Chapter 11
I thought about my life would be today if there was never those memories imprinted in my life. I knew if I was the same person I was before I could've let Nathan in without a doubt. But right now I couldn't find the strength to accomplish this.
I wish I could give Nathan what he wanted from me. I wish we could just be friends and the whole shebang.
But those scars were my barriers. No doctor could stitch them back up. And yet I felt some were being stitched up slowly. This feeling left me baffled. Was this the work of Nathan? I had a feeling he had a part in it.
He had been there for me all this time. Even when I looked pathetic and weak. Even when I told him not to be there. Maybe I should take a risk in my life for once. But I still wasn't completely won over by this idea that formed in my head. Not yet, anyways.
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The day went on. People talked. Whispers went down the halls. Laughs were shared. Looks were given. Comments were made. Every time this occurred on tear would fall.
Why couldn't I be strong? I had no self confidence. I always have felt frail and useless. These feelings had always held me back from sticking up for myself. And all I showed my tormenters was the pain I so wanted to hide. It never mattered how big or small a comment or infliction they put on me was. Hurt always showed through.
I walked home alone that day, in silence.
That night, my aunt and I ate spaghetti without a word out of both of us. After cleaning both of our plates, I rushed upstairs. And I followed my normal schedule of the night.
School was the same as any other day that day. But when I got to my eating spot, Nathan wasn't there. I smiled at my discovery. And yet I didn't want to have that smile on my face. I wanted him here bugging me. Arguing how I should be his friend. I wanted his comfort. I wanted to see those emerald eyes.
Then I thought wait, what am I saying? Did those thoughts actually run through my head? What does this mean? Confusion took over me at that moment.
The rest of the day I didn't see any sign of Nathan. Did I miss the teacher marking him absent this morning? And why did it matter if he was here or not?
I was bewildered to the fullest extent.
What was coming over me? My plan for life was to stay away from socializing. Not getting close to anyone. No friends. But there I was missing the only person who I had said more than three words since coming to Ohio.
I slept that night dreaming of the possibilities.
I entered homeroom with a smile that Wednesday morning because the first thing I saw was Nathan sitting there. With that smile, I realized that I had changed. Maybe for the bad or the good. But I did. It was all because of him. I hadn't smiled like that since the life of my dear my mother.
It may not have been a big change but it was something. Maybe I could be friends with Nathan. I would take a risk and let my wings spread.
At lunch, I found what I was looking for under my tree.
My guarded wall was about to be knocked down without a fight. Nathan would get his wish. I couldn't believe only a few days ago I would've despised this plan. But my eyes were now open to what could be and what could become.
I had to take the baby steps. My life may not ever recover from my past nightmares. But I had to try. I had to be the brave person.
I walked up with my head to the ground. "Hi," I said in the lightest voice possible.
"Hello," said Nathan a little louder.
"Uhmm, I have changed my mind," I finally said.
"About?" Nathan said almost puzzled.
"About you your request to be friends," I said with a sigh. I finally gave up the war. My soldiers couldn't fight anymore.
"Tessa," he said with a frown. Wait he frowned. I thought he would be ecstatic. "I can't do this anymore. I should've listened to you before. I'm really sorry for what I have put you through with my presence. You were right. I belong with those lowlifes. That is my place." He finished.
I couldn't believe I was hearing this. There was the boy I wanted to take a chance on. And he was just like everyone else. He used me. I was now hurt. Tears filled my eyes. How could I have been such a fool to think someone could actually care about me?
I just stared at him coldly letting him see the pain he had caused me. I could see by expression he could tell. I then ran away with the watery tears dripping down one by one.
At that moment, I had transformed back into the pathetic girl I was just a few days ago.
I didn't blame Nathan as much as I blamed myself for letting someone in just to get hurt. It always ended that way for me. I would never be the princess in the castle that gets rescued by the prince. I was locked in the castle for the rest of my wretched life.
A/N: sorry bout the lateness of this chapter but I was stuck on ideas. And I think this chapter turned out the way I wanted to. I think this story maybe longer than I thought. And I may create another story too. What do you think? And don't worry Nathan wont be out of the picture for long (: