This is a shift day [see above]. There was another upload this morning: First Visit.

"The Ties That Bind"

11. Eleven

They had put Beth and Nell in the playpen together, watched the two of them babble at each other. Shelby would look to Rachel as she observed the small blondes, and she wondered when she would say… whatever she'd come around to say. She knew her to be direct, from how little she knew of her, but she could feel how similar they were in that aspect. She knew what could override that for her, so if that was the same for Rachel, then it wouldn't surprise her if she left without ever breathing a word of what she'd come for… She wasn't going to push on the matter, but for Rachel's sake she hoped she'd speak up.

For now, she still had Beth and Puck and Quinn to deal with. When she saw Beth start to fuss as he did when on the verge of a diaper change, she took her up again, started to move toward the nursery, but then she had a thought.

"Quinn? Come with me for a minute?" she nodded to her. Quinn looked over, surprised.

"Okay," she got up and followed. They went up to the nursery, and as they went in Shelby could see the girl take the room in… This was Beth's world, the place she saw when she fell asleep and when she woke again. "It's really nice…" she picked up a stuffed bear, brushed at its white 'fur,' put it back down with a nudge like she wanted to make sure it was in the exact place she'd taken it away from.

"She seems to enjoy it," Shelby smiled, putting Beth on the changing table. "It took me way too long to decide on the colors, the motifs, but now here we are." Quinn approached, still keeping a respectful distance. Shelby looked back to her, keeping a hand over Beth. "You know she tends to move around a lot when I do this. Why don't you come up here and keep her company. Talk to her, hold her hand… she'll listen," she promised.

"Last time I talked to her, really talked to her, she was still…" her hand hovered at a space in front of herself as it would had when her belly still reached out to there, like it remembered exactly where it had laid time and time again… but not anymore. Her hand came back down, eyes averted. The memory may have been overwhelming, but she didn't want to show it.

"Well it'll give you time to catch up then, won't it." Beth started to cry and Shelby turned back to her. "Yes, I know," she hushed. "Taking care of it now, okay?" she leaned in to kiss the little fist shaking out. As she stood back up she saw Quinn make a careful approach, standing at the head of the table, presenting her finger again. When Beth saw her, she reached and grasped it again. "See? She remembers," Shelby smiled. Quinn looked closer to hyperventilating than anything. "Take your time." She started going through the motions of the diaper change and, after a moment, Quinn's voice was heard.

"Hey, Beth… Been a while, right?" she paused. "I think last time we talked I was telling you about… Regionals. That's when you were born. You know, you came real close to being born on a stage. That would have been a good story for the future. 'Tell you what, sweetheart, I was born on the stage, what do you have?'" she put on a dramatic voice… and Beth laughed. Quinn wasn't sure if she was smiling or crying. "I guess 'almost born on the stage' doesn't have the same ring to it. Believe me though, the hospital was probably better in this case. Nice, clean, smaller entourage, it would have been a really bad time for performance anxiety."

Shelby couldn't help smirking along, though she kept quiet. Neither of them probably remembered she was there anyway… it was just as well. She had some thinking to do.

"I know I said that was the last time I spoke to you. That's true, I guess, even if technically I couldn't see you, just felt you, moving sometimes, and kicking… But I still talk to you, even if you're nowhere near. I want you to know that, okay? Somewhere, deep down, even if you're small and your memories are not exactly stable from the times we were together, I wanted you to know I haven't forgotten you, and I haven't stopped loving you. That won't ever happen, okay?" she shook her head. I don't talk about you to everybody else most of the time. Maybe they think that's weird, but what would they know? But I talk to you, and I imagine that you can hear me out there… here." She took a breath. "You have such a good life here, and that's all I ever wanted for you. I would have been the one to give it to you if I could have, believe me, okay?" she nodded, like she was afraid of being resented for it. Beth just kept looking at her, no more crying, just quiet staring. Quinn wondered… hoped… maybe somewhere in her mind she remembered the voice that spoke to her so many times when she wasn't born yet. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but that was her choice.

"So I have an idea," Shelby spoke after the silence had held for some time. Quinn looked almost startled, more so when she realized Shelby had long finished with the diapering.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Understand that this would be on my terms, and that I could change my mind at any time. But if you and Puck would be up for it, maybe… once or twice a month, you could come up for a visit."

"You… you'd do that?" Quinn hesitated.

"If it's something you'd want," Shelby nodded. Quinn looked back to Beth, who was still holding on to her finger. "Unless it would be too hard…"

"Since the day I gave her to you and walked away, all I kept thinking was I had to make my peace with it. I wasn't going to see her, and I had to get used to that."

"And have you?"

"Well I'm here, aren't I?" she looked back to Shelby. She paused. "I can't put myself through breaking down the work I've done these past months if you could take it away again at any time… I don't know if I could recover from that one."

"And yet here you are," Shelby picked up on her previous statement.

"And that's my own weakness. Of course I want to be part of her life if I get the chance. But I'm not going to put myself through it if I have the possibility of you taking that away again. It wouldn't be fair, to me, to Beth… and Puck… and even you. So either we're all in, or this is it." Shelby took a step forward.

"So let's shelve the idea. And if you ever decide you want to reconsider, you know where we are."

"I think… I can work with that."

"You can't just drop in and out of her life, but I know you won't," Shelby put a hand to her shoulder, and Quinn shook her head. "In the meantime, I can keep the two of you posted. Photos, videos… Would that be alright?" Quinn looked back to Beth, who had to throw her a smile…

"That would be perfect…"

TO BE CONTINUED (TOMORROW)