Sorry for the wait! Life has been crazy! Enjoy this extra long chapter of Honor & Assumption!:-)
Chapter Eleven
Date: October 19th, 2009
Time: 3:15PM
Place: Avatar Academy
Katara stared at Zuko's ridged back a hundred thoughts racing through her head at once. The turn of events was enough to send her into a whirlwind of confusing emotions; anger, hurt, passion, and worry. It was a wonder she could form two straight thoughts together. It probably didn't help that her system was still spinning from their intense kiss.
A hot blush spread throughout her body remembering how easily he had lifted her in his arms, the ardent longing with which he kissed her- like she was oasis to a man dying of thirst. Never in her life had she been kissed like that. The reasonable and sensible side of herself warned to not let something like that happen again but another part of her longed for just one more kiss. He was like a drug to her. She just wanted one more hit.
With that thought she internally scolded herself. What was she thinking?! Not less than an hour ago she had sworn to never speak to him again and now she was up in the schools secret greenhouse with the very man doing very compromising…activities. Who knew how far they would have gone if she hadn't gotten sight of the horrible bruising on his abdomen.
A shot of concern and worry raced through her as she wondered how he had acquired such an injury. She knew he didn't play soccer anymore so that was out. Katara didn't remember him mentioning that he fought Jet the night of the party so she honestly had no clue as to where the bruising had originated. But from the short observation she had she would guess he had taken quite a beating to form that type of injury.
"Zuko, please just talk to me! Help me to understand! I'm so confused. Please." Her voice shook uncontrollably at the 'please'. She just wanted answers, to just make sense of everything that had happened between them. Where had it gone wrong?
He let out a heavy sigh and turned around slowly, his golden eyes gazing at her like she was the sun in a very dark world. "When I tell you what you want to know you'll never want to have anything to do with me."
His words made her shiver with foreboding. It couldn't possibly be that bad could it?
Zuko rubbed a hand over his mouth and jaw as he leaned against a table, "I guess I'll just start from the beginning." He said the words while looking down at his feet. His voice was laced with sorrow and defeat.
"Growing up in my family was difficult. Not in a 'we can't afford anything' way but in a 'you'll never be enough no matter what' way. All I ever wanted was my father's love and approval. He made me and Azula learn martial arts from him and spare with him every single night. I did everything he ever wanted me to do and worked hard to excel, but I could never quite meet the mark of his expectations. Azula never had that problem. She was and still is the only one who could make him proud." There was a sharp bitterness in his voice that made Katara's heart ache.
"But it was easy to not care about being my father's greatest disappointment because I was my mother's greatest joy. She loved me so completely and was always there for me, encouraging me, urging me to rise above my father's cruelty and become a man that was strong in character and compassion. My mom cultivated a love of reading and intellectual thought within me but my father insisted on me being involved in athletics instead. So I started soccer and worked my butt off to be the best, the MVP. And I reached that level, finally, after years and years of hard work and dedication. But it still wasn't enough for him. He always wanted more." There was a small hitch in his voice belaying his strong emotions. Katara slowly moved toward him as he continued to speak.
"And that's how my life was for as long as I can remember; my father being disappointed and my mother loving me through the hurt and pain of his disappointment and rejection." He ran a shaky hand through his thick dark hair. "When my mom left-" He broke off his voice thick with sorrow and cleared his throat, "when she left I was devastated. She was my life raft in the ocean of my father's disappoint and when she was gone it was like being plunged into the cold dark waves."
Tears welled in Katara's eyes as he related his story. He spoke with such a numbness that made her heart beat harder. She had never known anyone speak with such hopelessness in her life.
"Once she was gone, life at home got worse and worse until one day I couldn't take it anymore. I was so angry at everyone, especially my father because I knew he was the reason for my mom leaving. How could she stay when he was so cruel with his words and actions? So one night when he made an offhand comment about her I lost it. It was like I wasn't even in control of my body. All I saw was red.
The next thing I knew I was on the ground and in the worst pain I'd ever felt in my entire life. It hurt to move, to breathe, to even think. I passed out and woke up in the hospital. I was there for a week. My dad put me there, was the cause of this. " He said the words softly as he gestured to the scar on his face.
She could see him visibly withdrawing into the darkness of his past and she wanted nothing more than to drag him back into the light. She laid a gently hand on his arm wanting him to know he wasn't alone. Not anymore.
"The pain eventually faded until there was nothing except this numbness- this soul crushing numbness in my soul. Nothing excited me or entertained me. Life had no joy. I felt nothing. It was like the sun stopped shining and I was drowning in nothingness" Zuko finally looked up, his eyes locking with hers. "Until you."
Katara shuddered at the intensity of which he looked at her. She broke the connection between their gazes by looking down at her shoes. Silently, she processed everything that Zuko had just relieved to her. His father was verbally and physically abusive. Anger at his father and his cruelty to his only son encompassed her.
"My dad makes me spare with him as punishment for disappointing him. Azula got a hold of my report card and gave it to him. I'm not doing very well in many classes because- well just because I didn't see the point in trying anymore. Not with her gone."
Katara's eyes snapped to his once again, "Zuko your father is physically abusing you. You need to report it!"
A short harsh laugh escaped his lips, "Do you really think anyone- the police or even CPS- would go against my father?"
Her heart sank at his words because they were true. No one consciously went against Ozai Lord. No one opposed him. Money was power, and Zuko's father had loads of both. It was no secret that Ozai Lord had public officials and counsel people on his payroll.
"So you just live with it?" She asked her words were quiet but strong.
"What else am I supposed to do?!" He yelled explosively. She flinched away from him, his outburst startling her. Immediately remorse filled his eyes. Zuko grabbed her hand and held on to it as if his life depended on it, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just hate talking about my father. It's a hopeless situation." He let go of her hand and stepped away running his hands through his hair. It was a motion that Katara assumed he made when feeling frustrated.
"There's always hope, Zuko. Maybe it might not seem like it but hope is always there. Things can change, be better than they were." She said the words as much to herself as to him.
"Enough about my father. What I really wanted to talk about- what I had Toph bring you here for- was my actions this past weekend. I can't explain everything but I can tell you that right now I don't have the luxury of acting on my own wishes and desires." He said gently talking her hand once again.
She shook her head in confusion, her forehead creased from confusion, "I don't understand."
"I know- I know. It has to do with Azula- she has leverage over me, I can't say what but she's making me date her friend Mai. But trust me when I say if things were different- if my life was normal and my sister wasn't the devil- nothing on earth would keep me from being with you." Zuko moved his hands to lightly touch her face.
"So what are you saying, that you want some secret romantic relationship?"
He let out a sad chuckle, "No you deserve better than that. All I wanted was to explain myself. I can't stand the thought of you hating me for what I did- not calling you, pursing a relationship like I'd hoped. Just you understanding the reasons for my actions is enough. I know better than to ask for more." His golden eyes shimmered with longing, sadness, and wistfulness as he continued to hold her face in his hands so very gently.
"I could never hate you." She whispered as she was drawn in by his gaze.
Her breathing stumbled when his eyes flickered downward to her mouth and lingered there. Slowly his gaze drifted back to her azure eyes. A haze of tension floated around them drawing them closer. Her eyes drifted closed. Instead of the feeling of his mouth on hers, she felt the hot press of his lips on her forehead. She would be lying if she said she wasn't a little disappointed when he stepped away from her.
Zuko let out a sigh and shook his head as if to clear his head, "Uh I think a few hours ago your reaction to seeing me would suggest you hated me."
"Oh. Yeah. I was pretty horrible back there, but it wasn't just because of you." With a sigh she took a step backward furthering the distance between them. She needed to start thinking with her head instead of her hormones.
"What other than my incredibly douchebag moves could cause such a huge outburst of anger?"
Katara stared at him wondering if she should tell him about her dad missing. It wasn't like him knowing would change anything and honestly she supposed her telling someone might help relieve…well something.
"Do you remember how I told you my dad is a navy seal?"
"Yeah I remember everything you've told me." He stated matter of fact. A warm feeling spread through her chest at his words.
"Well yesterday we got the news that he and his unit have been MIA for a while now. They went on a black-op mission in some country we aren't allowed to know the name of and they haven't been heard from since. His commanding officer told my Gran Gran to prepare for the worst. When I saw you in the hallway I just took out all my frustrations and anger out on you." The words she spoke blew away the warmth that Zuko had caused and replaced it with a coldness.
"I'm so sorry Katara." The sincerity and compassion of his words broke the dam of emotions she had managed to haphazardly build since her last breakdown.
She squeezed her eyes tight, hoping to keep the tears at bay. Zuko had seen her meltdown more than she was comfortable. She was so tired of her bouts of tears but it was like someone had turned on a faucet and she had no idea how to turn it off. Her plan was completely obliterated when his hard warm arms wrapped around her in a fierce hug.
The tears slipped from her eyes but thankfully she didn't start her ugly sob sounds. For once she didn't make a sound. The tears streamed down her face, soaking Zuko's shirt while he rubbed comforting circles in her back.
"I wish I could do something for you." He mumbled into her hair.
Katara shook her head as she took a steadying breath and moved out of his embrace, "You caring is enough," She wiped her face dry on her shirt sleeve and looked at his shirt with a grimace, "Sorry for crying all over your shirt."
He gave her a smile before waving her comment off, "Don't even worry about it. For once I was useful- your own personal cry towel." His self-depreciating joke made her both happy and sad. Happy that he was trying in his own way to cheer her up and sad because beneath the joke she was sure that Zuko had come to see himself as useless- not good enough.
Blast his horrible father! How someone could be so cruel to their own child was a mystery. The fact that he would physically punish his son for not meeting his expectations of excellence made her sick to her stomach. The feeling of helplessness in helping him didn't help either. But an idea began to form.
"Zuko I have an idea. You said your dad was upset over your grades and that's why you got hurt. So I was thinking maybe after school you could meet me at the library and I'll help catch you up with everything. By the time finals roll around and the next report cards are sent I'm sure I could have you as an A and B student. So what do you think?" Katara asked hesitantly, seeing the look he was sending her way. She chewed her bottom lip nervously as he continued to stare. The look was a heated mixture of desire, hope, gratitude, and something else she couldn't quite place.
Slowly the look disappeared. He shook his head in decline, "No it won't work. I can't be seen with you in public- it has to do with Azula and the leverage she has over me." His shoulders slumped in defeat but Katara was never one to give up easily.
"Well if we just can't be seen in public together just come over my house."
"No that won't work either. She would know if I was going to your house."
"Hmmm, okay well why don't we just meet here?" She asked spreading her hands and motioning to the green room they were in.
"Maybe…I don't know, it's risky. Azula would be curious why I'm suddenly staying at school when I normally get away as fast as humanly possible."
"Zuko if you're going to raise your grades you're going to need help. I have a feeling you probably haven't taken notes in class. And even though I am a junior I'm taking mostly senior classes so I have all the material. Please let me help you."
"I want to say, I really really do but I can't think of anyplace…" His sentence trailed off as a loud noise reverberated from below.
Katara's heart beat faster as she heard footsteps begin to ascend. If what he said was true it was paramount that no one found them together. "Hide!" She loudly whispered while pointing underneath on of the long tables.
Zuko dropped and rolled underneath and out of view. Katara took a steadying breath and tried to look normal as the door swung open. She looked up and into the kind old eyes of Professor Iroh.
"Oh, Miss Pura! What a surprise seeing you here! I didn't think anyone knew about my little oasis."
"Ye-yeah I sort of found it. I didn't realize it was off limits." She replied shakily her heart thumping like a conga drum, lying to professor wasn't something she took lightly.
"Oh it's not off limits, this greenhouse is open to anyone who finds it and wants to partake in the serenity that growing plants can provide." He explained as he picked up a water can and began watering the verdant plants. "I hope you're feeling better from earlier, Katara."
Her breath came out unsteadily as her teacher moved closer and closer to the table where Zuko was currently hiding.
"Uh-um, yes." She hastily proclaimed in a high-pitched voice that was not her own.
"You don't sound very sure." He replied his eyes twinkling like he knew some secret she wasn't aware of.
"I've just been under a lot of stress lately." Her hand trembled as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear- a nervous habit she hoped Iroh wouldn't catch on to.
"Would that stress have anything to do with the boy hiding underneath that table?" He asked so nonchalantly that it took Katara a moment to realize that the jig was up. They were caught. And by her professor.
A groan that could only belong to Zuko sounded from beneath the table and a moment later his body inched out relieving himself. "Hello uncle." Zuko mumbled out with another groan.
Uncle? Professor Iroh was Zuko's uncle?! How did she not know that? In the back of her mind she remembered that Iroh's last name was Lord but she would never have guessed he was related to the Lord's! That would make him Ozai's brother!
"Zuko, well I am surprised to see you up here with my top scoring student. Happily surprised." The older man smiled and winked over at Katara making her eyes go wide. Whatever she might have expect to happen this wasn't it.
"Professor Iroh, you're Zuko's uncle?" She asked still not believing what she was clearly hearing and seeing.
"Yes Miss Pura, Zuko is my nephew. His father and I are brothers. However, I don't think that is information that he or Azula typically shares with their classmates."
Katara could only stare with mouth agape at the revelation. Never in a thousand years would she have thought Professor Iroh was a part of Zuko's seriously dysfunctional family. He acted nothing like them. Professor Iroh was like Santa Clause and Mr. Rogers wrapped up in one whereas Ozai Lord was compare to the devil. How they could be brothers was unfathomable.
"So may I ask why both of you are up here and why he was hiding underneath the table?" He inquired in a kind nonjudgmental fashion.
"It's sort of a long story." She replied with a loud sigh.
"I have time if you'd both like to share."
Katara looked over at Zuko with questioning eyes uncertain if he wanted to disclose what was going on between them. Zuko looked back and forth between his uncle and her and she could see the mental struggle he was having inside of himself. She remained silent as Zuko began pacing back and forth, his hand running through his dark hair a sign of mental distress she was beginning to recognize.
After what seemed like hours Zuko stopped pacing and sighed heavily before nodding his head toward her. Katara's heart squeezed painfully at the look of resignation on his face. Katara knew he thought it was pointless to bring his uncle into their situation but deep in her heart she felt that if anyone could help it was Professor Iroh. She gave Zuko a reassuring smile before turning towards Iroh to explain everything from the beginning.
Date: November 19th, 2009
Time: 3:05 PM
Place: Avatar Academy
The bell rang signaling the end of classes for the day and Zuko breathed a sigh of relief. Never in his life had he been so excited for Thanksgiving Break. The last month had been tough on him. He could finally say he was caught up in all his classes and actually getting decent grades but it had not been easy.
He smiled thinking of the people who had made it all possible- his uncle Iroh and Katara. Looking back he was extremely grateful that his uncle had found him and Katara up in the greenhouse a month ago. At first he had been hesitant of sharing that was going on with his uncle since he didn't believe it would help anything. Boy had he been wrong.
After Katara had finished explaining what was going on Iroh had leaned against a table silently as his eyes went from Katara to him. When he did speak it was to offer a plan of action that would work for all parties. Katara would go to Iroh's house every other day under the pretense of extracurricular study to bulk up her transcripts even though she didn't really need to and he would go to get tutoring lessons from his uncle.
At first Zuko scoffed at the idea but Katara grabbed onto it with both hands. Both his uncle and Katara persuaded him to at least try to see if Azula would buy it. Astoundingly she had. When she asked why all of a sudden he was spending time with their uncle he told her it was to raise his grades because of the mandate their father had placed on him. The explanation had worked. Not since that first time did she ask him about it.
It had been the perfect plan which he would always thank his uncle for coming up with. His life had not turned into the living hell that he thought it would be because of the "deal" he and Azula made. Being Mai's "boyfriend" wasn't as bad because every other day at 4:00 he would study with Katara for two hours.
At the beginning, they had both agreed that their relationship would be entirely professional since it would be less complicated that way. And for the first week and a half it had been a strictly professional relationship, nothing untoward. But slowly the playful teasing, light but searing touches, and lingering glances of longing had started. Before long Katara had started asking him to explain what the leverage Azula had over him was and every time he had quickly changed the subject.
Lying to her, even by omission, was beginning to wear on him. She deserved the truth but he was certain if she knew that she was the leverage that she would do something drastic. In the month he had known her, he had found out that she was am extremely headstrong person and did not bow down to those who tried to roll over her. She stood up to injustice and corruption.
The last couple weeks she had been urging him to have the courage to fight against Azula's tyrannical wishes regardless of the leverage she held over him. If only Katara realized it was her own reputation that he was trying to protect. However, he didn't doubt for a moment that if Katara knew that Azula had control of the video that showed her in that compromising position with Jet the night of that damnable party that she still wouldn't stop encouraging him to not bow down to Azula's demands. But he couldn't let her throw away everything she had worked so hard for her entire high school career. She deserved everything she wanted and that video floating around in cyber space would sabotage it all.
As he walked out of the school a blast of icy air hit him in the face causing him to shiver. Even though it wasn't even December yet it felt like it. The high for the day was a bitter 20 degrees. Apparently, some meteorologist were calling for a big snowstorm within the next few days. He hoped it happened tomorrow since the winter formal was on Saturday and he really didn't want to take Mai.
Being Mai's "boyfriend" was the one thing that put the biggest damper on his otherwise enjoyable existence. That and not being able to see Katara as much as he wanted. At least he had the constellation of Mai not being a big talker. She was normally quiet which was nice considering he really didn't have anything to talk to her about anyway. Lately, whenever he had asked if she wanted him to come over she had declined. He could only wish she was getting tired of his company and would break up with him. But seeing as the formal was in two days it wasn't likely.
Zuko checked his watch as he slid into his car. If he hurried he would be able to reach his destination without running into Katara. He frowned a little to himself for what he was doing but fought down the guilt since what he was doing wasn't hurting anyone. Regardless, he doubted he could deny himself this one pleasure.
He had learned from Katara three weeks ago that both her and her brother Sokka normally didn't get home until around five in the evening because Katara tutored and Sokka hung out with his girlfriend Suki. So on the nights that he didn't go to his uncle's house to study with Katara he went to her house and spent time with Gran Gran.
At first he felt awkward going there and insisting that Katara not know about his visits but it was becoming such a nice routine. He would go there after school- once making sure Katara wouldn't be there- and spend time talking with Kanna. Mostly they talked about Kanna's life since he wasn't comfortable talking about his most of the time. He didn't mind it though, he actually enjoyed listening to Katara's Gran Gran talk about her life since it was truly fascinating.
He soon realized that Katara got her thirst for justice from her Gran Gran. When Kanna was in her mid-twenties she had been extremely influential in taking down the corrupt company she worked for that was involved in a pyramid scheme which was bankrupting thousands. She had been the executive secretary to the CEO and once she realized what had been going on she had gone to the FBI and FTC. She had given the vital information that aided in putting the leaders of the financial scheme behind bars.
Zuko was never bored listening to the stories she shared with him. He was incredibly thankful for the kindness she showed to him. As a way to thank her he had started helping out with little things around the house that needed fixing. He had cleaned out the gutters, fixed the front door that had banged loudly every time it closed, raked the leaves outside, and other little things like that. She only allowed him to do so much even though he insisted it wasn't a bother.
He thoroughly enjoyed helping out the sweet old lady. She was kind enough to let him come over since he hated going home- if you could call a museum type mansion a home. Kanna was also kind enough to not tell Katara of his frequent visits but it was probably only because he had disclosed why he and Katara could not be together.
He thought back to the conversation that had led him to finally having to be truthful about everything:
Zuko came back into the warm pumpkin spiced smelling house after racking up the leaves in the front yard. He blew on his cold hands trying to bring back the warmth into his appendages. He breathed in the mouthwatering scent of the pumpkin treat Kanna was baking in the kitchen.
"Mrs. Pura, I just wanted to let you know I finished before I go." He said sticking his head into the kitchen and quickly waving hoping to make a quick exit. Kanna had been trying to get him to stay for dinner for the last couple of visits and he knew that was one thing he absolutely could not do.
"Wait just one cotton pickin' second young man." She said using her 'you are going to do what I say' voice.
He hesitantly walked into the kitchen not wanting to have to decline her gracious offer once again. "Yes Mrs. Pura?"
"Oh Zuko, how many times do I have to tell you? Please call me Kanna. Truly I don't mind." She grabbed his hand and led him over to a chair. "Now I insist you stay for dinner. I know for a fact that Katara is not mad at you any longer for anything that might have happened so that can't possibly be the reason you keep declining." Her grey eyes shone with extreme intelligence. There would be no way for him to lie about why he couldn't stay and honestly he didn't think he could ever lie to her.
"I can't stay Kanna."
"Why? Unless you give me a good reason I swear I will keep you hostage and force feed you if I have to." She explained, matter of fact.
Zuko couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him from the mental image her words produced but the look of absolute seriousness that was on Kanna's face stopped him short. He sobered quickly. A deep sadness encompassed him. If only things could be different.
"Zuko, you know you can tell me whatever is going on. In all my long years I have found that talking about something that seems impossible to overcome with someone else is when we are able to find the solution." She patted his hand that he had not realized he had clenched.
"That's just the thing I know the solution. The problem is the solution would ruin a wonderful person's reputation and harm their future." He shoulders slumped forward as he shook his head. The situation was impossible.
"Tell me Zuko how you staying for dinner would ruin my granddaughters reputation abd future?"
Zuko's eyes snapped to Kanna's. How had she known it was Katara he was speaking about? But it probably shouldn't have been a surprise. Kanna saw much more than anyone allowed for her to see. She had a sixth sense for discerning the intents of people.
A bone deep sigh escaped him, there would be no lying or hiding the truth at this point. So he began explaining slowly at first and then in a vomiting rush of words he couldn't stop. He hadn't realized how much of a burden of keeping everything to himself had been. He felt ten pounds lighter once he finished his confession.
His eyes were glued to the table too nervous up. Kanna's weathered, wrinkled hand reached out and raised his chin so that he was forced to look into her old grey eyes. Tears shimmered there like diamonds.
"Thank you."
Surprise hit him like a brick to the stomach, "Why are you thanking me? I've been lying to you and your granddaughter. You should hate me."
"Why would I hate you when everything you are doing is to protect my granddaughter's future?"
He was speechless at her words.
"It is real love that thinks of others before one's self. Everything you have done shows that you are an honorable man. I couldn't be more proud if you were my own son." Kanna's words caused his heart to clench and a mist of tears to form in his eyes. Not since his mother had left had someone said they were proud of him.
He cleared his throat and sniffed back the tears, "I'm surprised you aren't mad that I just took on all of this on myself without at least letting Katara have a say in it since all of this concerns her. If she knew I know she would never let me keep going on with the pretense of dating Mai and being under Azula's thumb. She's not the type of person to have her life dictated for her."
"Yes, what you say is true. Katara and I are very similar in that regard but as her grandmother and now most likely her permanent guardian I have to think about her future first and foremost. If Katara knew she would most likely waltz straight up to your sister and tell her to release the video and damn the consequences since it would free you to do what you want. But that would ruin her future like you said. Which is why I won't tell her anything that you told me." There was a deep sadness in Kanna's eyes which further added to the hopelessness Zuko was beginning to feel about the situation.
He feared that the moments he would ever have with Katara were the short ones at his uncle's house every other day. And eventually when his grades got better he wouldn't have the excuse of being tutored by his uncle and those short meetings that they had would be gone. Sooner or later the only thing he would be left with would be brief glances in the school hallways. His heart ached at the thought.
"I should go. Katara said she had a short tutoring session today. I don't want to risk running into her." Zuko explained standing up and pulling on his gloves and coat.
"I understand." Kanna said nodding solemnly, "Here take this, I made a whole loaf for you." She said wrapping a large loaf of pumpkin bread for him to take with him.
He smiled appreciatively and leaned down to place a small kiss on her cheek, "Thank you for understanding."
"No thank you. You're welcome to come by anytime you need to talk about anything at all. Keep being strong. This won't last forever."
Zuko snapped back to the present as he parked a block away from the Pura's house. He got out and jogged the rest of the way. The sharp cold wind cut through him and he looked forward to the warmth that would envelop him once he reached the house. It was more than just a physical warmth too, no the warmth he felt every time he came to Katara's house went soul deep.
He knocked on the door and moments later he was ushered into the house. Kanna pulled him in for the customary hug greeting before leading him into the kitchen. She asked him how his day of school had gone before pulling out a baking sheet of what looked like apple turnovers. Every time he came she had some new treat for him to sample. If he wasn't careful he would grow two sizes.
"School was alright. Nothing interesting really happened."
"Well sometimes that's a good thing." She said placing a plate filled with the turnovers on the table, "When do you get your next report card? Katara was telling me how well you're doing in your tutoring sessions. She said it won't be much longer and you won't even need her help" She beamed at him with pride.
His heart warmed at her words knowing that Katara spoke of him and that she was proud he was doing well in school but at the same time ice bit into that warmth knowing that his time with Katara was coming to an end. Zuko's smile was halfhearted as he accepted the turnover Kanna offered.
"Next report card comes out the week after finals which are two weeks after break." He replied before sinking his teeth into the warm delicious pastry. A moan of pleasure was impossible to silence. Kanna could start a bakery if she wanted with all the amazing baked goods she made.
"So still some time to raise the grades?"
"Yeah, with Katara's help my grades are already getting back to par. Hopefully my father will think it's acceptable." A frown marred his face as he thought how most likely no matter what he got on his report card it wouldn't be enough.
"Well regardless of what that report card says Zuko I am so proud of the work that you've done. Katara tells me you are the most dedicated person she's ever tutored."
A hot flush of pleasure raced through his veins. This was the second time Kanna had mentioned that Katara talked about him with her. He rubbed his mouth trying to stop the smile of happiness from forming and giving him away. Kanna had started to be able to read him like a book just through his mannerisms.
"Zuko, there is something that we need to talk about. I've been putting it off because of the whole Azula situation but recently I've been seeing a difference in both you and Katara that is hard to ignore especially in regards to Katara." Her words made him sit up straighter in his chair. He could tell by her tone of voice that she was preparing to begin a serious conversation.
"What do you mean? What difference?"
"Well Katara has been mentioning you more and more in our conversations and she gets this dreamy love-struck look when she thinks I'm not looking and I am almost completely sure you're the cause of it. And you gets this hopeful longing look every time I mention her. I know you both agreed in the beginning to keep your relationship strictly professional but I think if you're honest with yourself you'd admit that isn't the way things are going."
It was if a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him with no warning. Everything Kanna said was what he had been struggling with the last two weeks. It was getting harder and harder to spend time with Katara without showing her how much she mattered to him. Just the day before they had fallen into a heated moment where they seemed to be two magnetics drawing them closer together and he had almost given into the desire to kiss her.
"Now I can tell by that look your giving me that you know what I'm saying is true so don't even bother trying to deny it."
"I don't deny it." He whispered painfully.
"And we both know that as long as Azula has control of that video that you cannot be with Katara in the way that she deserves without risking her future." She added sadly.
"Yes, I know."
"So what I have to talk to you about are boundaries for when you both are finally together."
Zuko stared at Kanna his mouth opening and closing as he tried to form a coherent thought. What is she talking about? She just said we can't be together did she?
"I- I don't understand. You said yourself us being together will ruin her future."
"It probably will, but I know my granddaughter and I can tell you right now with absolute certainty that she is forming an attachment to you that is stronger than I have seen with any other young man. Tell me this, has she been urging you to stand up against Azula and just do what you want regardless of the leverage she has?"
Zuko swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded.
"She is going to keep at you about that until you give in. Trust me I know. She gets her stubbornness and tenacity from me. Eventually, in a moment of weakness you will break. How could you not against the woman that you love?"
He shook his head, "No I won't tell her. I can't. It would ruin her! I can't let her throw everything she has worked so hard for! She wants to go to an Ivy League school, she's even talked about applying Oxford and Cambridge. She has no chance of that with that video going out. Trust me Azula would spread it around infecting everything, tainting her work- all the good she's done, gone in an instant. I can't let that happen."
"I believe you Zuko when you say that but at the same time Katara has a way of making things go her way. I wouldn't be surprised if she just bypasses you altogether and goes straight to your sister to find out what exactly is the leverage she has over you. That's how much Katara is starting to care about you. She would face your sister for you."
Zuko slid back from the table and started pacing the kitchen floor. He couldn't let that happen. Katara would escalate the problem if she went to Azula. He had to figure out a way to not let it happen.
"I have a feeling that sooner rather than later that the truth of all of this is going to come out. So for the sake of argument and regardless of what the consequences of you two being together will be, what are your intentions toward my granddaughter?"
A hundred thoughts were zooming through his mind but he zeroed in on the question Kanna had lobbied his way. "I love your granddaughter Mrs. Pura." He used her formal title knowing that in this conversation she was Mrs. Pura, Katara's grandmother and guardian not Kanna his refuge from his horrible life.
"Yes I can see by your actions that you love her and you want to protect her future but what else will you protect her from?"
"I'd protect her with my very life if I had to." His words were laced with conviction.
She nodded her head, "I believe you. But would you protect her from yourself?"
He frowned at her words. Protect her from himself? He would never hurt her. He'd rather die than hurt her. "I would never hurt her."
"You mistake my meaning. What I mean Zuko is would you protect her purity from yourself?" Her words were softly spoken but they hit him like a brick. Heat rushed to his face at the question. Talking about sex with Katara's Gran Gran was not something he ever thought he would be doing.
"I'm not going to make any assumptions or claims but I think you have more experience in that area than Katara. She has had some dates here and there throughout the years but she has never had a steady boyfriend or someone that she cares for as much as she does you. If her father was here he would be having this conversation with you but things as they are this task falls to me." Kanna watched him with gentle eyes.
"I know this isn't a conversation you want to have but it is necessary. I know kids nowadays think its lame to not be sexually active and think people who don't partake in such actions to be prudish or some such other nonsense. But I know how powerful sex is- it binds you to the other person in the soul. For Katara I have always told her what a precious gift it is and to protect it for the person she is to marry. Old fashioned? Maybe. But that is how she was taught by not only me but her mother while she was alive. So I want to make sure that you will help her in protecting that part of herself.
Now before you give your answer I want to tell you a story. It was many years ago when my husband- God rest him- was giving the same sort of talk to our son, Katara's father. You see Hakoda had been dating Katara's mother Kya off and on since sophomore year in high school. They became exclusive junior year and spent all their time together. Well one day my husband and I came home early from date night because I wasn't feeling well. To make a long story short we walked in on them in flagrante delicto," She stopped and chuckled while Zuko moaned in horror, this was something he definitely didn't want to hear.
"Suffice it to say both Hakoda and Kya were embarrassed beyond belief. I sat down with Kya and talked with her about what happened. She was raised in a household as the same as my own. One where you were taught to wait for marriage. After a little perusaion she explained the Hokada had been pressuring her to go all the way since they had been dating exclusively for almost six months and his friends were starting to rag on him about it. I told my husband and boy was he furious. That his son would pressure that sweet young girl to have sex when she was convicted to wait until marriage. My husband sat Hakoda down to discuss what has happened and how it shouldn't happen until when and if they married. My son told him that he had sexual needs like a real man and Kya was his girlfriend so what was the big deal? And do you know what my husband said?" Kanna questioned him. Zuko shook his head not having a clue.
"My husband told him that being a real man was putting his needs- sexual or otherwise- second to the woman he loved. A real man uses discipline to control himself and those urges- to protect the woman's virtue until they were at a level of commitment where they were ready to be bound to each other through marriage. Because true love doesn't take. True love waits and sacrifices and wants the best for the other person. Even at the pain of not getting what you want. Hadoka and Kya married the summer the after graduation. He came back and thanked my husband for what he said because it was so special having waited until marriage to take that step with Kya." She finished the story with a smile while he continued pacing.
"Now I've seen how much you have denied yourself of joy and happiness to protect Katara's future. So now I'll ask again. Will you protect her from yourself until you are at the level of commitment where you would marry her?" Kanna watched him silently as he sat back down across from her and considered her words.
Never in his life had he had a discussion even remotely like this. Katara had been raised to wait until marriage but was that something she truly wished to do? He would have a hard time not having sex with her if it was just something she had been taught but had never really wanted to do.
"Katara's said she wants to wait until marriage to have…" He shrugged not being able to say sex in front of Kanna.
"Yes, it is something she decided when she was in middle school. The subject was discussed extensively with her father and me."
He ran a hand through his hair and chewed on the inside of his mouth, "I love Katara and if she decided to wait than I'll wait."
"It needs to be more than that Zuko. Will you protect her from herself if there ever is a time where in the heat of the moment she loses sight of her commitment that you will resist the temptation to lose yourself in her?"
An uncomfortable cough sounded as embarrassing heat rushed through him, "I give you my word I will protect from myself and herself if need be." He forced himself to meet her gaze as he said the words.
"Good. Than you have my blessing." The smile on her face could light up a Christmas tree.
"But I doubt any of that will matter since we can't be together." Zuko ran his hand through his hair as bone deep frustration gnawed at him. "Azula won't allow it. Not when she has that tape of Katara."
"What tape of me?" The soft sweet voice that had become like a balm to his soul asked from the doorway.
Zuko's golden gaze swung to meet her cobalt blue one. She stood in the doorway her arms wrapped around her stomach as a confused frown marred her lovely face. How she had walked in without either him or Kanna could only be accounted to the fact that he had fixed the front door which would have normally alerted him to anyone coming in. His good deed had damned him. How ironic.
"Zuko, what tape does Azula have of me?" She asked with more force as she moved further into the room.
He let out a groan and covered his face in his hands. He heard Kanna excuse herself saying that they needed to talk alone. Great, now he didn't even have her to help me explain. This couldn't be happening.
For a month he had successfully kept her in the dark all for the sake of protecting her future. He had lived through the horribleness of having Azula order him to be the attentive boyfriend to Mai and he had endured all of it gladly because Katara's future would be the one she had worked so hard for but once she knew the truth it would go up in smoke. There was no way he would be able to leave this house without telling the complete and absolute truth. And once she knew he knew she would stand up to his sister and damn herself in the process. Because of him.
He had wrecked her life. She had been nothing but goodness and kindness to him. A light in darkening world. His salvation. And what had he done? He had brought her down into the darkness and sludge of his messed up life. His selfishness did this to her. His not being able to leave her alone. It was his fault. All his fault.
"Zuko, I am going to ask you one more time or I am walking up the stairs and leaving. What. Tape. Does. She. Have."
He messed his hair for the umpteenth time. His heart began racing like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. With a sigh of resignation he looked up into her eyes which were a storm of emotion. "Okay." He whispered hoarsely as he motioned for her to sit down.
She sat down slowly and placed her hands on the table. He reached his hand out to touch hers but she shook her head as she drew it back. He sighed sadly, he knew he had just lost her trust. What had he expected? That she would be happy that he hadn't told her the truth or that he visited her Gran Gran on a normal and frequent basis?
"Before I tell you, I just need you to know that everything I did was for you. Please know that. I would do anything for you because I – I love you." The words wrenched out of him painfully. It was the first time he had said the words though they had been burning inside for almost the moment he bumped into her which seemed like a lifetime ago.
With agony at knowing the tumultuous relationship that they had built would soon come crumbling down he stared at her unabashedly taking in the wonderfulness of her form; her flashing blue eyes, her luscious, long hair, her full lips. There was only two possible outcomes after everything was on the table.
Either she would hate him for not telling her the truth and letting her make her own decisions or she would go and confront Azula. Out of the two options he hoped she picked the first because if she hated him she wouldn't risk losing her future. And although it would kill him to have her hate him, he loved her too much to watch her life be ruined because of him.