And the story continues...
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1. Will NOT lose 3 kilos by the end of June, because Ichimaru Gin says so.
2. Will stop drinking but not around Ichimaru Gin, because drinking with Gin is fun.
3. Will stop cutting classes and playing hooky, but will not hold Ichimaru Gin responsible for any tardiness.
4. Will DEFINITELY fall in love with Ichimaru Gin. Over and over again.
As edited by yours truly,
Ichimaru Gin.
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Chapter 11
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"Gin, do you deal?"
The words were quiet, but the silence that had followed the question had been deafening. Rangiku's ear rang with the eerie sound of nothing as she held Gin's icy blue gaze. Neither of them said anything. The tension was so palpable, it was starting to smother her. She wanted to take back the ridiculous question, but the words hung between them like an obnoxious rain cloud.
By this time, the sun had sunk completely into inky darkness and the ominous feelings that were pushing both of them, intensified with the dark silence. The only sounds were the small tickings of the clock on the desk, counting each second it took for Gin to formulate his answer. The words of a lie were pressing against his mouth, he knew what she wanted to hear, but he knew that lying would only make the situation worse and he wouldn't lose the one person that he'd grown to truly care for. Still, he held her stare, feeling her chest rise under his fingers and her heartbeat begin to quicken.
Gin slowly did up her shirt, focusing on each button with determination and finally sat up. Rangiku followed in suit, heart pounding.
The darkness of the room cast his face into a half shadow and his facial expression became even harder to read.
"...Gin?" Rangiku pressed softly.
"Yes."
"Is that a 'yes' I deal or-"
"Yes." The word came out clipped and harsh. They both fell silent again at the brittle truth.
"Why?" She said at last. I thought you were different. I thought things were going to be different.
"Does it matter if I did or don'?" Gin asked almost half pleadingly, reaching to grasp her wrist- as if preventing her from leaving. He could see the way Rangiku's body had stiffened at his answer. "I needed the money."
"I thought we were going to be honest with each other here."
"Well ya never asked."
"I shouldn't have to ask about this sort of thing! You-"
"What good," Gin interjected, "What good would it have done, if I told ya tha' I deal? Would you have reacted any differently, than ya're now?"
"I couldn't tell ya, it's not somethin' 'm proud of, but it's somethin' that keeps me alive." He continued, when Rangiku said nothing. "I didn' wan' to tell ya, I jus'... I jus' thought I could show ya the good parts o' who I am."
He gave a wry laugh at that, pushing a hand through his silvery hair. The ends brushed his nose as he looked at her from under his eyelids.
"I suppose ya want ta know why, righ'? Simple, student debt and I couldn' pay it off, not even tha', I was about ta lose a place ta sleep and even the chance ta eat. I had ta take the job...then I found out, I was good at it as well. I was goin' ta tell ya, but there was never a righ' moment in time…"
"D'you, do you take them too?" Rangiku asked with a deep breath. Her hands curled into fists and she found herself breaking Gin's intense gaze, unable to face his answer. She didn't want to hear anymore than she had to.
"No. I just sell 'em."
She was quiet. Thinking. Something was catching up to her inside and she felt the urge to run away, run far away before it caught her in the same trap, but this time trapping her for good. She swore this she'd save herself from ruin and realising when one was in trouble was the best time to get out of it. Rangiku had been in too many situations where she'd waited out the consequences only to have gotten out too late.
It was similar to the video about a frog and hot water. Except, this time she was the frog and Gin was the hot water, and she knew she needed to get out fast.
"I think...I think should go." Rangiku slid off the bed, buttoning up the rest of her shirt and wrapped her scarf around her neck, she didn't look at him even as he grabbed her wrist, preventing her from leaving.
"Ran- don' go. Please. Are ya really goin' ta let this change what we have?" He looked at her, something like desperation in his eye. Gin should have been used to people coming and going in his, and he had plenty of girls slamming his door on their way out; but somehow the thought of Rangiku leaving him for good was cutting a ragged hole where his heart should have been and it was damn painful. His throat constricted and he had no idea why. Gin's hold on her thin wrist tightened and his lips pressed into a thin line, waiting for her reply, silently begging her to stay with the little emotion he could portray.
"I need to go, I'm sorry Gin." She gently pulled out of his grasp and opened his bedroom door, remembering to pick up her school bag on the way out.
She cringed briefly as she heard the sound of something shatter hard against a surface along with a foul curse.
She sat crosslegged in front of her open closet silently. She was still digesting the exchange of the afternoon and she was feeling conflicted about it. In honesty, she knew she should get out while she could. Rangiku could only guess where the rest of the relationship was going to go from here. Drugs changed people, whether they wanted to admit or not. The relationship was still fairly new, only a few weeks old, and she could leave without leaving any lasting scars. But the real question here was, did she really want to?
She'd started the year, intent on never getting into a relationship if it was going to hurt, but here she was only a few weeks later, dating someone. She buried her face in her hands. When was she ever going to learn? Rangiku had thought the pain from her previous relationship was a lesson learnt enough, but when Gin came into her life and soothed out the rough patches with his knowing smiles and gentle words, she couldn't help but lean into the healthy attention he was giving.
Gin was laid back, he never asked too many questions and he always seemed to show he cared even without having to say any sickeningly sweet words. But coming to his apartment today made Rangiku realise how little she actually knew about him.
She told herself that Gin was just a little light something to get over the unsteady bump in her life, but somehow, the more time she spent with Gin the more she let him get to her and it was easy. It was easier for her to trust than to doubt. To keep doubting and preserving distrust was more tiring than she thought.
Rangiku thought back to Gin's confession earlier today and bit her lip.
Would she have continued the relationship, had she known what he was earlier?
Her fingers twitched to her phone and only when she was halfway through typing a text to Toshiro asking for advice on the matter, she realised with a sickening, gut wrenching stab of pain that he wouldn't answer anyway because she'd driven him away to the point of no return.
Her hands curled into fists in her lap, phone dropping to the floor.
She couldn't get rid of the crawling sensation on her skin ever since she met Gin's friends. They hadn't been rude or mean to her outright, but they still filled her with a feeling of uneasiness, as if the snake had coiled itself around her body, slippery scales sliding along her delicate skin.
She let out a shiver and ran her hands over her arms to tame the goosebumps that has risen there.
Meeting someone's friends often told a lot about the person, and people also tended to revert to being themselves around familiars. Her teeth pulled at her lower lip as she remembered the feeling of being completely ignored this afternoon and the gripping feeling of being cornered when she had been confronted by the white snake. Though Gin had come to her aid, she couldn't help but feel that he could have stepped in a bit sooner. She didn't notice that Gin had a certain sadistic, ruthless side to him which leaked out during the heated card game.
She'd watched him provoke his friends, taking some sort of pleasure in making them squirm when they realised they were losing heavily. She'd watched him with pursed lips as his mouth widened into an even bigger smile.
Rangiku had sworn to leave that part of her life behind, the drugs, the alcohol and everything else that came with it. She liked Gin, but she didn't like the surmounting risk he was building up. She wouldn't allow herself to be hurt by the same thing in the past.
Which brought her to the closet she'd been sitting in front of for the past half hour in contemplative silence. The closet was filled with clothes, of course, but behind were silhouetted outlines of cardboard boxes. Boxes that held a series of odds and ends. Rangiku finally reached for one, frowning.
She didn't know why she kept these things. She ran her hands over a silky black baby doll, she dug further to find all discarded lighters, a grinder and a small plastic bag covered in white residue. Her lip curled in disgust as she hunted through her past.
She went through box after box, her movements soon frenzied as she relived old moments in her distorted past, old short dresses she wore, stained high heeled pumps, far too glittery lipstick, masks and even part of a shisha pipe.
Why, why couldn't she just let go of all these things.
Her fingertips brushed against the edge of a wooden frame and she pulled it out, her silvery eyes met sharp, taunting dark green orbs, hiding beneath a mess of rusty coloured hair. She dropped the photograph in shock, breathing heavily. It had been awhile since she'd seen the face and it felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.
When Nanao came back later, the room was pitch black that she almost missed the figure sitting on the floor, shoulders rising jerkily. She rushed in.
"Rangiku? Rangiku, what's wrong?" She gathered the girl into her arms, soothing her. She took in the messy room, strewn with provocative clothing and underwear and drug paraphernalia. Things she hadn't seen in a long time. But she wasn't surprised that Rangiku hadn't thrown them away. She always had trouble letting go of things.
"...Is it, something to do with Gin?" She said softly, rocking her, trying to quieten her distraught friend. "Did you get into a fight?"
Rangiku only let out a wet sound that was a cross between a choke and a moan.
"Gin… deals." She said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
Nanao understood immediately and sighed, holding her tighter.
"Look, ...don't think about Ichimaru-san for this week. Just focus on your stats exam and then we can sort this out together, alright?" She rubbed soothing circles into her back, till Rangiku sat back and looked at Nanao. Her usually bright and cheerful eyes were devoid of emotion, but the only thing that gave her away was the gnawing of her lower lip.
"Do you think I'll pass?"
"That depends on how hard you study." Nanao said primly. "Up you get, I'll help you clean this up. Do you want to pack it up or throw it away?"
Rangiku contemplated her response.
"Throw it away."
Nanao smiled.
"Alright then."
True to her word, Rangiku threw herself into her studies and she stayed up late each night with her maths textbook, trying her best to understand the equations and explanations that followed. Oddly enough, after her massive clean out, she felt lighter- like a weight had been lifted off of her body. Perhaps, she'd finally try and leave the past behind. She refused to let thoughts of Gin or Toshiro distract her. Every time they'd float unbidden into her statistics filled mind, she'd push the images and thoughts away with vengeance and she'd furiously look down at her textbook, intent on trying to drum the information into her head than their images.
But what was curious was that neither Toshiro nor Gin had so much as called her or even texted her. She'd expected Toshiro to ignore her messages and calls, but Gin? She killed the thought before it formed completely in her head. She'd finish the exam and deal with everything after that.
With a grim expression on her face, she took another sip of her black coffee, no additives, and frowned down at her textbook and notes.
Her heart was pounding furiously against her ribcage. Three hours till the exam. She'd written and rewritten the cheat sheet she was allowed to bring into the exam, over five times during the past week. Usually she would study maths with Toshiro as he'd watch over and explain things patiently, but without his aid she'd suffered and it took her twice as long to get through the material.
She was nervous.
And sleep deprived. She'd slept a total of three hours not including staying up late to get some extra cramming in. She knew it was futile, if she didn't know the information then there was no way she'd remember it tomorrow. She nervously took another gulp of black coffee.
This past week, her diet consisted of coffee...and more coffee in an effort to maximise her studying time. Now not only was she exhausted but her heart was beating a thousand miles per minute with the caffeine and nerves.
Despite having studied diligently, she knew absolutely nothing. It was the day of the exam and she couldn't recall which equation to use when calculating a confidence interval or how to calculate a random sample. She was dying inside. There was no way she could pass the exam.
She looked over her cheat sheet again but the numbers blurred past her eyes and the coefficient of each equation was sending her into deep hole of panic.
Her eyes darted subconsciously toward her phone, just to check if Ichimaru had called or left any messages, but of course her phone interface remained a blank as it had been for the past week. She was torn, she didn't know whether she wanted to face Gin and the conflict that had risen between them, or to pretend nothing had ever happened from the beginning.
Rangiku took another fortifying sip of her now cold coffee before pushing it aside. She pressed her fingers into her eyes and tried to still her beating her, that was fluttering around her ribcage like a bird trying to escape a cage. She stifled a yawn, knowing that it would do her no good to fall asleep during this crucial exam.
She had to pass, there were no if's or but's.
But God! If only her heart would stop making it seem like it wanted to beat right out of her body! The hammering only grew worse with the approaching deadline and as Rangiku found her seat in the large exam hall, she had to press a hand to chest to stop feeling so overwhelmed. Students were chatting and were relaxing, lounging in their seats in the few precious minutes before the two hour exam started. How could they be so nonchalant? She wanted to scream.
Calm down. She hissed to herself.
She took out her pencils and pens and lined them up to the side, only to move them a few minutes later to the front of her desk. The anxiety was getting to her, and a slow but steady ache started to build up at the front of her head, making her even drowsier than ever. Rangiku suddenly saw Toshiro slouch into the room, music playing in his ears as he ignored his peers, finding his seat near the front. He cast his eyes over the hall and she could have sworn they made eye contact, but Toshiro acted like hadn't seen her. The only thing that gave him away was the stiffness in his shoulders that appeared when he sat down, knowing that she'd be watching his back intently.
"Hey Rangiku." A sickeningly sweet, feminine voice had her whipping her head to the source of the noise.
"You missed an amazing party last weekend." Riruka said with a bat of her eyelashes, tossing her hair over her shoulders. Rangiku could only glare at the girl, not in the mood to hide her emotions in typical female fashion.
"What do you want?" She snapped, not caring if she sounded rude or not. Her headache and nerves were making her feel even more on edge and she had no intention to deal with Riruka's mind games today.
"I met someone who said he knows you, in fact he really wants to see you again. I think you know who." She winked at her before floating away, but not before whispering the name in her ear, leaving Rangiku to freeze in her seat, heart about to give out on her and the fight going out of her instantly.
The exam proctor was patrolling down the aisle asking people to turn off mobiles and tuck bags under desks, and Rangiku quickly straightened up in her seat as another proctor followed handing out the papers.
She drummed her fingers nervously on the desk as she stared down at the blank stack of paper on her desk. She would not allow herself to fail.
At last the hall was silent, spare the sounds of rustling and fidgeting. All eyes were focused on the timer in front of the room set for one hundred and twenty minutes.
The proctor cleared her throat.
Every student sat poised in their seat holding their breath, hands hovering above their paper. Tension was thick in the room as they watched the proctor open her mouth.
"You may begin."
Immediately the flurried sounds of paper being turned hurriedly echoed around the large hall as pens and pencils began to scratch against the exam sheet.
Heart in her mouth, Rangiku turned to the first question determinedly and paled.
Find the cumulative probability of the…
Her eyes darted to her cheat sheet scanning for the formula that would help her find the answer. The girl sitting beside her had already been scratching and working on an equation, furiously as if she knew the answer. It was distracting. The frustration in her attempt to understand the question was making her headache worse and a thought of Gin floated into her head unbidden. Riruka's words cut through her mind and all the thoughts that she'd been repressing this entire week started to leak into her mind, with the ache and stress that was working away at her mental resolve.
She placed her pencil on the table lightly as to not make a noise and pressed her fingers to her eyes trying to lessen the dull, throbbing pain behind them. A curious, prickly cold sweat was starting to bother her skin as the beating of her heart increased. Her heart was hammering so hard and fast against her ribcage, it was starting to make her feel lightheaded and woozy.
i.
She dug into the drawers and shelves and hunted through the closet, not caring about breaching boundaries or privacy. This had to be done. She was so tired of everything and she was going to get rid of the root of the problem.
Her fingers curled around a small bag filled with a mass of dried green that faintly resembled thick moss and another bag that held a small amount of white powder.
Rangiku jerked up from her reverie, she hadn't realised she'd been daydreaming and tried to focus on the paper. She mouthed the words to the question, in hopes that she'd bring back something from her memory, but her frustration was making her hot and dizzy and she had to loosen her collar.
ii.
The front door slammed shut and hurried footsteps immediately entered the bedroom where there were the sounds of drawers opening and things being sifted through. Rangiku herself, sat at the rickety kitchen table quietly, with a hard look in her eyes. In her pocket contained a bag of weed and MDMA.
Movement from inside the bedroom stilled and Hiro stalked into the kitchen like a large cat hunting for prey. His gaze settled on Rangiku, who met his stare with a glare.
"Where are they?" He demanded.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Rangiku said coolly, and flicked an invisible speck of dust off her fingernail.
"I need them for tonight." Hiro insisted and he moved closer.
Rangiku reached into her pocket, maintaining eye contact with Hiro the entire time. Her fingers curled around the drugs and she laid them on the worn table.
"Is this what you were looking for?"
The words blurred and swam before her tired eyes. She felt like she was going to be sick. She reminded herself that she was taking an exam, but her weary mind kept slipping into a semi state of sleep. No doubt punishing her cruelly for her lack of sleep for the past week. Her stomach churned and saliva gathered in her mouth.
iii.
Hiro made to snatch the bags but Rangiku slammed her hand down on the table covering them before he could even reach them. The force of her hand surprised them both and effectively stopped Hiro in his tracks.
"Don't you dare. You promised me you would stop dealing." Her eyes flashed. "Or were you lying?"
He stared at her before giving up a harsh bark of laughter.
"Babe, did you really think I was for real? All this time, you're still as young and naive as when I first met you. When I first drugged you."
He circled the table and came round to her side, forcing her to look up if she wanted to keep eye contact with him. He bent his head lower to hers as if to kiss her.
"I hate you." She snarled, cheeks reddening at his words and his proximity.
"Stop pretending to be the victim here." He breathed softly, his hand cupped around her chin, fingers digging into her cheeks. She twisted out of his grasp and her expression darkened into a dirty glare as she clenched her jaws together.
"We both know you're not exactly innocent here either. I never heard you say stop once. You enjoyed what I gave you and more. You used what you could to escape your problems, your reality. Once you seek out the forbidden, there's no turning back and you will never change. It's too late to stand back and pretend you have nothing to do with this world. You're guilty, tainted and dirty and that will never ever change. Hate me all you want, I don't care. You took what you could, so you're in this, just as much as I am."
"Matsumoto san, are you alright?" A concerned voice reached her ears, and she struggled to focus on the sound. Her eyes landed on an elderly woman- one of the proctors, whose severe lines softened into concern for her wellbeing.
She realised she'd stopped writing, and her pen fell slack beneath her fingers. Rangiku couldn't open her mouth for the fear of vomiting, so she gave a weak smile and nodded to the lady, hoping the feeling would go away.
The proctor gave a small sound of affirmation and continued her patrol down the aisle.
iv.
The tension in the air was thick, and Hiro was glaring at her just as hard as she was at him.
"Now, be a good girl and give them to me." He said softly, voice leaving no room for discussion but Rangiku held her ground, hand tightening over the small plastic bags, almost crushing the contents.
"No."
He took a towering step over her, trying to intimidate her with his height. But he'd forgotten that Rangiku was just as tall as him when she brought herself up to her full height. Her piercing eyes and long face which usually wore an expression of silly joy of happiness, now matured into a furrowed look of disgust and her full lips had pressed into a thin line. Her expression matched the very age of the young woman she had become.
"Don't think I won't hesitate to use force." He whispered hotly, tracing her rib. The bruise had faded but she definitely remembered the force of his hand against her the other day when they'd gotten into a petty argument. The blow effectively ended the argument, but it was the first time he'd ever hit her and it shocked her greatly. She shivered at the memory, resolve wavering slightly. She'd passed off the incident as just one of his withdrawal symptoms but it was then she'd realised just how far she'd fallen down the rabbit hole of drugs and the deceitfulness that followed it.
His hand had flattened against her body and it moved upwards till it cupped the outline of her left breast. Her eyes narrowed further and before she knew it, her hand had collided with the side of his face with a stinging slap.
"Don't you ever touch me again." She hissed, shying away from his touch, her hand burned with her valiant effort and her anger mounted further.
Hiro showed no sign of having been slapped, the only thing that gave him away was the reddening of skin on his cheek and the ugly look that had developed on his face. He slowly advanced toward her until she'd backed up against the wall with no where to escape.
His hand slammed into the wall next to her and she let out a small yelp of surprise. Her right hand still clutched at the drugs though, refusing to let go.
"Give them to me." His hand curled into her soft locks of hair painfully, as he forced her to look at him. She snarled in response.
"I told you, I wouldn't hesitate to use force." Hiro said quietly, hand tightening in her hair. No doubt probably ripping out a few strands as he twisted the hair in his grip cruelly.
Suddenly blinding sparks flashed across her vision as she gasped, a dull throb stemming from the back of her head. It had happened all too fast and the pain hadn't quite reached her senses yet.
He slammed her head against the wall again till she cried out in pain this time, and the hand holding the drugs opened in order to grip his hand that held her captive, trying to tug him off of her.
He let her go and she slid to the floor carelessly. Rangiku lay there unmoving, indescribable pain filling her head, clouding her vision.
"You're a good girl."
He bent down to pick up the fallen bags and walked out of the kitchen.
"Matsumoto san?"
v.
How long had she lain there? An hour? Two hours? One day? Her vision swam and she cried out softly with the effort to try and raise her head. She could see her phone on the table, buzzing urgently. She stretched her hand towards it, as if she could magically reach the phone without getting up.
Her body strained, but her head felt numb and swollen. The dull throbbing had broken out into a stinging wave of pain and blinding heat every time she even tried to move her head.
A tear slipped out of her eye at her futile situation.
How did she ever end up here.
"Rangiku!"
She could hear someone call her distantly and urgent footsteps rushing into the room, but she was probably dreaming, her eyes were slipping shut anyway. She could only give in to the darkness that was threatening to consume her. Everything felt so far away. So muffled and quiet.
"Rangiku!"
"Excuse me, can someone come over here? I think this student is feeling unwell. Honey, can you hear me?"
vi.
"...Rangiku, can you hear me?"
"What's… going on?"
"Are you ok? No don't answer that. I've stopped the bleeding though. Head wounds always bleed more than they should. Can you see properly? How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Two… I think… Toshiro…?"
"I came over as fast as I could. I knew something had happened. Takahashi was arrested tonight."
"He what..!?"
"Don't try and sit up, you might start bleeding again. Calm down and listen to me. I was there at Sonido tonight and Takahashi was acting rougher than usual. I couldn't see properly but looks like he started a fight with someone. Someone probably called security and we all bolted, but I heard he was caught for possession and for starting a fight. No, listen to me! I thought it was strange how I didn't see you with him tonight, not only that you didn't pick up your phone at all so I thought that something had happened and I got here as fast as I could- Rangiku?"
"Oh God. Oh God… It's my fault."
"What, what's your fault? Nothing is your fault. Takahashi got arrested for being in possession of class B drugs, if you ask me he had it coming-"
"You don't get it. If only I could have...stopped him. I should have stopped him! I was just so useless and I let him get away-"
"Rangiku! You're bleeding again, calm down!"
"No! This is my fault! I have to fix this."
"Stop! Stop moving. Dammit, there's so much blood… I can't-"
"Toshiro, you have to...you have to...help…"
"Rangiku?"
"..."
"Rangiku!"
TBC
This chapter was the hardest chapter for me to write, and I'm not exactly happy with it even though I've rewritten it like three times. But anyway. Thank you for reading!
Also I'm sorry for the fluke chapter earlier today, I realised that I had a major part missing due to technical problems. But anyway, the chapter is done. (for now) and the end is in sight!