A/N: OMG! sorry for the enormus fucking wait! I was so sidetracked and lazy and I will not be in the least bit surprised if no one is even remotely interested in this story. (AND I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU). I hope it somewhat pleases the few who have stuck around. plz forgive me for all the errors that are in here and for taking so long to update. Don't abandon me! .
The weeks that had gone by after Lavi's break down, he and Allen had become increasingly close. Each relying on the other for support, Lavi's didn't mind being open about his childhood abuse but he soon found their little hearts to hearts a little one sided. When he would ask Allen about how he came to The Order or what happened to him; he would give the same worn out answer: That he was kidnapped and held prisoner for a number of years along with other people. When he would ask about the whereabouts of the other people Allen would quickly change the subject, as much as Lavi wanted to push and figure this man out he decided that it was best not to and would drop the subject.
As the weeks turned into months, Allen's enraged outbursts became few and in between, partly due to Lavi's constant presence and reassurance every now and then and a small fraction to his therapy sessions with Lenalee, who had prescribed him medication to keep him calm. Though his sessions were about as eventful as a plastic bag floating in the wind, he continued to go to them and each day he would talk a little more, though they never brought up the subject of Cross.
One day, near the end of a session Lenalee, who had gotten up and fixed both of them tea, handed Allen his cup and sat down in the chair in front of him.
"Allen," She began, "It's been awhile since I've asked you about your decision to stay with Kanda, so I know you've had an ample amount of time to think about it. So what do you say?" She smiled hoping his slow, but steady change in mood would get her a definite yes.
Allen sipped at the tea and frowned at its bitter taste, after setting it on the table, he answered, "No, I can't go and live with him, Lavi needs me…" he paused and then added, "...we help each other."
Lenalee let out a small sigh then set her teacup down as well, "I know you feel you have a connection to Lavi, but I know for a fact that you're not telling him the whole truth. Now how much help can you be if you're lying to him? How do you think he'll feel when he finds out about that extra something you're hiding Allen? I know because I read the doctor's report."
"If," Allen corrected, "If he finds out."
"So you have no intentions of telling him at all?" Lenalee asked.
"No,why should I? That's something he doesn't need to know." Allen said and began to get up from the chair.
Lenalee looked up at the clock above the door, "That's not fair to him Allen, but I guess this will be an argument for next time." She nodded her goodbye and continued sipping her tea.
"Bye." Allen said and left to go home,leaving the mischievous psychiatrist to her thoughts.
..::..::..::..::..::..::..
The following day Kanda invited Allen to lunch seeing that his session was cancelled at the last minute. It had become sort of routine for the to talk amongst themselves before and after the sessions, each day they got to know a little more about one another, but Allen made sure never to say too much and Kanda made sure never to go to far. Yet the day before it was brought to Kanda's attention by a fellow officer that he had yet to get a statement from Allen.
So as they sat across from one another in the booth Kanda cleared his throat and began questioning the now smiling boy,
"Allen I know we've never discussed how you came to meet Cross and yesterday I was told that we haven't received your statement yet and without it we cannot prosecute that man we found in your room that day nor can we find the other men who aided Cross." He paused and watched the going and as he toyed with the ice in his cup and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"I didn't know if you would want to give your statement down at the precinct or would you like to give it in a more relaxed setting." Lands finished and waited as Allen sat himself upright and sighed, " I don't want to do this, in fact I don't even wanna think about him or the things that happened between us, but I starting figure out its just one of those things that can't be helped." Allen got up from his chair and proceeded to leave out of the building, Kanda followed behind him throwing a twenty on the table in haste and met him beside his truck.
Allen stood with his back against the passenger window, biting his lip.
"Look I know it isn't easy for you but I wouldn't ask you if-"
"I met Cross at one of the shelters I'd been staying at one night and while we were eating supper we talked and got through the basics of friendly chit chat then we went our separate ways and that was the first of many times we would actually "run" into one another. Later on though I found out that he was stalking me I was just too stupid to realize it."
"Don't say that." Kanda interrupted.
Allen rolled his eyes at the comment and opened the door to the truck and got in, Kanda followed suit on the other side, "Where to?" He said.
"Just drive." Allen replied and then continued...
::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::.
"I can't tell you exactly what made Cross attractive to me," Allen began, "but the first time we met, he acted nothing like the man I'd come to hate over the years."
...
Allen stood hungrily in the long line at the soup kitchen, clutching the foam plate and cup rather tightly. As the line moved up he reached in front of him for the plastic utensils, another pale hand met his, and Allen looked up at the person it belonged to.
"Sorry." Allen mumbled and move his hand back.
"No you were here first, go ahead." the man told him.
Allen grabbed them and then shuffled upwards in the line, after reaching its end and getting his food, the hardest part for Allen and any other straggling homeless beings, was finding a place to sit in the already crowded room. He stood and scanned the room for a seat, sighing and deciding it would be easier to sit on the floor in the corner he headed there.
Carefully maneuvering his way through the thick crowd of moving bodies and metal chairs, he'd made his way to the corner of the room and squatted in the corner and began to enjoy his free meal. About half way through another body sat beside him, Allen looked up it was the man from earlier.
"Why are you in the corner?" he asked sipping tenderly on the hot coffee.
With a mouth full of food and no shame Allen answered, "Because there's nowhere else to sit."
"You could've sat with me." The man suggested. After taking a sip of the juice he'd chosen, Allen responded, "I don't know you."
"Touché." The man smiled and sipped once more. "Cross Marian."
"Mm." Allen said nonchalantly and continued to eat.
Cross leaned over and whispered to him, "This is the part where you tell me your name." Then he sat back up and smiled down at Allen.
Allen motioned to Cross to lean back over, then he whispered, "And this is when I tell you to fuck off and let me eat in peace."
Cross leaned back up and laughed, "You're something else, you know that kid?"
Allen rolled his eyes and decided he would rather starve through the night than try to finish his food and have to suffer another minute with that man. As Allen got up he asked, "Where are you going you didn't even finish." Allen continued towards the door, casually throwing away the plate and snatching his hood over his head to block the cold wind.
Allen walked along for some time, dodging in and out alleyways searching for a suitable place to sleep the night. Twelve blocks and two near hit and misses, Allen settled inside a old condemned building. Once he settled himself inside the thin, worn covers he tried to force himself to go to sleep and ignore the piercing cold; an hour or so later Allen was dead to the world.
The next morning Allen gather the few things he had and headed towards another less known soup kitchen in hopes that they were still serving breakfast. Silently scolding himself along the way for losing the watch he had. When he got to the soup kitchen, the line was thinning out which meant he was at the tail end of breakfast and had better hurry before they closed and prepared for lunch. Huffing and puffing at the end of the line Allen grabbed his plate and began grabbing bits and pieces of the scraps that were left, and smiling to himself, happy he'd made it on time; even if it meant he had to take his food to go.
Walking briskly down the street oblivious to everyone and everything around him Allen happily munched on his food in search of places to go for the day to stave off boredom.
About four blocks into the walk Allen feels eyes on his back, and a quick look into a shop confirms that he's being followed. Two blocks later, Allen has lost his appetite and throws it onto the ground and dips his hands into his pockets, once of which contains a switchblade that he grips tightly. Another three blocks and Allen glances behind him to find that the man's gone. As he stands at an empty cross walk, he relaxes himself and thinks 'I was just being paranoid.'
He releases his death grip on the blade in his pocket and leans against the post waiting for the 'walk' signal. Looking across to the other side he sees the man from yesterday, Cross, just as the light changes, traffic slows to a halt. They share eye contact and the man immediately recognizes him and waves. Allen lowers his head and instead of going across just as he'd planned he turned around and went down an alleyway, hoping to lose Cross around the corner, instead he found himself face to face with a snarling man and a knife to his chest.
"Now aren't you a pretty little thing?" The man said breath reeking of whiskey, " Why don't you give daddy some sugar." He sneered and pulled Allen closer, determined not to be the victim in this situation Allen whack the side of man's face with his fist and pushed the stunned man to the side. Despite being athletic the slick ground caused him to slip. The man had gotten back to his feet and was now after Allen.
"That's okay baby, Daddy likes a little foreplay." He said to him and he slashes at the back of Allen's jacket and catching a bit of his skin as well, Allen cried out at the sudden cut from the cold blade and fell back towards the ground. Allen fumbled in his pocket and fished out his blade
and slashed at the man cutting his face. The man hollered out and snatched Allen by his neck.
"You're lucky I like them feisty." The man said as lunged for a forceful kiss.
"Get the fuck off me!" Allen shouted and attempted to jab the man in the chest only to have it knocked out of his hand and out of reach.
"Go ahead and scream, it just makes it so much more pleasurable for me." The man growled into Allen's neck as he planted sloppy kisses onto his neck. The man's unkempt beard scratched at Allen as he moved roughly up and down, his tongue against his neck felt like something Allen could never wash away.
"Get OFF!" Allen screamed again attempting to gouge out the man's eyes with his fingers.
"OW! You little son of a bitch!" The man shouted as he quickly got up and held his hand to his now watering eye. Allen got up and ran out of the alleyway as fast as he could, ice and slick pavement be damned. As he reached the open he the man from yesterday, Cross, and ran directly towards him.
"Help me!" Allen said breathlessly as he clung to the sleeves of Cross' jacket, "I'm being chased, attacked, whatever the fuck you wanna call it!"
"I don't see-"
"COME HERE YOU FUCKER!" The drunken man called from the opposite end of the alley, now red eyed and angrier than before.
Cross lifted an eyebrow and mumbled to Allen, "Your new friend, I suppose." Then he shouted to man, "Hey buddy fuck off! He doesn't want anything to do with you." As Cross guided Allen away the man ran up the alley and leaped onto Cross' back and took him down the ground, "Move kid!" Cross commanded and started fiercely wrestling with man.
People stopped and stood around the two men as they fought and Allen as he jumped in and tried to wrestle away the blade from the man's hand a he pulled it up, but instead of stopping it the man shoved it through Allen's hand.
That's when Cross got the upper hand and began to shove the man's face on the concrete and standing him up and slamming him into to the light post. By the time Cross had exhausted himself the man was more heavily bruised than Cross and barely conscience. Cross went over and picked up Allen, "Guess I'm taking you to the E.R. kid."
"Put me down," Allen said through clenched teeth, trying to mask his discomfort. "The knife is in my hand, not in my ass."
"No," Cross replied, "Cause this just makes things much more interesting for me kid."
"Stop fucking calling me kid!" Allen huffed as the man carried him towards the taxi he'd just hailed. As Cross sat Allen inside he said, "I will if you tell me your name."
Allen stared at the Cross' smiling eyes and sighed dramatically. "Allen."
::..::..::..::Back at The Order::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::
Lavi sat on floor opposite the door, hiding on the other side of the bed. He held a thick rubber band clenched in his teeth and a needle firmly in his grasp, he pushed out a few test droplets before he pushed it through his skin. His mind relaxed instantly as he felt the warm liquid course through the veins in his arm and disappear throughout the rest of his body. Just as he pulled the needle and loosen the band, a soft knock came to the door, "Allen?" a voice called.
"No," Lavi grumpily replied as he shoved the evidence underneath his bed, then got up to go to the door.
"Well, I brought this for him, since I cancelled today's session. It's important that he gets it." Lenalee said after Lavi opened the door.
"You couldn't have left it downstairs?" Lavi asked.
"This isn't the type of file you leave downstairs, and would be highly embarrassing for Allen if anyone were to read this." Lenalee said and gently pushed Lavi out of the way.
"I'll just set this on his bed." As she did so, she noticed a needle sticking out from under the covers of the other bed. She walked over and picked it up, "What's this Lavi?"
Lavi went over and snatched it out of her hand, "No of your damn business, you're not my therapist."
She smugly laughed inwardly as she walked past the angry man, making note of his drug habit for future references, "Make sure Allen get that alright."
After she left, Lavi locked the door and sat on the bed, letting his body get adjusted to sudden high that had overcome him. As his body heated itself to unbearable conditions, Lavi became dizzy and nauseous. He decided to walk around the room hoping to alleviate himself from the heat but found that he couldn't. He grabbed for the manila folder on Allen's bed and began fanning himself with hard swings from the folder, not minding the fact that he was throwing its contents about the floor.
When he did finally realize, Lavi stooped down to pick them up, "I hope they weren't in any kind of order." he said aloud.
At first Lavi didn't look at the pictures he was picking up, then he started to notice that every photo contained a beaten Allen as its centerfold, pictures of his back, chest, legs and thighs. The degree of horror that went through Lavi as he looked at the wounds and obvious burn patterns on the boy sadden him. He snapped himself out of it and continued to gather the pictures together. As he placed them back inside he saw the doctors reports and statements from various others about Allen, before he could stop himself he was immersed in the hidden details of this mans life.
::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::.
"...Later on I found out that it was a setup and that he'd been watching all along." Allen had finally ended his story. "I should've known, though."
"You had no way of knowing." Kanda reassured him.
"You wanna know something Kanda, the guy he beat up was in on it too,right from the start." Allen said, eyes staring at The Order, they had been sitting there for over an hour.
"How did you figure that out? Did Cross tell you?" Kanda asked.
Allen turned to look at Kanda in the darkness," I found out because he was a regular client of mine and every chance he got he reminded me of the fact."
Unsure of how to answer, Kanda just stared back, silent; not knowing whether to offer sympathy or show anger.
"Goodnight Kanda." Allen said and he got out of the car.
'Did I upset him by not saying anything?' Kanda wondered as he got out of the car and ran up behind the man.
"At least let me walk you to the door." Kanda said, well after they had both gotten to the door.
Allen smirked at the man, "We're already here."
Seeing Allen semi-smile at him, and his stupidity, made Kanda proud at the fact he'd come this far, " So we are." He smiled back at Allen.
Allen's smile widen as he shook his head, " You know for a cop you sure have your moments when I want to question how did you get into the police academy."
Kanda shrugged and watched as the man went inside, "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." Allen said and closed the door behind him.
::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::.
Allen walked in the room to find Lavi sitting in the middle of the room staring intently at the paper in his lap, "What are you-?" Allen looked down to see he stepped on a picture of himself, covered in bruises.
"Where did you get these Lavi?" Allen's voice started to tremble as he looked at the rest of room. Seeing images of himself covered in scars and bruises, was starting to make him physically sick. Lavi still had not answered the trembling boy before him.
"Lavi answer me! Where the fuck did you get these!" Angry tears were starting to gather as he took in the pitiful look Lavi was giving him.
"Allen what happened to your-"
"Don't say it Lavi, I'm begging you Lavi." Allen said closing his eyes trying to push away old memories.
"What did he do with it?" Lavi continued to ask.
"Lavi shut the fuck up!" Allen said covering his ears.
"Allen I just-!" Allen lunged at the man and began beating him and before either of them knew they were in an all out fist fight. Allen scratched and kicked Lavi and Lavi did the same. About thrity to forty minutes later Komui was in the room amongst a group of other boys trying to break them up. When they were a distance away from one another and fully restrained by two or three boys,
"WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE WELL ENOUGH THE FUCK ALONE!" Allen shouted trying to attack Lavi. Lavi stood behind two other boys, wiping the blood from his lip an glaring at Allen.
"I've had enough outbursts from the both of you to last me quite some time, I think you both need some time apart." Komui said, trying to think of what he should do next.
"I'm outta here." Allen said and left the room, he stormed to the front of the house and picked up the phone.
"Kanda."
"Yea." Kanda answered.
"It's me, Allen."
"I know, what I don't know is why you're calling me." Kanda replied as if he was amused.
" I need you to come get me."
"Where are you?"Kanda asked sounding concerned.
"At The Order." Allen replied and for some reason unknown to him he started to cry."
"What happened? Are you hurt?" Kanda asked, and Allen could hear the jingle of keys in the background.
"Please come get me." Allen sniffed.