Envy. A desire to covet or deprive someone of something they possess.
The day had been hell. Figurative hell of course, but at that moment in time there was no use pointing that out to Number Six. He felt for sure he was down there, burning for some unknown wrong. The heat of the blood that caked him felt like flames licking at his exposed skin, and all he wanted in that moment was the coldest shower he could tolerate to numb his body and wash away the evidence of their latest mission.
Four tried to pat his hand from the seat beside him, but Six shuffled another inch away – the Horror himself horrified at the thought of being touched while he reeked of death.
As it had been a high visibility mission, Abhijat was taking the wheel of the car today instead of Pogo (whom Dad tried to keep away from the spotlight, in case questions about genetic experimentation and the ethic responsibilities said experimentation must have breached arose in the media and undermined the good PR Dad had worked so hard to build for the Academy). Six was rather pleased with the arrangement, as Abhijat drove faster than Pogo, who preferred to drive at a safe, sedate, law-abiding pace. Abhijat always kept a blanket in the car too, which was currently draped around Six to cover his blood drenched uniform. It was something he'd begun to pack ever since their first mission at the bank.
Another tight turn pushed Six harder against the car door, which he'd huddled against as soon as Father allowed them to leave the constant flashing of cameras. Thankfully the car was quiet tonight, everyone tired after the unexpected mission alarm that sounded only an hour after they turned in for bed.
Dad didn't interrupt the silence with any offers of praise either, which was to be expected. That he wasn't tearing them apart with criticism was enough for most of them. Although undoubtedly in training tomorrow he'd bring up the perceived failures and weaknesses they had each displayed tonight, using them as an excuse to push them further.
The squeal of brakes announced that they had arrived at the house and Six was the first to push his car door open, scurrying up the stairs before anyone else even realised they were home.
Pogo opened the door for him, holding back a grimace as he took him in.
"Number Six." He greeted solemnly. "Do you require medical attention?"
Six shook his head, not trusting his voice. The back of his throat felt dry and rancid, a combination of suppressed tears and the splatters of blood he had accidentally inhaled and swallowed.
"Very well. I will see you in the morning then." Pogo said, knowing by now that Six's post-mission routine revolved around solitude and water.
The others came in behind him, but Six didn't pause to take part in their quiet conversations.
Sedately, he took to the stairs. While he couldn't wait to drench himself into as near a state of cleanliness as he could now manage, his body protested too much to move with any real speed.
The only silver lining to fully utilising his powers on missions was the brief lull in activity from the eldritch, sated from the pain they had inflicted, and relieved at finally being able to stretch after spending so long cooped up inside his body. Usually after a mission they would twist painfully within if he hadn't let them out. Now the only pain he felt was from the activation of the portal in his abdomen and the sting stubbornly persisting behind his eyes, which would disappear as soon as the water started flowing.
Rounding the landing and heading for the children's hallway, Six recoiled as he came into contact with another body.
On any other day, he would reach out to steady her as she stumbled backwards, but the thought of touching Seven – the only one left pure among them – and infecting her with the bloodiness caking his skin made him want to retch.
"Oh, Six. I'm so sorry." She immediately apologised. Seven always apologised, even for things beyond her control. It was dark, Six had been taught to walk stealthily, and it takes two people to crash into each other; but he didn't have the heart to reassure her of such facts tonight. Right now, he barely had the strength to hold back an undeserved glare.
"Mom told me to stay in bed, but I wanted to make sure you all got home." Seven continued, oblivious to his suffering. "The others are here, right?"
Six nodded.
"None of them got hurt?" She asked carefully.
He shook his head.
"Oh good. I was so worried."
Nodding, Six glanced at the ground absently, wondering if he had left a trail behind him which would stain the carpets, before returning his eyes to the outline which was Seven. The blood was drying slightly under his fingernails, but he still felt wet with it. He needed it off him, before it permanently dyed his skin red.
"Well, I'll head back to..."
Five teleported onto the landing, briefly illuminated the pair where before they had been standing in shadow.
With the flash of blue, Six was horrified to see what he couldn't before.
He'd got blood on Seven's pyjamas.
The light was extinguished too fast for Seven or Five to notice, and neither one could see the growing repulsion on his face. Seven hadn't even noticed his current state, her eyes seeking out Five for visual confirmation he was unharmed.
Reaching out with a shaking hand, Six swiped the spot to try to wipe away the stain – too far gone to consider that doing so with his dirtied hands would make everything so much worse.
Flinching back from the unexpected contact, Seven asked: "Six?"
"I...I..." He tried. His voice was untested since his last affirmation in return to One's commands when they'd entered the building, and it failed him miserably.
"What is it?" Seven asked, reaching for his hand where it still lightly hovered over her stomach.
As soon as she grabbed his slickened hand, Six found the capability to choke out: "God, I'm so sorry."
"Six, I told you it was my fault." Seven replied, voice laced with confusion over his devastated tone. "I didn't look where I was going."
She didn't understand, Six realised anxiously. She would go to bed not realising, then the blood would transfer itself further. Onto her sheets, onto her skin, across her face, into her hair, staining the pillow. It wasn't right.
"Six." Five interrupted, the only one there who was aware Six was not in his right mind. "If you're going to get into the showers first, I'd go now. The others will be up in a minute."
"Are they okay?" Seven asked Five.
"None of us are okay." Six hissed, feeling hysterical. "Now get out of my way."
He yanked his hand from hers, easy to do since his palm was too wet for Seven to keep purchase on. Cringing around her, he marched towards the showers.
Six flipped on the light switch beside the door before entering the bathroom.
The light flooded into the hallway and he distantly heard Five say with a start: "Shit, Seven. You've got blood on you. Is that yours?"
"No." Seven said, confused by its presence.
She didn't know she had the blood of his victims on her, Six thought miserably as he shut the door.
Why did she have to be standing there? They all were drenched in blood, even if it showed like tonight or not, but Seven was always meant to be clean. The only Hargreeves who ever would be.
That was the unacknowledged gift of her ordinariness. Something the others, especially Seven, never appreciated.
What Six wouldn't give for that. For no powers, no missions, no monsters tearing him apart and resealing him, no training sessions with Dad yelling at him to try harder. No screaming, no blood.
She didn't know how good she had it. Didn't she understand he would give everything for that? He'd give everything, give up everything, sacrifice everything in his life. If it meant he could be ordinary, he'd even curse his abilities on her.
Sometimes, like tonight he wished he could. As he flipped on the water, turning the dial down deep into the blue and far away from the red, Six longed for it.
Did she think they didn't know how much she wished for a power? How she tried at every turn to cling onto true parity with them? Be it drawing an umbrella on her forearm with a marker pen, or taking one of Five's spare domino masks so she'd have a complete Academy uniform.
Would she still want a power if it was his she was blighted with?
Six doubted it.
He stayed under the icy spray until the water no longer ran red and his teeth chattered painfully against one another. Once he turned off the jets, Six grabbed several towels to wrap himself with from head to toe until he could regain enough sensation to get back to his room.
Walking over to the mirror over the sink, Six checked to ensure his face was clear before bending over his hands to ensure his nails were clean. When he was satisfied nothing lingered, even pulling forward his ears to ensure nothing had stained the backs of them, he shuffled off to his room in search of a spotless pair of pyjamas and a book he could try to bury himself in. He nearly dropped his towels in surprise when, after opening the door, he found Seven waiting up for him.
She looked at him nervously from her perch on his windowsill, cheeks flushing.
"Hi. Sorry – I know you like to be left alone, but," she held up a book, "I thought you might like this. It's quite relaxing, so I thought it might help you sleep."
Slowly moving to her side, Six looked her over and realised she had changed and washed up after their earlier encounter.
He tentatively reached out and took the book from her, reading the title.
"Did I give you this?" Six asked, not recognising it.
"No. Remember that mission you all went on a few weeks ago at the public library?" Seven explained.
"Yeah."
"Well Five knew I wanted some new reading material, so he grabbed a few random books from the shelves before you all left to give to me. I tried to point out it counts as stealing," Seven smiled, "but he told me to stop being such a goody two shoes and start reading. Anyway, most of them were crime and gothic which I know you're not interested in – but he picked this up too and I quite enjoyed it. I figured you would too."
"Thank you, Seven."
"Don't thank me." She shrugged. "Thank Five."
Seven got up and headed for the door. "Sorry again, about bumping into you earlier. I should have stayed in my room like Mom told me to. I just worry about you all."
Six let her go, too frazzled to risk her accepting an offer to stay.
After changing into fresh pyjamas, he clambered into bed, pulling the covers up to his neck, and burying his nose inside the book.
His sister was so thoughtful. The others had all trod back to their own rooms, wrapped up in their little bubbles. Yet Seven, despite him unfairly snapping at her earlier, had worried about him and wondered how she could help him.
He'd have to thank her properly in the morning. The morning, when hopefully everything would seem a little less grim and they would return to their barely tolerable status quo until the next mission wrought all these feelings in him again.
Because right now, God help him, with the blood he could still feel rolling across his skin even with it washed down the drain, Six still found himself stewing in envy.
His thoughtful sister would now be back in bed, undoubtedly sleeping peacefully with no horror to torment her through the night beside from the occasional fear of abandonment. Six on the other hand would have to read until his eyes blurred, desperate to give his subconscious something prettier to form dreams with than the memories the Academy produced during their early escapade.
How much easier life would be if he were the ordinary one and Number Seven had to suffer through this instead of him.
For once after a mission he didn't dream of monsters and gore. He dreamt of a blemish free forearm, an unmasked face and a sister he sent pitying thoughts to as she arrived home covered in fresh blood.
I'd originally thought of Ben feeling envious when Vanya goes off to school for the first time but, even though I've seen it in other stories, I can't actually picture Hargreeves risking sending Vanya off to school. I mean, what if she made friends, built up some self-confidence and decided she no longer needed 'anxiety pills'? Maybe I'm just overthinking it. But that thought process led me to this instead. The whole blood on Vanya thing ended up looking quite similar to TooYoungToFeelThisTired's recent work 'Sloth' - a coincidence but I thought I'd mention and recommend it for any Fiveya shippers reading this.
Oh and as for the book Seven gives Six, I have no title in mind - just imagine whichever book is your favourite.
Next chapter will posted once I've read it through. Chapter 12 is the longest chapter in the story yet so it may take me a few minutes. In the meantime please comment and let me know what you thought of Six and Envy! 3