The only period I even pay attention in today is Chemistry Lab. I think I pay attention so much in this class today, because we're getting our lab partners. I'm kind of excited to know who my lab partner is, but then again I just hope it's Selena. If it's Selena, I won't have to deal with getting to know somebody all over again.
When the bell rings for class to start, we all sit in the same seats we've been sitting in for the past two days. I sit beside Selena and Nick sits in front of us with the boy I think is named Zack. Cody is sitting clear across the room, but even from such a distance, I can feel him staring at me. Aside from lunchtime, this is the first time I've seen Cody all day. He wasn't in art class this morning, and it's not my business to ask why. But he's staring at me, so it's a good thing I dressed nicely today.
Here at Mainland High, every day is a fashion show. Or at least that's how it seems for the first week. The outfits that some girls wear are borderline slutty, but very nice. I took a little advice from the slut/nice girls and amped up my outfit today. Today, I'm wearing a pair of white jean shorts. The shorts are incredibly short, but they're still not against the dress code. I don't think there is a dress code here. To accompany my shorts, I have on a light purple half shirt from Victoria's Secret. I'm glad that I'm skinny, otherwise the half shirt would probably look disgusting exposing my stomach. I've also gotten tons of "ooohs" and "ahhs" at my belly ring, though I don't know why. I got it pierced a year ago with Dallas and it's not that big of a deal.
"Settle down, class. Settle down." My chemistry teacher stands in front of the board and commands control of us. Once we're all quiet, she begins to talk. She's kind of a bitch, but if you catch her on a good day, she likes to joke around. She has shoulder length blonde hair and she's slightly pudgy. Her name is Mrs. Powell.
"I'm sure you guys know that today is lab partner day." She claps her hands together in mock excitement. "This year is different from Honors Chemistry One. This year, we will be looking at chemical balances and chemical attractions. Because we will be doing things that involve reactions between males and females, I have decided to make your lab groups in male-female forms."
Everyone groans at that, including me. I just want my lab partner to be Selena. Apparently that's too much to ask for.
"Now, so there's no fighting, we will use the old "rock, paper, scissors" method. Boys, line up in front of the room. Girls line up in the back."
Everyone follows her instructions. Nobody has balls enough to argue. I stand beside Selena in the back of the room.
"First match. Nick and Zack, rock, paper, scissors." Mrs. Powell has a clipboard that she's using to write down the names.
Nick and Zack do the rock, paper, scissors jive and Nick wins with his rock.
"Mr. Jonas, pick your poison." Mrs. Powell points to the line of girls.
"Selena." Nick says. Everyone saw that coming. I know I did. I smirk. I'm glad that Selena and Nick are partners, though I wish Selena was my partner. Maybe I'll get lucky and be partnered up with Cody.
"Next Match. Lacey and Chloe." Mrs. Powell says.
Lacey and Chloe do the rock paper scissors and Chloe wins. Chloe is ugly, I think. But I'm not one to judge. Whatever, because Chloe picks Liam as her partner. Liam is the weird guy from English class that had the snakebites and red tipped hair.
Next is Alex and Mark. Mark wins and chooses Lexi.
After that, Regan and Tori go. Regan wins and chooses Alex.
Finally, it's Cody's turn. All he has to do is win and I have a decent lab partner. Cody's going against this dark skinned guy named Paul. Paul isn't ugly, he just isn't my type. He's really, really dark. But that doesn't matter to me. He's also really big and fat. I don't usually try to call people fat, but Paul is. He has to weigh at least 200 pounds. But the thing is, it suits him. I don't think he'd look right if he weren't fat.
Paul wins the game of rock, paper, scissors and Cody doesn't look like he's phased by it. Neither am I, to be honest.
"Paul, pick your partner." Mrs. Powell scribbles down something.
"Demi." Paul says, staring at me. He's looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. It's like I look delicious to him.
I put on a fake smile so that I don't seem rude and look at Cody. Cody looks like he's very, very angry.
I guess I'm angry too, but I'm a little excited. It's always a good thing to make new friends, right?
So the last class of today is Study Hall. My study hall is in the room with Mr. Carrison, which is great because he doesn't care if we talk. And all my friends are in study hall with me. Nick, Selena, Cody and even Paul. It's the first week of school and there's nothing to study today, so Mr. Carrison just puts Finding Nemo on for us to watch.
"My brother told me that he met you yesterday, Demi." Nick says to me as we sit down at the desks. We all tend to sit beside each other. Nick sits in front of me, Selena sits beside me and Cody sits beside me too.
"Oh… yeah. He works at the pizza place and in Steve & Barry's in the mall." I feel awkward talking about Nick's brother while Cody's sitting right beside me.
"He said you carry good conversation."
"He does too."
I think about Joe. He's really cute. But let's face it, he's way too old.
"So what are we all doing this weekend?" Selena changes the subject. I'm glad she did, because I just feel like crap thinking about Joe while Cody's right here.
"I dunno. What are you doing, babe?" Nick retorts.
Cody slides his chair closer to me. He's so close that I can smell his cologne.
"Well on Friday, me and Demi were going to go to the football game, but Mark just told me today that it's away. It's not a home game, so I don't think we're gonna go anymore. But on Saturday, we're going to the beach."
Something inside me is telling me to invite them over to my house. I just feel like they'd enjoy it at Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jason's. The living room is big enough to suit all of us.
"Why don't we just chill over my house Friday? My mom don't care." Nick beats me to asking, so I just forget about it.
"All of us?" Cody asks. He weasels his hand into mine and holds it.
"Yeah. We can just chill outside. In the pool and stuff. Watch a movie or something." Nick shrugs.
"I was coming over anyway." Selena rests her head on Nick's shoulder. Nick holds her hand just like Cody's holding mine.
I actually have friends. We're going to hang out this weekend. That's so fucking cool. I actually have FRIENDS.
Nick leans over to Selena's face and the two of them kiss each other deeply. I can't help but watch it, but I look away whenever I get bored. I just wish someone would kiss me like that. But I'm not that attracted yet.
"Get. A. Room." Cody whispers to them two.
Nick puts up his middle finger and never breaks the kiss between he and Selena.
I'm so unflirty it's funny. Cody keeps inching his chair closer and closer to mine, and it takes me forever to notice that he wants me to lay on his shoulder like Selena is laying on Nick's. I'll do it, but I don't think we should kiss. We don't even fully date.
I lean down and put my head on his shoulder.
"You're so hot, Demi." He whispers to me.
I smile. "Thank you."
Really softly, he leans to my cheek and kisses me.
I do feel butterflies fluttering all through my stomach, but I don't know if it means anything.
"I mean it. You look so good." He keeps whispering in my ear. He kisses my cheek again.
He's flirting, I guess I should flirt back.
"So do you…" I don't know why it's so hard for me to flirt with him. I like Cody, I do. Why is it so hard for me to show it?
"You're gonna be mine someday… you know that?" He strokes my hand which makes me relax a little bit.
"That sounds promising…" I'm so awkward with flirting. I'm literally terrible at it. But it doesn't seem like Cody minds, because he doesn't stop stroking my hand and kissing me on my cheek.
"One day…" He smiles and kisses my cheek one last time before he pulls away. I don't want him to think that I'm disinterested, so I need to flirt one last time.
"What's stopping you from that day being today?" I don't really mean that. Honestly, if Cody asked me out, I'd probably say no. It's way too soon for that. But it's the only thing I thought of to say.
"Give me a little bit of time." He kisses my hand instead of my cheek this time.
I think I really, really like him.
August 29, 2008
Dear Mom,
I think me and Cody have taken it to "the next level", whatever that is. Today in study hall, he kissed me. Not on the lips or anything, but it's still a kiss, right? We were also flirting big time. I think Cody might actually be the one for me, but I'm not gonna reach. I'm gonna let everything run it's own course.
Selena found out that the football game on Friday is going to be away. It's not going to be a home game, so we can't go anymore. But instead, we're going to all hang out over her boyfriend, Nick's house. I'm excited to hang out with all my friends. I thought it was going to be hard for me, because both Cody and Joe are going to be there. But I realized today that I don't really like Joe. I just think he's kind of cute. I don't think it'll be hard anymore, because Cody is more of my type and he's a potential date. Joe isn't a potential date for me.
I think you'd be happy to know that I like it here. It's not completely awful, and I'm starting to second guess whether I'd rather be home or not. I think I'm finally beginning to think of Florida as home.
I don't want to make you feel bad or anything, but I accidentally called Aunt Kathy "mom" today. It slipped out so fast that I didn't even realize I said it until after I said it. I felt really bad after that, please believe I did. It was just bad, because I asked her to braid my hair while it was wet, like you used to. You remember that? How you used to braid my hair after I washed it so that when I took it out, it would be curly? I remember it too.
But after she braided my hair, I said "thank you, mommy." To her. I felt horrible and I went upstairs and sat in my room without the TV on or my iPod. I needed to punish myself. After about fifteen minutes, Aunt Kathy came up into my room and gave me a hug. She told me it was an honest mistake and that you wouldn't be angry with me if you knew that I did that. She also told me that I could call her "mom" if it made me feel more comfortable, but I can't do that. I refuse to, though I do need to find something else to call her, because saying "Aunt Kathy" all the time is getting to be a mouthful.
I wish you were here to help me with everything, but I give Aunt Kathy a lot of credit, because she's really being a good substitute for you. It's good that you two were sisters, because in more ways than one, she reminds me of you. Her voice isn't as pretty as yours was, but she sings while she cooks like you used to.
Grandma called me today after I got home from school. She asked me how I was doing and if I was adjusting well. I told her that I was fine and she believed me. She said that she had to go take care of grandpa, but she was thinking of me. So we cut the conversation short. She also expressed to me how much she misses you, and I can agree with her on that.
Also, Dallas's birthday gift to me came in the mail. It took so long to get here, because it got sent back. It got sent back, because Dallas is stupid and didn't address it right. But anyway, her gift is really nice. It's a picture of us. All of us. The frame is yellow with pink flowers all over it and it says "A mother's love is irreplaceable" on it. The picture is my favorite part, because we all look really happy. You're holding Maddie on your lap and she's looking up at you, smiling. I don't know how, but I'm on daddy's back and Dallas is laying in the grass. I think we took it at the fourth of July picnic last year.
I have to go to bed now, mommy. But I really love you. And I know you love me too. And if you're worried about me, I'll be okay. Just rest easy, wherever you are.
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
August 31, 2008
Dear Mom,
I MADE IT THROUGH MY FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL WITHOUT DYING!
It's something we should all celebrate, haha.
I know I usually don't write to you unless it's late in the evening or early in the morning, but I'm writing to you right now because I'm leaving in a little bit to go over Nick's. I'm not sure what time I'll be back, so I decided to write now. It's been important to me to write to you at least once a day.
I'm excited to go hang out with my friends. I'm a little bit nervous, but I think I'll be okay. I think I'm most nervous to hang out with Cody. It's been so long since I've had a boyfriend that I can't remember how to even act attractive.
I think it's going to go pretty well. I don't think I would've been invited if they didn't want me there. They must really like me. If it goes bad tonight, at least I can redeem myself with the beach tomorrow.
So school today was fun too. We still haven't learned anything yet, but I think we're going to start learning next week. The only class we have started getting a grade in is art. In art class, we're doing something called "melted crayon art." I've never done it before, but I think I really like it. Today I started actually melting my crayons. My art teacher, Mrs. W. said that mine is turning out to be really nice. I wonder how she can tell that when I've only melted three crayons. She also said that she's never seen anyone in her classes use various shades of yellow for class, so I got three bonus points for that. I think art class is my favorite class.
I think I'm going to give my melted crayon art to Aunt Kathy whenever it's all done. I'm gonna give it to her, because if you were here, I'd give it to you. But you're not here, so she's the next best thing.
In study hall today, we went outside to play kickball. Mr. Carrison is such a cool teacher. He's also very attractive, but I think I've told you that before. He has light blonde hair and light brown eyes. He's really cute. I think his eyes change colors though.
Anyway, I was on Cody's team for kickball and he let me play first base while he played second base. He caught everything that came my way, so I virtually didn't have to do anything. My team won the kickball game and Mr. Carrison gave the winners each a stick of Big Red gum. You know that I don't like cinnamon gum, so I gave mine to Selena. She appreciated it.
I think Aunt Kathy is calling for dinner now, so I'm going to leave. She wants me to eat something before I leave, so I guess I should respect her by eating. I think she made cold cut sandwiches tonight, which is good. I'm not that hungry anyway.
I'll let you know how tonight goes. Wish me luck?
Until next time,
Love always,
Demi.
I put my pencil back on my desk, fold up my letter and go on downstairs.
It's 3:00 now and I've only been out of school for an hour. Selena is supposed to come pick me up at around 5:30 so that we can go over Nick's. But she also said she'd call me in a little while so that we can talk a little before we go. I'm honestly not sure what I should wear, so I'm glad she'll be calling.
"What time are you leaving again, kiddo?" Aunt Kathy puts a saucer with a sandwich on it in front of me.
"I don't know. Around 5:30, I think." I pick the sandwich up and take a bite.
She puts a can of Pepsi beside me. "And you have a ride over there?"
"Yep." I crack open the can of soda and sip it. "My friend's coming to get me."
Aunt Kathy grabs her own plate and sits across from me with it. "So I guess we have to discuss your curfew now, huh?" She properly cuts her sandwich in half.
"Um… yeah. We probably should." I say with a laugh. It's so cute to see how confused my aunt is with teenager stuff.
"So what time do you want to come in? You're sixteen, what time do you think is reasonable?" She takes a bite of her own sandwich and chews.
I swallow the turkey inside my mouth. "Um… 12:00?"
"That's pushing it, kid. How about 11:30?"
"That's too… early." I smirk a little bit. I think we're having our first little disagreement, which is cute because my aunt doesn't like to argue.
"You're sixteen, Demi. I think 11:30 is reasonable." Aunt Kathy's smirk matches mine.
"Just an extra half hour?" I put my sandwich down and clasp my hands together in a begging way.
"…No. 12:00 is way too late. You want to be gone for seven hours?"
"But Aunt KATHY…." Selena doesn't have to be home until 12:30, which is why I'm pushing it a little.
Aunt Kathy sighs softly. "How about this. Your curfew is at 11:30 whenever you're out and about. You said you're just sitting over your friend's tonight? Over his actual house?"
"Yes. Just over his house."
"Tonight, you can come home at 12:00. But if you're out at… the movies or an amusement park or something… you need to be home by 11:30. 12:00 is only for houses. Agreed?"
"…Agreed." I smile at her.
"…Boy having a teenager really is rough." She laughs playfully.
"But you love it, right?" I get up from the table and put my plate in the sink.
"It's not that bad." She waves her hand at me.
"I have to go find something to wear. Dinner was good." I wipe my mouth and head out of the kitchen. I leave my aunt to read her cookbook and eat.
I really don't know what to wear. I'm not sure if I should dress casually, slutty, or nicely. I don't want to seem too provocative, but I think I want to impress Cody.
As if she hears the dilemma inside my head, my phone starts buzzing with the call from Selena.
I slide my finger across and answer it. "Help me." I greet her with that.
She laughs in my ear. "Hello to you too."
I laugh too. "I'm sorry. But I need help…"
"Help with what?"
"I don't know what to wear. What are you wearing?"
"Well, the Jonases have a real nice pool in their backyard and every time Nick has friends over, we always swim. So I'm wearing my bathing suit and a pair of shorts. Don't stress over it, Demi. Cody will think you're hot in whatever you wear."
"So… bathing suit and shorts?"
"That's all I'm wearing."
"Okay, okay. Good thing I just bought a new bathing suit. What time are we leaving?"
"We'll be over to grab you at around 5:00. We have to go earlier than 5:30 if we want a ride."
"Okay, 5's cool."
"Where'd you say you live again? On Seabreeze?"
"Yeah. It's the house with the big black truck out front and the fenced in palm tree. You can't miss it. It's a… pretty big house."
"Okay. See you at 5?"
"See you."
I hang up my phone and sit it on my dresser.
Well, I was going to take a shower before I left, but that's pointless now. Why would I take a shower when I'm just going to go get into the pool?
I grab my new bathing suit from my drawer and rip the price tag off it. I'd better hurry up and go shave.
I shut my bedroom door and strip out of all my clothes. I streak to my bathroom and turn on bath water. I just need to make sure I'm clean real quick.
Butt naked, I sit on the edge of my bathtub and grab a razor. I use a bar of soap to lather my legs up with soap and start shaving away. I'm not sure if anyone will be rubbing on my legs tonight, but just in case there is, I want them to be silky smooth.
When I'm done with my legs, I move on and shave all the hair from my armpits. Once they're smooth, I move on to the most important part, my lady parts.
I don't know if shaving this would make a difference, because I'm almost certain that I'll get NO play down there tonight. But I have to be prepared. Carefully, I shave off all the hair that was just starting to grow down there.
I let the water out of my tub, throw the razor away and streak back to my room.
I grab my bathing suit and slip on the bottoms. I tie the sides tightly so that they stay on. I make sure that the silver anchor charm that is dangling in the middle of the bottoms is facing the right way. I look at myself in the mirror.
I don't look disgusting. I wish that I had skinnier thighs, though. My thighs touch. I'm not fat at all, but I don't have a stick skinny body. I'm almost stick skinny, but my thighs kill it for me. I have little body fat on my stomach. I have more of an hour glass shape, but it's not bad. I only weigh 120.
I grab the top and tie it around my neck and my back. I match the pads up to my boobs and tie it a little tighter. The tighter I tie it, the bigger my boobs appear. I make sure the silver anchor lines up right between my boobs. I think the suit looks nice on me.
I wiggle a pair of blue jean shorts on my hips and pull on a plain white tank top. My hair looks cute in the sloppy ponytail I have it in, so I leave it.
I slide on my red pair of flip flops, grab my Spongebob beach towel, my phone and head downstairs to chill until Selena comes.
I take my seat on the couch next to my uncle. He's watching Divorce Court.
"What are you watching this for, Uncle Jason? Should Aunt Kathy be worried?" I plop down next to him and lay on his shoulder like I always do.
"Shut up, punk." He flicks me on my ear.
"Ouch!" I punch him on his arm in retaliation.
"You hit like a girl, punk." He laughs loudly. Even his laugh is intimidating.
I shut up and watch the TV.
"….So you're going over a boy's house?" He takes a sip from his can of beer.
"Yes. My friend, though. He's only my friend."
"Should I have the sex talk with you?"
"Please don't!"
"I'm just askin'!"
"Well don't!" I laugh hard. Harder than I have in a little while. "…Besides. My mom already beat you to it. Like… nine years ago."
"You weren't a teenager nine years ago."
"Doesn't everything still work the same?"
"I'm just sayin'. Guys… just want somewhere to stick their—"
"UNCLE JASON, PLEASE!"
"I wanna give it to you straight, kid! Things are different these days."
"I BELIEVE YOU! TRUST ME, I KNOW!"
"You do know that sex doesn't have to be pointless, right?"
I clamp my hands over my ears. "Uncle Jason, I'm a virgin. Okay?"
"…You pullin' my leg?"
"No. I swear. I'm… pure. So can we just stop talking about sex?"
"Okay, okay. I just want you to be open with me. Alright?"
I hear the sound of a horn beeping outside. "My ride's here." I spring up from the couch, happy to get away from such an awkward conversation.
"See you later, punk. Use protection!"
I dash out the house and out to Selena's car.
Me? Condoms? I'm not even gonna get laid until I'm 40.
I love my uncle.
He's so funny sometimes.