Chapter eleven

There is love, of course. But then, there is its enemy; life.

I managed to get inside while holding a strong face on, but the moment I closed the door on the possibility of never speaking to Godric again, I broke down.

I didn't fall to the ground, but the red tears began to run and I staggered to my bedroom, holding onto the walls for support.

Eric was in the hallway when I came around and he frowned. "What happened?"

I shook my head, not having the energy to speak.

"You... you let him go didn't you" He whispered, anger brewing in his eyes.

I nodded, stopping outside of my door to watch his reaction.

His eyes flashed from fear, anger, sadness, grief before settling on furious. He lunged at me, tackling me to the floor, his fangs out and his eyes wild. "How could you let him go! You've killed him!"

His words stabbed my heart, and I let him hold me down as his own tears fell, hitting my face. He suddenly bit me, his fangs tearing open my neck.

But the pain, it was nothing compared to my breaking heart. I didn't even care enough to push him off me.

"You killed him!" He said again, taking his mouth away from my neck, his breathing laboured and his hands on my arms putting an immense amount of pain on me. My own blood dripped off his fangs.

I killed him Those words rang in my head. I knew it was true. I did kill him. And soon, I would follow, because I would not be able to live with the guilt. I felt my own anger grow. I wanted to grieve and I wanted to grieve in solitude "Get the fuck off me Eric Northman. You have no right or position to treat me that way" I said quietly.

He froze, his eyes flicking from my face to my neck, appalled that he had hurt me. "Oh God" he whispered, climbing off me and backing up to hit the hallway's wall. "Nera... I'm sorry"

I stood, letting my neck drip with blood before it healed, and then turned, opening my door and then closing it on a grieving Eric.

I fell to the floor now, holding onto my own stomach to keep myself from bursting apart. I could feel him still, so I knew he was still alive. But I also knew he was still outside and the natural feeling of 'I must get inside' that was growing told me the sun was coming out any second.

"Good bye" I whispered again, sobbing uncontrollably "Good bye"

I don't know when, but at some point, I fell asleep and for the first time in 3,000 years, I dreamt. They were more memories than dreams, but still...I dreamt of the first time I had ever met him.

I was walking along the road, hungry and tired beyond coherency. The human population had gone through a rather bad virus lately, meaning it was minimising numbers available for the few vampires alive, such as myself.

So food was hard to come by nowadays and if Vampires weren't careful, we would starve with the lack of Humans. They had been dying out, humans, and due to disease and hunger for themselves, left us with a little amount of nutrients.

Whatever humans we did find, we drained immediately usually out of dyer thirst and not being able to control ourselves enough to be able to stop.

So when I came across a young man lying on the side of a recently discarded camp site, I felt my fangs slide down and my stomach hurt in hunger. He was sick, yes, but that meant nothing to me. He was food and he was mine.

I was by his side, turning him over instantly. His grey-blue eyes looked back at me with such fear and curiosity it stopped me in my tracks. Who was this boy? How did he look like he knew so much?

He continued to stare at me, and my teeth, as I stared at him. "Who are you?" He asked.

"Nera, who are you?" I answered and then asked as well, wondering what the hell I was doing talking to my food.

I must have gone crazy with the lack of nutrients. Yes. That is what must have happened.

Or perhaps... it was because I was lonely...

"Godric" He said quietly, his mouth was dry with his own thirst, his lips cracked and bleeding. He looked sick and felt like he hadn't eaten in days.

His tribe had left him here, since he was too sick to bring, and had not even thought to end his life before leaving, instead, making him lie here and wait for death to come.

Well... here I was.

"Well, Hello Godric, it's time for you to say goodbye" I said evilly, moving to be more comfortable as I planned to enjoy this meal. It could be my last for a few weeks.

"Are you going to kill me?" He asked quietly.

"Yes. I am hungry, and you are good"

He stared up at me, worried and fearful, but also, relieved, "What are you?"

"A vampire" I replied, still wondering why I was not simply eating him.

He raised an eyebrow, weakly, but letting his eyes close.

I licked my lips, anticipating the rich, smooth and warm blood run down my throat. But as I went to bite his neck, I stopped, surprised at my own actions, and looked down on this boy again. "Do you want to die?" I asked suddenly.

"Not really" He said, his eyes still closed. "Who really wants to die?"

"What if I can make you live? What if I can make you live forever? What would you say?"

"Please" He gasped out.

I grinned at him, my mouth lowering to his neck. I would feed this way, and get company. It was a win-win situation.

I buried us soon after forcing him to drink a large portion of my blood. Beginning to wonder if this actually was a good idea, if he didn't find a human soon after his rebirth, he would most likely die.

But for now, we rested, me curled up to his side, his hands limb beside him and my own hand resting on his cheek, making sure when he woke, he knew someone was here.

My dreams changed, and soon, I was reliving even more memories.

Our clothes came off as we sprinted into the water, jumping in freely, laughing as we came up for the not needed air.

"Godric!" I squealed, splashing him with the water as he had just done the same to me.

It was midnight, and we were swimming in the hot springs.

"Yes my lovely?" He asked as he slowly came towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I laughed and slid my arms around his neck, letting him hold me up. He pressed his lips against mine, first softly and then harder.

I laughed against his mouth and he frowned. "What is amusing?"

I shrugged, kissing him again "I'm just happy. So very happy" I said sincerely.

He smiled, his grey-blue eyes that once held death now shone with bright happy emotions. "I'm happy also" He admitted, moving closer (which was almost impossible) and kissed my cheeks, forehead and then lips "So happy"

I wrapped my legs around his waist, finding him hard and ready, filling me immediately. He and I moaned at the same time as he began to move.

We climaxed together and I rested my forehead against his "Forever" I whispered as he nodded in agreement.

"Forever"

I woke up disoriented. Red tears were smudged over my pillows and blanket. I ran my finger over my cheek to find dried blood. I had been crying as I slept.

I avoided searching for my bonds and went straight into the shower. It all felt surreal. I didn't know how to think or feel... I didn't know if I should start grieving, or how I should grieve...

I didn't know how to do this.