10.

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"See forgiveness doesn't happen all at once. It's not an event - it's a process. Forgiveness happens while you're asleep, while you're dreaming, while you're in line at the coffee shop, while you're showering, eating, farting, jerking off. It happens in the back of your mind, and then one day you realize that you don't hate that person anymore, that your anger has gone away somewhere. And you understand. You've forgiven them. You don't know how or why. It sneaked up on you. It happened in the small spaces between thoughts and in the seconds between ideas and blinks. That's where forgiveness happens. Because anger and hatred, when left unfed, bleed away like air from a punctured tire, over time and days and years. Forgiveness is stealth."

-BARRY LYGA, Boy Toy

Spending the day with Dom's dad was not something Carl wanted to do.

He didn't mind going out to breakfast with Dominique and her dad but spending a day with her father, alone?

Yeah no. Carl would rather put mousetraps on his toes and see how long he could tolerate the pain than deal with Dom's father.

It had been a few days since Korinna Od'ed on Oxy and in those moments when he should be there, he wasn't.

Not because he didn't want to, Korinna made sure that Vito and Nicky would keep him away from her room at the hospital.

That hurt Carl.

The first two days he was turned away without a reason until Vito, being the nicer one out of Gimello siblings, filled Carl in on why Korinna didn't want him around.

"She's embarrassed. She won't admit it but that's what it is." Vito told Carl, "She'll come around. Just give her some time," Vito offered, with a clap on Carl's back.

Embarrassed? Korinna didn't have anything to be ashamed about, at least in Carl's point of view. He didn't have the right to judge her with everything he's done in the pass few months. More than anything Carl was understanding and felt guilty as hell, in fact he blamed himself for putting her there. Putting her in this position, he felt like it was his fault that his best friend- or whatever they were to each other now, could have died because of him. Carl felt like he caused her to go off the rails, he already knew she was self-destructive due to the scars she had shown him that night and he made it worse. This was their chance to finally get something moving yet Carl had to go and sleep with Dominique.

He may have regretted causing Korinna to spin off the rails more, but he didn't regret sharing his first time with Dominique.

It was good, that feeling, he loved it. He loved the control and he liked Dom, he just didn't like how he was stuck between two girls.

It's never happened before.

Carl began to feel like maybe he didn't deserve either of the girls.

He was stuck between Korinna, who he has known practically his entire life, who makes him feel too many things all at once and another girl named Dominique who he first lusted after but it soon became much more. With Korinna things were realistic, rough, extra, raw, fun, and wild. With Dominique everything was different, time seemed to move much slower when with her, he was out of place when he was with her or around her father - he didn't know if it had to do with the way her father always peered down at him or if it was just how he felt with Dominique. He liked her, Carl was sure of it. Things were just different, like he did things that he never thought he would do before like listening to her play her instrument, or supporting her after school on the soccer field, and actually talking about their future together as if there would be a future with them together. Then there was Ren, this aggressive riddle that he's been struggling to solve. A connection between a ram and a lion that was much bigger than the two together would have ever thought, a bond that Carl didn't want to break if they rewarded themselves with each other. Yet he was not only punishing Korinna but himself with this predicament.

Maybe that's what it was among the other number of things on why Carl wouldn't just let himself and Korinna become a thing.

She was willing, Korinna Rokos was being open with Carl and he oddly wouldn't do the same.

At the end of the day Carl was trying to build something with Dominique who wasn't like other girls but then there was also Korinna whose loved him for such a long time. Carl didn't feel it was right to just drop Dominique at the start of their new found relationship, he didn't feel it was right to Dom when they both took their virginity from each other and they both wanted to get to know each other besides their bodies - although they had sex a few times behind her father's back; but it just wasn't about that. Carl also knew that it wasn't fair to Korinna, for her to continuously push her feelings to the side to make sure that Carl was happy and they also knew each other way more than both Carl and Dominique knew each other. Carl knew it wasn't fair, so at the end of the day someone was going to get hurt no matter which way this played out.

And Carl didn't want to deal with it, but he had to.

In the back of his mind he knew he had to figure this out somehow but maybe that's why he didn't argue with Dominique's father when he told her that the two of them were going to "get to know" each other better.

To give you the short version of what happened with Dom's father: Pretty much made sure to let Carl know that Mr. Winslow despised him and thought that Carl was piece of shit, a low life. That maybe so to Mr. Winslow since they met on not the best terms, when Carl wasn't being himself but Carl knew that that was just a part of his life he figured out. He didn't want to be apart of that life anymore and he got out of it, thanks to his soon to be brother-in-law. However he wouldn't continue taking verbal-abuse from his girlfriend's father, yeah he wasn't afraid to call him out on his shit and maybe the next words that came out of Carl's mouth would cause him to have a bullet in his brain but he had to say what needed to be said.

So he told the man.

Carl didn't know why Dominique liked him but as long as she did, he would do anything for her even if that meant spending time with her asshole of a father.

Those exact words were exchanged during the mid-day to Dom's father and although the man may have not liked it, it showed that Carl had the balls to stand up for himself. The man tested Carl throughout the day to see if he had what it takes to be with his daughter by gaining an insight on what he did for a living, why he made sure that guys that Carl used to want to be had to be dealt with and why no man involved in illegal activity should be around his daughter.

Carl even got his hands dirty by helping Dom's father with a criminal, tying his hands up with a garbage bag he found. On their way back to Carl's home, Carl couldn't help but to think about his future in law enforcement - as ironic as that may sound, maybe that would be his plan b if finding the cure to cancer didn't work out.

He made sure to tell Lip that too when he ran into him just as Mr. Winslow dropped him off.

"Hey where you going?" Lip called out as Carl began to walk by him while digging through his coat pocket to text Dominiqu, opposed to calling her.

Carl spun on his heels to face his older brother, "I got to see Ren. I'll be back."

Lip nodded, "Alright. Tell I her I said hi."

Carl turned back around, his attention on his phone as he began texting Dominique, making his way to the hospital.

Carl felt the little bird inside his chest fluttering it's wings as he stepped closer to the familiar room number. As he made his way down the hall he felt his phone buzz again and he stopped in his tracks to pull the device out again.

from: wifey

Visiting Korinna? That's funny because I was thinking about visiting her too.

Carl frowned at his screen. It was clear that Korinna didn't vibe with Dominique since in her mind, Dom was getting in the way of what they could be but Dom? She never expressed how she felt about Korinna even after the day Korinna stormed out of the house. Dominique seemed to skip over the way she felt about Korinna in particular and just gave Carl an ultimatum, yet Dom still wanted Carl around while he thought everything over.

"Hey." A voice called out.

Carl lifted his mixture of blue-green eyes to meet sunny green eyes. "Dom? What are you doing here?"

The curly haired beauty made her way over to her boyfriend with a soft smile while placing his phone into her back jean pocket, "I knew you would come and visit your friend so I thought I'd also come with you."

Carl scratched at his fading scar on his forehead, "Uh why?"

Dominique laughed a bit as she grabbed Carl's hand, "I mean if we're going to be together then we have to all try and get along right?"

"Right..." Carl trailed off as Dominique led the way, confusion obviously laced in his voice.

She seemed thrilled to meet Korinna and Carl didn't understand why she would want to meet a girl that threw final destination DVD's at her. Carl figure that this was just Dom, the overly sweet girl that wanted to meet someone who was very important to him. If Carl happened to bring anyone around he would want them to meet Ren first, then the rest of his family of course.

"Now which room is it?" Dominique asked just as Carl was getting ready to point, they spotted a back of a muscular man yelling into the room.

Carl and Dom stopped a few spaces away from Nicky Gimello who screamed, "You honestly think I give a shit that you're pissed at me, huh kid?! I'm looking out for you and I won't let you throw your life away to popping pills and whatever else you've done."

Nicky turned in time to see Carl eyeing him, making the older man turn his glare to the fourteen year old.

"Oh no. Fuck no, I thought we told you she doesn't want to see you right now? Why are you here?" Nicky addressed placing a cap on his head as he closed the door behind him.

Carl opened his lips but Dom spoke first, "Um because we're her friends and we care about her well being just as you do?"

Nicky turned his eyes into slits as he got a good look at the girl and how she was holding Carl's hand. Nicky trailed his eyes back over to Carl then back to Dominique before scoffing, "And who the fuck are you? Don't tell me you're a friend of the kid cause I ain't ever heard about you."

"Nicky this is Dom-" Carl started.

Dominique tilted her head to the side, "I'm Carl's girlfriend and you are?"

Nicky pinched the bridge of his nose before stepping forward, "If you were truly a friend of Korinna's then you wouldn't have to even ask me that. Would you?"

That wiped the smirk right of Dominique's face causing Nicky to shake his head in annoyance, "Why are you bringing her around Korinna? She doesn't need this right now, both of you need to get out of here."

With that said Nicky pushed his way through the two teens as they watched him retreat.

Sighing Carl mumbled, "Maybe we should just go back home."

"No. We didn't come all the way down here for nothing." Dominique sassed.

Carl blinked, "Well we didn't come here together."

Dominique frowned, "What are you saying?"

Carl grabbed the honey skinned girl's hands as he stared into her eyes, "What I'm saying is you offered me time to figure everything out. Nicky might be right, she didn't want to see me for a reason and maybe having you come in with me might make things worse."

"So you want me to leave?" Dominique summarized.

"Only if you're okay with it."

Dominique sighed, "Okay. You're right, maybe I'm being a little clingy."

"What? No. I never said that." Carl rushed out.

Dominique laughed as she stepped back but kept her hands in Carl's, "I know you didn't. I'm saying it. It's fine Carl don't worry about it."

"Really?" Carl let out with wide eyes making Dom laugh again.

"Yeah...go be with her." Dominique said as she pulled Carl into an embrace, making the boy confused more. Did she mean literally or...?

As Dominique pulled away and started heading down the hallway, Carl called out to the girl, "How are you getting home?"

"My cousin. Don't worry. Call me later." Dominique waved.

Carl blew out a breath thanking that he dodged a bullet and reached to pull on the doorknob but the door was pulled back for him. In front of him stood Vito who gave him a friendly smile, "I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away much longer."

Carl let out a laugh as he stared pass Vito to an empty bed.

"Don't worry she didn't escape out the window or anything. She's just getting out the shower, I'll leave you two alone. But no funny business, I know the mind of fourteen and fifteen year olds." Vito winked making Carl shake his head, failing to speak up for himself while Vito left the room closing the door behind him.

Carl stood in the cool room, debating if he should take his green winter coat off while he waited for the dark haired girl. As he did he heard a voice singing from the door next to the large window, "My alibi for taking your guy, History repeats itself, it fails to die..."

Since when did Korinna sing?

"And animal aggression is my downfall, I don't care 'bout what you got I want it all. It's bricked up in my head, it's shoved under my bed, And I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?"

Carl sat down on the chair beside the bed, eyeing the last BBQ wing that sat in the aluminum dish on the hospital tray and her phone resting on her pillow.

The door pulled open and Carl watched as Korinna molded her lips together before singing again, "My destructive side has grown a mile wide, And I question myself again: what is it 'bout men?"

Just as Korinna finished the line her eyes drifted to the corner of her reflection to see Carl staring at her. She let a low sigh as she stared down at the counter in front of her before pushing herself backwards and turned to shut the light off. Slowly she stepped out of the bathroom in her light gray hospital socks, the standard gown with a rust colored camisole underneath and black velour sweatpants. Her hair pulled out of her face giving Carl full access to her skin, her usual bronze skin appeared much paler and the bags underneath her eyes looked as if they hurt.

Korinna went the other way to climb into her bed, making sure to hold onto the bed as she wobbled a bit. "You came here for what? To plot against me like Nicky and Vito?"

"What?" Carl asked.

Korinna breathed, "They think I'm gonna listen to you if I won't listen to them. That's a low blow. It's bad enough that Dominique came in here watching me sleep."

"What?!" Carl questioned again, a bit louder as he sat up straighter in his chair.

Korinna hummed, "Yeah she sat in that same exact chair hours ago watching me sleep. Waiting up for me to tell me that you belong to her and that you're not gonna leave her for me, blah blah blah."

"Where were Vito and Nicky?" Carl wondered.

Korinna shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know. She didn't touch me, she knows better. I may have a party and pill addiction but that doesn't mean I still can't beat her ass."

"Ren I- I have no idea why she would do that. And you're not an addict." Carl expressed, his eyes meeting Korinna's dark ones.

Korinna lay back against her bed staring up at the ceiling ignoring the last of Carl's sentence, "She's your girlfriend and she's checking up on me- she actually made me realize something. That in order to be with you I can't be toxic like this or to you. You're turning your life around, a once criminal is now turning into the boy I always knew you to be."

"Ren...why are you talking like this?" Carl moved to sit on the bed across from Korinna, a frown evident in between his brows.

Korinna rubbed her eyes, "I don't know I'm just tired. Tired of everything around me, I didn't think coming back to Chicago would make me this exhausted."

"Ren we got to talk. About this, about us." Carl said as Korinna blinked slowly, her head turning to meet his.

Korinna sat up straight, her dark iris meeting Carl's trapping him in her gaze, "There isn't an us anymore Carl."

Carl shook his head quickly as Korinna swung her legs over the bed towards the windows. She pulled off the hospital gown as she jumped down onto the hospital floor, wobbling but Carl reached out to steady her.

Korinna snatched her arm back, "I'm done feeling sorry for myself. That's not me, I'm not that girl. I have to face what I have done to myself and that I'm possibly going to rehab, whether I like it or not. I have to face the fact that I got Anwar killed, I have to face the fact that your never gonna love me, so what's the use? You're probably way better off without me in your life, maybe I should have stayed back in Skiathos." She shrugged.

"Don't talk like that." Carl replied, a wave of worry circling in his brain as he watched his friend fall apart or try to hold it together. Mainly for herself.

"What do you want from me?" Korinna requested with a humorless laugh.

"I don't want you talking like this." Carl pressed.

Korinna pulled on a sweater (over her camisole) that might have been Vito's or Nicky', "Too bad. I'm tired of sweeping shit under the rug or being upset over the same things. It's getting old, it's time to grow up. It's time for you to leave me alone and be with that girl, be happy."

"That's not what you want - for me to be with Dom is it?" Carl challenged as he followed her around the room.

Korinna stopped at the hospital door almost making Carl trip over her at how close he was following behind her. Carl watched as Korinna's petite body rose as she took a deep breath before spinning around to face him. Carl couldn't see a thing beyond Korinna's dark bulbs but he was sure she could see every emotion through his lighter eyes although he kept a straight face.

"I'm sure you know what I want. I've only ever told you a thousand times, Carl. I don't know what else you want me to do or say from this point on, you've broken my heart yet again and you're quite aware. I told you I loved you as a fact and you're using your love for me as a weapon to keep me away. I'm not playing with you anymore." Korinna delivered, as she stepped into Carl's space.

Carl watched her oddly trying his hardest to read her. She appeared as much like her star sign, her head dipped much like a ram as if she were going to attack.

Little did he know that it would be with her lips.

Korinna's lips brushed Carl's, not innocently but passionately like she were gaining true happiness from their lips touching again. Her hands held onto the sides of Carl's neck as his warm hands brushed underneath the oversize sweater to the small of her back. Carl didn't hesitate to kiss back teasingly biting back a smile thinking over that Korinna was the first to initiate the kiss. Korinna felt Carl's thumb rubbing circles against her back, Korinna knew that she needed to pull away before she lost herself although it may have been too late.

She pulled away quickly although her heart was telling her not to. Carl slowly pulled his eyes open as he whispered her name gently, "Ren..."

Korinna took a deep breath as she offered a small smile to Carl, "I've come to terms that just because I love you doesn't mean it's going to work out. Good luck with Dom I guess."

As she said those words she pulled the door open to leave the room and Carl moved to follow her just to say the same from behind the soft click of the door, "I love you too, Ren."

A/N: Oh man disappearing for a month is not a good look. I had to deal with some stuff but I'm back now. I hope this was a good comeback chapter and I do apologize for leaving you guys hanging and now there's two chapters left to write which I promise not to make you wait forever.

So what now? Do we all understand why Carl didn't jump on the idea of him and Korinna getting together? He's finally coming to terms that he loves Korinna too but how will he tell her when she's in a way giving up on them now? Why did K give up on them so quickly? What did the letter from Anwar say?

Dom sneaking into her room watching her sleep is weird af but we'll hear Korinna's side in either the next chapter (since I don't know if I'll write it in Carl's or K's point of view yet) or the final chapter.

Stay tuned and let me know your thoughts!

*Now Edited!