A/N: Hey! Still there? I got a little breather and decided to update (finally!) haha. I don't want you guys to keep on waiting on what'll happen. I know you love angst… SMACked angst that is.

So, I'll make your hearts break pre-Valentines Day. I'm cruel like that. :)

Enjoy!

I've packed my bags that morning whilst he was at work. I've also booked a flight to Los Angeles to leave the next day. There was no turning back now.

Mac started to stir. I looked deep in his eyes and said, "Let's take this to bed, shall we?"

He smiled and collected me into his arms. "You're a bit frisky tonight, huh Stella," he chuckled, carefully placing me on to our bed and pinning me on it.

"I missed you," I said out loud as my heart cried out, "I'll miss you." That was our last night together in New York.

I wasn't able to get any sleep. He did get a call-out at around 2am, a double homicide or something. What I heard was Flack's voice over Mac's phone. I felt instantly guilty. I'm leaving not only Mac and my great city… I'm also leaving my friends behind. Danny, Flack, Sheldon, Lindsey, Sid… all of them, without even saying goodbye.

He kissed me on his way out, told me that he loves us and went out the door. I laid there crying my eyes out until 5am. My flight was to leave at 6:45am. It was time to go.

I took my stuff; just a suitcase-full of clothes and some shoes and a few pictures that I can't seem to leave behind. How I wished I could take my badge with me. I left everything else in Mac's care. I berated myself on how cowardly I was… leaving like that, unannounced, unseen. Like in all cliché movies we have watched over and over, I thought it was best to leave him a letter.

Mac,

Before anything else, I want to thank you for EVERYTHING. It's been a wonderful ride with you, through the years, the thick and the thin, all the blood, sweat and tears we shared. But all good things have to come to an end. I had fun while it lasted.

I guess I have this is the part where I say I'm sorry. Sorry. For leaving this way. For leaving you. I have to do this for my sake, yours and our baby's. Explanations, I have some but I know they can never be enough. I love you, Mac – I always have. I loved you more when you decided to take responsibility of this baby in my womb. But I guess, even if you're with me, I would still be raising him or her on my own. I must admit I'm scared… I've been alone for so long. Nevertheless, I'll do it. For you.

You've been my strength. But now, I have to find my own strength. I think I have to support myself first before I could support another life. Don't worry, I'll take good care of our baby – I'll fulfill your dreams for him/her, I'll make sure s/he lives a happy life. I don't want you to think that I'm taking our child away from you. One day, Mac – we'll see each other again.

I left everything to you, left a little for me. It's up to you… you can throw everything away, forget about me altogether. Or maybe, keep them… if they remind you of me. I know I will have someone reminding me of you. And of how much I love you.

Mac, I guess this is goodbye. Please don't cry; not when I'm not there to wipe away your tears.

Love, Stella.

It surprised me how easily the words flew from my heart to the paper. I was crying the whole time, a few fat drops blotting the ink but still readable. Finishing all the clichés of that moment, I kissed the paper and placed it on the dresser under our picture. With one last look inside the house, I left.

I counted my footsteps from the front door to the sidewalk, from the sidewalk to the spot where I hailed a cab, from where I alighted to my seat on the plane. I lost count at three hundred – my tears did the counting for me. As New York became smaller and smaller, I felt a part of my was dying by the second. My friends, my work, my life… my love. I'd probably never see them again.

I hid my tears from the seemingly happy couple beside me on the plane. I didn't want to ruin their day. But then again, when you're in love – the whole world seems to just melt away around you and your significant other.

As the seatbelt sign went out, I hugged myself and my little baby. At least I know I won't be alone. Never again.

Sorry it's deadly short. I'm just buying time coz I'm so hopelessly stuck. But that's okay. If Stephen King gave up then we wouldn't have "The Green Mile".

xx-hanna-xx – lol, sorry. I'm cruel. But so far… trust me, it's gonna turn out happy.

Paly – muchas gracias! I managed to do well on my Spanish exam.

Mad Lil' Me – like I said to hanna (and with my other SMACked fics) – it'll be a happy ending. Just stay tuned how.

Mandi – yeah, some time apart is nice. Just… for how long?;)

Reine – true. I do know some people who went through a somewhat similar thing.