216 Things You Are Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

This story is not connected to any of my other stories. I might make up one though.

I do not now (& properly never will) Own Harry Potter.

Chapter 11: 98-142 Things You Are Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

98. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

99. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

100. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

101. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

102. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".

103. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or pirahna.

104. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

105. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

106. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.

107. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.

108. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

109. My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf."

110. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

-Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

111. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".

112. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real father in a raspy voice.

113. I will not send Professor Snape toothpaste and Shampoo for Christmas.

114. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

115. I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

116. I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as Catwoman, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather.

-Nor will I ask her if she is Catwoman in disguise.

117. I am to stop asking Professor Snape to Yule Ball.

118. Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either.

119. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

120. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

-No, not even though you are a witch.

121. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

122. I will stop sending Professor Snape forged love notes that appear to be from Professor Lupin.

123. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office'.

- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

-Especially not with kazoos.

124. Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.

125. I cannot be a Heffalump animagus.

-So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.

126. Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.

127. Do not... I repeat do not sing "Baby Got Back" when Firenze walks by.

128. Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

129. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

-Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.

130. Every time I see a dementor, I will not go, "Ssssssssshire...Bagginsssss".

- or "The Shire/Frodo is That Way!"

131. Every time I see Dobby I will not say something about 'master' or 'Precioussssss'.

132. "Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo" is not a transfiguration spell.

133. Neither is "Oo ee, oo ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang"

134. Not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me."

135. There is no Interpretive Dance course offered at Hogwarts, and I should stop signing up for it every year.

136. I am no longer allowed to sing my "own personal spy music" when I wander around the hallways.

137. I should not remark that "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" when Snape gets angry. Ever.

138. If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell "MORPHIN' TIME!" every time I change.

- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.

139. Adding "-us" to the end of a word does not make it a spell.

-Neither does adding "izzle".

140. Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.

141. Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.

142. Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.