PLEASE READ! VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!
I want you to know that there are some SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNINGS for this chapter. Please make sure you read the tags for this story, and just in case you're unsure I will leave a more detailed description of the possible triggers at the end of the chapter, just to avoid spoilers for those of you who don't need them.
If you think that you may be triggered by this chapter, then please do not read it! The last thing I want is for any of you lovely people to be hurt, so please take care 3

CHAPTER 11

Draco just sat on top of the Astronomy Tower staring in to space.

At the beginning of the school year he had been so optimistic. In his eyes, all he would have to do was make a few bogus attempts on Professor Dumbledore's life and work on fixing the vanishing cabinet in the Room of Requirement, and in the meantime Dumbledore and Potter would defeat the Dark Lord and this whole war debacle would be over before the summer break; but none of that had come to pass.

In hindsight, Draco knew that it had been incredibly optimistic and naïve of him to believe that he could outsmart the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord was anything but stupid, and he hadn't become as powerful as he was by providing easy opportunities for his two biggest enemies to assassinate him. Even in his darkest nightmares though, Draco never could have imagined things going this badly.

In less than half a year he had made some progress in repairing the vanishing cabinet he would inevitably be forced to use to transport the Death Eaters to Hogwarts, and in between that progress he had also managed to near-fatally curse or poison two innocent Hogwarts students who had done nothing more than be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If Potter hadn't been there both times, then Draco was sure he would now have the deaths of Katie Bell and the Weasel on his hands. Even as he was sitting here the youngest Weasley boy was lying in the Hospital Wing recovering.

Draco blinked back tears at the thought that his terrible plan had almost led to the deaths of two innocent people, and people that George loved at that. It seemed as though, ever since he had made up his mind to go against the Dark Lord's orders in secret, all he had done was hurt people and make himself miserable. He was starting to regret that he hadn't just ended his own life the moment he was forced to take the dark mark and spared everyone else this suffering.

He knew it was drastic and cowardly, but Draco was starting to think it might be his only viable option right now. The only positive thing he had had in his life over the last year was George Weasley, and that relationship had ended at his own hand nearly six months ago. Despite his conviction to forget about George, for both of their own good's, Draco couldn't stop thinking about the other boy. The added stress of agonising over the friendship this whole scheme had lost him only made everything worse, and Draco just didn't think he was strong enough to handle it on his own anymore.

Draco dug his fingers into his thigh as hard as he could to keep himself from screaming out loud as his imagination provided him with an image of the rage that would undoubtedly appear on George's face when he realised what Draco had done. Draco had hurt so many people in his life with so little regret, so why was it that he had suddenly developed a conscience? He didn't want to blame it all on George, honestly, this conscience thing had been developing longer than they'd been friends—he wouldn't have approached the twins in the first place if it hadn't; but it couldn't be denied that his favourite Weasley (not that there was much competition) had definitely changed him over the last year, and Draco liked to think he was a better person for having had the other man in his life.

The fact remained though, that Draco's stupid scheme to betray the Dark Lord wasn't just affecting his own life anymore. He wasn't just putting himself in danger here—already, two innocent people had been caught in the crossfire and had their lives permanently changed. So Draco couldn't deny that so far, no matter how good his long-term intentions were, his plan had done more harm than good, and he couldn't see its prospects improving all that much in the near future. Perhaps it would be better if he ended his own life right now, before the Dark Lord inevitably heard of his betrayal and tortured him for information before submitting him to a slow and painful death.

Draco looked down. It was a long way to the ground from the top of the Astronomy Tower, and he was sure that, if he were to jump from here, he would die on impact. It would be over quickly; he would feel little to no pain and he would spare the people he loved further suffering at his hands.

The image of himself being killed by the Dark Lord was replaced by that of his Mother being tortured at the dark wizard's hands for her son's betrayal, and then of George dying after Draco was inevitably forced into revealing his role in the betrayal.

Draco was infinitely glad that he hadn't eaten lunch that afternoon, as he dry-retched over the precipice of the Astronomy Tower at the vivid images his mind had conjured up. Draco knew that he would rather die a thousand torturous deaths than see either of those premonitions come to pass; so, mind made up, he released his wand from where it had been gripped tightly in his shaking hands and watched it plummet to the bottom of the tower. Without it in his hand he couldn't be tempted to save himself as he plummeted to his death.

Looking down at where his wand was resting peacefully in the grass below, Draco knew that his body would not look so peaceful after he had fallen, and he hesitated for a moment at the choice that lay before him. When the violent images of the Dark Lord murdering George and his Mother reappeared in his mind, however, his resolve hardened and he swung one leg over the only barrier standing between him and his impending demise.

Draco swung his other leg over the wall and leaned forward, feeling a few seconds of sweeping vertigo as he closed his eyes and tilted his body forward, content in the knowledge that his death would save the people he loved.

He thought he heard footsteps thumping behind him, but he convinced himself that it was just the pounding of his heart in his ears as he leaned forward and let go.

There was a terrifying second of free-fall before something jerked his robes roughly, causing them to dig painfully into his neck, and firmly tugged him back over the railing, where he ended up sprawled messily on a warm body.

He didn't have long to orient himself, however, because whoever he had landed on rolled out from underneath him until his back was pressed to the cool stone of the tower floor and the stranger was straddling his waist. Large hands came up to grip his shoulders, and shook him roughly.

"What in Merlin's name did you think you were doing?!"

It was taking a while for Draco's mind to catch up with the fact that he was not dead, but he recognised that voice and the flash of red hair that went with it almost instantly.

"George?" He mumbled. "What are you doing here? You don't go to school anymore."

His vision started to clear and he saw George properly for the first time in months. The other boy did not look happy. He was bent over Draco, gripping his shoulders tight enough to cause pain, and there was a vicious scowl on his face, though Draco noticed that his eyes looked scared. That fear didn't seem to have stopped his ability to shout though.

"I was visiting my brother, you stupid git," he snarled. "And a good thing too apparently, since if I hadn't come looking for you after Madame Pomfrey kicked us out of the Hospital Wing then you'd be nothing more than a pile of goo at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower right now!"

Draco frowned in confusion at George's implication that that outcome would have been a bad thing, "So?"

In hindsight, that probably wasn't the smartest thing to say to an enraged George Weasley, but in Draco's defence, he wasn't thinking straight and so he was taken completely off-guard when George's fist smashed into his face. Draco was in so much shock he barely even registered the pain. George had refused to hit him when he offered him a free shot after insulting the boy and his entire family, but when he tries to end his own life to make up for very nearly killing George's little brother and putting the entire wizarding community in danger, that's when George hits him? Draco had thought George was different, but apparently he was just as strange and impossible to understand as the rest of his family.

Apparently he had said all of that out loud, because George, who was still sitting on top of him, was just gaping down at Draco as though he couldn't comprehend his stupidity.

"Why would you ever think that throwing yourself off of the Astronomy Tower would make me happy in any way?"

Draco just stared blankly at George, still not quite understanding what was going on.

George shook his head and climbed off of Draco. Sighing, he rubbed his hands over his face and paced across the tower. Every now and then he would open his mouth as if to say something, but he never did, and after a while Draco stopped paying attention and leaned back to look at the sky. He let his mind drift to the rhythmic sound of George's pacing as he watched the light fade as the sun moved closer to the horizon.

Draco didn't know how long he lay there, but he was roused by George's voice and a hand shaking his shoulder. He squinted at George in confusion, 'When did he get here?', before the events of the last hour came rushing back and he sat up with a gasp, chest heaving as he realised what he'd almost done.

Draco looked at George, whose eyes were shining in concern, but he was breathing too hard to force any words from his mouth.

George seemed to understand though, and he just pulled Draco to his chest and held him tightly. Draco buried his face in George's shirt and gripped him desperately as he sobbed.

He couldn't believe he had almost thrown himself to his death. If George had arrived only a few seconds later then Draco wouldn't exist right now and what was left of his body would be lying broken on the grass at the bottom of the tower waiting to be found by some poor unsuspecting student in the morning.

Draco couldn't believe that one stupid decision had almost ended his life, and the worst part was that he could barely even remember making it. He struggled to breathe through his terror that things would keep getting worse and he'd try this again, but this time George wouldn't be around to stop it.

"I don't want to die," he sobbed into George's shoulder, just needing him to understand. "I don't want to die, but I can't keep hurting people like this."

George didn't say anything; he just held Draco tighter and rocked him like a child. He knew he should protest this treatment, but Draco had never felt safer than he did in that very moment. He wished he could stay here forever, in George's arms, where there was no Dark Lord and Draco didn't have to keep up the farce of following him.

Eventually Draco calmed down. His breathing evened and his tears dried up, but he didn't move from where he was straddling George's waist, head tucked under the older boy's chin.

"I'm so sorry George," he whispered into the other boy's collarbone. "It's no secret I've never liked your brother, but you have to know I'd never actually want him dead."

George shifted them slightly so he was looking Draco in the eye; "I know that," he said, completely sincere.

George was looking directly into Draco's eyes and his gaze was so intense Draco actually felt himself begin to blush.

George had been the only good thing in his life for so long, and Draco had been so grateful just to have his friendship that he had never allowed himself to entertain the possibility of something more; but with the way George was looking at him now Draco wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them. He leaned forward, but managed to restrain himself at the last moment, his forehead pressed against George's with their eyes still locked, and in that moment he could not for the life of him remember why he'd severed all communication with this man in the first place.

"I don't know what to do without you," he whispered.

George's eyes softened and he smirked, "Most people don't."

Draco huffed in disgust and leaned back.

"Well done George," he joked. "We were having a moment and you ruined it."

George chuckled, "I was doing you a favour Draco," he said. "You wouldn't be the first person to flail in the face of the sheer perfection that is George Weasley. I was just making sure you didn't stop breathing or something equally dramatic. You and I both know you never miss an opportunity for drama."

Draco laughed almost hysterically; the irony of George's statement, considering recent events, was incredible. George seemed to reach the same conclusion, because the smile fell from his face.

"You know I don't-" he stuttered and had visibly collected himself. "I don't really know what to do without you either Draco."

"George-" Draco started, but he was cut off.

"No, I just-"

Draco had never seen the other boy have so much trouble talking, but here he was, stuttering and rubbing his hands through his hair as though this was the most important speech of his life.

"I just need you to know that you're important to me Draco," he finally said, voice practically oozing with sincerity. "Short of purposefully succeeding in killing one of my family members, there is nothing you could do that would ever make me wish any harm upon you. Especially not something like this."

George's voice cracked here and he gestured at the tower wall in a way that Draco assumed was meant to indicate his near-fatal mistake, but George wasn't finished.

"I know we didn't get off to the best start", he said, and Draco had to keep himself from snorting at the understatement, "But it's been a year now, and aside from Fred, you're my best friend, and seeing you in pain like this is hurting me too."

Draco felt the tears returning to his eyes as George poured his heart out in front of him.

"I love you Draco, and the thought that you are so miserable you would attempt something like this, and that you might try again in the future, just kills me inside. I don't want to lose you."

That last comment pushed Draco over the edge. He pulled George to him and they both buried their tears in each other's shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Draco whispered. "I promise you I don't want to die. If I did, I'd just tell the Dark Lord I'm not interested in working for him and be done with it."

"Well you couldn't do that, because then I'd have to take time out of my day to come and save your sorry ass, and I'm sure there are more important things I could be doing."

They both laughed tearfully as they pulled away from each other, but George kept a hold of Draco's arms and looked into his eyes, and Draco knew he wasn't escaping this without at least one more serious conversation.

"Seriously Draco, I need you to promise that if you ever feel like doing something like this again you will talk to me first. If whatever it is you're doing this year is getting to be too much for you, I'll help you get out—I don't care what your family or mine will think. If you ever get this bad again, tell me and I'll help you get so far away from all of this that you'll never have to worry about any of it again."

Draco nodded, but he knew things would have to get pretty dire before he contacted George and risked the other boy's life by dragging him into this whole mess. He could see that George knew exactly what he was thinking, but he didn't say anything, for which Draco was grateful.

Draco relaxed back into George's hold, determined to get as much out of this time with his friend as he could before he had to return to the shitty reality of his own life, where he would most likely never see this amazing man again; unfortunately, the sky was darkening and he knew he should be getting back to the Slytherin common room soon, before his housemates started to question his whereabouts. He reluctantly mentioned this to George, who sighed and got to his feet, holding his hand out to assist Draco in standing.

He used the motion of helping him up to pull Draco into another hug and spoke, "Are you sure you're going to be alright?"

Draco nodded, "I promise."

"And there's nothing I can say to make you start writing to me again?"

Draco just shook his head against George's shoulder, breath hitching, though he somehow managing to avoid crying again. He clung to George for a few moments longer before pulling away reluctantly and making his way to the stairs, knowing George would wait a while before following him so they didn't attract attention. He didn't let himself look back.

Draco made his way through the castle, and he was just crossing the entrance hall to the stairs that would lead him to the dungeons and the Slytherin common room when he was stopped in his tracks by Professor Dumbledore.

"Ah, Mr Malfoy," murmured the elderly headmaster, "Just the man I was looking for."

"Professor?" asked Draco, trying not to let his anxiety come through in his voice.

Dumbledore reached into his robes and pulled out a wand, "I believe this belongs to you?" he enquired.

Draco's eyes widened as he retrieved his wand, he had completely forgotten about dropping it over the side of the Astronomy Tower.

"Thank you sir, I'd forgotten I'd dropped it when I was doing my Astronomy homework" he lied.

Dumbledore didn't so much as blink, "Of course. I hope you will be more careful with such precious objects in the future Mr Malfoy."

Draco got the feeling Dumbledore was talking about more than just his wand there, but he didn't really want to get into an in-depth discussion of his depression with the man he was pretending to try and assassinate on the Dark Lord's orders, so he simply said "Yes sir," and when it seemed Dumbledore wasn't going to push the issue he bade the headmaster goodnight and retreated to his dormitory.

This chapter has Draco enduring some serious guilt about the people he has hurt as a result of his assassination 'attempts' on Dumbledore (ie. Katie Bell and Ron Weasley). These feelings culminate in Draco convincing himself that his attempts to double-cross Voldemort are putting the people he loves in danger and that it would be better for everyone he cares about if he were no longer in the picture. He attempts to commit suicide by jumping from the top of the Astronomy Tower, though he is thankfully prevented from doing so by George, who pulls him back from the edge. George hangs around and tells Draco that the world certainly would not be better without him in it, and convinces him not to try and hurt himself again, because the people who care about him would much rather their own lives be at risk than lose him forever. All is not sunshine and rainbows, Draco certainly isn't magically healed of his depression, but the chapter ends on a slightly higher note than it begins, and there will not be any more outright attempts at ending his life again in this story.