He sighed as he put the newspaper clipping back in the box and picked up the thick hardcover book.
I was walking through a bookstore one day with my new girlfriend when she spotted a recent Best Seller on display in the window.
"Look!" she cried, "Do you remember a few years ago all these movies came out with that amazing actress, Emma Nelson? And then just out of nowhere she quit?"
I gulped and nodded, wondering what this had anything to do with the book.
"She wrote a book!"
Oh, that's what.
I let this girl (what was her name? Isabel? Izzy? Iggy Pop? Something like that) drag me over to the stand where I realized the author was doing a book signing. I couldn't believe my luck. (Sarcasm.)
New-girlfriend-person grabbed my hand and dragged me over to a table where she picked up a book and got in line for it to be signed.
Once we got to the front of the line she handed Emma the book and said, "Hi, I'm Isabel Walker and I'm a huge fan. I loved your clothes in Touch Up. Did you get to keep them?"
Emma laughed and shook her head "no" before glancing in my direction. She began to look away and then did a double take and stared at me for a second before speaking, "Do I know you?"
Ouch. That hurt.
Isabel laughed, "Jay? No, no one knows Jay!"
And this coming from my girlfriend!
I just shook my head and grabbed Isabel's hand, taking her out of the store. Later that night, after she had fallen asleep, I snuck into the living room where her purse and bag from the bookstore were. I took out Emma's book and read the front cover: Jay, My Touched Prize
I figured that had to do with the movies she was in. Jay for Jay, Touched for Touch Up, Prize for Prize Money. But as I began to read the book, I realized that the title was just a cover up. Her book really was about a touched prize, but more in the way that it was tainted. And it was about a real Jay.
She had written a book about me.
It wasn't obvious. She didn't use my last name, or real names of some of the locations. For example, she called the ravine 'the cave' and The Dot 'Dotty's Diner'. She mentioned Sean, too. And Manny, Ellie, even Paige and Alex a little, too. Rick and the shooting were written in detail as well. But the only real name she used was mine.
Did I really mean that much to her?
But as I read the last paragraph, I realized that all I was to her was destruction:
Jay was never really a prize, but more of a desired disease. He was addictive. He smelled of smoke and beer and there was always the odd odor of pine trees. Whenever my lips touched his, or my tongue touched somewhere else, I tasted all of it. And I wanted more of it, all the time. And for awhile, even, I wanted him to be mine. But he was never mine. He was always touched by others, always with others. Jay would never be mine. But to me he was always one thing. After a long or stressful day, there was one escape, one release. My tainted reward. My touched prize. Jay.
She had written a book about me. About how I ruined her. About how I was her demise.
I wanted to be flattered that she even took the time to write about me, but I knew that for once in her life, she was doing something for herself.