"Sam! Courtney!" I jerked upright in bed. Where was I? I look down to see I'm naked. Oh. Last night Dean and I... Where was Dean? I search his room but it's empty.

"SAM! COURTNEY!" I jerked my head towards the door. It was Cas' voice. Something was wrong. I grab my jeans and hurridly throw them on. I can't find the rest of my clothes. I grab one of Dean's shirts and forget about a bra.

I whip the door open and run into a large frame. It was Sam. He stops and takes in my appearance. His eyes grow wide as he stares past me into the mess of Dean's room.

"SAAAAAAM!" We both jump and run towards Cas' voice.

We stop when we reach him. A grasp escapes my lips. Cas was lying in the floor holding Dean. Blood covered both of them and pooled the floor. Too much blood. Dean's eyes were on me as he shook uncontrollably. Sam and I ran to be near him.

"He's dying." Cas stepped back allowing me to take his place.

"Dean. Please don't do this. Please." I pleaded with tears streaming down my face. I have his face in my hands. His body was torn to shreds. I keep my eyes on his.

"Cas heal him! DO IT NOW!" Sam demanded putting his hands over Dean's chest attempting to stop the bleeding.

"Sammy... take... care of-," Dean began coughing blood. We try to sit him up but he cries out in pain. "Take care... of her."

"Dean don't do this. Please. I love you." I had forgotten Sam was in the room. All I wanted was for Dean to be well.

"Courtney I-" He winces in pain and slowly begins to go limp. "love..." his eyes close for a minute. Dean finds the strength to reopen them, "you." His eyes stay on me but the light is gone.

I scream out in pain clutching his body. I had never known a feeling so strong. A pain so deep.

I don't know how long I sat there crying and holding him. It felt like eternity but it still wasn't long enough. Sam asked me to let him go but I couldn't. He told me we had to have a hunter's funeral but I couldn't. I can't go a day without seeing his face. Without hearing his voice. Without knowing Dean Winchester is in the world.

No warning was given when Sam pulled me away. I kicked and screamed but he continued to drag me. I punched until he finally pulled me into a hug. He began crying and we held each other falling to our knees.

We burned him that night. None of us spoke. We watched his body burn and I played one of his favorite CDs. We didn't shed anymore tears.

o - o - o - o

"What happened Cas?" I chased the questioned down with a shot of whiskey. It was the third one.

"He... prayed for me. I found him like that a few minutes away. It was demons. I killed them... but I couldn't save him." Cas was slumped in a chair shopping on beer.

"Why did he leave?" Another shot.

"He got a call from Bobby. Some hunters were being tortured by demons. I guess he decided to go alone."

I look to Sam. He was on the floor taking long sips of Vodka. His jaw was clenched and his eyes fixated on the wall across from him. I wasn't sure if I should try to talk to him. I decided to walk to the kitchen to grab another bottle of whiskey when I noticed my phone on the counter, a red light blinking.

I unlocked my phone to see a missed call and voicemail waiting for me from Dean. I chugged the rest of my whiskey before calling voicemail.

"Courtney. Baby I'm so sorry. Tonight was the best night of my life. I never realized I could love someone as much as I love you." His voice was happy and cheerful. "I want you to tell Sam to listen to the message I left for him too. Please don't... don't let him be stupid and get himself killed. Be happy with him. Love him. Marry him. Have a couple kids. Name one after me," He chuckles and my heart flutters. I miss him so damn much. The line is silent for a few moments before he speaks again.

"Baby. I'm really sorry but it's what's best. Sam can live without me. I can't live without him. Please take care of him... take care of yourself. I love you." The message was over. I wipe the tears from my eyes and grab the full bottle of whiskey before settling back in the library.

I sit in floor next to Sam. He doesn't ackowledge me. We both take a swig of alcohol and sit in the silence. He polishes off the bottle and hurls it with all his might across the room shattering the glass.

"Why didn't he fucking tell me?" His voice was shaky. He was more sad than angry.

"I need to go." Cas stands and smooths his coat. I wave in his direction as he leaves the room and then I hear the bunker door open and close. I turn to Sam unsure of what I should say.

"Sam..." He turns to look at me. Eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm so sorry I-" He pushed his lips against mine. Our tongues intertwined and all I could taste was alcohol. His hands hungrily roaming my body.

"Sam stop." I pull back from him to look in his hazel eyes. "We are both very drunk. Let's go to bed." He nods and we go our separate ways.

I find myself lingering in front of Dean's room. I decide to go in and sleep there. I crawl under the covers smelling his cologne and I cry. I cry until there are no tears left and I fall asleep.