There won't be an audience today." he told me lightly. I realized with a jolt that he had already told me, I scolded myself; I needed to get it together in my head.

"Oh? Why not?"

"The President didn't deem in appropriate after the last one." I nodded, hiding a smile. I could only imagine what sort of tragedy I caused for him.

"So when do we start?"

"Whenever you're ready."

"Well, no offense to you, but I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible."

He stood, beaming at me. I didn't smile back, I already felt like I could laugh at any moment. I really was losing it. He clapped his hands and escorted me to the stage. People swarmed the stage from the wings, equipment in hand. Two people were carrying chairs, one a small table. They places them center stage and then scurried off. Caesar and I took our seats.

He sat there, grinning hugely at me while I tried to avoid his gaze; it was more than creepy to have him looking at me like that. I watched a few more people rush around and then I saw Snow step into the audience and take a seat on the edge of the row closest to him near the last few rows. I felt a cold sweat break out over my entire body and then the lights came on and so did the red blinking lights on all of the cameras.

"Good evening Panem!" Caesar declared jovially, 'evening already' were the words running through my head at the moment though. "As promised this evening will be an evening filled with experts discussing what has happened in District 8, and what a tragedy." he paused. I assumed if an audience were here, they would react, but it was only us, and his voice bounced around the large room in a strange, lonely manner. "But first!" he continued on. "I know you've all been wondering about her, we got her to come in for a special interview." I rolled my eyes, like I really had a choice. "The one, the only, the lovely Miss. Everdeen!"

He beamed at me again and I tried to smile. "You're exaggerating Caesar." I sighed heavily.

He gasped his mind always conscious of the audience. "I would never! You look lovely, stand up, let's all get a better look."

I stood reluctantly, smoothing out my skirt. I grabbed the hem on either side and pulled them out, mocking a curtsey. "Well, this is it." I declared lamely.

"Cinna's doing, no doubt."

"Always."

"Give us a spin!" In my mind I could almost hear the audience, cheering for me, for me to do this, the shrieks and applause as my dresses had caught fire, the shocked gasps.

"No thanks." I decided. Cinna hadn't told me I needed too, we both needed to stay safe.

"Just once?"

"I said no, Caesar." I said, plopping back down into the chair and tucking my legs up under my body as I crossed my arms. I wished I could make myself smaller.

He pouted good naturedly for a while, and I finally had to ask him to stop. No one was here. "Caesar." I started. "I didn't come here to model Cinna's latest and greatest, I came here to talk." I swallowed hard, hoping I wouldn't come to regret it.

He nodded. "Yes, yes, of course." And he jumped right in. "So tell me what you know about what happened in 8, is there a good place to start?"

I raised a shoulder and let it fall. "It's not a terrible place, I suppose, and far more interesting a place to start then where I've been for the last however long it's been since you've seen me." I took a breath and saw him frown, but I kept talking. "What happened in District 8..." I tried not to think of what I really wanted to say, about what I really thought, but of what would keep him and all of us safer. "Well, I saw it...ALL of it." I emphasized, staring hard into the camera, hoping he would know. "I woke up and thought I was there. The walls of my room were literally transformed into the live footage of what was happening, it really was like I was there. It was a bit disorienting really, when you fall asleep in a room and wake up with bombs going off around you."

"That must have been terrifying." Caesar said quietly.

I smiled at him. "I've had worse." I joked, he laughed. I imagined the audience laughing. Sometimes I was funny, right?

"So, what do you think of all of this, what's happening?"

I frowned, hugging myself tighter. This is my moment, where I say what I should, for them. "I think it's sad, and not worth it, not worth anyone's lives. This, whatever this is, rebellion, massacre, whatever you want to call it, shouldn't be happening. We're already so few, and killing each other is going to accomplish nothing but to wipe all of us out. We might not be able to recover from the losses we suffer at the end of all of this."

"Well said Katniss. Anything else you'd like to say about this?"

I could feel myself shaking, I was tired, so tired, I needed to sleep, this day had been so long compared to all of my other days of sleeping and pacing. "I just, I want to say, that whatever you're fighting for, that whatever they're telling you you're fighting for. Stop. Please, the Capitol, the districts, we can all come to another agreement, we can all be safe and relatively happy again, but if you don't stop, neither will they, and they will come for you, they will hunt you down and they will kill you, until none of you are left to fight anymore. They have the superior power, and the people to do this. I just want people to stop getting hurt and dying. I've lost everything, you haven't. Please, stop before you do." I felt the tears, and squeezed my eyes closed. I had already cried once in front of the country, I wouldn't be doing it again.

I stood abruptly. "I'm going back to my cell my, goodnight Caesar." And I stalked off the stage. The guard from earlier met me there, frowning. "Take me back." I demanded, stomping my foot.

"Very well." he sighed, and scooped me up again. I refused to say anything about this; I just wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep all of this away and hope the nightmares wouldn't disturb me.

"Where are we?" I asked, looking around. We weren't in any part of the mansion I recognized.

"The doctor needs to see you." he said. Oh, no, anyone but him. We reached a white, metal door and he knocked. Dr. Beaker was there, opening it, ushering us in.

"Sit her down in the chair, then see yourself out, I can handle everything from there."

The guard grunted and moved me to a white, cushioned chair with metal arms and a bar for my feet. "Please - " I whispered as he sat me down. He frowned at me, and then turned to leave. The door slammed shut with a loud thud as he left.

"Hello again Katniss." he said, moving around me. Strapping me down. No, not again, anything but this. No, please no. I needed to vomit, my body was shaking, and tears were falling unchecked from my eyes. He tisked. "Now, now dear, nothing to be scared of. I just needed to check on you again, it's been a while. I don't think you've been doing well at all." He cut halfway down the center of my dress, I was panicking, what was he doing to do to me?! "Shhhhh, it's alright Katniss, see, look. I just need to attach the monitors directly to your skin, nothing to be afraid of. Then I will get you a blanket, will that be alright?" I nodded slowly, that would be fine, right? I winced as he jabbed a needle into my elbow, and another one into the back of my hand on the other arm.

"What are you doing?" I whispered.

"We're keeping you under observation for a while, and we can't let you get sick. You'll be alright. I promise." He smiled at me. "Now, open up." He demanded, holding a strange contraption in his hands. I didn't move. He was frowning now and grasped my chin, pinching it hard until my mouth popped open. He stuffed part of whatever he was holding into my mouth. It was a small piece of material, plastic maybe, it wasn't very thick, but stretched from one side of my mouth to the other, I bit down on it a bit, it had a slight give to it. I breathed heavily through my nose as I felt him wind the rest of it around my head and secure it. "This is to keep you quiet." He hissed in my ear.

I didn't give him the satisfaction of starting to scream.

"Now, the fun can begin!" he cried cheerfully. I could hear him moving around behind me, pressing buttons, picking things up, moving things. The room fell dark shortly after and the wall in front of me flickered to life, and then I was staring at myself, standing in District 12, just after volunteering, Effie's hand was in the bowl of boys names, and then she called him and the cameras focused on his face. That was when I felt it, something was happening to my elbow, a flaring pain, and it was spreading through my body quickly, and then it was over. I breathed out slowly, the tears still falling. Then I saw Peeta's face again and the pain was back.

Somewhere deep in my brain I registered that this wasn't normal, that this shouldn't be happening. They were poisoning me against him. I closed my eyes and hoped this wasn't true and if it was that if we would ever meet again, that Peeta could forgive me.

Alright! Finally, I hope that those of you who celebrate Christmas had an excellent one! Happy Holidays!

I'm back from Hawaii (no sightings, but I was on the wrong island) I was able to write a bit of the next chapter on the plane, but mostly I slept. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up sometime this weekend though! It will not be as long as this one or the last one, but I'm sure that's alright with all of you as long as I update! (I'd be annoyed at people/other authors who update with my frequency, so I can only hope the quality and quantity can sometimes make up for my infrequent updates)

Hope you all liked this one! Let me know what you thought, I went through a few ways of doing the hijacking bit and decided this was my middle ground one of not completely terrible and disturbing and not too light that you had no idea that something terrible was happening. This might be all you see of it, because it hurts me to write it because it is such a terrible thing, but it might crop up further down the road, I'm undecided on it still. Next chapter we will get to check back in on Peeta and 13!

As always thank you all for reading, and especially for reviewing, and following and the favorites for what I do here. It means the world to me that you all out there like what I'm doing!