Yes I wrote a song fic finally. I wrote this awhile ago and I thought it was hilarious. Dare to be Stupid by Weird Al Yankovic is the song as it appeared in the orginal 1986 cartoon movie. I tried to include everything and everyone in this fic. It's almost set up like a music video (kinda). This is in the GI universe too.
Dare to be Stupid
Like everyone else in the base, Optimus had some energon cubes to replenish before heading off to recharge. The battle against the decepticons had been a long one and the drive home was none too pleasant either. Ratchet did his best to try and get everyone to recharge with the help of a few wrenches here and there. Optimus was exhausted as he crawled into his berth. Megatron had been fighting like mad against him in these past few encounters, leaving the prime plenty battered and bruised…or glitched in his case. He needed a good rechearge and thankfully his shift was not until later in the day tomorrow so he could get some good needed rest.
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The next day, Optimus came into mess hall fully alert the next day. Only to be greeted with Blaster blaring his music and Jazz happily dancing away to the tune. Optimus groaned and rubbed his eyes at the rude wake up. Then he rubbed his eyes again when he saw none other than Wheeljack dancing with a large saw in his hands!
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me.
The words started to go on the song and before Prime could order Wheeljack to stop, he put the saw down and stared at Blaster.
It's time for us to join in the fight.
He and Jazz were mouthing the words as they started to dance to the tune.
It's time to let your babies to grow up to be cowboys.
Optimus looked to the ground and nearly jumped when he saw Spike and Sparkplug dancing with the decepticon twins Rumble and Frenzy. He was thankful for his faceplates because his mouth was wide open as they were in cowboy outfits and playing with their lassos.
It's time to let the bed bugs bite.
He heard the doors open behind and he tensed and prepared for an ambush, but none came as the insecticons just flew by him and landed on the floor and started to dance. Optimus shook his head in disbelief, wondering if what he was seeing was true.
You better put all your eggs in basket.
Thankfully, Optimus didn't spot anything strange with this lyric. Perhaps if he shut Blaster off than everyone might go away? He had to figure out an approach and fast!
You better count your chickens before they hatch.
He inwardly groaned when everyone started to wave and flap their arms like chickens and dance around as one.
You better sell some wine before it's time.
Suddenly, Ratchet came up to him and shoved an energon cube in his face. He declined the offer by pushing his CMO out of his way as he watched everyone that seemed to be trapped in a crazy hypnotic state. He had to stare as Ratchet, the angry medic who threw wrenches at his patients, was dancing around the room, swinging his hips and mouthing the lyrics without care.
You better find yourself an itch to scratch.
One of the insecticons fell to the floor and started to scramble around trying to scratch his back. His legs were swinging all over the place and his wings were flapping in a frenzy. All the while the other insecticons were huddled around him, buzzing and flapping away. Optimus guessed that they were trying to dance to the song, but were too focused on their friend to notice the beat. Optimus started to walk forward again only to have Mirage jump in front of him and start break dancing on the floor. Both autobots and decepticons cheered as he moved with awesome flexibility and a crazy style. He was slightly surprised by this, but Mirage never really liked to fight. He was a very casual guy and this dancing was just an act of expression to him.
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wimpole's not around.
The door across the hall opened and Megatron and Starscream just waltzed right in. While they walked to the dance floor they pinched some of the autobot's afts. Optimus never felt so grateful for his faceplates.
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan.
He started to head towards Megatron and Starscream when out of the corner of his eye he saw Bumblebee dancing away. He looked and saw the minibot dancing away on a heating platform for the enrgon cubes. He was even circling around as the platform was moving, but thankfully the heat wasn't on.
Talk with your mouth full.
He saw Ironhide come in with Prowl and they instantly started dancing. Optimus grimaced as he saw energon dripping from their mouths as they had them full of the liquid.
Bite the hand that feeds you.
He jumped out of the way as Grimlock came up behind him and tried to bite his hand. He pushed the dinobot out of the way, but onto the dance floor. All too quickly the T-rex started to wave his arms and tail to the beat of the music.
Bite on more than you can chew.
He bumped into someone and fell flat on his aft. When he looked up Optimus saw Megatron holding his hand out with a seductive look in his eye. He nearly ran out of the room when the warlord winked at him. Optimus tried to shove his hand away.
What can you do.
Megatron didn't seem the slightest bit angry as he grabbed Prime's hand and lifted him to his feet. Optimus could see clearly that Megatron was saying words to the song as well.
Dare to be stupid
Optimus shuddered as Megatron whispered the words into his audios. He quickly pushed him back into Starscream's arms and they eagerly returned to dancing with each other. Why wasn't he affected at all by this music?
Take some wooden nickles.
Thankfully, with this lyric everyone just remained dancing. Unfortunately, Prime could never be so confused.
Look for Mr. Goodbar.
This time he felt someone tug at his leg. He looked down to see Bumblebee burnt free as he smiled and waved at his leader. He even offered Prime so high-grade energon, but Prime was able to respectfully decline his offer. Bee just shrugged and threw the high-grade over his shoulder where it hit Frenzy in the head. The little cassette rubbed his helm and eagerly drank the high-grade.
Get your mojo working now.
When Optimus looked back at the dance floor everyone was dancing like crazy. Jazz and Prowl were break dancing in the center of the floor, while everyone else was dancing seductively in each other's arms, both autobot and decepticon alike. Optimus just wanted to run out of the room screaming, but the sight was just too fascinating to pass up.
I'll show you how
Jazz gave a seductive glance to his commander. He swayed his hips back and forth as he said the words.
You can dare to be stupid.
What did that mean exactly? Was everyone directly talking to him and telling him to lighten up? Optimus was just plain dumb-founded. Everyone was dancing the night away as the humans called it, even though it was about twelve in the afternoon.
You can turn the other cheek
He saw Jazz playing with the lyrics as he playfully turned away from Prowl, who was dancing around Jazz to try and get his attention. Everything Prowl did was ignored as Jazz kept moving away from him.
You can just give up the ship
Optimus turned around and his optics when wide when the lyric was played across the screen of Teletraan 1. Everybody was affected by the song now! What in Primus' name was going on here!
You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip
Now Jazz was responding to Prowl and he was pretending to eat something. Prowl was acting like a waitress and had his hands out for money. He kept pressing Jazz for a tip, but Jazz was playfully "forgetting" with a big smile on his face.
Dare to be stupid
Suddenly, Prime flinched when Jazz and Prowl when they stared at him. They pointed to him as they were singing the song. Then out of nowhere they gently put ice-cream on their helms. He wanted to start laughing, but it was too strange.
Come on and dare to be stupid
They said the line to Optimus again, before they playfully shook their helms and sprayed the icecream onto the floor. No one, but the prime noticed as everyone else was dancing.
It's so easy to do
Otptimus jumped yet again as Stascream poked his head into Prime's view from the side. The seeker gently held his arm as he said the words with a silly grin over his face.
Dare to be stupid
Otpimus kept his eyes on the sly second in command of the decepticons while everyone else said the chorus line. Prime jumped out the seeker's grasp as another hand grabbed his arm.
We're all waiting for you
Megatron said the line to his audio as his red optics seemed to glow with a lust instead of pure rage. Optimus never felt so humiliated as his enemy looked over his strong frame with another suggestive wink.
Let's go
Megatron and Starscream tried to pull Optimus out of the room, but he was easily able to escape their grasp. He scrambled for the door as he saw Ironhide, Ratchet, and Mirage glance his way. They quickly ran after him as he tried to get to the door. When he looked behind him to see them chasing him, Optimus failed to notice that the doors didn't open. He hit the door hard with a big "OOOF!" He fell backwards on his aft and quickly covered himself as everyone tumbled over him.
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
Optimus was desperately trying to get out of the dog pile or metal pile as the music started up again. What in the pit did these words mean? Why were his men acting so…STUPID?
So can I have a volunteer
He was able to finally get to his feet, but not before Megatron once again whispered a lyric by his audio. Optimus shoved the decepticon leader back onto the floor and Megatron looked at him with extremely fake hurt in his red optics.
There's no more time for cyring over spilled milk
Like a human child throwing a fit, Megatron faked rubbing his optics as if he were crying to feel sad over the fact that Optimus had rejected him once again. Starscream came over to his side and exaggerated patting his back to comfort him. Optimus had to step back again because he was surprised that Starscream of all people would play along.
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Starscream pulled out a high-grade energon cube and gave it to Megatron, who easily snatched it into his grip. He doused the high-grade in one gulp, taking it like a human would a shot.
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Optimus nearly emptied his tanks when he saw Megatron wink at his SIC when this sentence came up. He distracted himself by looking back at the dance floor to see everyone still dancing away without a care in the world.
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevyrolet
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker literally drove into the room in their alternative modes and doing figure 8's. Their paintjobs were obnoxiously shiny as they drove to the tune and were easily able to move around the others.
And party till your broke and they drive you away
Optimus realized that Jazz was still on center stage and he pretended to be tired as he huffed and puffed away. Optimus frowned as he saw Prowl drag him back into the crowd, only to start dancing again.
It's ok you can dare to be stupid
Optimus jumped yet again when this time Ratchet came up behind him and said this with a fake stern posture and waved his finger at him.
It's like spitting on a fish
He could only stare as Ratchet did some crazy moves to the crazy lyrics. His eyes went wide when Bumblebee came up to the medic and started to dance with him.
It's like barking up a tree
The two unlikely pair just kept dancing in the most cheesiest way possible that even Optimus saw his human friends rolling their eyes at their moves.
It's like I said you got to buy one if you want to get one free
Ratchet and Bumblebee moved their arms playfully as if in a shrug and then instantly returned to dancing.
Dare to be stupid (yes)
Bee made a pose with his hands on hips at the "yes," and winked at Optimus. He nearly fell to the floor again at that sight.
Why don't you dare to be stupid
Ratchet grabbed Bee to start dancing with him again. Bee giggled as he was swung by the supposed grumpy medic. Optimus was worried that the small scout might be throw just like one of Ratchet's wrenches, but nothing happened as the medic gently set him down.
It's so easy to do
Bee made a funny pose by kneeling on the ground with his arms extended in an invitation. Ratchet avoided him, but still kept dancing.
Dare to be stupid
Thankfully nothing happened here yet…
We're all waiting for you
But Optimus started get tense with anger as Ratchet finally joined Bee and pointed to him. They were telling him to lighten up and join the party, but Optimus knew better and he had to do something soon. He could only hope that the song would be over soon.
Dare to be stupid
Optimus cringed again at the infernal words. He covered his optics and started to march over the Blaster. He didn't care that all he wanted to do was just throw that radio autobot into the wall so hard that his circuits shattered. This music was driving him crazy.
Burn your candle at both ends
Before he could even get to the start of the dance floor, Optimus was surrounded by his over dancing men. They smiled as they tried to dance with him only to get a cold shoulder.
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Sideswipe actually had the nerve to reach up and gently pull at his faceplates. He gave the solider a glare that made him fall flat on his aft and try to gingerly crawl away from him.
Mashed potatoes can be your friend
Bumblebee poked his head up from Prime's side and Optimus slapped him down to the floor. The minibot just bounced off the floor and rubbed his aft before shrugging it off and return to dancing like crazy.
You can be a coffee achiever
Optimus was slightly concerned when some of the men started to shake as if they were shivering, but when Optimus say that they were still moving their hips and sliding he continued his march to Blaster.
You can sit in the house and watch Leave it to Beaver
Optimus flinched when some of the autobots started to jump into him. He was nearly pushed over a few times, but he was still going steady.
The future's up to you
He grumbled when Jazz and Prowl grabbed him and tried to get him to dance, but Optimus would not have it.
So what you gonna do
He blinked in surprise when Jazz shoved a finger in his face to try and make a point, but his own SIC was laughing all the way.
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
The duo waved their fingers in front of his optics, making him slightly dizzy and Optimus stumbled back away from the dance floor.
What did I say
Jazz was still looking at him and kept pointing at him, just like all the other autobots trying to get his attention.
Dare to be stupid
Otpimus flinched yet again at the infernal lyric. He swung his head back and forth to clear his optics and looked for Blaster again.
Tell me, what did I say
Prime did his best to try and ignore the music as he again started to walk towards the crowded dance floor with autobots, decepticons, and humans.
Dare to be stupid
Everyone started to sing the lyric in his ear as if to mock him, but Optimus did his best to shut them out.
It's alright
He ran into Grimlock, who smiled at him with a big toothy grin and grabbed him and lifted his leader off his feet.
Dare to be stupid
Optimus squirmed in the T-rex's grip. He was kicking his legs back and forth and accidently kicked a minibot…or two.
We can do stupid all night
Grimlock shoved Prime into the dinobot group. They circled around him and kept dancing in their dinosaur forms. They looked ridiculous though because they were so stiff and so slow in their movements.
Dare to be stupid
Optimus was actually thankful that they didn't say the lyric directly to him, or even say it for that matter, since they couldn't speak with proper grammer anyway.
Come on, join the crowd
He jumped onto Grimlock's back and started to crawl over him to try and get away. Only Grimlock was steadily losing his balance.
Dare to be stupid
Grimlock nearly fell on top of his leader, but Prime grabbed at Swoop's legs and landed safely on his feet. His movement were un-noticed by the others.
Shout it out loud
This time, Prime jumped and cried out when Megatron shouted the words in his audio. The decepticon just started to laugh and held a steady grip on his knees so as to keep from falling over from laughter.
Dare to be stupid
Starscream waltz over to his leader and looked over at Prime. He gave Optimus a sly smile and a dirty wink that just made him shiver.
I can't hear you
They both started to play as they playfully put their hands to their audios as if they couldn't hear their toughest enemy speak.
Dare to be stupid
Prime narrowed his eyes and hastily got to his feet. He bodily walked right up to his enemies and shoved them out of the way. They fell to the floor in a surprised tangled heap.
Ok, I can hear you now
Optimus didn't see Megatron mock him by saying the lyrics in his direction as the Prime scrambled for the door, deciding to escape the crazy song. His fingers scrapped over the keypad to open the locked door as he was in such a hurry to escape.
Let's go, dare to be stupid
He never felt so relieved when the doors finally opened and he ran out of the make-shift dance room. However, the song just echoed down the hallways as Optimus raced for the exit of the base.
Dare to be stupid!
He was finally out! The sunlight made his optics blink as he reached the open valley the Arch had crashed landed in. He kept running as he transformed into his alt-mode of a semi-truck. All he did was drive far away from the base as possible, but within a safe distance so it wouldn't be a too far drive home. Finally, the sound of the music faded away as Optimus drove up to a cliff's edge and looked out into the scenery.
Xxxxxxx
Optimus woke up with a start. That was the strangest dream he had in his entire life. He rubbed his helm to clear up his logic circuits. He got up and gave his face a gentle splash of water before returning to his berth. That was the last time he had THAT much high-grade energon before recharge.
Yahooooo! I dare to be stupid by writing and publishing this :) Still trying to figure out a couple more D's so I'm not sure when I will update again. Hope everyone enjoyed it and yes I tried to make it as cheesy as possible. I do not own transformers as they are owned by hasbor and i do not own dare to be stupid as it is owned and performed by Weird Al Yankkovic