A/N: You know you haven't touched a part of your story in a long time when you read it and you are yelling at the characters. That was me. I was rereading it as I was editing it and haven't touched it in forever so I forgot what I wrote and was yelling at Charles and Erik to do this and that and yeah... It was very interesting.
Another unsatisfying chapter but what can I do? Rebellion is coming up though so that one WILL be good. I am ironing that one out for sure. Haven't finished it yet since I haven't had time to actually sit down at write a chapter. Kind of fighting a migraine that has been going on for a week now just to finish editing this one. Let's see what happens.
Enjoy the chapter! Sorry for the late update! ^^"
Chapter 11
"With an intention they came together. With an objective they grew closer. With an end they became one." – Anonymous
…..
When Erik finally woke up, he and Charles didn't speak of the fact that his head was on Charles's shoulder or that their hands were barely touching (for warmth of course.) Instead, Erik wanted to focus on the Rebellion and, in particular, the fact that they may need to rush his plan of 1 year of training to less than half a year for the sake of all that might happen. Charles didn't know why Erik was organizing this with him instead of Emma, but he had no complaints and lent his advice where it was needed.
The following weeks were filled with Erik helping Charles physically get ready for the rebellion and Emma training his mind to master other abilities. By the end of the first two months he was able to actually keep up with Erik, and he could block out people's thoughts he didn't want to hear.
The others were doing their part as well. Adalie was given stones and rocks and threw them at small piles of debris, the rocks exploding on impact. When he asked Erik what her ability was, he said that she could convert potential energy into kinetic.
She seemed to love doing it as well. A grin would plaster on her face and her eyes would faintly glow abnormally before she settled down. It made her look powerful and menacing.
Charles realized it was a good thing he didn't get on her bad side. He felt bad for any person who was going to be at this point.
Albert apparently had the ability to turn kinetic energy into a physical beam or pressure of power, similar to Adalie's but not quite, which made his finger snaps of energy a lot easier to accept.
Stephan seemed to be what the others called a "Selfless Mutant." When Charles asked what this was, they replied that it was when a mutant was given an ability not to aid themselves or improve their person, but to help others instead with no benefit to themselves. Stephan was like this. He had a "healing factor," as they called it, and was the one to heal everyone's wounds when needed. Charles didn't know what else he had though and he had a feeling there was something. Maybe a hunch.
He saw all kinds of powers in that time. Some that he was envious of and others that he questioned a little out of scientist curiosity. It was like watching something come to life or seeing a flower bloom. His "family" was showing their true colors and although they had to be quiet and secretive in fear of the guards catching whiff of their actions, Charles could tell they were enjoying it to the fullest.
Of course, the training wasn't all powers and mutations. There was plenty of talk going around. Plans and strategy mostly but also the small jabs of teasing and fun.
It started when Charles was in the middle of working on expanding how many people he can affect at one time. One second he was alone, and the next he was fully aware he had a few people around him.
When he opened his eyes, he was met with three curious ones.
"So, Charles," One of them, Francis, asked cheekily. "I have a question for you."
"Ask away then." Charles removed his hands from his temples and placed them in his lap, blinking at the trio in front of him. Adalie was to the left of Francis and at the other side was Albert, though he looked like he didn't want to be there really.
"What are you and the leader?"
He could sense the eagerness. There was plenty of it to go around. Their thoughts screamed interest and excitement like it was the only two emotions to drive them. It almost made him want to laugh if he knew the reason why they were so excited. For his answer? But they should know it by now, shouldn't they?
"Erik? We're friends." Charles tilted his head when they blinked at him.
"Friends? Just that?" Even Albert was paying attention now. Adalie was snickering as Francis didn't look one second into comprehending what Charles said. Why was it surprising?
Albert shook Francis's shoulder tentatively, "You okay?"
"I think Francis is facing what all of us are," Adalie whispered behind her hand though Charles could see the amused grin on her face.
"No. No that can't be. The way you two- You can't just be friends!"
"If it makes you feel better, close friends might be the best way to say it really?" he laughed but nobody else joined him.
Francis looked absolutely surprised. Adalie and Albert shook him out of his stupor and with a farewell, the trio left.
This wasn't the only time he was asked. It turned into a daily thing with one person or two people asking him and then hiding behind anything really as he talked to Erik. It was embarrassing.
What answer did they want?
Whatever the case, he didn't let this stop him from doing his best and practiced just as hard as the rest of them – even if he has a mental ability and probably holds the physical strength of a kitten in reality.
It distracted him from the thoughts that plagued him some nights. About Erik usually which were so ridiculous that he just slept them away. It was probably from the story he read. It affected him more than he thought.
At least, that was what he told himself a lot of the time. He didn't understand what else it could be.
….
"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." - Søren Kierkegaard
…
Before he knew it, six months had passed by, and Charles was found lying the night before with an anxiety so powerful it was rivaling the night he fretted over Erik's health at home.
At home. It was weird thinking that now. After all, before he came here he saw home as a physical place, something that he should be at to feel comfortable and at ease.
Now that wasn't so much the case. He was finding home in people instead. In his mum and in Erik's. In his friends Adalie, Albert, Stephan. Most of all, in his friend Erik.
But Erik was a strange case. Months ago, he never really thought about Erik more than a friend. It wasn't until one day when Adalie cornered him in the library that he was forced to consider otherwise.
It wasn't until after she cornered him that he finally caught onto why everyone was asking him things about Erik.
-Flashback—
He saw her before she walked over to him. He may have been nose deep in the fifth book of genetics by the same author – an absolutely brilliant man by the way – but he wasn't as blind and oblivious as people assumed him to be. It didn't take much to see out of the corner of his eyes.
"Adalie, a pleasure to see you as always," Charles greeted, looking up to see her sit next to him. "Did you know that each of our characteristics are determined by these structures called alleles? I never knew! Additionally, there are recessive and dominant ones, too! Like my blue eyes and your hazel are recessive. They don't happen often. And then-"
"Charles, I'm sorry to interrupt you because I'm sure it's fascinating, but I have more pressing matters to ask you."
Charles shut up and put his book down, giving his friend his absolute attention. "I'm sorry, Adalie. I kind of rambled a bit there. It's just amazing to understand is all." He smiled apologetically. "But my attention is completely on you. Speak your mind."
Adalie ran a hand through her hair that was, for once, not in a ponytail. She averted her gaze to look around at all the pillars in the library before resting on Charles once again.
It was weird seeing her act this way. She was definitely the kind of person to speak her mind and with a bluntness that stated she had no qualms being herself in the matter. She wasn't the kind of hesitate. That wasn't the type of person she was. Charles, needless to say, got a little nervous. What was so pressing that she was acting this way?
"You know I won't judge you no matter what you have to say to me, Adalie."
"I know. It's just," she let out a huff of air and rubbed the back of her neck, grimacing as she pondered her next words. "What are you to Erik? Let's start with that."
"I am his friend first and foremost," Charles recited slowly, having been used to being asked this on multiple occasions. What other way was there to be?
Adalie nodded and motioned for him to go on. When he didn't she sighed exasperatedly. "But…? Come on, Charles. You can tell me. There has to be a but there. With how the two of you act around each other… mon dieu it's almost saint-like how oblivious you are. A l'ange truly."
"I am confused. I don't see what you are saying," Charles confessed, his fingers intertwining and releasing themselves repeatedly in his nervous confusion.
"Obviously! Or you would be completely different with him." She groaned and twirled her air around her finger, tugging it absently as she muttered to herself. "What am I thinking? Of course they are nothing more than friends. Stupid boys and their-"
Charles placed a hand on her arm, "What's the matter? Just say what's on your mind. You have always done so before. Now shouldn't be any different."
Sighing, Adalie turned to face Charles. They were close but with his things seemed to be going, how the conversation was turning, it seemed an understanding had to be made.
"Do you have… sentiments, feelings, for Erik?"
Charles blinked, surprised by the turn of events. "I.. have never thought about it. Or just… feelings in general."
"Oh! I'm sorry-"
"No no it's fine! Really!" Charles was quick to hush, laughing to himself. "So this is what everyone meant when they kept asking me that, right? I can't fathom why though."
Adalie gave him a look and if a single look could give a thousand words, hers said millions. "Charles. Do you not see how the two of you act?"
"Like friends?" He supplied weakly, afraid to see where this was heading.
"Mon frère, no. At least, to all of us it doesn't look like that. When you first came to the meetings, you were sick. Erik usually snapped at us a lot but that day he was quiet and kept looking at you. When you two were leaving, he had the look of a man in distress, Charles. Like you being sick would end him. I understand you were more than out of it, but something must have clicked in that brilliant head of yours."
"He was acting like a friend should, Adalie. I fail to see how him looking worried for my health translates to him... having feelings for me."
"Oh? Okay. Well, how about the time when he was being an absolute tyrant, and I came to pick you up. The second you walk in, he listens to you. Completely. Absolutely. He actually doesn't argue with you. Listen to me on this. The way you two speak – it's like you two are already Amoureux. Darling? Haschen?" Charles blinked at her in confusion and she looked two seconds from throttling him. "Okay. Well. What about the morning after you were sick – and yeah, I heard all about it from Emma surprisingly enough – and how the two of you were?"
"Emma?"
"She is Erik's friend more or less. She does check on him," Adalie explained quickly. "But your breaking the subject, Charles. Answer the question."
"It was for warmth and survival-"
"And affection! Affection, Charles. Say it with me. Af-fec-tion. Just three little syllables that surely mattered then! Did he act weird at all that morning? The smallest change? Come on. Humor me for a second."
"Well," Charles thought it over for a second before offering, "He did look stricken with how we were. Like he had done something wrong. He said he "Did I do anything? What had happened? I was sleeping next to him – not anything more than that" which was rather odd I guess. But he must have been as surprised as I was."
Adalie was quiet for a long time, just staring at Charles like she was having an epiphany.
After this occurred for a few minutes, Charles felt his resolve falter. "Adalie. Please say something. Your staring is a little intimidating."
"You really are oblivious. Completely so. Mon dieu." She laughed to herself and twirled her hair around her fingers again. "Wow. Charles, please don't take this the wrong way, but you are entirely the most brilliant idiot I have the pleasure of knowing."
"But I am still an idiot?"
"Yes. Like I said, you are the biggest oblivious idiot I know." She groaned and rubbed her face before placing both of her hands on Charles's shoulders. "It seems I am going to have to be a lot more convincing than I have to be. A bit more work but if it will get Erik off my back then that's fine."
"What do you mean off your back?"
"He thinks that we," she motioned between them two. "Are having a little rendezvous, so to speak. Irrationally actually. We only meet twice a week at most and half of them are for the meetings and I'm walking you back to your building, but apparently the little green monster got him rather well."
"I.." Charles drifted off. "You lost me."
"Pay attention, Charles. All shall be revealed if you just listen to what I have to say instead of immediately ignoring it."
"Do you remember the days when you were under the drug? The newer one to which no one could get a response out of you? I remember them, but I'm almost positive Erik remembers them most. He wouldn't say much and Emma got little out of his head, not that I like her but if our leader is going off the deep end we need a plan B quickly, you know? Anyways, he kept by your side for the majority of the time and kept making rings and bracelets and an assortment of jewelry. Always the same piece of metal. It's like he couldn't quite figure something out.
"But I'm getting side-tracked. He kept talking to you and he talked about a majority of things when he thought no one was listening. I heard he talked about this fight you two had but I mostly heard he talked about these feelings he had for you."
She removed her hands from Charles's shoulders and leaned against the wall. "You said he said those words when he woke up with the predicament you two were in. Those were not the words of a friend, though a part of them probably were. Not anything more than that? Charles, that's not something a friend would ponder unless they already had feelings to think more than that."
Charles was quiet, fiddling with the frays that were ever increasing in his trousers. "But he never mentions them to me."
"How would he? It is clear he doesn't want to because he's afraid of how you will react. This isn't a time, nor the war, to be like he is feeling for you. You know this. You told me about the journal of that boy you read. He doesn't want to risk telling you and having you rush off and never talk to him again."
"But I wouldn't!"
"Would you?"
He felt his lips thin as he repeated again with a certainty that came from his unshakeable loyalty. "No. I wouldn't. Why would I?"
But she didn't answer his question. "Then what would you tell him, Charles?" She held up a finger. "And before you answer that, listen to me for a second. I know for a fact you have something for him as well. I see the way you watch Emma and Erik sometimes and by the way, they are nothing more than weird friends so don't worry about that. You don't like how she acts flirtatious, charming, and, well, her around Erik but everyone else is fair game. That's jealousy, Charles. You are jealous of her because of how she can treat Erik."
"I am not jealous," he scoffed.
"Yes, you are and you won't admit it because you never thought of it. I'm guessing you've never had a crush before. Probably have been focused on books all your life. So of course you wouldn't know what I am talking about but consider it."
"I—"
She placed a finger on his lips. "Consider it, mon amie. I don't want an answer but I expect this to be resolved by the time our Rebellion hits. The sooner Erik gets over himself the better if you ask me. We want a good head on his shoulders, not a conflicted love-afflicted one."
-End Flashback—
That was a week ago. Since then, Charles had been focused on what she had said, but he kept going in circles. Circles and circles and nothing straight and narrow and to the point. He hated circles. Hated drawing them when his teacher asked him to and hated going in them no matter if it was in his head or in real life.
Erik was a friend. He was a friend. Erik was a friend.
Yes. That was the truth. It had to be the truth.
But when he thought of the book he encountered in the library, the story of the boy who happened to like another boy, he felt that certainty falter where it never had before.
After all, for the longest time now he believed Erik to be his friend, and he most certainly was. Nothing would change that! The mere thought was absolutely ridiculous. But the idea that he may be… more was even more questionable.
Charles groaned and turned on the cot. Suddenly he felt too hot residing next to his mum. It was still cool this night, but it wasn't as frigid as the past few months had been. Yet he was incredibly warm and bothered and just not comfortable where he was.
It was all Adalie's fault for having him actually think about it in this way, but she had her reasons. He didn't want to Rebellion to go wrong tomorrow either.
How would tomorrow go? Well? Not? If it did okay, then they would be out. True, they might be fugitives so-to-speak, but time could get rid of that surely.
If it ended badly, what would happen then? He has heard whispers of concentration camps and that a new one more awful than the rest had been created recently. Auschwitz so the name goes. Would they go there?
Gah this was utterly ridiculous! If you don't get any sleep Charles, you might be the reason they fail! Stop overthinking this! This and Erik and everything!
His thoughts quieted for a split second before coming back in a ten-fold.
Sighing in defeat, he stood and walked out of the building, sneaking his way through the shadows to the library. Over time the board had grown easier to lift, which may as well be due to the training Erik put him under. He felt built and actually something more than bone and faint fat, but still his lean self. It gave him substantial value he thought.
And then there was Erik again.
Not now. He thought resolutely, opening the door to the warm room. Genetics will get rid of these silly thoughts, right? Clearly I'm just overthinking what Adalie told me. I don't have feelings. Nope. Not me.
The library wasn't as empty as he thought it would be.
"Hey! Charles is here. Where is our grumbling leader? Tell him his mistress has arrived!" A boy, Harold if Charles recalled correctly, exclaimed, his short cut black hair sticking up in various places.
"Barely a man! Hardly a mistress," Charles laughed and avoided the nudging coming from the rest of the team. Adalie was in the corner, talking to Albert about French phrases when he walked over.
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything?"
"You? Interrupt something? As if." Adalie teased while throwing an arm around his shoulders. Albert chose to exchange a handshake; which Charles wasn't averse to either. "We were just talking about you."
"Good things I hope?"
Albert coughed into his hand and Adalie sent him a glare. "More like bet on you but I suppose that is still talking, yes?"
Adalie looked ten seconds from strangling the poor boy.
"And this is why you don't participate in them!" Adalie complained while Charles sent quizzical looks to them.
"A bet? On what?"
Adalie looked behind her and Charles turned to see Erik. He wasn't his usual strict self now. There was a certain confidence about him. He knew this was going to work. That this rebellion had to work. It was admirable. Charles wished he had the same confidence, but the "what ifs" kept hitting him like a small punching bag.
When he looked back at Adalie, she rose a brow and the conversation from earlier came back. He immediately shook his head and proceeded to change the subject.
Not now. It seemed to be a mantra almost at this point.
Hours later found him sitting against the wall. Albert had left as did half the others. Emma, Erik, Adalie and he were all that remained though he didn't know where the first two went. It didn't matter. Adalie was relaxed against him, head on his shoulders as he idly played with her hair. It was a comfortable pose. Relaxing.
"You know why I took an immediate liking to you, Charles?"
"Why?"
She laughed. "It's silly really, but you reminded me of mon frère Remy. Young. Ambitious. Odd but not in a bad way. I kind of projected him onto you."
"Where is he now? Here?"
"Oh no. Nowhere here," she laughed though there was a certain wishing tone he caught despite her nonchalance. "He's far away. Far from here. Taken to the Americas so he can be as far from this war as possible. I just worry about how the normals take him. He... Isn't normal, Remy."
"Mutant?"
She nodded. "In a way but different than I am. I'm sure he will find someone though. He is like you, Charles. Likeable."
"I see," Charles murmured. He didn't really. Didn't understand siblings and all that because he never had any. His parents were content with one child, and a boy at that who could carry the family name. They weren't much of parents though so it was for the best he didn't have any siblings.
But Adalie clearly loved hers. Kind of like he to his mum or he to Erik.
So that much he understood.
"Ton amour at 1 o'clock," Charles looked in the direction and saw Erik round the corner of the bookshelf. Flushed by the term she used, he nudged her and almost scolded her when she snickered under her breath, "Worth it."
Erik seemed more relaxed now than his confident boasting self earlier. Subdued but not in a bad way. Maybe he was tired. God only knew how late it was. It might be closer to dawn by now. Anyone would be tired by this point - even Charles was leaning that way when earlier he was wide awake.
Pausing at how Charles and Adalie was, he rose a brow. Charles was confused but Adalie seemed to respond immediately if not reluctantly.
"Oui. I get it I get it. You want to talk to him alone, yeah?" She stood and sighed, patting Charles's head as she walked out the door with a "See you later, Charles." It was so fast that Charles half suspected that she planned it.
When it was just Charles and Erik left, Charles peered around his friend. "Where is Emma? Wasn't she here?"
"Left earlier, Häschen. You were just busy talking with your friends."
"They are yours as well, darling," Charles scoffed but something flitted into Erik's gaze. Briefly dark and foreboding but he decided not to comment on it. He didn't want another argument. Not until they successfully got out of here.
It didn't change the fact that he didn't know why it even showed up from his reply.
"Maybe a small bit," Erik eventually conceded with a small smile, motioning for Charles to get up. "We might want to head back. Dawn will hit soon."
"I thought so." Charles got up and stretched his aching bones, thanking his friend as he held open the door for the both of them.
As soon as they got outside the crisp morning air bit at his nose and skin and he shivered. It wasn't as cold as it was months earlier, but it was definitely chilly. Hopefully after today he could actually burrow in a blanket and enjoy a cup of tea instead of rubbing endlessly at his arms for warmth.
They made their way over the fence that separated their little sanctuary from the rest of the ghetto.
Suddenly Charles felt a hand grab his wrist. A repeat of the first time he realized who Erik was. This time confusion replaced anger in him.
Turning to face his friend, he noticed Erik was nervous about something. His eyes which were normally a subtle blue were stark against the almost pale skin. Charles liked them a lot.
As he waited for Erik to say something, the thoughts about Erik that he kept back made it to the front in a snap. Everything from what Adalie told him to the chance of jealousy he may have (though he wasn't going to admit it!). He found himself looking at Erik's face and gently poking into his mind to get the small pieces of emotion flitting about like butterflies. It was kind of… nice to see actually. Erik was just a nice person in general if you knew him well enough, but no one seemed to know him as well as Charles, or as closely as he did.
But when he thought about what Adalie told him, he couldn't exactly go much further. He was afraid to and confused as well. Erik was his rock. He was the reason Charles wasn't confounded with grief when he first arrived. The reason he actually matured in a sense and found out about his mutation.
He was a bit over protective but it was admirable. He was determined and strong and had a authority that Charles wished he had. People listened to him and he knew how to talk and actually make conversation with people, which Charles was average at best at. He had a kind heart and an even kinder mind that went hand in hand with his loyalty.
There truly was too much Charles liked about Erik but could that lead to... Like liking him? Really? He never understood it. Never experienced it.
Erik seemed just as confused as he let go of Charles's wrist and opened his mouth.
"The rebellion strikes today."
That was all?
"I know, my friend. Are you ready?"
A small quirk of the lip. "Of course. Are you?"
He laughed. "As ready as I will ever be. A bit nervous if I were to be honest with myself though."
"You'll do amazing, Häschen. You always do." Charles felt his face flush when he heard the praise and cursed his heart. Stop it. He's being nice. My goodness.
But he felt his thoughts stutter when he felt a hand lift his chin to look Erik completely in the eyes.
"I'm just me, Erik. I've had my powers the shortest, and I know how to use them the least. I'm more of a liability than not, and I don't like admitting that, I hope you know."
"No, you've had your powers as long as all of us if not longer. You just didn't know of them until you got here and look at you now. You're as talented as the rest of us. You're as ready as the rest of us. I'm positive you will do fine."
"Ha. Maybe," Charles accepted with a smile.
He was hoping that Erik would release him because he didn't understand why he was keeping him here in the first place. Not to mention his heart was doing somersaults in his chest, and he truly didn't understand why that was happening.
But he didn't and opened his mouth before shutting it.
It took a minute for him to finally speak and when he did, his hands shook worse than what came with his ability being forced away. "Charles. There is something I would like to tell you."
"Anything, my friend," He said in instinctively.
But no words came out.
Silence met him like a brick wall. Erik looked torn and there was something in how his hands battled between letting Charles go or pulling him closer that caught the boy's eye.
Charles was beginning to worry. Was something wrong?
Then warm hands lifted the hand with the ring on it. Slowly, Erik pulled it off and gave it back to Charles. "Look inside it. Shine it to the moon."
"Inside it?" Charles tilted it in the moonlight and caught a small scripture alone in the inside of the ring. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to read it.
Ich will dich an meiner Seite, meine Liebe. Für immer.
I want you by my side, my love. Forever.
Charles had no words. No words and no thoughts and he was in a moment of pure silence for once. He had no comeback or response. He didn't know what to say.
Was this here the entire time? It was, wasn't it? It was engraved in here, but Charles never removed the ring in fear that he would lose it. It was too precious to lose.
He put the ring back on but he couldn't say anything as he just stared at it in wonder, trying to comprehend the emotions in his mind right now.
Confusion? Happiness? Something else?
"All this time? This has been here?"
Erik nodded and settled his hands back on Charles's wrists. Charles didn't care about it now. He was in too much shock to care.
"From the beginning?"
Another nod. This was with even less certainty.
Charles was in the middle of staring at the ring when he felt something soft press against his lips.
Blinking, he watched as Erik pulled away. His face was red and he looked nervous and almost as terrified as the morning they woke up together. He wouldn't even look at Charles at all now.
Charles himself was confused for a second. In the back of his mind, he swore he could hear Adalie yell, "I told you so!" and she would have the right to. She was right. But he said he would still be friends with Erik but his heart didn't seem to like that idea. It hurt at just the word friend. Clenched and struck him.
He didn't know what to say. He had been working his way through the feelings in his chest for a while now but right now was the time he had to decide. Who knew what was going to happen? They might die or they might live. But he didn't want to leave Erik with that burning answer of "let me think about it" even though it might be the best for what might happen.
So he thought long and hard about his words and realized he couldn't even say them when he finally put them together.
The hands were loosening around his wrists and Charles took advantage of that, removing them completely but not putting them down. Not just yet.
The expression Erik had was trying to hide behind an expressionless mask but Charles knew better. His friend must be taking his silence the wrong way. Of course he would. He would immediately jump to the mistakes rather than anything else.
Charles, for once, wasn't overthinking this. He just let his actions prove themselves. Thinking would mess this up. Thinking might muddle what he finally came to terms with.
Maybe he was an oblivious idiot. Just a little.
Grabbing a small bit of Erik's shirt, he pulled him down and kissed him. It was awkward and he bumped Erik's nose a few times (how did people do this?), but after a second he found a good position and kept kissing his unresponsive friend until he felt a hand fall to his waist and another tilt his face just a little.
It was weird Charles thought. Kissing and all that. When he saw his parents do it, it always kind of grossed him out and made his stomach twist at the mere thought that he might one day do that.
But now it was strangely okay. Erik was okay. Erik was more than okay actually. This was the first person he had truly kissed but if he had the guess Erik was good at it. Of course, this was just on one trial of this experiment. He would need more to be sure.
Charles eventually had to pull away to breathe and opened his eyes (when had he closed them?) to see a grinning Erik. He was positively beaming and Charles couldn't help but mirror it.
But then the grin faltered a little. "You're not doing this out of pity, are you? Answer this, Häschen."
"Pity?" Why would this be pity? Who would do this out of pity? "Darling, no. No not at all. I mean everything. Does it look like I can fake affection out of pity? I didn't even know I had a fancy to you until recently."
That seemed to resolve the tension, and Charles felt the worry twisting inside him finally give way.
A hand reached out and though it was shaky it was warm and found its way to intertwine their fingers together. Charles found no objections to the matter and happily squeezed their hands. The ring felt warm on his fingers and he had a feeling it was Erik's doing.
When they got back to the living quarters, he found he didn't want to release said hand. Not right now. It wasn't for some desire or because he was afraid. Nothing like that. He just wanted someone there. Since tomorrow could go either way, he wanted to have someone he cared for there for the final day of "normalcy."
And wasn't that a funny word on its own? Normalcy? In this place? No, this wasn't normal. He wasn't supposed to lose more weight than was healthy, and he wasn't supposed to almost lose all of his family in under a year. He wasn't supposed to be in this place and neither were the others in his opinion.
He shouldn't be able to feel his cheek bones and see dark circles under his eyes from his sleepless nights. He shouldn't be able to have to use a piece of rope to keep his trousers up simply because they didn't fit his waist. His hands shook and were often cold. His lips were chapped. He had blisters on his feet and has dealt with more pain than he ever wanted to.
And this was normal, wasn't it? Normal. In a sense, normal was defined as being the usual or routine.
He was tired of it being normal.
Erik seemed to somehow sense this and tugged them over to Charles's cot. His mum was fast asleep and breathing softly as Erik let go of his hand and motioned for him to lay down. Soon after he followed and hesitated before wrapping his arms around Charles.
Charles almost had to laugh at this. The first time this happened, it was an accident and Erik had freaked out so badly it kind of scared Charles a little. Now he knew why of course but it was still funny how perhaps half a year later it led to this.
"Häschen?"
"Yes?"
Erik paused before he continued. "Whatever happens today, I hope you know that I will do anything to keep you alive. You primarily and my mutter, of course." He took a deep breath and sighed. "I don't know if it will end well. I'd say we are ready. That we have always been ready. But anything could happen."
"That is true," Charles agreed. "But we have done so well so far. Practiced so much and learned so much and I've probably made more friends since I've been here than when I was outside this place - which is still not your fault for getting me here in the first place by the way. We are definitely ready. Ready as we will ever be, you know? It's like we are superheroes."
A smile. "Superheroes?"
Charles found himself smiling too. "Yeah! You would be... Magneto because of your metal powers and I would be... Hm..."
"Professor X?" Erik teased. "I mean. You are a genius enough to become one. I saw all the genetics books you have read."
"It sounds nerdy and weird."
"I think it's fitting. Weird just like you are."
"Oi!" Charles laughed nudging Erik a little. Erik chuckled a little as well before kissing Charles on the forehead.
"Good night, Häschen."
And Erik was smiling as he said the endearment he called Charles so many times. He smiled like he was finally able to mean it.
"Goodnight, darling."
As Erik fell asleep, Charles found himself slowly leaning in that direction.
He hoped everything went well tomorrow. That would be nice. He missed the wind in his hair as he ran. He missed being able to learn without it being scolded for. He missed his bed with his quilts and blankets and nice pillows. He missed his father, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get him back no matter how much he wished.
He hoped his mum remained his mum when they got out.
Would they leave Warsaw? Leave this country and go back to London?
Charles didn't think he could do it. Couldn't do it unless Erik and his mum were to go with.
But he was tired of thinking. Too much thinking. He was bad at that. If he was going to be his best, he needed to go to sleep.
And with Erik's arms around him and his mum on the other side, he found that surprisingly easy.
…
"Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house
But I put it out of my mine
Long enough to call it courage
To live without a lifeline.
I bend the definition
Of faith to exonerate my blind eye.
'Till the sirens sound, I'm safe."
– "Earth" by Sleeping At Last