Ah, the next chapter is going to be awfully uncomfortable to write. It has to happen, though.

Korra

How dare he? After everything I'd done for him, this was how he thanked me? I'm sorry, days and days of difficult healing work and a trip north just to save your life isn't good enough? If I'd begun helping him even a day later, he'd have lost more than just an arm. And I was absolutely certain that even without all my bending skill, I was still a better healer than almost anyone else who could have attended him. And blaming me for his arm! It wouldn't have been an issue at all if he hadn't turned the whole city against him by being a bloodbender.

I did feel a little guilt over the injuries he would have to live with. There was nothing else I could have done, but it was painful to see how he was affected. But there was absolutely nothing to his arguments about why I should have stayed with the city. If I'd been called upon to do real bending work, there would have been no way to hide how bad my control was. What would revealing my problems have done but spread unrest? And what decisions could I have made that would have had any effect? I was much better off here. Helping one person was better than none. He didn't have a single real reason I should have stayed there.

When I tried to sleep, the nightmares were back. I must have been too exhausted the night before to dream. When I woke up the next morning I hardly felt rested, but even if I could have stayed in my furs longer I doubted I'd have been able to sleep. I had thought Tarrlok would feel better after a night to sleep on things, but nothing was changed. He was silent through breakfast, and even a direct question barely got more than a muttered, barely audible answer. Well, exercise would help then. It didn't really, but at least it was something to distract me. Still, as the day continued, I was a little worried about how unhappy he looked. The point of Republic City was settled, and there was nothing I could change now about how his burns had healed. I had expected him to adjust, accept the way things were, but he moped as long as we were walking. When I finally decided to make camp, he shook himself a little and asked what he should help with.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It'll just be faster if I do it myself."

Since he was finally willing to talk, I tried again to make conversation, but he was just as unresponsive as before. He sat on the ground and didn't even watch as I moved about the site setting up the tent and furs. It was so irritating that I couldn't help kicking the branches and leaves on the forest floor as I walked down to the river to catch fish for dinner. I'd half expected him to follow me and sulk over his scars some more, so it was a small relief that he stayed behind.

I was happier not to have him watching while I tried to bend the fish out of the water. The clumsy way I'd done it yesterday had been embarrassing enough, but this was so much worse. Here, the current was faster and the water was deeper. It was hard enough to find the fish, but I dropped so many more than I managed to bring to the shore. It was nearly a half hour before I managed to get enough fish to make a decent meal for tonight and the next morning. When I stomped back to the camp I was ready to snap at the smallest irritation, but I hadn't at all expected what I found. Were those... waterbending forms? What? Why?

I jumped in immediately, tossing the fish down next to the fire pit I'd built. Of all the idiotic things! I tried my best to tell him how badly he could hurt himself like this, when he needed to be at his best. And when he couldn't even waterbend anymore, what was the point? There was no point. No reason, nothing to justify this. What a stupid thing to do.

He cut me off with a muttered, "You could just heal me." That brought me up short for a moment, but it wasn't nearly enough to convince me. He'd just spent an entire day trying to make me feel bad about how my bending was damaged. If I had to waste time there fixing him when he'd only hurt himself, it would just take away from any further healing I could do for his burns. He didn't argue with any of my other points as I kept talking, but the way he just looked off to the side and barely seemed to hear only bothered me more.

I was still in an awful mood when I sat down to prepare the fish. It was a pleasure to viciously slice them open and clean them. That worked out a little of the anger. When I lit the fire, instead of being frustrated, I grinned at the way the flame blazed up above head height. While it died down to reasonable levels, I turned to find sticks to cook the fish on.

Tarrlok was sitting behind me with his shirt half unfastened, his one hand fumbling with the open buttons. Why? It brought all of the irritation rushing back. I hardly knew what I was saying to him. Couldn't he find something useful to do instead? Why wouldn't he just leave well enough alone? He was looking off into the woods again, avoiding my eyes. When I realized I was starting to repeat myself, I finally finished with a demand that he explain himself.

He turned his head reluctantly. "Since the best healer in the world couldn't give me back a hand, I thought I could practice dressing myself." His eyes were angry as he raised them to mine. "Or am I not allowed to do that?"

Oh. I supposed- Yes, that was a decent reason. I wouldn't admit it to him, though. I changed the subject instead, asking him to start cooking the two fish while I got more water from the river for the evening's healing. He ate without talking again, without even a comment on the fresh mushrooms I found between the campsite and the river's edge. He ate what I put in front of him, looking blankly down at his lap when the food was gone. When I told him I was going to begin the healing, he only shrugged.

He didn't resist, but he didn't help either as I slipped off his coat and undid his shirt. His eyes were dull, and he only roused himself enough to tell me that he'd burned his hand a little while he was managing the fish. I tried to ask him about how it happened, anything for a conversation. It was starting to worry me how much he'd withdrawn since the last morning. It was no good. I couldn't get anything but one-word answers out of him.

Did- Did he think that just because there was something wrong with my healing I didn't want to help him? That wasn't right at all! I wanted to help him so badly! I'd done so much just to help him. I renewed my questions, but it was useless. How could I get a response out of him? I had begun the healing with his back, but I was impatient to finish and get into a position where I could see his face. He sat with crossed legs and I knelt in front of him. I leaned forward and let my hands brush his cheeks as I healed him. Look at me, Tarrlok. He shut his eyes.

I felt almost as angry as earlier, but rising anxiety kept me from saying anything. What was wrong? His eyes stayed shut as long as I was working on his face. I dropped my hands to his chest, and he opened them and turned his head away to the right. When I finally had to give it up and move around to his side, he continued ignoring me. Fine. While I was working on the exercises for his hand, I began asking him questions about how the scars felt for him. Was there any more trouble breathing? Was he regaining flexibility and strength? If he wasn't willing to answer these questions, I didn't know what else I'd be able to do.

He did come a little more alive as we talked. He finally was saying more than one word to me at a time. When he mentioned that the scars felt a bit tight and pulled painfully when he moved too quickly, I had something that would cheer him up. I ran in to dig in the bottom of my pack and finally pulled out a ceramic jar.

"We can use this! It's lotion I took from the hospital. I'm not sure exactly what's in it, but they told me that it was specially made for burns. We'll just apply it with the healings, and that should help."

He looked a bit dubious at the size of the jar. "Isn't that a little small?"

"Don't worry, I asked some questions about it and it's supposed to be very common. The nurses said that any decent herbalist should be able to make some more up. Soon we should be passing Iruma city, and I've been planning to stop there to pick up extra supplies."

We talked a little more, but as much as I tried to encourage him to keep speaking he soon lapsed into silence again and stared off into the dark woods. As I applied the lotion to all his burns and carefully rubbed it into the scars, he ignored me completely. After I finished I tucked myself in close to his side and began the exercises for his hand again. Look at me, Tarrlok. It was useless. When I pressed my thigh against his and leaned in against him, he didn't react at all. Even when I shifted a little so that the side of my breast rested against his arm, he barely turned to me for a moment before looking off into the distance again.

I'd worked myself up almost to the point of tears by the time I had to give it up. At least today he didn't argue about the medicine and moved to get it out of the pack before I even had a chance to mention it. He did turn to say something to me, and at first I was so excited that he was talking that I couldn't comprehend the import of his words.

"This is nearly empty. When it's finished, am I done with the medicine?"

"Oh, no. That's just something else I need to buy in Iruma city."

That was a worrying point, though. I'd assumed we would have passed the city long before this became an issue. As soon as he was settled and unconscious, I found Asami's map in my pack and unfolded to read by the fire. It was so hard to tell where we were since we had to avoid the roads, but when I'd caught the fish I'd seen the light of some settlement off to the south. If that put us here, and we'd left the Satomobile there... I tried to argue with my own logic, but it was no good. It was going to be a few more days before we had any hope of reaching the city. I extinguished the fire and tucked the map safety away, and before I went to bed myself, I stopped to weigh the skin of medicine in my hand. Really, there couldn't be more than a day's worth left in there. Why hadn't he said anything? I might have been able to work something out if he'd only told me earlier! My mind raced trying to think of some solution, but there was nothing. Everything had depended on Iruma city. I reluctantly crawled under my furs and shut my eyes, preparing for a night even more restless than usual.