It's been a while since I've updated. Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or "Bullet in My Hand".
"There's someone lookin' out for me
I came out of the darkness
With a bullet in my hand
I got one more shot at livin'
I'm lucky that I can
Cause I got a little roughed up
Yeah I really got fucked up
I came out of the darkness
With a bullet in my hand"
- "Bullet in My Hand" by: Redlight King
Optimus rubbed his forehead. His processors felt like they were on fire. "Where am I?" he said groggily as he tried to get up.
He was stopped by Bulkhead. "Hold on, big guy, you're still recovering. You've been in stasis lock for a few days. Take it easy now, ok?"Optimus lied back down.
"You're back at base. You were struck by lightning, remember? I was watching the monitors when I saw your life signal go critical. Bulkhead and I Groundbridged to your location and found you in stasis lock. I brought you back. Luckily Ratchet taught Raf some Cybertronian medicine so we GroundBridged Raf to help us repair you. It's probably not the best job since none of us are medics, but at least you're conscious and stable," Arcee soothingly explained.
"Dude! We thought you were gonna die without Ratchet around to repair ya!" Miko shout rather loudly for Optimus's liking. Bulkhead shushed her.
"Thank you, all of you, especially you Raf." Raf, who was sitting on top of Bumblebee's shoulder, smiled with pride written all over his face. Bumblebee gave Raf a fist bump. Then a new thought came to Optimus's aching processors. "Do the children know?"
Bulkhead spoke up. "They knew that you kill…uh, you know, to Ratchet when we recovered his body. We told Raf that you were aware of your deed when he called him in to repair you. Once you injuries were fixed, Jack and Miko arrived and we told them what happened," Bulkhead explained.
"Do they –" Optimus was cut off.
"We don't blame you," Jack said firmly and reassuringly. "All three of us, including them, don't hold you at fault or hate you for what you've done." Miko and Raf shook their heads in approval of Jack's words.
"That's good," Optimus muttered under his breath. It felt good to say those words and actually mean them. Every time he wished his comrades hated him, it painfully sucked parts of his spark like a thousand black holes. Now Optimus felt some sort of serene feeling in spark like it was healing a little bit, bit by bit. It will be a long time before it could fully heal, but for now, it felt good.
"Now you need to rest," Raf said. Optimus was about to open his mouth in protest when Bumblebee stopped him.
"No buts. It's Doc Raf's order. We need you to be in tip-top shape next time the 'Cons come attacking."
Optimus nodded and fell into recharge.
A week later, Optimus was given the clear. Although his teammates, especially Raf, did a good job at repairing him, but he knew that none of them would be able to a severely injured Autobot. He needed a new medic and soon, but he felt like he couldn't do that just yet. Not without paying his last respects to Ratchet.
Optimus punched in the key code to the tomb room. There lied Ratchet as if he were in recharge except for the gaping wound in his spark chamber. Optimus closed the doors behind him. He wanted it to be just him and Ratchet. He somberly walked towards Ratchet's body. Optimus gently rubbed Ratchet's forehead. He sighed, thinking of the right words to say. Then he decided that he should start with a simple thank you. "Ratchet, I want to thank you for saving my life twice and all the times before it and not just physically. Your words and empathy have helped me to try and learn to forgive myself rather than wallow in self-blame and self-hatred." Optimus dimmed his optics in deep thought for a second. "I cannot forgive myself right now. I don't know if I'll ever, but I'll try to find that forgiveness. For you." Optimus stood there in respective silence for his fallen friend until words poured from his mouth. "I decided not to tell my team of my encounter with you in the Inbetween. I don't want them to think that it was caused by my damaged processors." Optimus chuckled. As an afterthought, he added, "You have taught Raf very well. He was the one who did the bulk of the work. That boy really does look up to you. I'm sure your death hit him the hardest." "Excluding me" was left out in the holy silence. Optimus didn't want to talk about his unknowing suicide attempt and guilt. Today was a time for happiness, for sharing memories.
For saying goodbye.
"But what I really want to say is that I miss you very much, old friend. I miss our time together during the mornings before everyone else is awake. I miss knowing that no matter what, you're always there to take away the pain and heal the injury. I don't know if I'll ever find a medic as skilled as you. I just don't know what to say except that I miss you. I can't say goodbye yet. It feels too final. I know you must be happy now. You are reunited with Redstar, and now you two will no longer be torn apart. I hope to find that kind of happiness one day. Remember the time I met Elita One, and you encouraged me to ask her out. You went on and on about the algorithms of how our similar ideals and personalities compute together, forming a perfect relationship. I told you that if math says it would work, I would ask Elita out. In reality, I just wanted you to shut up." Optimus chuckled. "It was the best thing you ever done for me. We became sparkmates. I guess math does work when it comes to love. It's a shame that the war took away Elita from me like the war took away Redstar from you. I wish you told me before. I could have helped you in your grief, but I guess it was better that you told me a week and a half ago.
"You were a true friend, Ratchet, truer than Megatron. Never once had you betrayed me. You were always there for me when I needed a friend rather than a medic. You supported and encouraged me in my times of doubt. You were by my side in my times of triumph. And without you, I would have been dead my times before. I realize now that you were more of a brother to me than Megatron ever was. I wish I could have told you that before.
"Now, old friend, all that's left is to say goodbye. I wish you well in the Well of Allsparks, old friend. Thank you for all that you have done for me, this team, Earth, and all of Cybertron. You will be dearly missed. Please tell Elita One and Cliffjumper that I said hi." Now feeling fulfilled, Optimus gave one last tender look at Ratchet and one last affectionate rub of Ratchet's forehead and left.
A light, happy feeling developed in Optimus's spark. Perhaps it is possible to move on from the guilt forever. Optimus smiled. Now it was time to find a new medic. But what should be the qualifications? Obviously, they need to be skilled in Cybertronian medicine, but Optimus learned from Ratchet that there is more to being a medic than just knowledge. Medics needed to be brave in the face of a patient's death, calm under pressure, strong to take death by the throat and fight for the patient's life, and most of all caring and compassionate. All of these qualities Ratchet possessed even if he did show his caring and compassionate side in strange ways. So after staring at the monitor wondering what to say, Optimus finally figured something out.
"My name is Optimus Prime stationed here on Earth at these coordinates with a small team. We have lost our medic Ratchet, one of the greatest medics in all of Cybertron. His memory will live on and all that he stood for will not be in vain. Although Ratchet will be greatly missed, it is urgent that we get a new medic, but he or she cannot just be highly skilled and intelligent, he or she compassionate to those under his or her care, strong to overcome death, and brave to fight a battle for another's life. I await your arrival."
Optimus coded it and sent the message into space.
A month later
Optimus approached the starship cautiously with his team following closely behind. He knew it was of Autobot origin. Actually, it belonged to First Aid, the new Autobot medic, who landed at the coordinates Optimus requested, but Optimus was still cautious just in case. The last time a new Autobot arrived on Earth, it turned out to be a Decepticon spy. Opitmus regretted that he was not on base when Makeshift infiltrated Autobot Outpost Omega One and took Miko hostage, but he was proud of his team's handeling of the situation. Still, Optimus did not want a repeat of that scenario.
Optimus observed the starship. He saw the Cybertronian symbols written on the side, claiming the starship's name as the Heptaneon. It was similar to the Jackhammer but not as high in military grade. The Heptaneon was more of a passenger (possibly dueled as an astro-medic starship) starship equipped with a couple of small laser cannons compared to the Jackhammer's protective metal armor and small armada of weapons. The Heptaneon seemed like a starship Ratchet might have owned.
"Looks like it took some damage," Arcee commented. Optimus noticed some energon leaking on the ground. He walked around the starship to see the source of the leak – a large dent with a small hole, leaking with energon, and there was First Aid trying to fix the Heptaneon as if it were his own patient. He didn't even notice Team Prime standing there.
Before interrupting First Aid, Optimus observed the Autobot in his work. First Aid was primarily white with a red chest and back and blue servos, helm, and feet. He wasn't as bulky as Ratchet, but he wasn't slender like Arcee. He had a medium sized build like Bumblebee but with signs of a Cybertronian alternate mode. He seemed to be a few vorns younger than Arcee but older than Bumblebee. He probably just graduated from medical school just when the war broke out, Optimus thought.
"Come on, Heptaneon, stop leaking. I know it hurts, but if you don't stop leaking energon, you're not gonna fly anymore," First Aid talked to his starship.
"Talking to his starship as if it could feel pain and have a mind of its own like transformer? That's kinda weird," Bulkhead remarked. First Aid still did not notice Team Prime.
"Yeah, that's it. You're gonna be okay, little guy," First Aid continued talking to his starship.
"You're sure you want this guy, Optimus?" Arcee asked. She shared Bulkhead's feelings for First Aid.
Optimus was not weirded out. Instead, he was touched by the sense of empathy First Aid felt for his ship even though it could not feel for itself. If First Aid could show this much compassion for an object, then he must be extremely towards living things. So far Optimus liked what he was seeing. After watching First Aid work for a little bit, Optimus decided it was time to make his and his team's presence known the Autobot medic. He tapped First Aid's shoulder.
First Aid yelped in surprise and spun around to see Optimus Prime looking down upon him. First Aid peeked behind the Autobot leader to see three other Autobots, one of them he recognized as Bumblebee. First Aid remembered having to do an internship at the Youth Sectors for medical school and met Bumblebee when he was just a youngling a few vorns before adulthood. First Aid quickly got up. "Oh, sorry! I didn't see you guys there. I tend to get so absorbed in my work that I tune out everyone around me."
"Yeah, we noticed with the way you were talking to your starship," Bulkhead pointed out.
First Aid replied, "I can't help it but show a little kindness to even damaged inanimate objects. It's as if I could almost feel their pain, you know?"
"Yeah," Bulkhead replied sarcastically.
First Aid noticed Bumblebee checking him out. "Hey, Bumblebee, remember me? I did an internship at the Youth Sector you lived at. We used to hang out together."
Bumblebee smiled at the sight of the mech he looked up to and viewed as an older brother. "Hey, First Aid! I missed you!"
"I missed you, too, little buddy," First Aid said, calling Bumblebee by his pet name. Only First Aid calls Bumblebee "little buddy" and no one else was allowed, too.
Optimus took over the conversation. "If I remember correctly, you were part of the Protectobots?"
"Yeah, I served under Hot Spot. Streetwise, Blades, and Groove were my teammates."
"How come you left?" Arcee asked suspiciously.
First Aid's face darkened. "I didn't. They were severely damaged in a Decepticon ambush. I was seriously injured, but my comrades were suffering life threatening injuries. I had to carefully remove them from the battlefield and repair their injuries before help arrived. I succeeded, but they were so heavily damaged that they still remain locked into stasis while their bodies heal. I wanted to stay with them, but Ratchet said my services were needed elsewhere. He wanted me to take over as Autobot chief medical officer if should anything happen to him," First Aid explained.
Arcee was taken aback by First Aid's story. "Oh," she said sympathetically, "I'm sorry."
"It's ok. In another vorn, they should awake," First Aid said sympathetically.
"Wait," Optimus said. "You knew Ratchet?"
"Yes, sir. He was my mentor in medical school. I was his most prized student. He taught me in everything I knew and assigned me to the Protectobots Squad One. I was devastated to hear that Ratchet offlined. He was practically like another father to me."
He knows Ratchet, Optimus thought. If Ratchet trained him and chose him as his successor, he must be more than qualified. But watching First Aid repair his starship and hearing him talk about saving his comrades and his interactions with Bumblebee, Optimus knew that First Aid possessed more than intelligence and skill. First Aid braved death to bring his dying comrades to safety and fought with everything to save their lives, and he was successful. First Aid was compassionate. He wanted to stay by his comrades through vorns of recovery and befriended Bumblebee, who lived his whole life without a family in the Youth Sectors, and treated him like a little brother. First Aid even showed compassion to the nonliving things, caring for them as if they were sentient beings themselves, and First Aid didn't care how others thought how crazy he was for that. First Aid cared only about the patient – living or non living, sentient or non sentient – not what others thought about him. But First Aid was more than compassionate, he was empathetic. First Aid was in tuned to everyone's emotions and felt a real need to help them if they were in distressed. First Aid was probably more compassionate than Ratchet and just as skilled. He is exactly what Optimus was looking for. Thank you, Ratchet, for sending down a mech like First Aid to us.
Optimus extended a servo to First Aid. "Welcome to Team Prime, First Aid."
I was originally gonna use Hoist, but when I've read G1 First Aid's bio, I decided to use him instead. First Aid's color scheme is similar to G1 First Aid. Also, the Protectobots do exist, but I made some changes. Rather than being a single Autobot subgroup, I imagined multiple squadrons of Protectobots, and rather than having origins on Earth and built by the Autobots, I gave them origins on Cybertron with Ratchet establishing the Protectobots rather than Ratchet building the Autobots who become Protectobots. And unlike G1 in which they are a team of emergency, rescue, and law enforcement for humans, here they are teams of rescue and medical emergency for Cybetronian refugees and neutrals caught in the crossfires of war.