WOOWWW definately my longest chapter yet. 11,332 words! This is 21 1/2 pages on Word. So, i am so very terribly sorry for the long wait, i hope this chapter makes up for it. Its like an emotional rollarcoaster. So i was planning on Samantha decideing to kind of keep her relationships with the Cullen Family platonic and then go on from there...but to be honest i didnt want to have to write that _ i really like this chapter, there is SO much in here rofl. So here i am, i just finished it at 4 am and i am posting NOW.
some clarifacations: i read through my previous chapters and saw some inconsistancies that i am too damn lazy to change=
1) Emily and Scott's parents are named KAREN and KEVIN STEVENSON. not Katherine
2) Darleen (Emily and Scott's Aunt), Darleen's and her family's last name is MCKELLAR not Kelly
my bad ^_^'
reveiw please????? thanxxxxxxxx
I wake up with a groan. Everything felt so wrong, just so incredibly wrong. My nose feels like it weighs ten pounds, my body and limbs feel awkward while my forehead feels as though it is splitting. My throat is burning and the driest I have ever felt it, not to mention my eyes feel heavy and even gooey.
"How are you feeling Samantha?" I hear the voice of Dr. Cullen. I yawn but then immediately stop after an awful pain in my side. Oh, right, fractured ribs, not good for yawning. I open my eyes to see more people (and vampires) than I had anticipated.
"I've been…" I can barely hear my voice. "I've…" I try to clear my throat a couple of times. "I've been…" Then I cough a few times which sent pain on my side and made my head pound and throat burn. "I've been better," I barely whisper in a raspy voice. Ugh…so not cool. I look around the small room to see Darleen, Ron, Emily, Scott, Edward and Alice. My eyes naturally go to Edward's nearly translucent face to see a contradictory of emotions displayed in his golden eyes.
"Dr. Cullen, is that a symptom of the surgery? Why is her voice like that? Why does she look so tired?" Darleen rushes to my side and feels my forehead, "why is she so warm? She is boiling!" Surgery? I look to her then snap my head to Carlisle.
"Who had surgery?" I ask; even though my voice is quiet I can hear the panic in it.
"No, it's not from the surgery;" Carlisle addresses Darleen while he touches my face and inspects my throat by applying pressure here and there making me flinch uncomfortably because it hurt; but on the plus side, his frozen body temperature eased my unusual warmth. "I suspected that this would happen. During the attack, it was raining and she was wearing merely a sweatshirt, so she's just gotten sick," he says while walking to the foot of the bed, picking up the clipboard and writing some things down on it.
"Who had surgery?" I ask again. My eyes flicker to Ron who mouths the word 'you' while pointing at me, then crossing his arms again. Me? When did I have surgery…and on what?
"Just sick? Does she have the flu or pneumonia or something like that? I mean, look at her, she looks like an absolute mess!" Thanks, "I have several children of my own, doctor and I have been through many sicknesses in my home, but I have never seen someone look this bad from just being, sick!" she stands up and walks next to Carlisle while all eyes follow her. "Please, don't take this for me telling you how to do your job, but there must be something more to this," she justifies herself with her brows together in concern.
"I'm afraid not," Carlisle says looking at her with nothing but a perfect gentlemen's smile. "It is just the common cold, though the pain medication that she is on is most likely enhancing the illness mildly. I'll prescribe her some cold antibiotics, but that's about all I can do for it. She even said so herself when the nurse was gathering Samantha's medical history, that when she does get sick, she 'gets it bad'." He quotes what I had told the nurse.
"What did I have surgery on?" I ask; talking was murdering my throat.
"The ribs that you had originally fractured," Carlisle finally speaks to me directly, "during the night you started coughing so severely that it disrupted one of them and it broke completely. There was a piece that was dangerously close to your lung that could have punctured it if we hadn't operated."
"How come Samantha doesn't know that she had an operation?" Emily asks.
"That's because of the medication she was put on to help her sleep through the night. Apparently, the amount the nurse gave her, which was the standard amount, completely knocked out Samantha for an entire surgery," Carlisle chuckles looking at me, and I just shrug my shoulders; not my fault I'm susceptible to sedative medicines. A question arose in my mind, but instead I ask Edward so that I wouldn't have to deal with the troubles of my throat. When can I leave the hospital? Edward's eyes lock onto mine for a mere moment before he looks to Alice, so I do the same. Her eyes are blank but then suddenly she smiles and looks to me; Edward has a small smile of his own on his perfect lips that was a smile of satisfaction.
"So when can Samantha leave the hospital?" Alice asks while trying to hide her excitement.
"I would say tomorrow. She shouldn't go to school because of her cold and her ribs need more time to heal," Carlisle explains. I look to Darleen and see a worried look on her face.
"So…someone would have to stay home with her and look after her correct?" she asks and Carlisle nods. "Ooh, I think we might have a problem. Ron can't take off from work at all for the next month," to this day, I still haven't found out what Ron does for a living. Then again, I haven't asked, but I'll find out one day, "and I'm going away the day after tomorrow," she is going to a city in Washington for a convention; Darleen is a therapist of some kind. Once again, I never really paid attention to the details of what she does for a living but one day I'll find out, "and I don't want my little Bethany to get sick, oh and the twins…" she looks to Ron but then she looks back to me, "Oh but sweetie don't think I'm favoring my own children over you, that's not it at all!" I shrug my shoulders in understanding.
"I have a suggestion," Alice says as every head turns to look at her small petite form, "Samantha can stay with us. I mean, Carlisle's her doctor and is right there if she needs any medical attention and Esme is a stay at home mom; not to mention that she also knows some medical stuff, since you know, being married to a doctor," she smiles charismatically toward my guardians.
"Um…" Darleen looks to her husband for some consolidation, "What do you think Ron?"
"It's up to her," Indicating to me, "She's old enough to make her own decisions,"
"I have no problem with it," I muster out. I really didn't have a choice in the matter anyway, I mean, yes, it was my choice if I should stay at the Cullen's home, but if I said no, Alice would have killed me. Still, Darleen didn't look at ease with the decision and it seemed as though she did not want me at the Cullen's house; I could tell by the frantic expression in her eyes.
"Are you sure?" She asks me, "Is it OK with your wife?" She asks Carlisle.
"Yes, she'll have no problem with caring for Samantha,"
"And between Edward and I, we can get Samantha's homework and she'll be able to copy our notes for school. We will make sure she doesn't fall behind," Alice contributes with another charming smile.
"Well," Darleen says perturbed with the decision, but eventually she sighs, "I guess it's alright,"
"OK good!" Alice jumps up with pure ecstasy, "Edward and I can come and pick up her stuff at your house, then bring it back to our home, how does that sound? Emily should decide what Samantha would want since she knows her best," the pixie like vampire adds fluently after glancing over at the artificially tan blonde who shrugs in compliance. "Good, so we will come by tomorrow then, after school?"
"We can drive you home from school so that your mother," Edward smiles adoringly at Darleen making a faint blush arise from ear to ear, "won't have to exert herself," Edward then smiles at Emily. It wasn't the same type of smile that he gave Darleen, it was far too…intimate for my likings; and to which she responded to with one of her well known flirting cat smirk. I close my eyes and sigh once my head begins to pound and my stomach sloshes in annoyance; jealousy is not one of my favorite emotions to experience. I push aside the feeling when Carlisle requests that everyone leave me to my rest which I was so desperately in need of.
----
"Is the soup alright for you?" Esme asks me as I taste her homemade chicken noodle soup. I had burned my tongue slightly but it didn't bother me because of the superb chicken-y goodness that soothed my throat as I swallowed it. While nodding my head I compliment her on it. I had no idea that vampires could cook so well. Esme smiles so compassionately, it made my stomach uneasy; I didn't understand why she was so happy taking care of me and not to mention I really dislike…no I really hate being waited on hand and foot, I feel so embarrassed. The beautiful caramel brown haired mother wisps away, no longer upholding the façade of being a human, and goes off to do some meaningless cleaning since her home is immaculately sanitary.
I had gotten visited by Darleen before she went off to Washington and I'm assuming she was still a little uncomfortable with my current living arrangements but she settled with it nonetheless. Emily came the first day with Edward and Alice after school so that she could spend more time with Edward, who had to drive her home as well; I don't even need to be able to read minds to know what game she was playing. Once again, that unpleasant emotion of envy overtook me when she would stand too close to him with those cursed flirty chocolate brown eyes that are always so amazingly painted with sparkling dust. As usual, the pounding headache and grinding stomach pains initiate but I push aside the ugly sensation by closing my eyes to the cause of my jealousy, sighing out the growing fire within me, then opening my eyes to focus on something else, and in this case, Alice and Jasper.
The second day Scott and Stephanie came to visit me, which surprised me greatly and severely annoyed Rosalie. Stephanie was so cute the way she blushed in front of Edward and was so embarrassed. I had thought something that day that kind of startled me, Looks like I have another person to compete with for Edward. That thought distracted me the rest of the time that I was awake and even in my sleep, which worried me a lot. While living here, I discovered many things about the Cullens' history, much to Rosalie's dismay.
Edward Cullen can hear thoughts/see images in people's mind whatever you want to call it with the exception of me (and his ex-girlfriend Isabella "Bella" Swan, thank you Emmett for being a blabber mouth). With me, he can only hear mumbles of whatever I am thinking and he can sense the emotion accurately, sometimes. Also, the day that Alice returned Fabio's ID tags to me, on Halloween, when Edward smirked like he knew something he shouldn't, well apparently Edward can properly hear and see my thoughts when I am sleeping and dreaming; I was so humiliated when he told me and naturally he found it amusing.
Alice Cullen can see into the future, but as she and Edward explained to me, the visions were always uncertain when about people, since they are based on the decisions that the particular person makes; her visions are subjective. Alice told me about some of the visions she's had involving me and how she knew we would be the best of friends; I enjoyed that thoroughly. She also mentioned how her visions are clearest when involving vampires, then slightly blurrier with humans, then the blurriest when animals; with werewolves, she can't see anything. The small vampire made an effort to point out how when she has visions of me, they are the clearest she has ever seen when concerning a human; I was sure to make a mental note of that.
Carlisle Cullen has no special ability, but he has such an amazing amount of control that enables him to work at a hospital where blood is everywhere. It also allows him to turn people into vampires. Edward's told me how he turned him, Esme, and Rosalie all into what they are today and that they were all in life or death situations. With me being the morbid little fool that I am, asked them if it hurt and what it was like. Edward didn't want to tell me, but Emmett offered it up with such gusto that it made me laugh despite how detailed he described the pain. Watching Carlisle and Edward interact made me appreciate the bond that they have formed over the (many) years they've spent together. The doctor is so intelligent and has an interesting sense of humor.
Esme Cullen is so impossibly kind and compassionate it breaks my heart, but in a good way, if that's possible. She, along with Emmett, is a bit of a blabber mouth. She was how I found out about Bella, but then Edward reluctantly filled me in on his past love; and yet again, jealousy came through to my head and stomach, but I pushed the silly emotion away. I can see that she truly does enjoy serving me and aiding to me, much to my apprehension. However, I disregard my uneasiness with being so pampered by her, since she seems so happy to be able to finally be able to take care of someone. Edward informed me that even though they are vampires, it doesn't mean that they lose their human emotions and (mental) needs. I remember my face becoming flushed when he told me that.
Emmett Cullen…well he and I get along swimmingly. I really can't get enough of him, he is so funny and we have so many heated discussions about sports and just stupid things in general that it usually ends in Jasper having to cool us down or Edward stepping in the settle things down since I'd end up having a huge coughing fit. He doesn't have any special abilities like some of his siblings but he is the strongest out of them all.
Rosalie Hale pretty much stays away from and continues to glare at me; Edward advises me to just ignore her, the way he does, but that doesn't sit well with me. I understand why she…well hates me. With what happened between Bella and Edward, and with some werewolf interaction involved (Jacob), the whole family had to move and they could have been exposed; so I understand completely why she's acting this way and I respect it.
Jasper Hale is interesting. We talk, but only when Alice is there as well, which I don't take any offense to. Edward's told me that he is the newest "vegetarian" vampire to the family so he struggles more than the rest of them. Jasper has the gift of being able to sense and control people's emotions; hence my hot and cold feelings the first day of volleyball with Emmett and Jasper.
Yesterday is when I found out about Bella; Edward told me everything about her and everything that happened because of her,
"And that's…everything," he sighs. I didn't want him to tell me that, but he offered it to me nonetheless. I really can't comprehend why he feels the need to inform me of his past girlfriend, I really don't. My eyes are closed and head tilted down as we sit together on the couch. I feel his eyes watching me vigilantly. I take his hand with my free left hand and place it on my cheek, the coolness immediately calming down my nerves and settling my stomach; I hold his hand in place as my thoughts thrash recklessly around in my mind and my heart flutters rapidly in contradiction.
"Edward," I sigh his name,
"I know I'm rushing things on you right now, but, it's profoundly frustrating how I don't know how you feel,"
"Edward,"
"And it is even more maddening to know that there are other men that are besotted with you and you actually give them the time of day, the same way you do with me," At that I look at him with an eyebrow raised.
"Other men are 'besotted' with me?" I find this hard to believe, who would be 'besotted' with me? The beautiful man before me tilts his head,
"Are you seriously asking me that?"
"Yes, I suppose I am,"
"Justin Parker, Spencer Whitman, Anthony Miller, Adam Zinger…"
"OK, OK, I don't need to hear anything else!" I shake my head, my face getting heated even though Edward's hand was on my cheek. "Edward, why would you tell me that? I really hate when there is attention on me, at least before I didn't know about it, but now I'm going to be so very conscious about it," I fret.
"I'm, not sure," I look up to see Edward no longer watching me, but to be staring off somewhere else with a troubled expression in his eyes. I move his hand away from my cheek, swing my legs over his lap and lean my face into his bared neck; he, with his amazing strength, adjusts me into a more comfortable position while wrapping a blanket around my shoulders (being careful not to move my right arm which is in a sling so that I do not reinjure my ribs) and keeping his arms around me. "You feel warmer than before," he whispers into my hair making my stomach flip pleasantly. I don't know how this happened, or when I became comfortable enough with Edward to get this close to him, but it did even so.
"Talking about things like this can do that to me," my words are muffled by his pale neck.
"I'm sorry,"
"It's fine," I say. After a long pause I continue, "You're afraid aren't you?"
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid of losing me to someone else," I can feel sleep creeping its way to my eyes as Edward chuckles, his movements barely jostling me.
"In order for one to lose something, one must have that something," The urge to roll my eyes was strong, but not strong enough for me to put in the effort to do so.
"Edward," I inhale his name as well as his amazing cool scent.
"Samantha," I can hear the smile in his lovely voice. He was baiting me and I gave in, which surprisingly, I am not ashamed of myself for doing so.
"I…I guess…Ever since…you…I mean," I give up trying to explain my feelings, which is something I have never been good with expressing to boys, not that there were many boys that I wanted to confess to anyway, but still. I knew exactly how I felt for Edward Cullen, it's hard for me to believe, but I love him. My whole body feels this way for this person and it isn't just, love, I am in love with him, I want to always be around him, and I feel so incredibly happy when I am. But my brain doesn't believe it because we haven't been on a typical "date" and the way things started off between us wasn't exactly ideal, not to mention, I've fallen in love with someone so perfect that my mind is expecting something to go wrong AND the most important factor is that I have fallen in love so quickly! I never let myself fall in love with anyone really, so my head is just confused by how Edward makes me feel. My mind and heart are not on the same page; so since my brain controls my mouth, my heart can't express how it feels adequately.
Edward kisses the top of my head, making my tense body relax immediately. "I think you should sleep,"
"I agree,"
I have been thinking a lot since that conversation between us and in order for Edward and I to work…I think I have to talk Rosalie, of all people. The five days that I have been residing in the Cullen household, I've done pretty much nothing but think since that is all I've been able to do. I have got to talk to Rosalie alone with no one else to interfere because I need to know why she is so against Edward and I, something that she has made exceptionally clear to each person. Once the blonde beauty leaves the room, everyone tells me to ignore her, just don't listen, but that does not sit well with me. I can't just ignore one person in a family, especially in a family like this, one that is so closely knit and with a very deep secret to keep, it is impossible to me.
I have a hunch that her preconceptions have something to do with Bella and her own past as a human. I highly doubt that Rosalie Hale is as shallow as her family makes her out to be, even if it is just in humor. Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper are seniors at the Haines High School so they all get early dismissal, so when they get home I am going to seize the moment; or so I hope for I might fall asleep and wake long after their return.
----
I jump awake when I hear Emmett's booming laughter coming from the driveway. The jump made me cringe because of the position I had fallen asleep in wasn't exactly ideal for a person with two broken ribs. While sitting up and groaning, Jasper opens the front door and smiles at me. "This is a surprise, usually you're sleeping when we get home," I just shrug and continue rubbing my right side gently. The vampire before me tilts his head and his golden brown eyes narrow slightly, "What's wrong Samantha?" he asks, "you seem nervous," to which I grimly smile and reply,
"Just a bit," But before he could ask why, Rosalie and Emmett walk into their home as well as Esme emerging from the kitchen.
"Heyyyyy there Samantha, you free loader you," Emmett jests as his blonde mate makes her way to the staircase,
"Rosalie," I call to her with a tiny bit of desperation in my voice which I hadn't anticipated, "I was wondering if I could talk to you?" Obviously, no one was expecting me to ask this since everyone was looking at me with wide eyes. Rosalie is the first to recover.
"Sure," she says with a breezy voice, "come upstairs to my room," the shimmering blonde continues with a bit of a clipped tone whilst walking up the staircase.
"Rose," Emmett goes to protest but I interrupt him,
"Oh shut up Emmett," I say with a smile and getting up, "I am sick and have two broken ribs, I'm not paralyzed," he just shrugs, no skin off his back.
It didn't surprise me that there was no bed in Rosalie's room for I wasn't expecting there to be one in a place where no one sleeps, however I still felt the room odd without one. I find Rosalie inspecting her flawless skin while sitting at her make-up desk/dresser I suppose. I honestly have no idea what that piece of furniture is called, but I love them nonetheless, hers specifically is very old fashion looking, which is kind of to be expected. "Alright, have a seat over there," she indicates to a very French looking type of sofa chair; I do so. "What do you want to talk to me about?" she turns in her seat and faces me with a bored expression. I take a deep breath.
"Why are you so against Edward and I?" I ask respectfully.
"I thought you would have been able to figure it out," she crosses her arms and legs so elegantly.
"Well, I know why, based off of what your siblings tell me and from what I've assumed, but I want to hear from you, exactly why or what reason you have. Edward keeps advising me to just ignore you, but I can't do that, it doesn't feel right or fair. It's weird, coming from a person with multiple families and none my own, but I somehow have very strong family values, so…I…I can't just ignore you…" Rosalie sits before me, her expression has softened slightly, after a long silence she speaks.
"I appreciate you coming to me instead of overlooking the way I feel on the current situation, but it doesn't change how I view things," I nod my head, "Samantha, you are already in deep with this family and I am not a fool to try and change that. Alice absolutely adores you, Edward is in love with you," naturally a faint blush crosses my cheeks, "Emmett already sees you as another sister and that makes him happy," she says with a distant look in her eyes, but I saw that the thought of Emmett being happy, she was fond of it, "Jasper can't get enough of your happy aura, Esme enjoys taking care of your human needs, and Carlisle," she chuckles, "finds you fascinating." It made me smile to see her finally smile from her heart, even if the heart is frozen in time, it doesn't mean that it still can't feel. "If you were to become romantically involved with Edward, there would be no turning back,"
"You mean I would get in too deep…"
"Yes. Samantha…" she pauses, pursing her lips together taking a moment to phrase something appropriately, "You've, really given me no reason not to like you, and honestly I really don't hate you. But I feel like I am the only one thinking clearly here, maybe it's your aroma that is clouding their judgment, I don't know; all I am trying to do is protect our secret and sometimes I feel as though everyone, including you, forget that we are vampires." I had to admit, I've thoughtlessly have, not exactly forgotten, but took for granted the fact that the Cullen family practices vegetarian dieting.
"I'm assuming that these feelings are based off of Edward's past relationship with Bella, at least partly," I dare say. Rosalie's face hardens.
"You assume correctly." Another long silence invaded the room, allowing me to mull her words over along with things Edward has told me. Inhaling greatly, I make my decision known to her.
"I won't get 'romantically involved' with Edward, Rosalie," I say while sitting up a little taller.
"Alright…good,"
---
"Samantha, wake up! Damn it Samantha, wake up right now!" someone violently shakes me awake.
"Alice stop shaking her like that," I hear Edward's melodic voice.
"What do you want with my life, Alice!?!" I complain as she finally stops the shaking and my eyes open to see a distressed pixie like vampire. Next to me I see a solemn Edward, but his smallest sister pulls my attention from him back to her.
"Why are you deserting me?!" she shrills outrageously.
"What on earth are you talking about?" I mumble while rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"You made a decision that is going to put A LOT of distance between us! What happened?! Why are you making these irrational decisions?!"
"Alice, leave Samantha alone," Edward's voice was distant. Alice whips around and glares at him.
"Fine! Whatever!" she says in a strident voice as she runs up the staircase. I watch as Edward sits on one of the sofas, his elbow resting on the arm of the chair while his hand is covering his perfect mouth. I'm sure that his thoughts were as cluttered as mine at the moment. He obviously saw what Alice saw. I wonder what he could be thinking. Is he feeling rejected? Oh I hope he doesn't feel that way since I'm not rejecting him…entirely. It's for the best anyway, he should know that, especially since every conflicting thought that he felt for Bella is what I am trying to protect him from feeling again, so he should understand where I am coming from.
But what if he's fine with it? Well isn't that what I want? I want to keep any relationships that I have with the Cullens to be platonic from here on out. That way, no one can suspect anything and my vampire friends will be safe. Ugh! Things just feel so out of control right now! Why am I feeling like this?
"Your mind is unusually loud and static-y today," Edward mummers lowly while still looking away, "It reminds of that day in chemistry when you nearly started to cry in the middle of class," I remember that day,
Edward sits in his seat and scoots himself as far away from me as possible. I look at him as his hard black eyes stare forward. He was still as tense as ever and he still hated me. I sigh and prop my chin on my hand as I look forward as well, but with bored eyes. The small happy high from gym has depleted and Edward's cold shoulder to me has brought my depression back. I'm no longer angry with him, it just took up too much energy and I got so tired of it. Also, well because I didn't like hating him, it made me feel uneasy. That's most likely because I was actually very fond of him and I didn't want to hate him. I wanted to talk to him but I honestly don't think that, that will ever happen.
It gets harder to breathe, I wanted to cry. Just suddenly in this classroom, sitting next to Edward Cullen, I wanted to cry forever. It's like a sudden realization of how everyone around me dies. I lose everyone I love. I am such a death magnet. Why does this happen? I can't understand why everyone I care about needs to suffer? Why can't I just be the one to suffer? Is everyone that is dear to me suffering for the sins I've made? If so, why can't I just be the one who suffers and not anyone else? Would all of this pain for my family end if I was no longer in existence? Is it really too much to ask the universe for that no one I love suffer any longer? Is it too much to ask for all of the pain my friends suffer and be focused on me? Is that really too much?!
I sob tearlessly for a minute. I couldn't find my breath. I just wanted everyone's pain to stop. Ashley's mother pops in my head. I should have done something to stop Ashley.
Emily and Scott's parents emerge next. If I didn't have soccer practice, if I didn't go, they wouldn't be dead because of the car crash, it would have never happened and Emily and Scott wouldn't be suffering.
Then I see my parents…
I gasp again; the lump in my throat makes it harder to breathe. I grip the side of the table as my eyes begin to sting.
Why did they die? What did I do at 7 years old to bring death upon them? I remember the thieves, they, they just came to steal, and kill my parents. But, but I must have done something wrong. When Ashley killed herself it was because I left her, it was my fault! When Katherine and Kevin were killed it was because I was adopted by them and enrolled onto the soccer team and they had to drive me to and from practice, see?! My fault again! Everyone suffers because of something I did! But…but what did I do when mom and dad were murdered!?!?
I dig my nails into the black table. My breathing is irregular. I feel like I am completely loosing my mind! What did I do to make my parents die?! Death only happens because of something I did! That's the pattern! Don't you see the pattern?! Why…but…why did they die!!? Why were they murdered?!? WHAT DID I DO!?
Edward clears his throat and my head snaps to him. I don't know what expression I had on my face, but his vicious glare turned to a look filled with guilt, sorrow, anguish, pain, pity, distress, agony…the list could go on. We just stared at each other like that for I don't know how long. Eventually I felt my body regain its composure and I sit back in my chair, completely out of breath. I grab my head and groan quietly; an unwelcomed headache was coming rather swiftly. I survey the room; no one seemed to notice my little meltdown, aside from Edward. My eyes wearily lock onto his flawless facial features; it looked as though he wanted to say something, but he was unsure. He looks to me. My blue eyes lock with his black ones. Wait…
I move my hands from my hair to my lap as a shear dark layer of hair from my head cascades in front of my view. I know it's been two weeks since I last saw Edward, so I may be mistaken, but I vividly remember his eyes being a gorgeous gold color. And just like that, my moment of weakness was forgotten because a beautiful distraction absorbed my attention.
That was the day I had a near mental breakdown experience. I wonder, is that going to happen again? I just have an intuition that I am going to have a complete breakdown one of these days; and want to know what frightens me; I am looking forward to it. I actually desire to have this meltdown. Maybe it's what I need, maybe it's time for a change, I've always been the stable one for my loved ones, I have always been that rock; but now, now maybe I don't have to be that. That's how I feel when I am with Edward, I feel as though I don't have to take into consideration anyone else's feelings; and yet here I am, deciding to distance myself from him when clearly that is the exact opposite of what I want.
Man, how I do loathe myself at times. Why can't I just do something for me for once? Why can't I be a little selfish? Why can't I be more like Emily? All she does is look out for number one and she's always fine, unlike me, who looks out for every other number known to man and I always end up hurt
Who am I kidding though? I'm not wired the same way she is; I can't do something for myself because otherwise I feel guilty and just horrible. And to make matters worse, it's not like I have the good fortune to be ignorant of the way that I am; I know too well who I am as a person and I suffer because of it. I always have these debates in my mind that get me no where! Jeez, I am such a freak. I chuckle to myself, no wonder I am in love with a vampire that I want to stay away from, not because he could potentially kill me or because he has a whole clan of vampires who could also potentially kill me, but because I want to keep him from suffering and I want to make sure that his secret of being a vampire is protected. I am so messed up in the head.
"Samantha, for the love of all that is holy, please tell me what is going on in that incredible mind of yours," I look into Edward's desperate eyes; I hadn't noticed him leaning forward in his seat or that he was calling my name.
"Sorry," I mumble, "I think it's best if any relationships that I have with you and your family, remains platonic from now on. I think it would be best, so that your family remains protected. Also, so that you don't have to worry about me, the way you worried about Bella, I could tell that you didn't even like to remember those feelings about having a human you love around constant danger because of what you are. It will be best if you don't have to worry about me since I am a 'fragile human'," I tell him with a monotonic voice.
"Is that what you want?" he asks simply. I could lie and say yes, but what would be the point? If I said yes he would be offended, but Edward being the perfect gentleman that he is, would never show that to me.
"No," I say lightly, "But it's what's best for you," Edward waits a long while before he speaks again.
"Rosalie is a bit sensitive when it comes to being a vampire. You see, none of us had a choice, we were dying and Carlisle…'saved' us, with the exception of Alice and Jasper, but neither of them had choices either. Rosalie wishes she could be human, she would trade anything to get that back. She wants her human experiences again, the one she wants the most involves the changing of a woman's body, which as vampires, our bodies are frozen in time," Motherhood, I sigh in my mind, "Yes," Edward continues, "Bella wanted to become a vampire, so that we could spend all of eternity together. Rosalie saw that as a slap in the face,"
"That makes sense,"
"So I want to ask you this," I pick up my head and stare him in the eyes, "If we were to exceed our relationship from where it is now, would you want to be turned into a monster, like the rest of us, or would you be able to just live a long and happy life as a human with me?" I saw a sort of composed desperation in his eyes that broke my heart. He wanted the honest truth, and I was going to give him my sincere opinion. I didn't have to think things over, I've actually wondered about this myself over the past four days. I knew, from very detailed descriptions from dear Emmett, what it feels like to be a new born vampire and the pain the transformation instills, I was well aware of things.
"I…I don't feel negatively or positively about me being a vampire. I doubt I will be able to live with you as a human for the rest of my natural life. I mean, I'll be getting older and older and you'll be staying the same age; they say age doesn't matter, but to me it does. Not exactly the number age…just the physical agingpart on my behalf. I feel it'll just get awkward even though I doubt I would able to find someone and love them the same way that I love you, but I think we would be able to handle that situation in due time.
"In concerning, me becoming a vampire, I really have no burning desire to become one, like it's not on the top of my to do list," even though I don't have a 'to do list' for that matter, "but then again, if for some reason it was to happen, I won't a problem with becoming one. If I had to become a 'monster' for whatever reason, I would prefer it to be done the right way, me being in a life or death situation," Edward smiles and shakes his head,
"You would 'prefer it to be done the right way'; I will have to remember that," I just shrug my free shoulder. Edward stands up with a small smile upon his features and sits extremely close to me and wraps his cool arms around my body, hugging me closer to his own cold one. I didn't understand why he was doing this when moments ago I told him that I didn't want a relationship with him in this manner; not that I was resisting, oh no, I do love when I am in his arms. "That was a good answer Samantha," he whispers in my ear with a smug smile on his lips.
"What do you mean?" I was now absurdly confused.
"Rosalie is second guessing herself now," the pure joy in his voice was amazing, to say the least, but before I could reply, I hear Rosalie from the top of the staircase,
"Oh shut up Edward," I see her and the rest of the family minus Carlisle, who is still at the hospital working, come down from the upstairs.
"You seem confused yet happy, Samantha," Jasper smirks as he, with the rest of them, gather around and sit on the couches. Alice jumps to my other side and manages to wiggle her petite arms through Edward's larger ones, around my neck to hug me.
"You know what? I'm just gunna go with the flow right now and not even question anything. I think it'll just be easier that way," I sigh happily. So Rosalie is…OK with…another Bella in the house? Alice then suggests watching a movie to her siblings to which they all begin bantering on which movie to watch. Edward lowers his mouth to my left ear and whispers in a low and soft voice,
"Don't compare yourself to her. No, Rosalie would never be happy with another Bella in our existences, but she doesn't mind having an original Samantha with us."
"Well that's good, I'm glad," I snuggle my body closer to his body,
"So Samantha,"
"Hm?"
"You love me?" the smile in his voice was so clear that I blushed to which he chuckles, "You have a lovely blush,"
"Oh shush up," I mumble.
"Oi, how about the love birds over there be quiet, we are trying to watch a movie," Emmett says while putting his arm around Rosalie. Edward rolls his eyes and picks me up effortlessly. My eyes widen,
"What're you doing?!"
"We are going up to my room," he fluently glides up the staircase into his room and just like his sister's room, there was no bed; I really don't think I'll ever get used to that. Edward sets me to me feet, "I think we need to fix some things," he says, I turn to him,
"What do you mean?" he motions for me to sit on the seat in his room. He grabs a single chair and sits in it with a facial expression filled with deviancy; I'd be lying if it didn't worry me slightly.
"You need to tell me about you and your life, since you pretty much know everything about mine," he smirks crookedly, making me smile as well.
"Alrighty then, ask away,"
"When's your birthday?"
"February 14th,"
"You were born on Valentine's Day?" Edward asks with a softer and intrigued look.
"Yeap, extremely cliché, I know. I was born at 12:01 am on the dot. A lot of things happen on Valentine's Day for my family."
"Like what?"
"Well, my grandparents on my mom's side of the family got married on Valentine's Day, then my parents met on Valentine's Day, then they got married, on Valentine's Day, I was born, on Valentine's Day, Jorgette was actually born on Valentine's Day too, and she became a member of my family, on Valentine's Day," I list off the special occasions. Edward's expression, I could not help but laugh because I found it adorable, he was so interested.
"That's," he breathes out a chuckle, "absolutely amazing and endearing," I just nod with a smile planted on my lips, Edward's enthusiasm was addicting. "Tell me about your family members, all of them,"
"OK…I had a total of 6 blood related family members. Everyone in my family were all only children, both of my parents were only children, and all four of my grandparents were only children, so I had no relatives of any sorts. My grandparents on my dad's side were Harriet and Wolfgang Hunter. I never knew them; they died before I was born. My father and them never had an ideal parent-child relationship. I mean it wasn't like, horrible, just not amazing I guess. My mom's parents were named Lyonette Maelee Rye and Mortimer Rye. Mortimer died before I was born, but my Grandma Lyonette, I got to know. She married Mortimer when she was 12 years old while he was 10 years her senior and she had my mom when she was 15,"
"Those are both very French names, where were they from?"
"They lived in the village of Ève in the Oise département of northern France,"
"Ah, such a beautiful place," he comments.
"Yeah, you've been there?" I ask him.
"No, I have not, but Carlisle has, and I saw it from his memories,"
"That's cheating," I raise an eyebrow at him accusingly, "nonetheless, Ève is the most beautiful place I've ever been,"
"You've been to France?"
"Twice," I nod my head, "The first time I was five, I went with my mom and dad we went for my birthday so that I could actually meet my grandmother. That was the day that I met Jorgette, she was a gift from my grandma. It was winter when we went and the snow was so magnificent. I remember the brisk cold air and the snow was so lovely, it seemed more special than the snow in New York. It's silly, but I felt as though I was in a fairytale," I close my eyes and breathe in, imagining that same air from 11 years ago, "Then we make it to my grandma's house," I sigh happily at the memory still imagining the time I spent with her, "she lived on this huge hill and she had these vintage looking stone steps and railings that snaked all the way up to her house,
"Once we got up to the house I was completely breathless. Her home was very expensive and worth a fortune, but it didn't exactly look it, it was amazingly humble and quaint at the same time. And the view! You could see the whole world! It was the most marvelous sight I had ever seen and to this day I still feel that way, all of the hills were so gently covered in a blanket of sparkling white snow," I open my eyes and continue on with my descriptions, "When we went inside her home it was so beautiful, so clean and home-y and just comfortable. Then, I met my grandmother for the first time; she was a lot younger than I had anticipated, but it didn't matter much to me. I saw the resemblance that had been passed down to me; the signature blue eyes, the pale skin, the dark hair, and the name of course. Lyonette-Maelee has been in some way, passed down to all of the women in my mom's side of the family. My mother's name was Renee Lyonette-Maelee Rye-Hunter, my name is Samantha Lyonette-Maelee Hunter. My first name was given to me in memory of my dad's, Michael James Hunter, little sister that was born dead; his parents were going to name her Samantha,
"The moment that I laid my eyes on my grandma, it was just, love at first sight. We spent every moment together, we had such a connection so instantly," I laugh to myself, "It was so funny because my dad couldn't speak French but me and my mom could; so me, her, and my grandmother would speak French and my dad got so frustrated!" Edward and I both laugh,
"What did you get from your father?" the vampire before me asks. I 'hm' at him, not quite understanding what he meant, "What kind of traits did he pass down to you through genetics; your mother gave you your eyes, hair, and skin, what about your father?"
"Oh, my strength and personality; we had the same view on things, same reserved-slash-quiet demeanor, same ability to keep his emotions under control and the same protectiveness over the ones we love. My father was the rock of my family so I kind of adapted how I am from him,"
"What do you mean by strength?"
"Uh, I mean strength in any way possible I suppose. He taught me how to fight in the seven years that he was in my life. He had the strength to deal with things on his own, he had emotional strength and…he was a stone, he was the protector," I remember solemnly. I could feel my throat just barely begin to tighten at the nostalgic memory. "He was my Daddy," I say more to myself with a faint smile. "So," I take a breath and continue on, "after that time we spent with my grandma, me and her wrote letters to each other all the time, I still have them actually,"
"That's charming," I nod my head
"Two years had passed until my next visit to my grandma. This time it was just me and my mom that went; I don't remember why my dad didn't come with us, but whatever. My grandmother was a little sick, I thought it was just like the flu or something, but apparently it was much more than that. Three weeks after we left, she died. I was devastated. I've never felt more pain in my whole 16 years of living than that day. I had met this, this lively woman a mere two times, yet she meant so much to me. My dad was there for me, he just held me when I cried my eyes out," I chuckle, why, I am not quite sure, "But I wanted my mom to comfort me, since my grandmother was something that connected us even more than we already were, so I remember going to her bedroom and seeing her cry. This wasn't the first time I'd her cry, but, it was different from any other time.
"My mother was so lively, just like my grandma; she was always smiling, she was never afraid to show emotion, but what I saw that day frightened me. I had never seen my mother cry out of…pain. I've seen her cry out of sadness, happiness, anger, but never…never because she was in pain. I couldn't grasp the image I saw. I wanted to break down and run into her arms sobbing myself," I close my eyes again and tilt my head, "I remember so clearly the burn and tightness in my throat and my eyes were just beginning to get moist with tears and my stomach was clenched and then suddenly, I just stopped, all of that just went away. I watched my mom curled in a ball on her bed in the darkness of her room, her body shaking to the rhythms of her sobs. I crawled onto her bed and I moved her so that her head was resting in my lap and I just petted her hair for, I, I don't even know how long. My dad eventually came in and, he stood in the doorway for a long time; Jorgette stood by his side. He then came over and maneuvered me so that he was protecting me in his arms," I can feel my face contort at the memory that I hadn't thought of for so long, my throat was starting to tighten. "Jorgette snuggled her body so that it was pressing against my mother's body and her head was resting on my knee,
"His arms were so tight around me squeezing me into his strong chest, I remember him feeling so cold, he probably was outside with Jorgette since her fur was cold as well; I remember it was snowing that day, it was sad snowfall, not like the pleasant snow in France. I distinctly remember thinking, 'how can there be so much love and warmth coming from someone who feels so cold'?" My voice raises an octave as my eyes become warm with yet-to-be-fallen tears, "I had looked up, and in the dim light, I saw tears streaming from his dark brown eyes. That was the only time I would ever see my dad show that kind of emotion," I feel warm tears slide down from my eyes, "That was the first and last time that I would ever feel that, the four of us were truly connected on the same level as one family; physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally…"
Edward delicately brushes the tears from my cheeks, his ice touch sent comforting shivers down my spine and back up when he sits beside me on the small sofa gathering me into his lap.
"No wonder why I like vampires," I muse with a smile on my lips; Edward chuckles soundlessly as he begins to rock me ever so gently. No wonder I fell in love with Edward so quickly, he reminds me of my dad on that night; you know, the whole Electra/Oedipus Complex? We sit like this for a good long time with an easy silence, until I decide I should finish my story; I don't like to not finish the things I've started. "My mom went back to France and dealt with the funeral. She came back two weeks later, then, two weeks after that…is when I became an orphan.
"In the middle of the night I remember my mother frantically waking me up and dragging me out of my bed and rushing us across the hallway to her room with Jorgette following behind. I had no idea what was going on but I heard a lot of cluttering and banging coming from down the staircase in my living room area. In her room she threw me into her vast, cluttered closet and sat me down. She said to me, 'Samantha, stay here, and whatever you do, do not say a word or make a sound,' then she threw a bunch of clothes on top of me and Jorgette so that we were completely covered. A gun shot from the downstairs was heard and my mother finishes covering me and shut the door. I heard her feet padding against the hardwood floor to her door and there was another gun shot that was much louder than the first and it made me jump and I remember my heart beat pounding so loud until…" I shut my eyes tight while imagining what I heard 9 years ago as a child, "…until I heard the thump, the thump of my mother's dead body hitting the floor. At that moment I swear my heart stopped beating and I stopped breathing even though my mind was still conscious.
"Jorgette and I stayed frozen where we were," my lip begins to shake uncontrollably but my voice remains steady, aside from the small rise in pitch here and there, "neither of us moved, neither of us maybe a single sound. We sat there for what felt like hours, listening to these two men rummage through my home, listening to them converse with each other and joke around while I sat there, not breathing and clinging to my dog with a vice grip. I could smell my mother's blood not more than two feet away from me. I wanted so badly to go to her, even though I knew she was dead," I swallow loudly but I can't hold back the tears any longer and I let them fall at their own will, "I wanted to run down the stairs and wrap myself in my father's arms even though I knew that they would never be able to hold me safe again,
"That's when I heard one of the men pound up the stairs; his footsteps on the hardwood kept getting louder and closer. I remember clearly the sound of his boots stepping over my mother's body. I could hear him searching through the room, the dressers, the draws, and then I heard him come to the closet where Jorgette and I were hiding," my heart begins to speed, just like that time in the closet. Edward gently place his hand over my heart and his arms cage me to his body; the pressure felt reassuring, "The man opened the closet door and stepped in, searching; he started to dig through the pile I was under, I could hear his ragged breathing…but then his partner called for him; apparently one of my neighbors called the police. They gathered the things they had stolen and left through the front door and closed it,
"I didn't move from the corner in the closet, I sat there while waiting for the police to come, I sat there while the first policeman came and inspected the house. I stayed in the closet while he called for backup, that someone was murdered. I just sat there hugging Jorgette while the house was filled with policemen, detectives, homicide personal, radios, walkie talkies, I sat there for hours until someone finally came to the closet and found me. Boy was that woman shocked when she found me underneath all of the clothes holding Jorgette. They got the paramedics to bring me out to the ambulance, but they couldn't get me to let go of Jorgette, she wouldn't let them either," I half heartedly smile. "Karen and Kevin came and stayed with me for the rest of…everything. Karen never left my side,"
"Who are Karen and Kevin?" Edward asks, barely above a whisper.
"They were my parent's best friends. My dad, Karen and Kevin knew each other since birth, then in the beginning of junior high, when my mom moved here with my grandparents, the four of them became the best of friends. They were so close of friends that they all went to the same college and even bought houses right next to each other. Karen and Kevin then had their first born, Scott, and then a few years later they had Emily, and a little more than a month later my mom gave birth to me. Since I had no other relatives to take me in, I was to be going to an orphanage, but Karen said that she would adopt me and she did. She took care of everything legal and she just took care of me.
"So, I moved in next door to live with my best friend Emily; we lived together from then on. I had become extremely protective of her and all of my other friends for that matter. I was always getting into fights," I smile slightly at the memories, "but they were always in self defense, I could never start a fight, I think it is physically impossible for me to throw the first punch. Some time passed and Kevin insisted that join a sport since I was so athletic and constantly in fights, even though I really wasn't in that many as he exaggerated. So I did, not really because I wanted to, but because I knew it would make him happy. He loved soccer but Emily was anything but the sports type, and Scott played Football, Wrestling, and Baseball, no time for soccer. In the end I joined, played for a month before the accident happened. Karen, Kevin and I were driving to my soccer practice when a giant truck smashed into the driver's side of our car, killing Karen instantly and Kevin was fatally injured and died sometime after his wife. I was fine aside from a sprained wrist, ankle and a bunch of scratches and bruises everywhere. This is when we came to Haines, Alaska to live with Emily and Scott's aunt and uncle. Then I had to go back to New York because one of my close friends committed suicide and people needed me there, then I came back and here we are today." I end with a sigh.
Edward and I sit in another comfortable silence; my eyelids were feeling heavy and ready to sleep, but my mind wasn't relatively there just yet. Towards the end of my story, I neglected the details, I just really didn't feel like telling them right now, maybe another day.
"You're quite the remarkable person, Samantha, you really are," His fingers find their way to my hair and they stroke through my dark locks. "You never cease to astound me," he whispers into my hair. I close my eyes and lean my head back on his shoulder,
"I like that," I mumble, making Edward chuckle as he continues stroking my hair, oh how I felt like pudding right now, a blob of lazy pudding.
"Like what, my dear?" he says; his words and voice just flows through my entire body and back again. It didn't seem odd to me at all that I just told him my darkest secrets, most of which Emily doesn't even know the details of, and I feel completely relaxed in his arms. I've underestimated how good it would feel to finally be able to tell someone all of my troubles; my mind felt the most at ease it has been in years.
"Your voice, your arms, your movements, your everything," I speak in a low lazy and most definitely tired tone. "You make my troubles go away,"
"I'm glad," he whispers, "You have no idea what that means to me, Samantha. To be the one to make your fears and pains disappear instead of cause them," I smile as he kisses the side of my head. "Do you want to go to sleep?" he asks.
"Mm, not yet, my body is tired but my mind isn't. I wanna watch a movie; I'll probably fall asleep to it,"
"Do you have any preference to which movie we watch?"
"Sleeping Beauty,"
"Sleeping Beauty?" He repeats while standing up and setting me on my feet.
"Yes, why?" I finally turn to him face to face. My heart started to beat harder than before; Edward held a true gentleman's beauty. His eyes had so many emotions, they were smoldering with a playfulness to them, they held nothing but love, but with a pinch of sadness in them. Edward gingerly tucks a few stray hairs behind my ear and simultaneously grazing his marble like thumb over my soft, warm cheek. His eyes go from an intense loving and longing stare to a more playful, mildly smug like gaze.
"I never took you to be one for liking movies like that," he smirks to which I respond with rolling my blue eyes.
"Sleeping Beauty is a classic and is my all time favorite movie, I know the lines by heart I've watched it so many times. I love the old Disney movies, the classic ones, I can't help it if I am an old school romantic at heart," I say breezily. Edward takes my left and leads me back to join the others.
"So you're old fashioned," he says and then looks back at me over his shoulder while walking down the stairs, "Like me," he smiles crookedly. All I am capable of doing back is smile. While down the stairs I see everyone with bored and sad eyes, as Jasper changes the DVD. Did they all hear us up there? I mentally ask Edward as we sit on the couch next to Alice who wraps two blankets around me. "Yes," the bronze haired vampire smiles apologetically. I shrug my shoulder, I didn't mind really.
"You seem to be doing much better Samantha," Carlisle inquires to me, I nod my head. I am assuming he got home from the hospital when Edward and I were upstairs.
"I'm feeling much better actually. The only thing that hurts are my ribs, but it's not like they are really hurting, just kind of a nuisance," now it was his turn to nod,
"That's good. You should be able to go back to school then on Monday."
"Sounds good to me,"
Not even half way through the cartoon movie sighs angrily and rolls his eyes. "What's wrong?" I ask.
"Christian is coming here right now. He's within three miles of us," he says with disgusted annoyance; it made me laugh a little on the inside, because he wasn't truly angry, just annoyed.
"What does that mongrel want?" Rosalie hisses, "He's going to stink up the house," She complains.
"He's coming to make sure that we haven't turned Samantha into one of us," he rolls his eyes again then fixes them on the wide screen television.
"So I should play dumb to the fact that you're all vampires, right?" I state rather than ask.
"Yes," Edward says and Alice nods. Everyone, aside from Carlisle and Esme, was mildly agitated by Christian's uninvited visit; but no one was severely angered, I was glad for that.
A few minutes pass and then Edward slides his arm from around my shoulders, down my back and comfortably around my waist, shifting me closer to him. I look up at him with a knowing smirk as Carlisle stands up and goes to the front door just before it rings. "I'm just providing a clear message to your friend to whom you belong to," he smiles innocently with his eyebrows raised.
"Oh, and who do I belong to?" I ask semi-sarcastically. Edward lowers his forehead to the side of my head; I can feel his cool breath from his lips when he talks on my ear making me pleasantly shiver,
"You belong to me," he says in such a velvety voice, such a husky tone I've never heard from him before, a tone that is making me want to hear him speak like this to me again. I inhale sharply and bite my lower lip as my stomach goes mad. Edward knew exactly what he was doing; he played so dirty and he knew it too by that sexy/teasing look in his eyes.
"Sammy! You're alive!" Christian's rough voice boom obnoxiously. Edward laughs pure heartedly once he saw the face I made once the werewolf boy spoiled the mood, but I put on the nicest face I can muster for Christian (the face was a slightly annoyed one by the way).
"Hi Christian," I half smile at him until the look he gets on his face when he looks down at where Edward's hand was on me.
i dont mean to sound vain, but i think that this is my best chapter yet XD teheheheee