No Place to Call Home
Chapter ElevenDim sunlight creeped through the window of the storage room, sky still grey with clouds. The sofa lay empty, unmade and unused. The water radiator clanged and hissed in one corner, several socks draped over it to dry.
I sat in one corner, cleaning the components to my pistol. I had stripped down to jeans and a t-shirt, my trench coat full of the night's looting. Well, looting as in whatever I took from the punks I beat the hell out of. Money, drugs, ammunition-- whatever guns I retrieved, I sold at the local pawn shops.
I reassembled the gun, setting it on the desk just beside the window. I moved over to my trench coat and emptied the pockets. I pulled out two packages of pot and a bunch of sandwich bags of coke. I gathered these up and made my way to the bathroom down the hall. I couldn't hear Jake snoring, so he must have been downstairs already.
I stepped into the bathroom and set the packets of drugs on the sink. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out of those cheap plastic razors. I broke the top off and cut the bags open with the exposed blade. I dumped all the contents into the toilet and rinsed the bags in the sink. I didn't need the shit to be traced back, especially to Jake. I flushed the stuff and through out the bags, setting the razor back in the cabinet. I left the bathroom and headed down the hall.
There was a one room combination of living room and kitchenette, a couch acting as a sorta wall between the two. There was a TV in one corner, showing footage of the weather channel, turned all the way down. I entered the kitchen area and opened the fridge. Empty for the most part. But then I noticed a bag on the middle shelf, with a tag on it: For Raphael. I knew who it was from the handwriting: Roxanne. I pulled the bag out and looked inside. Chinese... thank God. You can only eat so much pasta and hot wings before you lose your appetite for it. I stuffed an egg roll in my mouth and pulled out a bucket of lo-mein.
I guess I should just explain what's been going on since I first came here. Its worth taking a look back on...
It's been what, about a month or so, I've lost track. Working at the tavern's been good, considering how I got the job. Jake's been pretty understanding, more than anyone else I've met. He's paid me under the table for helping out; garbage, dish washing, some cooking when there'd be a football game on. I usually try to avoid taking it, since he's let me live in the storage room upstairs. During work, I'm either out of sight or I'm wearing a hoodie with my face covered.
Jake understands – well, sort of. I kinda made up a story about my appearance, that it was a disease called Cheloniantitis, originating from some far off little known island along the coast of Polynesia. Sure, I know it's a load of crap... but at least he hasn't tried to throw me to a bunch of scientists yet.
The bar was quiet, we were getting ready for the dinner opening in a couple hours. We had been up since sunrise visiting the local fish market, hoarding scallops, shrimp and salmon. Sauces were simmering, steaks were marinating, and the smell of sourdough rolls filled the tavern. Me and Jake sat for a while, nursing a coffee while testing the chili and beer bread. Roxanne was out getting supplies for tonight's dessert specials.
"Good stuff Jake," I commented. I gutted my bread and scooped my chili with the crust. I slathered the insides with butter.
"Tis my job to please," Jake replied, shaking more red pepper into his bowl. There was enough that you couldn't even see what it was covering.
"Damn man, you're taste buds are dead or something," I said. "It's burning a hole in my gut as it is..."
"Can't eat the stuff without it ," Jake replied. "Then, it just tastes like army rations."
"Army rations? I pity those guys if you were the one feeding 'em", I snorted.
"Nah, I was the one stuck eating the crap," he said, putting a good handful of pepper in the bowl.
"So you were in the military?"I asked.
"Yep, ground forces in the Gulf War," He said, sitting up proudly, "Fought under 'Stormin' Norman'. Got hit in Iraqi crossfire, got me an award.."
He pointed to a framed box just above the bar. I squinted a little, until I could see the Purple Heart ribbon inside. I had to admit, I was surprised. I didn't think I was looking at a decorated war veteran.
"Damn...you don't look the type," I said, glancing at his neon blue shirt with bright green palm trees.
"Well, its not like the movies," Jake replied. "There's no Rambo types blowing up villages, and there aren't hot foreign chicks asking to get pillaged."
I snorted, testing my coffee. It still tasted nasty, but it was bearable.
"You must've seen some real crazy shit back then..." I said, finishing off my chili.
"Well, I'll just say this..." Jake replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
He finished the last of his lunch and stood up.
"Okay, we got a couple hours 'til the doors open," he started. "You could probably lose the hood for a while.."
I looked up at him. I'd finally gotten comfortable around Jake enough to take the scarf off in front of him. But still, I wore the hood and gloves, even though I was usually broiling inside.
"Eh, I'm used to it," I shrugged, wiping my forehead, "People kinda freak out when they see me without them on."
"I can imagine," Jake garbled around a mouth full of bread. "You've always been like that, then?"
"Since I can remember," I mumbled, pouring a half dozen creamers into my coffee. It tasted just as burnt as always. "Usually people just stay away."
"It can't be easy though," Jake replied, looking at me. I sighed a little, sipping my coffee.
"It's never easy," I said, looking at my mug. "My br--People never accept you for who you are. Just what you look like..."
"People can be cruel."
"No shit..." I said, picking at the last of my chili. "They either fear you or hate you."
"There's nothing you can do to...cover it up?"
"We've... never brothered," I shrugged. "It's something that we have to live with."
"Hmm...we? So you're not the only one, then."
I hesitated. I'd heard too many warnings about never telling humans about us. But talking to Jake, it just poured forth...
"Well, me and my brothers. We've all got this... condition. It's... a thing from where we were born. We're stuck looking like..reptiles.."
"Really..." Jake said, eyebrows going up. "I've never seen that kinda... condition before."
"It's... only known on the island we came from...somewhere in Polynesia. But we always ask that people don't talk to other people about it."
I was honestly just pulling this stuff out of my ass... but Jake seemed to believe it, amazingly.
"Understandable. And well... believe me, you're not the worst thing I've seen," Jake said, smirking.
"Yeh, right," I said, getting to my feet with my now empty bowl. "A couple drunks and the fat topless chicks at Mardi Gras..."
"HA, I wish..." Jake laughed, pouring us more coffee. "You'd be surprised the things you see when you're out of your comfort zone."
I looked at my hands for a moment as I took my dishes to the sink. Jake took them from me and set them in the basin.
"I'm just sayin'... don't worry about it. I won't tell, neither will Roxanne."
"Thanks man..." I said. "She didn't faint when she saw. I guess that's a good sign, then..."
"She's pretty good," Jake replied, smiled faintly. "She was...intrigued."
I looked up. "Intrigued? What does that mean?"
Jake merely smiled, going into the kitchen.
"You'll have to find that out on your own..."
I guess I would find out later...
So yeah, being part of the working world's been interesting. Back in the den, I opened my box of lo mein and grabbed a fork. Screw chopsticks... I flopped out on the couch and turned up the television.
"Forecasters say that the cold front coming from Canada tonight will definitely make this a very white Christmas. So do be careful if you plan to travel."
"I guess that means I'm not going anywhere..."
I looked up, mouth full of lo mein. Roxanne was standing in the doorway, a shopping bag in hand. I choked down my noodles quickly, trying not to look like a slob. My egg roll dropped down between my legs onto the couch cushion.
"You make that sound like a bad thing..." I said, moving over so she could sit. She came over and sat down beside me. She was dressed in a thick red sweater, big enough that it hung off one shoulder.
"Here, I bought you some clothes. I figured you needed some dressy clothes..."
I looked into the bag and blinked at the pile of name brand pants and sweaters.
"I'm not one for dress-up..." I said, looking at her. "But...Thank you."
"Consider it an early present," She said. "Why don't you try them on?"
"Well...I'm sure they fit. I'll wear it when I go out today."
What are you planning to do?" She asked, leaning against me. I lifted my arm and put it behind her.
"I dunno.. maybe check in on some friends," I said, shrugging. "It's been a few months now."
"You gonna go see your family?" She turned a little, leaning her head on my arm.
"I...don't think so," I said, leaning back. "It'd just ruin the holiday for them. They haven't come looking for me since I left. I'll just go midtown and see some friends..."
She laid her head on my shoulder, resting a hand on my chest plate. I watched her carefully, knowing she was still getting used to the actual feel of.. things. I leaned my head down against hers, inhaling her scent.
"You must miss them," she said, looking up at me. I glanced out the window, sighing.
"They don't miss me..."I replied. She gave me a familiar look. One that said--
"You don't mean that..." she said, "Its the holidays. How can you not do anything?"
"Eh... we're not super big on holidays," I shrugged. She took on a thoughtful look.
"Well then... why don't we have our own little Christmas,"She tucked in close to me, walking her fingertips up my chest. "After you go visit your friends. Just you... and me? We could relax here, have some eggnog..."
"What about Jake...he's gonna need he--" She cut me short with a kiss. My eye ridges flashed upward.
"I'm sure Jake won't mind you having a night off... Just as long as we get back to work for the morning," she smiled, touching my cheek lightly. "It'll be real nice.."
I smiled, putting an arm around her as we shared another kiss. Her hand started to slide down my chest again. But I didn't mind...
"I suppose... but after I go visit folks first," I said. I glanced down as she creeped closer and closer inside my leg.
"You do that, Raphael," She said. She suddenly buried her hand in my groin... and picked up the egg roll. "And when you're done... you come back... and I'll take care of the rest."
She looked at me coyly before taking a bite of the egg roll and setting it on the table. She got up and walked out of the room. I threw my head back on the backrest of the couch, grinning wickedly.
I came down the stairwell to the tavern, wearing the new outfit Roxanne had picked out for me. She did pretty good, considering she was guessing my size. The turtleneck was thick and dark grey, the cowl big enough to hide part of my face. With my scarf and hat, I'd be able to walk around freely. I had my trench coat slung in one arm, sais tucked inside. Just in case..
"Check out the sexy green guy..."
Roxanne and Jake were sitting at the bar, wrapping bundles of silverware in napkins. She got to her feet, looking me over a few times.
"I aim to please," I said, putting on my coat. She took the ends of my scarf, pulling me close. I took in her perfume as she whispered in my ear.
"See you tonight... don't forget."
"I'll be there," I said. She tied my scarf and planted a long kiss on me. We were still lip-locked as I pulled on my gloves. I could feel a growing pressure in my pants as she nearly rubbed up against me.
Jake gave a low whistle. "Don't make me throw ice water on you two."
"Sorry Jake," I replied, having come up for air. Jake chuckled, going to the counter behind him. He poured me a coffee and set it on the bar.
"Here... It's damned cold out there today. How far you headed?"
"Just to Midtown," I said. "got a couple friends to visit. I'll try to be back in time for--"
"Don't worry 'bout the time," Jake said, waving me off. "I've got plenty of help tonight. I know you got 'plans'..."
Roxanne smiled impishly, offering me my coffee. I put my fedora on and took the coffee.
"Thanks Jake," I said, heading to the door. I pulled my collar up as I stepped out into the cold. At least it wasn't snowing.
AS I headed towards the subway station, I thought about what I was exactly going to do. I figured since it was the day before Christmas Eve, It wouldn't be too hard to keep the visit short. I could already hear April giving me hell for disappearing like I did. She probably won't know the whole story anyways...
But I could at least tell her what I've been doing. Getting a job, making some money to support myself... being self sufficient. Maybe It'd impress her that I wasn't blithering for help and forgiveness. I mean, how many humans my age can say that?
I descended the stairwell into the terminal. I pulled out a ten as I came up to the counter.
"Two-way Sheridan Square," I said. The attendant, looking beyond bored, slapped a ticked down through the window, mumbling some canned 'happy holidays' line.
I glanced up and down the platform before boarding. I figured enough time had passed that the cops weren't looking for me anymore. I took a seat in the far corner off the car. It soon bloated up with shoppers, travelers, and a few screaming kids. I sat sideways in my seat, putting my leg up on the bench. The gunshot wound from invading the Police Station had healed considerably. All that was left was a long scabby gash. I'd probably end up with a scar from it, but for now it just itched.
The Train started to move finally, and I settled in for the ride. I figured a card would be alright. I hate doing mushy shit... Just a simple 'Merry Christmas' and an update on how I've been doing. I thought about leaving a card for Mikey. He was probably the only one who really cared that I was kicked out. I'm not sure what he'd been told; I guess I would find what was said once I talked with April.
Damn I've missed her, I thought. We used to talk whenever I stopped by to get Casey for out nightly patrols. Nothing important, but – I dunno, it was just... nice. Talking to her was different from my brothers. And Casey... Jeezus, I'd be damn lucky if he didn't kick my ass for leaving. The nightly patrols then were great, beating up pickpockets and purse snatchers, sniping gangs in Central Park. Maybe I could meet up with Casey on the weekends. Going at it alone up here's been downright boring..
The train finally came to a stop, and I fell back to the end of the group as they worked their way out of the car. I tried my best to not get bunched up against the crowds, but with Christmas Eve being tomorrow, personal space was at a minimum.
As I stood there, watching people fight their way around, I was suddenly bumped from behind, and felt a hand go into my pocket. I spun around, grabbing the person by the wrist and giving a good twist. It forced what looked like a fifteen year old boy to his knees. I gave him a narrow look as he tried to pull free. I leaned over, close enough he could see my face.
"Don't even try it, Kid," I said. I flashed one of my sai at him, hanging on the inside of my coat.
The kid looked at me wide eyed, nodding so fast I could almost hear change jingling. I released his hand, watching him tumble back on the ground. He got to his feet and ran off, clutching his hand.
"New York, new York," I sighed, shaking my head. I finally wormed my way p to the streets. For only being one borough north, I felt like I'd been in another world.
I made my way down Bleecker Street. The smell of fresh pastries and baked goods poured from the bakery on the corner. My stomach growled, and I thought – Maaaybe I could put in a gift certificate. So there's something in the card I got April and Casey.
I sent inside, greeted by warm smells of cinnamon rolls and fresh coffee. My mouth watered as I pulled out my wallet. As I came up to the counter, something caught my eye. There, on a small cake stand, neatly set in paper cupcake wrappers, was fresh... warm...gooey...baklava. I laid money down on the counter, taking the gift card and carton to one of the tables outside.
I glanced at the small carton, tied with a simple string; it called me, beckoning to be eaten.
"Willpower, Raphael," I told myself, "Willpower..."
Yes, if you didn't notice by now, I have a sweet-tooth for baklava. I ain't proud to admit it, but I had a moment of weakness; and dammit, their baklava is mighty good.
I returned my attention to the card. Nothing real fancy... a winter scene, trees, snow, horse carriages, blah blah blah. I took the pen I 'borrowed' from the counter and wrote a message:
"Dear April and Casey,
I am alive and in one piece, so you know ahead of time. I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere. I know its been a while since I last contacted you. Life has really changed for me. I got a job working at a bar up north. It pays alright. My boss treats well, and even helped me get a place to live. I still roam the streets busting thieves and all, its just in a new territory.
So don't worry about me, I'm doing fine. I've even met a girl that's not scared of my appearance. Heck, she didn't even pass out... We've been together a few weeks now, and we're pretty content."
I paused, looking at what I'd written. I wanted to give more details, but what was the chance that they'd try to track me down and drag me back here? Mike would definitely try, so would April and Casey. But Leo and Splinter... well, I didn't give two shits what they thought. I finished the letter as such:
"While I can't stay, I just wanted you to know that I've been thinking about you. Have a good holiday and I'll see you again,
Raphael."
I got to my feet, stuffing everything into the envelope and putting it back in my coat. I picked up the carton, studying it for a moment. I pulled the string off, opened the box and pulled out the smaller of the two pieces. I popped it in my mouth whole and continued down the sidewalk. So much for willpower...
I eventually reached the 'Second time Around'. The antique shop was closed for the night, but the upstairs lights were on. It went to the side entrance and hit the buzzer, feeling a knot suddenly form in my gut. I half hoped this was not going to be a bad idea...
The door opened, and there was April. She looked a little stunned, like she wasn't sure who she was looking at.
"Raphael," she suddenly said, wrapping me in a hug. "I can't believe you're here!"
"Long time, no see," I said, returning the embrace.
"Come in, come in," she urged, nearly pulling me into the house. "It's so cold out there.."
I stepped into the main entryway, looking around. She'd decorated the place with big garlands and lights and candles. It definitely wasn't the cheesy cheap crap like the stuff at the bar.
"Why don't you come into the living room," she asked, " We can sit and talk..."
"I'm not staying long," I said, waving her off. "I was just making a quick visit."
"Please, Raphael, Its been so long since we last saw you," she pleaded. "We've been so worried."
"Well, don't," I said, handing her the card. "I'm doing just fine."
She took the card and touched my arm gently.
"It hasn't been the same without you here," she murmured. "What have you been doing all this time?"
"Well... I got a job working for a tavern up north," I replied. "I'm able to make a little money of my own now."
"That's wonderful," she said, smiling. "I'm so proud of you.."
That just made me suddenly beam on the inside. She was Proud of me. From then, everything just started to pour forth.
"My boss's name is Jake. He's a good guy... He gave me a room up over the tavern, and I help with the restaurant and everything."
"He doesn't give you trouble about your appearance?" April asked, looking surprised.
"Well... I told him it was a genetic condition," I smirked. "A rare birth defect called Cheloniantitis from an Island somewhere in Polynesia."
"And he believed it?"
"Its worked so far," I shrugged. She chuckled, hugging me again.
"Well, it sounds like you've been doing well. But... I still wish you would come back," She said, smiling sadly. "Casey's been absolutely impossible."
"It's not up to me, anymore," I sighed, returning the hug. "And as for Casey, he--"
"An' whadda 'bout me?!" Casey was standing in the doorway, actually dressed up for the holiday.
"Well, Damn... you're actually wearing something with sleeves," I joked.
"Ha ha, very funny," He replied. He came over and we shook hands. "So where the hell have you been? It hasn't been the same around here."
"Some of us have actual jobs to do, ya know," I said.
"You? A Job? No way," Casey snorted, grinning. "You just stole those from the Salvation army.."
"Like hell... paid for these myself from my restaurant job," I said, opening my jacket proudly, "I I figured I'd stop in for a visit during the holiday..."
"Well, ya got good timing, they just showed up a lil while ago," Casey said, thumbing to the sitting room down the hall.
I blinked, looking at April. Why hadn't she told me?
"Please stay and talk, Raphael," April pleaded, chewing her lip. "They really want to talk to you."
"I..dammit, no..." I muttered, closing up my jacket. "I gotta go.."
"Aw, c'mon Raph... they've been miserable since you left," Casey said, catching my arm.
"I have to leave," I said, pulling my arm free. I turned to the door, hoping the others wouldn't find out...
"Hey April, what's--Raphael..? Raph!!"
Mikey... I closed my eyes for a moment before hurrying towards the door. I exited and jumped the stairs before hurrying down the sidewalk.
"Dammit, why didn't they tell me.." I groaned, fixing my scarf and hat.
"Raph, wait! Come back...!"
I turned the corner and ducked into a dark alley, hoping he would chicken out of coming after me. I knew he still had his fears about the dark. I paused to listen... nothing. I waited before stepping back towards the sidewalk. A figure suddenly jumped me, pinning my arms to my sides.
"Raph!" Mike cried. He was hugging me as tightly as he could. I sighed, returning the hug.
"Where the hell have you been?!" He said, looking up at me. The look on his face was of absolute joy...
"It's good to see you Mikey," I said, patting his shoulder. His face faltered slightly, but he rebounded quickly.
"Are you coming back? What have you been doing? Why have you been gone so long?"
I put a hand up, stopping his unending string of questions.
"Sorry Mikey, I was only stopping by for a minute," I said, dropping my arms. He stopped for a moment, studying me before resuming his bear hug on me.
"I'm so glad you're here... when are you finish this tantrum and come back home??"
I stiffened at that. Tantrum... that what they were calling it?
"This isn't a tantrum, Mikey," I said quietly. He loosened his hug and stepped back, looking at me worriedly.
"Please, Raph... just come back home," He pleaded. "Sensei's not been the same since you left."
"I've got my own shit to deal with, Mikey," I replied, looking away. "My own life..."
He sighed, pushing his hat back to scratch his head. "Come on, Raph.. he's our Dad. He gets angry sometimes , and--"
"He's Your dad, Mikey," I said, cutting him off. "We're done with each other."
His head snapped up, and I noticed a gleam in his eye. I set him off...
"Bullshit! He misses you, Raphael," He nearly shouted. "Why can't you just... swallow your pride and--"
"Hold on," I said, cutting him off and stepping right up to him. "This was Not My Choice, Mikey. I don't know what the fuck they've been telling you, but I didn't decide this alone."
He blinked a few times and dropped his gaze to the ground. I watched him, chewing my lip a little. He looked upset about more than just me being gone.
"But... I miss you, Ani," His voice was muffled beneath the thick scarf he wore.
I closed my eyes for a moment, and then pulled him into a hug. "I miss you too, Oto.."
We stood there for a moment. He laid his head on my arm and sniffled. I sighed, pulling him back slightly. I had to stop this before he was bawling on my shoulder.
"Mikey... you just don't understand," I began. "You're able to live in your little cocoon. Be the baby of the family... Little Aiko. You have no idea what it's been like."
"Come on Raph," He said, wiping his eyes roughly. "You always say that to get out of doing stuff you don't like."
"I ain't saying a lie, Mikey," I replied. "You've never received the brunt of any wrong doing. You've never been punished for shirking responsibility. I'm taking responsibility for myself now..."
"Come on Raph, I just can't believe it to be true..Splinter wouldn't throw you out," He said, looking up at me. "I think-- I think you just got something in your head... and you're too stubborn to admit otherwise."
I sighed, shaking my head. I had to put an end to this. He didn't believe me when I said Splinter threw me out. It was just another 'Raph tantrum' to them.
"Mike, didn't it ever come to you that Nobody's been looking for me?" I said, tapping my forehead. "Don'cha think that if they were REALLY worried, that you guys woulda been sent for me? Think about it, Mikey..."
"I looked for you..."He said, looking hurt. "But Splinter said that 'the decision had been made', and to not search anymore..."
I looked away, stung by his words. I closed my eyes, feeling the anger surge.
"Mike... Just go back. There's nothing to be done. Just accept that things are different now.."
"I don't WANT to," he cried. "I'm tired of this... nobody talks about it, and if I try to, I get told to shut up about it..."
"I didn't have any other choice, Mike," I said through grit teeth, "He. Threw. Me. Out. HE decided this."
"Raph, I've seen you pull this so many times before..." He said, folding his arms.
"Mike, you didn't see what I saw," I said, feeling a headache coming on.
"Nobody sees what you see! Always so moody, stomping around, He snapped. "Sometimes you act like a totally different person..."
I was fed up. I wanted to leave, but I knew Mike would follow me.
"So...you would rather believe that I ran off, so you wouldn't have to believe that Splinter would disown any of us..?" I asked, looking at him. "Fine... then let me continue 'my tantrum'... and don't follow me ever again."
I don't remember what he said as I left the alley. But I felt an ache in my chest that just wouldn't go away. I told myself it was heartburn...
I continued back through town to Central Park, making my way to the Gapstow Bridge overlooking the Pond.
I stood at the top, looking at the water down below. Parts of the pond were still free of ice. I put my hands on the railing, seeing a shadow of a reflection below me. I had to separate myself from them. One final push to end everything. No ties, no reminders...
The water splashed and made the ice ripple. I watched as my sai quickly disappeared from sight, sinking to the bottom of the Pond. I turned and descended the bridge, walking all the way back to my home back at the Tavern...