Chapter 11: Resigned

Her position had not changed much over the course of several days, or weeks? She had lost track of time. William's last letter sat on the cot next to her. She had read it, but she didn't reply. She hadn't replied to the last several letters he sent. Not since…she shuddered at the memory.

Michael had come in as she was writing to William. She hadn't jumped up or rushed from her seat as she wasn't expecting it to be William, but she hadn't expected him either. She didn't think he was allowed in here. He had probably flashed that winning smile of his and charmed his way in.

She put the letter aside and tried to fix the mess she had landed in. "Mr. Summer, I know I'm not…normal, but I had nothing to do with that night. It was Jack. I'm certain of it. What Jack did to you, it wasn't my fault. I don't remember anything past that glass of wine." She hoped she was making sense to Michael and not just rambling. "You must have angered Jack awfully terribly for him to treat you like he did, and believe me it could have ended a lot worse for you, but he can be controlled, he can, so long as nothing interferes with my medication. And I am so, so sorry for what happened-"

"How could I have been so blind to see that you are nothing more than a psychotic freak," he said with disgust. "You fool people with your angelic beauty, but you are nothing more than a demon. I thought all the claims against you were lies and speculations told by those jealous of you, but now I know them to be true. You really are the disgrace of the Association and clearly one of the few beyond saving. You never should have been allowed to become one of us. There's only one thing place where failures like yourself are sent." He leaned in close and whispered in her ear. Her eyes widened and her heart filled with fear and dread. There was no way the Board would send her there.

"It's not true. It's just a rumor to frighten new recruits."

"I assure you, it's true, though rare, it does happen from time to time. No one in the association will remember you existed, not even your precious William. As you know, this punishment is permanent and I will see to it that you receive it."

"They won't do it. They cannot do it," she said fervently, "It would violate the amendment to our laws which state that 'all mothers are to raise their children in an appropriate manner befitting a death god'."

"But your manner hasn't exactly been 'appropriate' or 'befitting', has it? And I'm certain that law wasn't meant to include a half-demon brat." He looked at the watch on his wrist. "Enjoy your time in hell," he bade her as he left.

It was then that she had finally allowed herself to cry. She was never going to get her happily ever after.

"I suppose that's what I get for being lenient." She gasped, but didn't answer. It was the first time Jack had said anything to her in all the time she had been in there. He was silent for a moment after and she wondered if that was all he had to say. "He shouldn't have touched you."

"He what?!" Grell exclaimed.

"He tried to take advantage of you. The wine was drugged. If I didn't do something, let's just say you would have been rather sore in the morning. I don't expect a 'thank you'," he said bitterly before letting out a piercing laugh. "He thought it was some kind of rough play when I made him suck my dick."

"I..th-thank you, Jack. I appreciate it, but you shouldn't have done what you did. I- I would have been fine," not quite believe her own words. "I didn't even know what was happening and killing him would have only made things worse…Though I don't know how it can get worse. They're going to send us to hell, Jack. The eternal prison. I'll lose my status as a death god, forever! Will and Thomas won't remember me!" She cried harder. "Thomas will have to grow up without his mother. He won't even remember who I am!" She threw herself down on the cot. Jack left her to her grief.

(x)

"Are you satisfied, gentlemen?"

"I knew he would admit his guilt sooner or later if we left him in there long enough," came one smug answer.

"A confession that tells us Michael Summer has perjured himself and that things were beyond Mr. Sutcliff's control. Under the circumstances, I believe some leniency can be shown. I don't think we should blame one for the fault of another. 'Jack', as he calls himself has proven that he can be controlled and Sutcliff has shown considerable improvement over the years. So can we really say he is beyond hope? Plus we have been made an offer we would be fools to refuse. Despite what he's done, we could use him in the ranks. He's a damn good reaper."

"And just let him waltz right back in, just like that?" He snapped his fingers. "And instead of one hellion, we'd have two."

"I wouldn't say right away. Solitary confinement for a time is an option. We could also send him back to the academy. Just because one has been allowed to make a fool oneself in front of the student body, doesn't mean we should let our emotions get in the way of good judgment."

The other's face turned red, but was silent, refusing to give answer to the accusation.

"But are we going to allow Sutcliff to get off scot-free for what he has done?" asked another.

"He has spent a considerable amount of time in solitary already. We can always demote him or remove him from field duty, if that would suit you."

"Oh come now," said the previously smug reaper.

"If we give him the punishment Summer is all too willing for us to bestow on him, who is going to raise that baby? Are you?" he asked to the naysayer.

"Give it to the demon that fathered it. He can do with it as he sees fit."

(x)

By the end of the first week of Grell's imprisonment, he had worked out what he deemed an efficient schedule, so long as nothing interfered with it, which he did not to permit. Unfortunately this schedule was so tight he found no time to relax, much less sleep as he made up for the time he lost at work tending to Thomas by working during the night. He now had a deeper appreciation for what Grell went through every day. If, no, when Grell was allowed to return home, William was going to insist the duties of the house be split between them.

As unprofessional as it was, he had no other option but to bring Thomas with him to his office. The curious minds and prying eyes soon got the hint to leave them be and tend to their own work while William attended to his. Ms. Jennings still had to discover this, however, he was grateful she was at hand to be able to take Thomas from time to time allowing William to work uninterrupted for awhile and he worked as diligently as he could. Any idleness led to him fretting about Grell, only growing worse when he stopped receiving letters from him. Inquiry led him to find that Grell was still allowed to send and receive letters and therefore could only mean that Grell was choosing not to write, in result worrying him further. He was scared for Grell's mental state. He had suspected all along that Grell had been playing up the cheerfulness he portrayed in his letters.

William was now considering something he did not think was advisable. Not knowing just how much Grell remembered of their past, William didn't want to bring up any bad memories. Grell's mysterious knowledge of William's secrets made sense to him now and there were still many things William did not remember, but the headaches he once suffered had all but disappeared now that he had begun to remember. However, he felt guilty that he had not shared this information with Grell. After all, Grell had lived with the knowledge of the life they had shared for over a century. It pained William to think of the suffering Grell endured daily, haunted by those memories and forced to spend every day with the one person who was a part of those memories and never acknowledged him.

Grell would want to know what the first thing he remembered was. Why of all things did it have to be that memory? That awful letter he had written. The things he had said. Would William be opening up old wounds by bringing it up? Some things were better left alone. It was clear Grell was happy in their relationship but William would never forgive himself if he never asked Grell for the same.

My Angel,

You are the most amazing person, man or woman, I have ever met. From the shy, green-eyed, freckled brunette I once knew, to the brazen and bold redhead you are today who tries so desperately to hide those freckles. I find myself once again admiring your patience. I understand why you never told me of your memories of us. Would I have believed you? Unlikely, as much as it pains me to say.

Yes, I remember now. I have for some time. During your pregnancy was the first solid memory I had, when I blacked out. There were some scattered bits and pieces before then that I could not make sense of. Since the black out, it is like a fog has been lifted and I have gradually been remembering various things. Like how I would occasionally call you 'my angel' because your singing is so beautiful, I have not said anything because I do not know how much you know.

I regret this first memory was not a happy memory and I must deeply apologize to you for the events it contained. Things have worked out for the better as a result, however the pain I caused you that night is unacceptable. I knew it that very night and it was all I could do not to race to your side and beg forgiveness. To sweep you off to some foreign land where we could live happily, if such a place existed. Would it help if I said that my reasons were completely unselfish?

My father was arranging a marriage for me. I could not allow the woman he wanted me to marry to enter into a loveless marriage. Nor could I allow you to come to harm because I loved you. I am certain we are both aware of the penalties for that sort of a relationship during that time. We risked too much as it was and I had plans to end my life that night for both our sakes. But I was ill-prepared and delayed, partially for the reason already stated. Simply, I was warring with myself over whether or not I was doing the right thing. Then when the news of your death reached me, I really had no reason to live in that world any longer. Awaking as a reaper, I had no memories of my past life, for whatever reasons those in charge of such things decided.

Both of us have changed since then. I wish I had given in to you sooner or had had some memory to go off of to know that our lives have been destined to be together, in life and death. Especially when I think of all you did to try to regain my affections when it was I who first wooed you. Though it was you who kissed first and without I may not have given into my desire, forgoing the teachings engrained in my being about such relationships and pursuing you as I did.

Thank you for your love and your incredible patience for me. I could never ask for a better wife. I do not think one even exists. I love you more than words can express and no matter what happens, you will always be in my heart. I long to hold you in my arms again. To see you working about the kitchen in naught but my shirt or in the nursery tending to our son. Be strong, my love. Do not lose heart. We will see each other again.

Please respond. This silence is maddening. Do you want to give me gray hair?

Forever Yours,

Will

The letter was folded and placed in an addressed envelope and sent. Now all he could do was wait and hope Grell would answer him. Several days would pass before he would receive a reply.

Oh William,

That was the sweetest letter and I'll be sure to pass along the message. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Grell is not doing well. She doesn't respond. Not since that bastard paid us a visit, so I have to do the speaking for her. He told her the Board was going to send her to hell. Of course, I would be included in the punishment. I've never really liked you, but if you care for her like you say you do, you would do anything to help her, correct? I have some information the Board might be interested in. See that they get it.

Grell thinks I went overboard, but I say it was self defense. It was Summer who spiked the wine. I stopped him from raping your wife and just made sure he would never attempt to do so again.

-J. Sutcliff

William hadn't thought his worry could grow further but it did with that letter. But he did feel more justified in his actions toward Summer and wished he had gotten a few more punches in.

Hell. The greatest punishment a reaper could receive and it was permanent. Most believed it to be a rumor, a myth used to frighten new recruits into submission. No one knew anyone that had ever undergone such punishment, but if the rumors were to be believed, not being remembered was part of the punishment. Even William wasn't sure if there was any truth to it or not. If it was it was only enforced by the Board and only after much deliberation, he presumed as it was a not a decision to be rushed. Grell had already been in isolation a long time. Long enough to miss Thomas cutting his first tooth, being able to sit up on his own, and begin taking more than just milk along with learning new words. Long enough for the Board to make a ruling soon.

William had been fortunate to find an old camera among Grell's belongings and had documented the events. He had also found a box of pictures with the camera. Most were of William, but there were several other reapers included. Near the bottom of the pile were several of a particular demon that soon found their way into a fire and were lost. William hoped Grell wouldn't mind. They were quite old as the Phantomhive child could be seen in a few of them. Now all William had to do was to find that doll that eluded him all these years. Either Grell hid it extremely well, or had rid of it himself, in view of his current relationship with the demon. William hoped for the latter.

The ones of himself and Grell sat on the mantelpiece as they had for years. They hadn't been moved since Grell first inhabited the place. William had to wonder how they planned to remove Grell from his life. Did they plan on sneaking into their home and remove Grell's things as well as William's memories of him? Or would they simply rewrite a part of them to make William believe something else had happened to him, like a demon attack?

Whatever the case, he needed to persuade the higher ups to permit him in to see Grell one last time. If they were going to take him away forever, he deserved at least one more time before they performed the act.

He wouldn't get the chance.