Double feature because I forgot to post this chapter back in late November!
"I assure you Swan I already do." He confirms, moving quickly, up and out of the bed. Because he can't be here; he can't be in the same room as her, much less the same bed.
"Killain? Where are you going?" Emma asks; her eyes are wide with confusion. "I don't understand."
"It's not happening." He says sharply. "You can tell her it's not happening, I'm not going and neither is Alice. I'd rather die than to go there-" He says cut off by Emma getting up, her hands raised in surrender.
"Killian? What are you talking about, it's ok it was a bad idea." She confirms, standing in the way of his pacing, Killian hadn't even realized he was pacing. "You're scaring me." She adds.
She tries to put her hands on him, to slow him down to comfort him, to trick him again.
He wasn't going to let her. He's been a fool.
"Was it all a lie?" He asks her, pulling away from her grasp. "Was this all another game? Another test?" He continues. Eloise was all about games and tests that he always failed. He always knew she rigged it all for him to lose.
Killian refused to lose this one.
Her eyes widen in horror. "No. Killian, I'm not lying, I'm not- where is this coming from who-" But he can't. He can't have her lie to him anymore. There were no coincidences in the world, there was no such thing as fate or destiny, just Eloise and her games and tests and riddles.
There was just Eloise manipulating his life just to rip Alice away, just to use her in her twisted plots. He'd rather die than let that happen again.
"You need to leave." He says simply.
Emma looks horrified. "Killian, whatever I did or said that makes you think…I'm not, I swear, I'm not lying or playing games or…please just tell me what's going on." He can see tears in her eyes and he feels his heart break at the sight.
But he remembers when it was Eloise begging him not to leave, tears in her eyes a sob on her lips. His uncle Nemo was sick and she begged him not to leave her all alone. She claimed it was just Liam's way to separate them.
Nemo had died that next week. Killian never got the chance to say goodbye, he never even got the chance to go to the funeral.
He runs his fingers through his hair, the stress already starting to give him a migraine. "I can't do this." He utters. He sits on the bed, his head in his hands.
Emma knows better than to go near him. "I'm sorry." She says softly. "For whatever this is. For whatever I said to make you not trust me." He doesn't look at her.
He does trust her. That's the problem.
"If…if you're not playing any games with me, if you really are who you say you are, if she didn't send you, then you're going to let me…you're going to let me think and figure out what to do. And you're not going to mention any of this to Alice."
Emma doesn't move. She just stares. Then eventually he sees her nod.
"Of course. I'll let you have your space, and I won't say anything to Alice. But Killian?" He looks at her, meets her eyes intently. "Tomorrow, we need to talk about this. I'm going to prove that you can trust me, and when I do there won't be any trickery any games. It'll be because you know exactly who I am."
He feels the intensity, feels the conviction. He wants more than anything to bring her towards him, collapse in her embrace; let her see all the scars and wounds he tries to hide. But he holds his ground, he keeps his front up.
Eloise had seen his scars and wounds, knew exactly where to press to make him bleed.
He has to be sure. He needs to know for a fact one way or another. He needs to know if falling for Emma Swan is the best thing he's ever done or his undoing, and he has to figure it out fast.
/
"My silly drunk." She hummed. She petted his head like a puppy. He shrugged off her 'affection'.
"You know I hate that Eloise." He snapped back from his position at a picnic table. He'd been trying to enjoy his lunch; a half empty bottle of rum at his side.
"I told you to stop calling me that." She chastised. Her eyes narrowed, indicating that she was more annoyed than her tone implied. She looked rather intimidating right now, colorful clothes hidden behind pitch black robes.
He smirked at her. He was glad to annoy her. She didn't scare him. Not like she scared her girls, followers more like. He saw the way they looked at her, like something sacred, like someone who had all the answers. Killian knew better.
Eloise didn't have anything at all.
"Mother Gothel?" a small voice asked. He looked up behind her. There was a girl, young and blonde, maybe 16. "I don't think I can do this." She admitted.
Eloise turns towards her. "Oh Gretel, I have faith in you." She insists. "You have a destiny don't you remember?" she asked.
The girl looks unsure. "I miss my father, my brother. I know you knew my mother, but can't I see my family? I've never been away from my brother before. Wouldn't she want us to stay together?" She asked.
She placed her hands on the girl's shoulders. "Oh my child. Don't let that bother you. They aren't like you Gretel, they aren't special, they aren't chosen, not like you my dear. I promise, I'll take care of you, make sure you reach your true potential."
It might have satisfied the girl, but it set Killian on edge. No child should be taken away from their family. The girl needed her brother. She shouldn't be here.
He shouldn't be here.
/
He barely sleeps that night, lost in analyzing every move Emma made. He spends most of the night pacing back and forth. It doesn't help that he knows Emma's not sleeping either. He can feel her worry through the door. Every now and then he hears her get up to make herself a cup of tea.
If he was smart, he'd kick her out and then take Alice and run the opposite direction. If he was smart he would have seen this coming a mile away.
If he was smart he wouldn't have fallen in love with Emma in the first place. He would never have opened himself up the way he has.
Bloody hell this is a mess.
He isn't sure if he's blissfully glad for the morning, or if he dreads it. Morning means he has to face Emma; come to some conclusion. He's terrified of his own decision, for once Killian wishes someone would tell him what to do.
No one tells him what to do.
As he sees dawn hit through his bedrooms small window, he exits the room. He head to the bathroom straight away, ignoring the feeling of Emma's worried eyes from the couch.
He spends most of the time splashing water in his face than much else. He looks in the mirror and tries to clean himself up a bit. His hair is wild and ruffled and his eyes are red with dark circles under his eyes.
He looks drunk.
He ignores that. The voice in the back of his head sounds too much like Eloise for his liking. The last thing he needs is Eloise's voice in his head while he makes this decision.
You can trust her Papa.
Alice doesn't help things. He'd have to explain to her what was happening. Alice loves Emma. She's so happy with her around. The thought of Emma truly being one of the bad people makes his heart ache for Alice. It would break her heart.
Eventually he hears Emma move, pace around the door, then move further back from it. She's trying to give him space, but desperately wants to talk to him too. She's filled with nervous energy and Killian doesn't know what to do.
"Can we talk?" Emma asks in a quiet voice when he exits the small bathroom.
He nods, and they sit on the couch, as far away from each other as they can get.
"You know her, this Mother Gothel." He can feel it in his chest when she says the name. The word Mother already strikes a chord with him.
"Yes." He says quietly. He's not surprised she put that together considering his reaction.
"You don't like her," Emma continues.
"That's the understatement of the century, love," He says, scratching behind his neck.
"Something happened." Emma says, turning towards him. "Between the two of you. I'm not involved in whatever it is," she insists. He shakes his head. "I would never hurt you Killian."
Killian glances up at her. "Not even for some initiation?" He asks sharply. "If she told you to show up here, befriend an alcoholic and his daughter, tell them you're on the run, make him-"
fall in love with you.
He sighs, remembering himself. "Make him trust you enough to follow you to some place he doesn't know, a place he's been avoiding for years, you wouldn't do it?"
She shakes her head. "No, I didn't, couldn't do that to you." She insists. "You can't possibly think I would!"
He does. He has to, he has to suspect her. It's so obvious Liam would bash him on the head for not seeing it.
"Even for safety and sanctuary? If she promised not to hurt us? She can be very persuasive," he says calmly. "She would tell you everything you'd want to hear and then some. She would tell you you're returning some lost sheep to the herd." He shakes his head. He can practically see it in his mind's eye, being handed over with Emma smiling, promising that she's doing this for them. "You've been so curious about what I'm running from, so against staying here, what other explanation could there be?" He stands up and looking at her as he asks.
Her eyes are wide and they look terrified. They look like someone who's entire world is crumbling. But he doesn't know if it's him, or it's the promised lands being taken away from her that's putting that look on her face.
"Killian, this is insane. I swear to you, I'm on your side, I'm—My initiation was the flower, that's it. I gave it to Gretel back in Boston, and I made my way out here, I followed her map, but they caught me, you know that. You saw them," she insists. Emma takes his hands in hers and he lets her.
"Men told to say what they needed, men who were about to take all of us away from here, possibly back to Eloise's clutches," he adds. Eloise would have loved that. Her 'silly drunk' returned to her bound with a pretty bow.
Emma's expression changes as realization hits her. "Eloise…Like Alice's mother? Mother Gothel is Alice's mother?"
He pulls away from her.
"Killian, what's going on? If Alice is Eloise's daughter, surely…" She trails off.
"Can't what Emma?" He snaps. "Can't be that bad if I got involved with her in the first place? Can't be that bad if I let her in Alice's life at all? Surly deserves to see her daughter?" He snaps. It takes her aback.
"Killian-" He doesn't let her finish.
"Did she tell you anything about me before she sent you here?" He asks. "Did she tell you I was some drunk who was corrupting her daughter? That I was some thief that took her in the night?" He shakes his head; his hands begin to shake badly.
She's mine, Killian. You never understood that. I was waiting for you to understand that, so I decided to show you. Alice and Emma, they're both mine.
He shakes his head trying desperately to shake away the voice. But it keeps going.
It's not Emma's fault. He reminds himself. Eloise is deceitful, she's a snake. Killian knew how good she was at convincing others that she was the best option, the only option.
It's because I am the only option.
"Killian, stop! I didn't lie!" She says above his raging thoughts. "I have never even met Alice's mother!"
Killian hears the smash of something; he realizes it was a plate, one left behind from yesterday. He doesn't remember seeing it, let alone throwing it. But his anger and fear has reached a boiling point. "Stop calling her that! She is no mother!" He yells before clamping a hand over his mouth.
He hadn't meant to do that. He looks up at Emma and sees fear in her eyes. He hears Alice scamper downstairs, eyes wide with fright. He looks away sharply, back at the shattered plate. He hadn't meant to frighten her. He hadn't meant to become so angry.
But Eloise always makes him angry, thoughts of her always brings him back to the person he used to be.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He repeats, getting down gathering the pieces of the plate. His hands shake as he does so making the task slow and difficult.
"Papa?" Alice calls. He shakes his head, an apology out of his mouth before he can even process it. An explanation for the yelling, a silly disagreement, he apologizes for waking her. He doesn't look at her, he can't. He needs to reign in his composure first. He needs to be a parent.
He needs to be her parent.
It doesn't help that it's Elosie in his head, laughing at him. Reminding him how much he wants a bloody drink.
/
He ended up storming off, heading to the cabin, their cabin.
Killian just wanted to drink alone, drown in his misery.
(Perhaps even get the courage to call Liam. )
Unfortunately, Eloise follows him this time. Her eyes blazing with fury when she storms in.
"What has you upset this time?" She huffs "Or is this just another of your childish tantrums?"
He barely misses her head when he throws the rum bottle at her. "She's just a child Eloise! She should be with her family." Eloise rolls her eyes.
"This again." His temper flares.
"Yes again! I don't know what you're doing her in this 'coven' of yours, luring young girls here against their will, running around in those cloaks and playing witch."
She stalks up to him. "And what do you care?" She asked. "Are you going to go save them from big bad me?" She taunts. "You're here for the same reason they are, no one else wants you." She laughs at whatever expression is on his face.
"And you think you have all the answers? All the power Eloise? You weren't too high and mighty when I met you, living on the streets painting graffiti on the walls." He reminds her. "Fucking any guy that would give you a sliver of-"
She slapped him.
"That silly girl is dead." She utters. "And if you're so disgusted with me then leave." She snaps.
"Maybe I will." He replies sharply. He moves to leave, no clue where he'd go, but he knows anywhere is better than here.
He's at the door when Eloise responds.
"Think Liam would even speak to you like this? A drunk like your father?" He turns around at that.
"You don't know anything about that." He snaps. "I'm nothing like him." It wasn't the first time she'd made the comparison but it got him every single damn time.
"You're the only one who can't see it Killian." She says his name like a curse. "Your brother won't even look at you after you abandoned him at the funeral, drunk and delirious, too busy between my legs to do much else." She laughs.
"Yet you're the one begging me to stay while you have all this? Why bother when I'm such a disgrace." He shoots back.
"A pretty face to sit next to my thrown." She sneers, coming close, caressing his face. It makes him shiver as he pulls away. "In exchanged for all the rum you could ever want." She says.
"I'm done here Eloise." He snaps. He can't do this anymore. He'll walk until he can't walk anymore. He can't do this anymore.
"Would you even be able to look Milah in the eyes after this?" Eloise asks, changing gears as usual. "She's probably rolling in her grave at what you've become. Didn't you tell me her mother was an addict as well?"
He feels the hit in his soul, feeling her words making his resolve waver. Thoughts of Milah always makes him weak in the knees.
"She'd hate me for even touching you. Using insecurities to lure young women away from their homes into this…She'd hate it." He agrees. "But I'm not staying this time Eloise, I'm done."
Something shifts because he knows those usually work. Eloise has overused her ammunition over the years and this time…this time he'll be strong enough.
"If you do leave, you won't get to meet your child." She says almost like an afterthought. "You'll do your father proud."
It catches him off guard, his entire body turning rigid.
"What?" he exclaims, turning around sharply. She has her hand pressed against her flat stomach. "You're…" He trails off.
Eloise nods, caressing her stomach affectionately. "Still want to leave?" She challenges.
He doesn't. He's weak and she knew exactly how to trap him. He couldn't leave this zest pool without his child.
"You'll get used to it Killian, the three of us will be together here." Eloise says patting his head again, pulling him into her embrace.
He's all alone again. He ends up right where she wanted him, back in her bed, a bottle in his hand, half of it already gone from this morning, the rest calling to him. Eloise knows exactly how to manipulate him and he hates it.
She thinks nothing has changed, except that's far from true.
After she leaves, that next morning, he finds something else in his hand, a burner phone Eloise doesn't know about; hidden in his things he brought to this place, this cult.
It rings twice before he hears a grumpy voice on the other end.
"Hello?" It says. He nearly gasps at the wave of longing that Liam's voice brings him.
"Liam?" He said in a whisper. He hears rustling.
"Killian? Is that you brother?" He asked in an awestruck voice. "God brother I've been looking everywhere for you!" He exclaims. "Are you alright?"
He shakes his head, knowing Liam can't see him.
"I messed up brother I…" He trails off. He feels like a child, but knows what has to happen, knows what he needs to do. "Do you think you can come and get me?"
/
"Killian?" Emma says, breaking him out of his daydream. She's bent down trying to help him collect the pieces, but when her hand makes contact with his, he jolts away.
"I've got it." He insists. "Alice, go back to bed, everything is alright." He looks up, seeing Alice's expression in a firm frown.
"No it's not Papa." She insists, but she doesn't move. "But it will be Papa. It will be."
He looks at her and Alice has one of her looks, like she's older than her 6 years. "We're going to be ok Papa. Emma's not a bad person Papa. She's just confused, tricked by the bad people."
They both turned to her, eyes wide.
"Starfish-" but he doesn't know what to say. She couldn't possibly know this. He reasons, but then again his Starfish always seems to know far more than she should.
"Good night Papa." She says with a smile. "I love you."
He doesn't move until she's gone. He can't. The weight that had been lifted from his shoulders yesterday feels like it's slammed back on him.
He has to protect her.
"Killian?" Emma asks in such a small voice.
"You can't stay here." He whispers; looking at her finally. He wonders if she sees his heart breaking. "When Liam comes, he can take you wherever you need to go."
She shakes her head, grabbing at his hands. "Killian you don't mean that." She insists. "Killian please-" He shakes his head.
"I can't take the chance that I'm wrong about you." He insists. "Alice is my life and I can't risk her. I can't Swan I just can't." He can't risk Emma leading Eloise here. He can't risk the thought of Eloise in her head might start his own downward spiral.
"I would never do anything to hurt you, either of you." She insists. "Don't make me leave."
He has to. It's the only way to keep Alice safe.
"But I will." She says staring right into his eyes, right into his soul. "I'll do whatever you think is best. I…I've appreciated everything you've done for me. And if you want me to leave when Liam arrives I will." She says.
He doesn't know what to say so he doesn't say anything. He just finishes cleaning up, throwing away the broken dish away as she watches him.
He wants to change his mind, he wants to walk over to her, beg her to forgive him. He wats to tell her everything, everything Eloise did that drove them to run. He wants to yell and scream at her for breaking his heart again, for making him trust her when he shouldn't have.
He doesn't know what to do.
Killian doesn't get the chance to because without warning theirs a knock at the door. No bells or alarms to let him know someone was her, nothing.
Just a knock at the door.