The Weekly Digimon Report

The Weekly Digimon Report

All your news are belong to us.

            The Digidestined were all sitting around the newsroom, very bored. Well, not all the Digidestined. Matt's still locked in Lia's office, Willis has gone off with Sandrilene, the girls are doing facials, and the other guys are sitting on a couch tossing cards into T.K.'s hat. Just then the studio doors flew open, and a silhouette can be made out through the glare of actual sunlight.

"We've got a lot of work to do, guys! Let's get the report running before Nimoy realizes I'm back in business!"

"Lia!"

"The one and only. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm Lia Agianna, and you're in the middle of Weeks Eleven Through Thirteen. Since my co-anchor Sandrilene missed the episodes while I was gone don't worry Sandry, it happens I'm just recapping them before going on to this week's hour-long special. So rally the troops, we're back to doing what we do best…. the news!"

            The entire cast came running, hurrying to clean up the set and get the cameras rolling. Lia hopped into her chair, Demidevimon still perched on her shoulder.

"So…when do I get to be Wizardmon again?"

"Not now. I like you this size, it's more convenient and you stop hitting on me this way, not to mention the ceasing of your constant Harry Potter tirade."

"Dammit."

"Wormmon, give us a recap on Digimon World Tour, parts two and three!"

            "Got it! Okay, Joe and Cody met Derek, the Australian Digidestined, whose name is really supposed to be Dingo, and together they took care of some aquatic digimon that were a problem. The whole 'digimon pizza and pilaf' bit was really quite pointless. Meanwhile, along with Tai, T.K. had a family reunion in Paris with his grandfather Michel. You can see where Matt got his genes. Speaking of Matt, how come neither Takaishi mentioned him throughout that episode? Huh? Anyway, the guys rescued the French Digidestined Catherine from Versailles Palace and stopped the digimon there. While that was happened, Ken, Matt, Gabumon and I were helping this rude little Mexican Digidestined Rosa, also known as Chichos, save the Mayan ruins. And in Russia, Yolei and Sora had their minds set on dinner with Anna, Sonja, and Yuri, the Russian kids. When Sora mentioned Yuri after Imperialdramon helped them out in Siberia, Matt got a bit upset. And Archnemon and Mummymon continue to cause chaos in Japan. Back to you, Lia."

            "Thanks a heap, Wormmon. And now we go to this weekend's double-header of episodes 43 and 44, two 'shiny new episodes' as Horn Dog put it. Um…take the recap, Nimoy Bug."

"Right! Well, first things first, Jun is very mad at a certain individual. Quote: I can't believe that jerk for picking her over me. End quote. We all know who that jerk is, and who he picked, if you catch my drift…"

Tentomon paused as Izzy hit a button up in the sound booth, blasting the chorus from a popular song.

"No matter what you do he's never gonna be with you. He's into what he's got, he loves me, he loves you not!"

"Nice touch, Izzy!" Nicki cried, giving her boy thumbs-up.

"Anyway," the bug continued, "evil digimon started showing up in the city, and it was up to the gang to take them down. We did the best we could, but Ladydevimon, Marinedevimon, and Skullsatamon were a powerful combination. Imperialdramon went to Fighter Form, and kicked some gluteus maximus. Then Ken got kidnapped by Archnemon and Mummymon as Daemon, some freaky new villain, showed up. Davis ran after them but the U-Haul was too fast. Jim Kido gave the new kids a lift and the original crew just kind of disappeared after we original digimon left. Silphymon got into a catfight with Ladydevimon, Shakkoumon with Marinedevimon, and Ken got shocked with a taizer. I think that's just about everything…um, Yolei smacked Ladydevimon with a skateboard and we found out about Cody's dad. I think that should cover everything. Back to the girl in charge!"

            "Right. Well, if Jun's little outburst didn't convince you of Matt's, ahem, love interests, let's go to instant Sorato replay."

Matt blushed crimson as Ken projected the image of him, Sora, Yolei and Kari winging their way down the street on Garudamon. Tai took the liberty of circling the two eldest members with a digital pen, pointing out how Matt had his arm around her.

"They were all over each other! Matt was hanging all over Sora the whole time! They even called each other! I say where is the evidence? Where is the evid…" Kari clamped a hand over her brother's mouth.

"Don't start! Lia will go on her Sorato tirade and we'll never hear the end of it. As it is, she's already got a contest going! I'm still taking entrants! C'mon, Sorato people, let's get busy!"

            "Okay, so since we're approaching major Sorato territory, let's give Biyomon the right to rant. Your pinkness?"

"Thank you, Lia. I've got to say, the episode dubs are getting better and better. For example, Daemon in Japan was Demon, and the censors can't have that, so they were going to change it to Creepimon. Somebody did right and made it Daemon! Nancy is still one weird woman, and Mr. Ishida just kind of showed up out of nowhere and got really involved in the fights and stuff. Matt, maybe you should consider moving as far from that guy as possible. Jim drives like a maniac, there was a ton of Kensuke, Owikawa is really Myotismon in disguise. And for the most disturbing news of all, the dubbers cut out the Angewomon/Ladydevimon b****-slap fight out of 43! They were supposed to be slapping each other all over the place and then comes the Sorato moment!!! Those kids are scary, Mummymon just can't win, and next weekend Jun meets Jim. Oh God help us all. For the Weekly Digimon Report, this has been Biyomon Takenouchi."

            "Ken looked cute this weekend! He was so cute, especially when he was crying for Davy and Wormmon! I loved it…but not as much as my Sorato moments. Next week's probably an all-new episode, so keep it here for your coverage. This has been Lia Agianna with the Weekly Digimon Report. Have a great weekend, I'm off to babysit!"

            The gang started hugging her like mad as soon as the cameras shut off, Matt especially.

"It was so boring without you! The dubbers didn't even try anything! It was awful!"

"Well, they probably will try something. Oh, guess what I saw at the mall? Action figure Tai with action Kari! They were so awful looking! It was hilarious!"

"Not as funny as Gabumon saying 'shiny new episodes.'"

"True. IT'S GOOD TO BE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Lia, you've been home for a week."

"Yeah, but I'm especially happy to be back."

~*~

            Nimoy and Buchholz had spent all night at one of the intern's bachelor parties, and so they were so incredibly wasted they slept all morning and won't wake up until the bottom of the ninth inning of today's Red Sox game. GO SOX!!! So, they won't bother us for another weekend. Good thing. As for Terri-Lei, she's at a Tupperware party.

~*~

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