Chapter 11:- Why?
This time when the silence stretched, nobody seemed to want to fill it. Even Gibbs was forced into a moment of empathy for the younger agent. Only one of his marriage break-ups had involved infidelity. His ex-wife had started seeing another man, and it had precipitated the divorce, not that that hadn't been inevitable anyway. The breakdown had come before she had sought someone else's company, but it had still hurt. Hurt more than anything he could remember, up to and including the separation from his first wife, and the experience had left him bitter. Well, slightly more bitter than he had been, more cynical, less trusting, and he had been in a hell of a lot stronger position to deal with it than Dinozzo would ever be.
He had acknowledged Tony's inherent vulnerability long ago, but it didn't stop him from getting the job done, and to Gibbs that was the bottom line. Tony was good at his job, added to the team, his enthusiasm always more than compensating for his insecurities. Still they were there, fostering Gibbs' protective instincts, which currently, made him want to find Julie Markham and get her alone in an interrogation room for a few hours, ethics be damned. He tried to quell his rising anger, this had all happened in the past. Tony was fine now; wasn't he? His fists clenched whitening his knuckles.
Kate was reeling from the callousness of the comment, the betrayal of the act. She was hard pressed to think of a worse way to treat someone, a way to be more cruel, less tactful, especially someone you had professed to love at some point; someone you had agreed to marry. Even if she had good reason to break up with Tony, there were so many better ways of doing it. Like Gibbs, she tried to put the revelations about Tony's past into perspective. It had all happened a long time ago, but somehow her heart still ached for the suffering of her friend. It took her a moment to realise that Jason was speaking again, his words cutting through the stillness that had descended on the room.
"He didn't eat or sleep for days after that." Jason's gaze was once again focussed on an impersonal spot on the floor, as he brought to mind the painful memories. "It was like he withdrew completely from the world, gave up. He wouldn't accept help from anyone. Eventually a couple of us took him home and stood him in front of his parents so they could see how bad things were. We hoped that they could help." He paused again.
"And did they?" Kate asked.
Jason finally looked up, made eye contact. "I suppose," he said quietly. "They did what they always did, good or bad, problem or no problem. They threw money at him, sent him away." Again a slight bitterness pervaded his tone. "They never had the time for him, couldn't give him the reassurances that he needed." He smiled slightly but the look held no mirth "Ironically though, it was probably the best thing for him. They bought him a new car, as if that would help. Then they sent him to stay with cousins in New York, very much the Italian side of the family. They helped him reinvent himself to the Anthony Dinozzo we all know and love, confident to the point of cocky, so positive that nothing seems to dampen his enthusiasm." He took a breath, "At least on the surface." He glanced across at Gibbs then back at Kate, clearly more comfortable in recanting this personal information to her. "Underneath the scars are still there and they run deep." He shifted again taking a sip of his coffee. "He hasn't let a woman get close to him since. He avoids anyone who even looks like they might, like they were carrying the plague, or he does his best to alienate them." He stared pointedly at Kate. "He over emphasises his negative qualities, reinforces them. I've never been quite sure if its conscious or subconscious behaviour. Whatever, he makes sure that no one is around for long; no one gets close. I guess that's the only way he can protect himself from getting hurt again," another sip of coffee to cover the emotion, "That's where the serial dating comes in. He tried to convince me once that he saw so many women because he was making up for what he missed out on in college. It was an excuse that worked for a while, but 12 years is a lot of making up."
Kate shifted slightly uncomfortably in her chair.
Jason leaned back and looked across at Gibbs again. "I'm sorry, I'm giving you my amateur theories here, instead of sticking to the facts, but I minored in psyche and I've had a lot of years to study Tony." He drew in another deep breath, "and if that woman is back in his life, I think that it's important that you understand what she did to him. Of course, I'm not blaming her entirely for his lack of self worth. His parents were responsible at least for starting that, they sent him away to school as soon as they could, camps for the Summer, and in the little time he spent at home they didn't seem to have any time for him. He's still looking for approval from his father." He looked up at Gibbs momentarily and then down again. "And I'm guessing there's more than a little transference going on somewhere down the line, but Julie had a profound effect on him, on his world view, and on how he behaves." He scanned between the two agents again. "Have you ever noticed how important it is to him that everybody likes him? How hard he tries to make people like him if they don't seem to?" The question was clearly rhetorical but Kate nodded a slight acknowledgement. "He's got this idea that if he'd just tried that little bit harder, been that little bit better, then she wouldn't have told him that, wouldn't have left him." Jason stared into the bottom of his mug before taking another sip. "So he tries too hard."
Gibbs copied the action, draining what was left in his cup. "He does that," he echoed almost subconsciously.
Jason stood up to retrieve the coffee jug, offering the two agents refills, which Gibbs accepted and Kate declined; she hadn't touched hers. "And have you noticed how much he likes working undercover?" Again the question was rhetorical. "It's because he gets to pretend to be someone else. I asked him about it once when he was very drunk. Do you know what he said?" He paused putting the coffee jug down on the table, his voice cracking slightly. "He said he liked being someone else because it didn't matter if they were liked or not, he could just be them." He covered the emotion once again by taking a deep drink from his mug. When he had composed himself he looked back up at the two agents. "Tony is still living with what she did to him last time she was in his life. If she's back for another shot, I really think it could destroy him all over again, and he may not be able to pick up the pieces this time."
"Have you any idea what happened to Miss Markham after she broke the news to Tony?" Gibbs asked, trying hard to focus his mind away from the stirred up emotions and back to the task at hand. If this woman was the key then finding her had just become their first priority.
"Apart from becoming Mrs Simpson? No, I never saw her or Mike after that. I didn't really want to."
"Is there anything else you can think of that might help?" Kate asked. "Anything that Tony has said to you in the last few times you've seen him?"
Jason shook his head, "No, and if she had come back into his life the last time I spoke to him, believe me I would have known. No, this has definitely happened since."
Gibbs stood taking out a card. "Well if you think of anything. . .?"
"I'll get in touch straight away," Jason stated. "Do you. . .would it be OK if I visited Tony, spoke to him about it?" He asked hesitantly, scanning between the two agents.
Kate and Gibbs exchanged a glance, and it was Kate who answered. "I think that would help," she said.
"I'll call over during visiting hours tomorrow then."
The two agents were almost back at the car when Kate stopped. Gibbs only took a step before he realised she wasn't beside him. He turned, a questioning expression on his face.
"I don't understand," Kate stated, looking back at the house as though it somehow held the answers to her dilemma, her thoughts piecing themselves together. "If she was so cruel to him, then why would Tony even give her the time of day, much less cover for her, and I'm assuming that's why Tony isn't talking."
The first question was implicit; did Gibbs agree Tony was covering for her?
Gibbs met her gaze, held it for a moment. "Yes, he's covering for her, and yes, I think he's helping her with something. Something that almost got him killed."
"But why? You heard what Jason said, she almost destroyed him, she cheated on him, dumped him, insulted him."
"Yes I heard what Jason said," Gibbs stated. "And I'm surprised that you didn't hear it too Kate. I thought you were the empathic one." He turned and began to walk towards the car.
Kate tried to figure it out for a second before opting for the easier option. "What? What did he say that I missed?"
Gibbs paused with his hand on the driver's door. "He said that Tony still loves her," he stated, opening the door and climbing in.
Kate stood, momentarily dazed. It was only the engine starting that pulled her out of her reverie; she took the remaining steps forward and hauled open the door. "Are you sure?" she asked as she secured her seatbelt.
Gibbs didn't get a chance to answer as his cell phone rang. Kate felt as much as saw Gibbs mood change, even without the visual confirmation of his tensing muscles and darkening expression, she would have known that something was wrong. "We'll be right there." Gibbs stated, cutting off the call abruptly and tossing his cell phone to her. He didn't wait for the question as he pulled the car away from the curb he turned to look at Kate. "It's Tony," he stated, his tone clipped, "He's gone missing from the hospital."