Christmas had come and gone in a frenzy of activity which Shepard revelled in. A thick snowfall on Boxing Day was met with a furious snow ball fight between the students and then Shepard decided that they should make half a dozen snow men and woman on Karin's land, all elaborately designed.

New Year's Eve was set to be a quieter affair, mostly because they had all worn themselves out so thoroughly and they'd be leaving for the college in a couple of days.

Shepard was playing chess with Sam on her bed. They had separate rooms. She was sure Karin wouldn't object but she didn't like to even ask in case it was taken as a sign of disrespect or was in some way uncomfortable to the woman who had given her so much. Shepard also felt that it would be wrong with Miranda right next door and she thought fleetingly of that horrendous evening when she had taken refuge in Kaidan's dorm.

"What is this?" Sam laughed, picking up Lucas the Lion.

"A lion." Shepard said simply.

Sam rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I can actually see that. Joker wants to be careful; his title is at risk with your around." Sam laughed, kissing Shepard and putting the lion back down.

Shepard was as comfortable as ever with Sam although they had spent very little time alone together in at the house but Shepard was starting to wonder what being comfortable with Sam even meant and whether it was enough. Everything had been so easy that she just went with it. Sam was gorgeous, smart and funny and it just seemed like there was no reason not to. It wasn't love but there was deep affection but Shepard wondered whether she had gotten her lust at the time and the friendship they had built confused with the idea that it could turn into love down the line. She tried to banish these thoughts because she literally couldn't fault Sam who was always so kind and who always made her laugh but then the memory of Miranda being so close to her on Christmas Eve would creep into her mind, or in random moments her heart raced when she was sure she caught the scent of her elegant perfume only to have been imagining things. Every time she even so much as thought about touching Sam that soft giggle Miranda gave Jacob that evening rang in her ears and ruined any moment with Sam.

"I've always been more funny." Shepard retorted.

"Lately you've seemed a little distracted though," Sam stated but it was a gentle question Shepard knew.

"It's just Christmas and end of term college stuff. There's a lot being going on." Shepard blew off.

"That's true. Back to reality soon." Sam gave a slight smile and Shepard felt guilt that Sam would never doubt anything she said.

Joker burst into the room not even bothering to knock. He jumped onto the bed scattering chess pieces everywhere.

"Hey!" Sam laughed.

"Thank God, I had no chance of making a comeback." Shepard commented.

"You are welcome, Shepard." Joker said, taking his cap off and giving a mock little bow.

"What do you want, anyway?" Shepard asked.

"Just making sure nothing's going on here which shouldn't be." Joker teased.

"Because you're the moral pillar of the group." Sam remarked.

"I feel that somebody has to set a good example in our little group." Joker replied pompously.

"I thought that was Kaidan's job?" Shepard asked.

"Speaking of, he's getting very close with Miranda." Joker said quietly.

"What?" Shepard asked dismissively.

"Joker, she has a boyfriend already." Sam pointed out.

"So what? This is college and who could resist that smouldering, haughty attitude of Alenko's?" Joker replied.

"I thought Alenko liked Steve?" Sam asked, confused.

"Like I said, this is college." Joker replied, rolling his eyes at her naivety.

"They're just friends." Shepard insisted.

"I'm just saying, there was a spark there."

Shepard wondered more than once whether Joker was just messing with her. Alenko and Miranda seemed close but Kaidan confessed to her on New Year's Eve that he did have feelings for Steve but was still reluctant to take things further. He liked him but it wasn't anything serious. Miranda too seemed to have no interest in Alenko. She talked to him and was friendly but it seemed more like a connection brought about by two exceptionally focussed people than a connection based on anything sexual or romantic. Shepard reasoned that Joker was probably just trying to overcompensation for the fact Miranda thought exceptionally little of him.

Shepard felt that there were subtle changes taking place in her relationship with Miranda too. When Miranda passed Shepard in the hall way upstairs one morning, she had automatically put her hand on Shepard's back to move round her and then retracted it within a millisecond as though suddenly feeling that even such minimal contact shouldn't be taking place, and yet one night when they had piled up duvets downstairs and crammed in front of the TV to watch old horror films Shepard and Miranda's fingers lightly brushed against each other under the blankets. Miranda had shifted closer to Shepard under the pretext of moving to get warmer and pulled the blankets around her but as they sat barely touching Shepard could feel the tension in both their bodies.

They didn't look at each other during the entirety of the movie session but were both suspended in that one moment which stretched on to two movies for everybody else, but they paid no attention whatsoever to what was on screen. Shepard hardly dared breathe as though moving at all would risk ruining things.

The night before they were due to leave, Shepard awoke fitfully and decided to head down stairs for a cup of hot chocolate to help her sleep. She was surprised to find her aunt sitting at the kitchen bench with a steaming mug in her hand too but with medical journals in front of her.

"Sorry," Shepard said apologetically, making a hot chocolate.

"What for?" Karin asked in wonder.

"You've not had much peace lately to keep on top of your readings." Shepard said, sitting at the bench next to her aunt.

"Oh, don't give me that. I've enjoyed having you here. I always like reading at night best anyway- have done ever since medical school." Karin replied. "Why are you up though?"

"Couldn't sleep." Shepard shrugged.

"Bad dreams?" Karin asked gently.

"I'm not a child." Shepard scathed.

"I suspect many adults have a lot more nightmares than children." Karin replied sternly.

"No, just couldn't switch my mind off." Shepard answered.

"You have seemed tense lately." Karin watched her closely.

"I guess," Shepard shrugged again.

"How are things with Sam?" Karin asked after a moment.

Shepard had been about to take a drink but stopped her hand in mid air and put the mug down, smiling.

"Fine," Shepard said reflectively.

"And Miranda?"

Shepard groaned. She did not want to talk about this.

"You're not letting anybody down by changing your mind over what you want." Karin said softly.

"I'm feeling tired now. I'm going back to bed. Good night." Shepard replied briskly, but not harshly and she kiss her aunt on her cheek before she left.