Dylan

I woke up before Max. I woke up with our bodies pressed tightly together. I woke up confused. I woke up with a realization.

I'd given my virginity to Max. Her head was against my chest, legs intertwined with mine. No! This was all wrong. She and Fang had had sex! How could I have even begun to talk myself into this? To think that it was even remotely okay? All of it was wrong. l always thought I'd have waited until I loved someone to have sex with them. What the hell had I gotten myself into? How could I have violated Fang's trust that way?

It was then that I realized that I may have been just a tiny bit jealous of Famg. I also realized that I had to tell him I'd slept with Max, that he'd be pissed beyond belief. That, in a way, I'd betrayed him.

Max grunted in her sleep, nuzzling my chest.

I couldn't bear to look at her any longer. I couldn't bear to be..naked with her. I couldn't bear to think to myself that I was a terrible person. I've found that once you've done something you shouldn't have, something you're highly ashamed of, you can't admit to yourself that you're a bad person. You can't admit to yourself that you've screwed up. Again.

You just don't know what to do.

i silently got out of bed and pulled on my boxers, practically sprinting to the bathroom. I locked the door and spread my wings to a comfortable angle, then slid slowly to the ground, head in my hands. I began to hyperventilate a little. I felt like barfing. Ugh.

After a few minutes of trying to steady my uneven breathing, I felt genuinely sick.I crawled over to the toilet, not wanting to stand and face the coward, the monster, the complete idiot in the mirror. I hugged the toilet bowl and just stared into the water for a few minutes. Somehow, this relaxed my stomach. Somehow, I felt more at ease.

Finally, I pulled myself together and mustered up the courage to stand, to face myself in our huge bathroom mirror. When I did stand, I half expected to see some cocky, jackass part of me. The devil on my shoulder. Something.

Instead, I saw me. Just me, just Dylan. Tall, lean. Faint six-pack abs, strong figure. My shiny turquoise eyes, the deep v that led into my boxers. The usual mess of long golden-blond hair atop my head. I wished that my mental physique was as strong as my physical one. I sighed, dragging a hand through my hair and meeting my own eyes in the mirror. "You are pathetic," I told myself viciously.

It was then that I decided to shower.

The shower was blazing hot. I washed my hair twice and nearly rubbed a layer of skin off. I didn't want Max's soft, sweet, lingering touches to pollute my body as well as my head. Surprisingly, this was a very slow process. At least, it felt like an eternity. In reality, I'd only taken a seven minute shower.

After I got out of the shower, I dried off with a towel and walked to the kitchen in my boxers. Iggy was already up, preparing the usual Saturday breakfast of super-huge omeletes. I sat at the table. Somehow, I thought Iggy didn't hear me, but here's a little secret-Iggy hear everything. "Angel?" he called out quietly.

I almost laughed, and probably would have if I hadn't been so uptight. "Close. Dylan."

Iggy grinned. "Ah, alright. 'Sup?" he asked, flopping his first omelete onto a plate.

One of the things I liked most about Iggy was that he was really easy to talk to and usually kept things to himself. "I feel awkward."

One of his eyebrows perked up. "Why?"

I played with one of the napkins on the table for a few seconds. "Max and I had sex last night," I murmured, barely audible to my own ears.

"Woah. Wow. I don't even know what to say or how to react to that. You and Max bumped uglies?" He'd been grinning the entire time, not seeming fazed at all by what I'd just said.

I nodded imperceptibly. "Yeah."

"That should be okay, though, right? You two are so in love."

I flinched. Not only because he'd said that Max and I were "in love", but when he said "in love", the image of Fang's black eyes flashed across my brain. They were like the night sky, holding together a whole world and hiding it all at once. "I..I'm not sure that I love her," I admitted quietly.

Iggy froze and his head snapped up. "Shit, dude! Why would you do that? Do you have any idea what I'd give to even tell Nudge that I have feelings for her? Yet here you are, in all your glory, messing with Max's heart!"

I hung my head. "I..I know. I feel so..I feel so shitty. By the way, Nudge likes you back. It's totally obvious."

He gulped when I said Nudge's name. "That..slipped out..," he mumbled, turning red as a cherry and returning to the omeletes. "I love her, though. I really do."

I smiled bitterly, leaving us in silence for a few minutes.

"Dylan, you know you can just tell Max that you're not sure what you feel."

I groaned. "That's the thing, Ig. I just can't bring myself to tell her that I don't know how I feel. I can't bring myself to hurt her that way."

He bit his lower lip and shook the strawberry blond hair out of his face. "Well, maybe you're just confused. Is there someone else?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "Kind of. Maybe. I don't know. I've always kind of doubted my feelings for Max, though, that's the thing. Well, except for when I first got here. I was obsessed with her and she hated me. Sometimes, I think things were better when Fang was around."

Iggy stiffened. "I think they're better now that he's gone. I mean, yeah, I miss him like heck, but it's so much more peaceful. Plus, there isn't a ton of tension plaguing the house.."

I shrugged. A few more minutes of silence.

"Alright," Iggy said softly, setting down his spatula. "How about this. You get outta here for a while, maybe the whole day and I'll cover for you. But only if you promise not to tell anyone about Nudge."

"Scout's honor."

He nodded and I left.

Fang

My blogging was interrupted by three precise knocks on the hotel door.

"Yo. It's nine fifty-three, you know that, right?" I quipped sarcastically, smirking faintly at Dylan, who looked tense and carelessly clothed.

He shrugged. "Yeah. I just..had to get away from that madhouse."

I felt my eyebrows furrow in frustration. "What happened this time?" I asked, stepping aside and letting him into the room. He walked slowly over to the couch, like he was in some sort of weird trance. It kind of creeped me out, seeing Dylan this..blue. Wasn't I the one that was supposed to be all angsty?

He sat, spine straight, wings flat against it. He didn't answer me, just eyed me sadly. For once, he wasn't providing me with a clear read. He was just tense, quiet, sad..

And then suddenly, I knew. "You had sex with Max last night."

Two sad, shining pools of blue met my two orbs of night. "I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, looking as if he were about to cry.

I snorted. "No, you're not, Dillweed. You had sex with the girl you know I love. Yet you can't even stand her half the time! What the hell? Did you just fuck her so you could rub it in my face and laugh while you watched me fall apart? Shit!" I was shouting.

His eyes shined even more. "I wasn't thinking! I'm not..I'm not okay! There's something wrong with me! I don't know what's going on, Fang. I don't know what I feel toward anyone! I hate myself, and that's all that I know!" A single tear slid down his left cheek.

I glared at him. "And that gives you the right to mess with her feelings? You know she's going to find out that you don't love her sooner or later! Hell, why are you even here, admitting this to me? Why aren't you back with the flock? Because if you don't want to be there anyway, maybe I should go back! They're my flock, anyway!" I lashed my arm out at the air.

He stood and walked over to me, staring at me. "They're my flock now, not yours. You left them and I didn't. Just because I don't care so much for Max doesn't mean I don't care about the flock," he said quietly, another tear slipping down his cheek, leaving a shimmering track down his face. "I didn't want to anger you. But I do understand that I'm an inconvenience. If you wish, I will leave and I will not come back. I'll leave you alone."

I didn't know what to say. He was right. "Just get out."

He left, shutting the door quietly.

Right as that door shut, right as he walked out, I felt hollow. I felt empty and hollow and numb.

Max really had moved on.

I thought about Dylan saying that the flock was his now. "You left them and I didn't." That stung more than he could know. Watching him leave had only made the hole in my chest gape more. I never thought that he'd hurt me almost as equally as bad as Max had. In fact, that door shutting behind him hurt more than anything ever had. Because now not only had my first love lost feelings for me, but my only friend had left. I feared that he wouldn't come back.

I realized that I cared about him.

I cared about Dylan in a way that was more than just friends. I was starting to discover that Dylan had an effect on me. When he was around, I was happy. When he was gone, I was bored and lonely. When I was in a room with him, I wanted to talk to him and be near him.

I realized that I couldn't decide if I was more jealous of him, or if I was more jealous of Max.

I realized that I was starting to lose feelings for Max and gaining feelings for Dylan.

I stared at the wall for a few minutes, then laid down and curled up under my blankets.

Dylan

I stayed on the rooftop of the hotel all day, thinking of how I could apologize to Fang, how I could gain him back. It probably wouldn't be an easy feat. I just kept replaying the fight in my head. Him yelling at me for messing with Max's feelings. Him telling me to get out. Me almost losing it right in front of him.

No, I'd saved the losing my head part for when I got to the roof. It was cold and the wind burned my eyes. It was freezing and bitter and terrible. Nearly all of me had lost feeling about an hour later, both physically and mentally. I think I fell asleep, because I don't remember it starting to snow. When I woke up, everything was covered in white. Including me.

And now, hours later, here I was, in the same spot, with the same aches in my chest. The same numbness I'd gained hours before. The same regrets. Here I was, in the same situation. I just did not know how to apologize to him and make it seem like a genuine sorry. But I knew sorry wasn't going to cover this. I knew that I needed to man up.

It was past dark when I decided to go apologize. I let myself in, but the room was dark. He must have fallen asleep. I'll just leave a note, I figured. I found a piece of paper on the nightstand next to Fang. He was in the fetal position, blankets tight around him, whimpering in his sleep. I found a broken pencil and wrote with it.

Fang,

I truly am sorry that I violated your trust in the way that I did. I did not wish for us to fight. I knew you'd be pissed. I am so sorry. I don't know really how to apologize correctly without seeming fake. And I know that sorry won't cut it. I honestly hope that we can still be friends. It was never in my intention for us not to be. In fact, I don't know what the hell my intentions were. I wasn't thinking. At all. I just hope that you can forgive me.

Sincerely, Dylan.

I left silently with a hope in my heart that he could forgive me. That was all that I wanted.

A/N: Did you guys like it? Let me know what you think's going to happen in the next chapter! Read on! And, as always, R&Rs appreciated!