Slither of Hope

The weeks were passing surprisingly quickly, and the end of May was already just around the corner. Classes continued in much the same fashion as they always had, and revision was steadily climbing everyone's list of priorities, though Remus doubted it would ever reach number one for him. It seemed bizarre that the school year was going to end in just over a month, and he was both looking forward to and dreading it.

The summer holidays meant he would be back in a world where people hated him for what he was. Sure, his parents loved him, but he sometimes caught his mum looking at him with sympathy and pity welling up in her eyes, and it had taken his dad a while to get over his prejudices and accept that being a werewolf did not automatically make you a monster. Sometimes they went on holidays, but they weren't the usual kind. Usually, they'd travel to some obscure region of Turkey, or a hidden mountain pass in the Philippines, or whatever corner of the globe it was, and they'd enjoy a brief two or three days like a normal tourist family – explore the area, take family photos, make memories and such – but then they would get to the real reason behind their stay.

Reus had been poked, prodded, scratched, hit, injected, cursed and forced to swallow vile concoctions so many times over the years that he'd lost count, and hope.

He knew there was no changing what he was. There was no cure. No way to make him into something he wasn't. He accepted that, as did his friends. But his parents, so riddled with guilt, would never stop looking.

He'd received a letter from his dad a few days before, mentioning something about some guy in Canada who had supposedly discovered a cure, and that, if the tale proved to be true, they would be travelling there that coming July, a week after the year had finished. Remus didn't even bother hoping. He already knew it was a dead end. But, as always, he wrote a reply saying how 'excited' he was and that he had 'a good feeling about this one'. It was what they wanted to hear after all, and who was he to deny them their faith?

He'd told the Marauders about the letter, and they'd told him how envious they were that he got to go to Canada. They'd joked and laughed and plotted ways to follow him or sneak on board the plane with him (his mum didn't trust portkeys or any kinds of wizarding transport that involved disappearing), and in the end the whole thing seemed much more fun.

Of course, all of their plans were stupidly impossible, what with Sirius being all but trapped at home and Peter's family coming over to celebrate his birthday around the same time Remus was to leave, let alone their inability to understand some of the basic muggle artefacts, such as money. James was probably the only person who could probably follow him, but Lyall never wrote down locations in his letters, and by the time Remus found out where they were headed, it was too late to send any messages to anyone.

Yet another reason why he wondered why wizards hated phones.

The summer holidays were his least favourite time of year, but this year, it would be a welcome reprieve. It was becoming emotionally draining, holding his feelings in check, and he was beginning to slip.

He'd shouted at James.

It had shocked him as much as it had shocked anyone else who had heard it.

He'd never shouted at anyone, let alone his friends!

It had started off as one of their usual conversations, about what pranks they would pull off next and who their target would be, which was, of course, Snape.

Since his private lesson in the dungeon, Remus had seen the Slytherin boy in a new light, and had made an effort to be kinder towards him. It was a surprise when the boy had returned the sentiment, in his own, small, way. A tip here and there if they were sat near each other in potions, a small nod when they passed each other in the halls, sitting with him and Lily if no one was watching. It was an odd kind of friendship, but it was a friendship none-the-less.

James had mentioned how the 'greasy git' was always lurking around Lily, to which Remus had mentioned that it was probably that she actually liked him. A mistake, now that he looked back on it.

Of course, James had insisted that Snivellus had somehow infected her with his hair grease and made her like him. He may or may not have then said something along the lines of 'she obviously doesn't know how to pick her friends', which Remus had found highly offensive, as, not only did he consider himself her friend, but it also made Lily sound as though she had no capability to read another person's character. The argument probably would have ended there, but James had to mention how she was wrong in most cases, getting himself and Snivelly mixed up for instance.

Two minutes later, Remus's voice had risen to surprising levels as he defended Lily's choices, explaining how James was in fact an arrogant bastard who automatically assumed that everyone either loved him or was in Slytherin, and had been coddled in a safe little bubble of prejudice and lies that deflected anything bad for far too long. Not every book is like its cover. Everyone has secrets. The world is not black and white.

This led to yet another parting for their group, and more anxiety for the majority of the student body and staff, though this time, Sirius had stuck with Remus instead.

"You're right," he'd told him, "James does have an inflated ego. But you take everything too seriously."

"What?"

"Since the first moment I saw you, when you sat on the stool at the front of everyone, I knew you were too cautious. 'Cuz I've seen the look you had before."

"Oh? And where's that?"

"In the mirror."

That answer had shocked him more than he thought it would, but it confused him even more.

"I have grown up in a family that believes that everyone is beneath them. I had to learn my morals from an Uncle who I barely saw, and he wasn't a very good role model. My parents hated me the moment they discovered I 'defected' to Gryffindor, and they never really liked me that much before. I have watched my own brother, who was someone who looked up to me like I was some kind of miracle worker, turn from an innocent boy to someone who hexes people in the corridors because of their parentage. I have had to hide who I really was for so long, and it's exhausting."

"Sirius… What are you saying?"

The boy had been unable to answer at once, but his answer tore the world from beneath his feet.

"You and James… Without you, James would wreak havoc. He would be expelled within a year, without a doubt. He's smart and fun, but it can go too far sometimes. And without James, you would be a stack of nerves, buried in a pile of books in a corner, waiting for the next boot to hit you as you fretted over whether your secret would be discovered." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I wish I could say I could do the things you do for him – for us – but… I'm too scared to show who I really am. How could I ever do anything like that?"

Remus had always known that there was another side to his friend, but he'd never imagined that he could be scared. Sirius had always been the first one to say yes to the most crazy of ideas, the first one to volunteer whenever there was a practical demonstration in Defence Against the Dark Arts (it had gotten to a point that the Professor had given up asking any more), and he was always, without fail the one who would risk a lifetime of pain by provoking Professor 'Minnie' McGonagall. The thought that he was afraid was a more terrifying thought than having Lily discover what he was.

It certainly put things in perspective.

After a fair bit of thinking, a lot of silence and a few awkward conversations, their friendship was patched up once again, and everyone's nerves settled back to their revision standard highs.

Neither Sirius nor Remus ever mentioned their chat. Or the several other chats involving Remus's feelings towards Lily. It was scary how perceptive the black haired boy could be. Now, every time he found the two of them together, he would send him a ridiculously smug look and make comments about how 'close' they seemed to be.

Luck seemed to be on his side today though. A last minute quidditch practice had been called, and both Sirius and James had been forced to attend, leaving both Peter and himself to fend for themselves. Then, surprisingly, Peter had revealed that he had somehow managed to glean a date from Robin (he didn't know whether to consider the fact that Robin said yes or that Peter had asked her in the first place more of a shock) and was unavailable for the day, leaving both Remus and Lily alone in the Common room.

"Well," Lily said as she stared after her friend as she stepped through the portrait, "I definitely wasn't expecting that."

Remus hummed in agreement, also unable to take his eyes off the last place he'd seen Peter. "Didn't say a word."

"Same."

They continued to stare for a few moments, neither of them understanding what had just happened.

Coughing, Remus turned back to the fireplace and made his way over to a sofa. "Well, we're not going to be able to figure out how that happened without some facts," he dropped down into the pillows, letting his legs stretch out in front of him, "so I'm going to try and figure out how I'm going to pass the time."

"No homework?" Lily asked, moving to sit next to him.

"Finished it yesterday."

She nodded. "Me too."

It took a moment for the close proximity to register, but by the time it did, Remus's shoulder was already being used as a pillow.

"So what was the fight about?"

"The fight?"

She hummed. "You and James. It was the same as last time; weird looks across the table, avoiding each other, the silent treatment… You're not too hard to read. Once you get past the mysterious exterior."

"Mysterious exterior?"

"No distracting!"

Looking down at her, his heart raced at seeing her face so close, her scent filling his senses, her eyes so intent, her lips… He swallowed. "I, uh… James was talking about Snape."

Lily blinked in surprise, shifting a little onto her back, which distanced her from him a little. "You were defending Sev?"

"Well, not directly…"

She tilted her head a little and pulled on the end of her hair, waiting patiently for him to continue.

He sighed. "It basically came down to you not being able to make very good decisions."

"Is that so?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"Yeah."

Her lips twitched, as though she was trying to keep something horrible in her mouth. "And what did you say?"

He shrugged. "I may have mentioned that he was an arrogant arsehole who's been surrounded by enough cushioning in his life that he doesn't understand that appearances can be deceiving." He turned back to look at the fireplace once more. "And I may have said something about how your choices are your own and no one else's."

"Remus," she gasped, playfully, "were you defending my honour?"

He blushed. "Well, I-"

"Oh, you really are a gentleman."

Suddenly, her arms were around him, and her cheek was pressed against his chest in a rather awkward hug. For a moment, he didn't know what to do. He'd never been hugged by a girl before (his mum didn't count), and he found himself holding his arms out like a threatened bird, but, slowly, he lowered them, and slipped them around her.

"Perhaps, my Lord Damsel," she said, pulling herself out from his arms, "you need a new name."

"I, uh-"

"'Damsel' is hardly a fitting name for someone who would stand up for me to their own friend, after all."

"I… suppose not…"

She tapped her chin for a moment, her brow furrowing as she thought. "Sir Knight?" She shook her head. "No. Knights are too arrogant."

"So, like James then?"

She scoffed. "Unfortunately true. He's too full of himself not to be." She studied his face. "I don't think you're knight material."

Remus frowned. "Thanks?"

"It's a compliment."

"If you say so."

She glared at him, but then her eyes lit up. "Lupo!"

"L-… What?"

Lily grinned. "Lupo! It means wolf."

"I know what it means."

She huffed. "It suits you."

Remus raised one of his eyebrows. "Is that so?"

She nodded. "For one thing, you name. I mean, Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were raised by a she-wolf. And Lupin is just another pronunciation of lupine, which means wolf-like." She tilted her head. "And, of course, there's the other reason."

If he'd been drinking something, he was sure he would be a spluttering mess, trying to get the liquid from his lungs. As it was, he could only sit there speechless as his muscles tensed. Did she know? Was it over before it had even begun? "Other re-reason?"

Lily smiled. "You are so loyal to your friends, you defend them with everything you've got. They are your pack. You are intelligent, compassionate and have a strong sense of family. I don't think you could be more 'wolf-like' if you tried."

For a moment, all he could do was stare, but then all the breath trapped in his lungs came out as a relieved laugh. It probably sounded a little crazy, but Lily didn't seem to care. "I suppose not, no."

She nodded again. "So… Lupo then?"

"Lupo." He returned the smile. "Sounds good."

"Great!" she exclaimed, leaning her head back against his shoulder again before putting on a narrator voice. "And so, Dame Evans and Lupo began their journey through Hogwarts."

Remus laughed. "Coming soon, to theatres near you."

She giggled. "God, it sounds like some weird 'coming of age' story about a girl and her dog!"

"Well, it kind of is."

She shrugged. "True."

They remained in a comfortable silence for a long while after that, Lily slowly snuggling deeper and deeper into Remus's side while his mind raced.

Was it possible that she knew? But she wasn't running away screaming at the top of her lungs. In fact, she seemed to be trying to get as close to him as possible, which wasn't completely unwelcomed, even if he knew he'd be thinking about it all night.

Now that he really thought about it though, he couldn't really see her as the kind of person who would let his condition get in the way of their friendship. Lily was probably the least judgemental person he knew, and she hadn't been brought up with the same prejudices those born in the wizarding world had been. Maybe he could tell her. Maybe not yet, but one day, and one day soon. Maybe this thing between them, whatever it was evolving into, could work.

Maybe, just maybe, he could hold onto that thin slither of hope. Just this once.

AN - Much heavier chapter than usual, I realise, but I think watching two seasons of Supernatural in a few days brought that out... It was a lot of fun to write, and I'm SO glad things are finally starting to come to a head!

That's right, Sirius knows! That's going to be a LOT of fun XD

Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Thanks again to i never did tell you for beta reading the chapter, and to everyone who helped. Until next week!