Chapter Eleven

Valerie leaned against the closed door and tried not to shake, seeing the incision on Barbara's side had been surprising but it was the reason she was alive; and Valerie had expected it. Then Sister Julienne, the woman hadn't said what she done but she hadn't needed too; Valerie had never seen such an incision before this morning. The nun's incision wrapped around her side and seemed even bigger than Barbara's, the enormity of it weighed on her. She didn't know the details, but she knew what the results were.

Valerie tossed and turned over it for a while, Sister Julienne hadn't wanted her help; the woman had wanted to keep her secret. Had she not been in such pain she likely would have been successful but seeing that wound she knew the woman must have fought hard to do as much as she had. And she had done it alone.

When she woke she went downstairs to find everyone sitting in the common area, a plate left warm for her and Dr. Turner the focus of Nurse Crane's interrogation. The man was waiting for his wife who was up visiting Sister Julienne, apparently the surgeons were beginning to discuss when Barbara could come home; Nurse Crane was trying to prepare.

She listened as she ate for a different reason, upstairs there was a woman who was in nearly the same condition, but no one had prepared for her to come home; no one knew they needed to. That changed now.

"There have only been a handful of these procedures done here, more in America but finding a donor is rare; especially outside the family. Recovery is no simpler than the procedure itself." As the doctor explained the effects of the procedure on the body, that recovery would take time and the risks of compromising the core muscles of the body, she heard soft sounds of concerns from her friends.

She tried not to let her face show her concern, it wasn't only Barbara who was affected; should Sister Julienne even be out of the hospital? And what were the differences? Barbara had gained a functioning organ while the nun had lost one, yes, they had similar incisions and that aspect of recovery would be comparable, but the rest might not be.

Valerie wondered if it was intentional that the doctor didn't discuss any details of the donation process, that they would have to recover too. Until this morning she hadn't given that part of it much thought, she hadn't considered someone choosing to give up an organ; or really that such a thing was a choice. Did the doctor know? It didn't seem like his wife did.

When the Turners left, and the nuns slipped away to chapel Valerie went back upstairs to the room at the end of the hall. She knocked quickly, stepped in and hurried forward when she saw Sister Julienne on her knees by the bed.

"I am fine Nurse Dyer." The woman's wince told another story as she laid a hand over the one Valerie placed on her shoulder, it took a moment to dawn on her. Valerie knew the other nuns had gone to chapel, she should have thought that Sister Julienne would acknowledge the evening prayers. "I want to speak to you."

"Let me help you up." She didn't want to see the woman struggle, she felt a little uneasy with her now.

As she eased the woman over to sit on the side of the bed Sister Julienne held onto the hand she'd used to brace her; pulling her down as well. "Nurse Dyer, you will hear me out this time."

"You gave Barbara the kidney." The incision left her no questions and given the situation she had a very good idea of the woman's motive; it forced her to think. "How could you do it?"

"I've learned that one can always be surprised by what they are capable of when it comes down to it." Sister Julienne still held her hand, had shifted it into her own lap. "This wasn't so hard in the end, all I had to do was take a nap."

"Not so hard, but you didn't want us to know; I don't think you wanted me to find out." Valerie studied the woman and knew she believed that but looking in it seemed a little different. Another thought hit her, while they called her sister, Sister Julienne was related to no one here and she didn't know how the nuns worked in that respect. "What would we have been told if it didn't work? We wouldn't be recognized as your family."

"Mother Jesu-Emmanuel would have been informed; how much was said would have been dependent on the situation." The nun answered as sharp blue eyes looked her straight on. "You haven't told them."

"No." Valerie murmured, it wasn't her place; and it clearly wasn't what the woman wanted. "But you aren't in it alone anymore, and you are going to let me help you or I will need a second opinion on changing that dressing; and Nurse Crane will be interested."

"That is rather underhanded." But it made her smile a little, it was an empty threat, though Valerie wasn't going to tell her that.

Sister Julienne had risked everything for their friend, if the woman wanted to keep it secret then she would help; her own opinions aside. Were roles reversed Sister Julienne would never watch someone struggle or betray their trust. But the woman who still held her hand was private.

It wasn't something she had really noticed until she had to think about it. Sister Julienne was always ready with a warm smile, reassuring words and ready to listen; but didn't reveal much about herself. Valerie had learned a little in her absence, it wasn't just because of their different lifestyles; the nuns didn't know too much more about her life before the order or how much she stayed in contact with family.

"Is there anybody who should know that you are alright?" Valerie asked.

"No, I didn't need anyone worrying; I don't want you worrying now." Sister Julienne squeezed her hand again, moving it to her own side. "Every new procedure has risks but the outcome can be worth it, my discomfort for a short time is worth it. Barbara and I can each live with one kidney and if her remaining kidney retains any function it may last her a while; but it was something that I could do. I choose to do it, and I accept the consequences, Barbara didn't have a choice in any of this, and Mr. Hereward had a difficult one; I did not want that complicated in any way. Perhaps I wanted him to make the choice that I favoured."

"They don't know it was someone choosing to give them a kidney. They believe it was someone's family." Everyone believed that, and if Tom Hereward had known it was Sister Julienne she wasn't sure he would have gone ahead. "Will you tell them?"

It had been a chance to save Barbara and with Phyllis' encouragement Tom had taken the risk, if he had known it also risked a healthy woman's life the curate would have erred to caution. And it had worked, Sister Julienne was at home, if the incision was horizontal rather than diagonal she might have been cut in half, but she was on her feet; and Barbara was alive and healing.

"I don't know. I don't see what good it will do, they need to put this behind them and move forward." Sister Julienne murmured quietly.

Valerie was silent, it might be more important for them to know just how much they were loved as they tried to move past this. She understood the nun not wanting everyone to know, she wasn't a woman who wanted to be fussed over and Valerie understood she had come home to work. The secret she would keep for the her, the decision not to tell Tom and Barbara she would respect; but work was another matter.

She squeezed the woman's hand herself and checked the incision, some of the stitches had pulled but none were torn, and it was revealing when the woman accepted pain medication. Having listened to Dr. Turner she knew part of it was how much the woman was trying to do on her own. Her right side had to be sensitive, yet she put on and took off her habit, got herself in and out of bed and down onto her knees. The muscles of her abdomen which provided stability for movement and involved in so many actions had been cut to access the organ given to Barbara; yet she was trying to use them.

The woman didn't exactly settle but she seemed somewhat more comfortable. Valerie lifted the ledger from the desk and took it with her, ignoring the nun's protest as she went down to start her shift; working in a pub had taught her more than how to pull a pint.