Superiority Complex: a psychological defense mechanism in which a person's feelings of superiority counter or conceal his or her feelings of inferiority.

Life is pain, was Lukas' eloquent first thought as he opened his eyes the next morning.

He immediately shut them again. The room was far too bright, and he feared for the health of his corneas. But the burning in his eyes was eclipsed by his massive headache, which was so painful he could barely even think straight. God, he really needed an aspirin.

His eyes, his head... And, for some reason, his ass...

Well, at least it was warm. He felt like there was some sort of furnace latched onto his back, which was sort of strange, but- wait, was that a person?

Now that he thought of it, that did feel a lot like skin... Oh, and that felt like an arm draped over his naked chest...

He was, of course, naked. And there was a person cuddling into him, who also seemed to be naked. Oh yeah, and his butt kind of hurt as well. That was also important to note.

Great. So, why didn't he remember anything that had lead up to this?

Suddenly, the person moved, not quite waking up, but churning nonetheless. He pulled Lukas in just a bit closer, and let out a contented sigh. "Lukas..." he mumbled dazedly into Lukas' hair.

Shit, that was Matthias' voice!

Not good... Not good...

Noticing that he was losing focus, and realizing he wouldn't be able to think clearly in this bed with a pounding headache, Lukas carefully stood up. That was a mistake.

"Huh?" the Dane gasped, and finally he sat up.

Lukas figured it was too late to duck for cover, so he bit his lip and reluctantly turned to face his friend.

Was he even his friend anymore? Were they lovers? Perhaps bandmates?... Enemies?

Matthias stretched, giving a large yawn that reeked of morning breath. Lukas might have mocked the boy for under different circumstances. Then Matthias finally noticed the other boy in the room.

He practically choked on his spit. "What the fuck?"

"Emil," Tino asked. "Where are Mat and Lukas?" He and Emil were both sitting in the cafeteria, peacefully eating their lunches.

At this point, Luke and Matthias sat with them pretty regularly. It was a change from what Emil and Tino were used to, but it was a welcome change for the most part. Occasionally, Lukas would tease Emil and the younger would walk out, but the majority of the time, it just made for more interesting conversation. Whether Lukas liked it or not, Matthias had changed him for the better.

Emil flashed a coy smirk. "My house. They got pretty wasted last night — well, Lukas did, at least. I decided to let them sleep in."

Tino's eyes widened in surprise. "Lukas got drunk? With Mat?"

"Yeah."

"Uhh..." He bit his lip. "Did anything happen?"

"Like what?" The other queried, feigning innocence.

Tino scratched the back of his head. "Like... Y'know, the..." Feeling too uncomfortable to just say 'sex', he made a hand gesture of debatable morality.

"Yeah, they fucked." He casually popped a piece of licorice into his mouth. "I could hear them all the way in my room."

"Oh, wow..." Tino seemed in awe, eyes wide.

Emil laughed. "I know, isn't it great? It's like some sort of saromantic comedy!"

Tino started to look a bit queasy. "Are you sure that's a good thing? I thought you were trying to set them up."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you remember the last time Luke had a one-night stand with someone..."

The other boy's eyes widened considerably. "Oh. Oh God." He did not want to be reminded of that disaster.

"What if that happened again? The band would be destroyed, and so would Lukas' love life."

"And it would all be my fault," he replied, voice barely above a breathy whisper.

"Uhh... How?"

"I knew the punch was spiked. Berwald told me."

"He knew?" Suddenly, he felt guilty for pulling him away from Luke and Mat the night prior... And that did explain why Ivan had kept trying to get their attention — it was a distraction all along. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry we didn't-!"

"It's cool," Emil interrupted, not wanting the other to feel guilty. "I don't think that's what's going to happen. I'm sure you know that Mat's sort of special to Lukas."

Tino didn't look so certain, but he shrugged nonetheless. "I guess so."

"Matthias, calm down," Lukas tried to console, though it did not seem to have much of an effect on the Dane. "And put on some fucking clothes."

The two both found their clothing strewn about the room. They were relatively unscathed, save for Lukas' shirt, which was torn to shreds. They decided not to discuss how that had occurred as they dressed. Luckily, they were in Lukas' room, so the boy just put on another shirt from his closet. Lukas also used that moment to take a painkiller for his head.

Finally, after that ordeal, Matthias spoke up, initial shock starting to wear off. "Did- did we just...?"

Lukas examined his nails, trying to look distracted and uninterested. "Yes, we did. Your point?"

"Well, isn't that kind of a big deal?" he shot back, face full of hurt and fear.

"We were both drunk," Lukas assured, partially to himself. "It's not like it means anything." Really, Lukas was panicking on the inside. Not only had he slept past noon (missing both his marijuana sales for the day and his classes), but this ratcheted up unfortunate memories of the last time this had happened. Of course,

Matthias didn't look so sure — not least because he hadn't been nearly as drunk as Lukas the night prior. "Well yeah, but-"

"But what? It's not like it's never happened to you before, right?" Yes, because every high school student had random, drunken one-night stands.

"Uhh... No?" He raised an eyebrow. "That's not really normal, Lukas."

Well, seeing as he couldn't use sympathy to quell his growing feelings of panic, he changed tactics. "Do you have any right to judge me at this point? You're here too, and by the looks of it, you started it."

"Me? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Stop playing dumb," he demanded with a glare. Lukas was wrong, and they both knew it, but that didn't keep him from continuing to speak. "I don't get drunk on purpose; you obviously spiked the punch or something."

Mat's eyes instantly changed from dazed and confused to cold and confrontational. "I didn't spike the punch. Why the fuck would I do that to you? You're the one who started it!"

Lukas scoffed. "I was clearly drunk, and you obviously weren't protesting. I don't think my ass has hurt this much since I broke up with Arthur."

"Oh." Matthias' eyes widened. He was a bit too much of a dork to have any sort of exposure to such things as gay sex, and Lukas' remark caught him off guard. "Oh my god, that's disgusting." Then realization crept onto his features, and he sat down on the bed, hiding his face behind his hands. "Oh god, what the fuck did I do?"

It wasn't like he was homophobic or anything (that would be rather hypocritical), he just hadn't had much exposure to sex — well, until last night, that is.

"Apparently me," Lukas fired back. He paused for a moment as Matthias' words finally sunk in: that's disgusting... "Am I really that disgusting to you?"

"What? No! I was talking about the... the... y'know, that! Stop screwing with my words." He abruptly stood up again in a sudden show of dominance, not wanting to be looked down at. He was only about a centimeter taller than Lukas (though the hair did add some extra height), but every small advantage counted in what had just turned into one hell of a pissing contest.

Lukas narrowed his eyes. "I'll stop screwing with your words when you stop trying to get in my pants, asshole."

"I wasn't trying to get in your pants!" His gaze softened momentarily. "What makes you think I would do that to you? Don't you trust me?"

"I don't trust anyone. No point in it; people just screw me over."

The coldness returned to Matthias' eyes full force. Lukas failed to recall a time when he'd had looked more enraged.

Matthias inhaled sharply, and, holding the other boy's stare, said, "That's a sad existence, Lukas."

Lukas felt his nails digging into his hands. "Don't fucking tell me how to live!"

"You know what?" Matthias shot back. "Fuck you. I tried to be nice, and I tried to find something good in you, but I guess I was wrong all along... You're just a self-centered, antisocial asshole, and... And I just can't do it anymore. Tell the others I'm sorry; I quit!"

Lukas lost all sense of reason, and punched him square in the jaw, full-force, without any thought or hesitation.

Matthias began to draw his arm back to retaliate, before thinking better of it. His arm sunk back down to his side, and he let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, I don't want to hurt you. Just leave me alone."

Then Lukas gave a dark, near-hysterical laugh, and replied, "Stop pretending you're such a good person." He grabbed the Dane by the jaw, and pulled him in until their noses touched. "You want to punch me?" he asked, breath still laced with lingering alcohol and tobacco. "Go ahead and do it. I'm not stopping you."

"Fine then!" Matthias shouted as he wriggled out of the other's hold, landing a punch in Lukas' stomach.

The boy gasped for air, the wind temporarily knocked out of him. But before he could so much as regain his breath, Matthias had pinned him against the wall, holding both wrists in one hand over Lukas' head.

"I'm leaving," he said into Lukas' ear, voice full of venom, "and you aren't gonna stop me."

Matthias made sure to slam the door behind him as he stalked out of the room, probably never to be seen again.

Though Emil thought the current situation held no negative repercussions, Tino still wanted to be prepared for the worst (which was probably a good thing). So, after school that day, he managed to catch his boyfriend in the hall.

"Ber," he greeted with a quick peck on the lips.

"Mm?" he replied, as if to ask what he wanted. Clearly, Tino looked rather troubled.

He met Berwald's gaze. "I think our band might be in trouble."

Berwald raised an eyebrow.

"You know how Lukas is when he drinks?" Tino asked.

Oh, this wasn't going to end well.

Berwald nodded, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"Well," his boyfriend said pointedly, eyes narrowing. "According to Emil, someone spiked the punch."

Oh, he was totally on to him.

"Really?" he tried in a final attempt at feigning innocence.

Tino wasn't having any of it. "He also said he'd heard it from you."

Wait, what?

"Didn't tell 'm." Actually, he was telling the truth. As far as he knew, Emil had never even heard the plan,

"Berwald, if you're pulling my leg, I swear-!"

"'M not," he promised. "I tried t'tell Luke, b't he wouldn't list'n. Never told Emil."

"Then how did he know?"

Berwald shrugged — the hell if he knew.

"You're still in trouble!" Tino scolded, though the fire behind his tone was gone. "It could have gone really badly!"

In fact, it could still have been going really badly. Even then, no one knew what exactly had happened between Mat and Luke. Technically, they could have killed each other while everyone else was at school.

In short, Berwald had screwed up massively. "Sorry."

"Yeah, I know," Tino replied, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "Let's just hope it works out, okay?"

Berwald sighed. "'Kay."

Lukas collapsed to his knees, overwhelmed by the series of events. It had all happened so fast — he couldn't believe the idiot was gone. Tears streamed down his face, but he made no attempt to cover them up as he usually did.

So he really was incapable of keeping a friend. He was really that deplorable, even to someone as sweet as Matthias.

He heaved and sobbed unashamedly. His crying was not the dainty kind seen in the movies. Rather, it was ugly, loud, and heart-wrenching. Any mere acquaintance of Lukas' would have been terrified by such an extreme reaction.

He had shocking transparency about him– a kind no one but maybe Emil had seen before.

It frightened him. He was so open, so clear, so vulnerable. Anyone who wanted to could tear his heart to bits — to a greater extent than it already had been. Panic rose in his chest, a unbearably tight and constricting pain.

He let out another sob, struggling to breathe another sharp, shaky breath.

A phrase he'd heard the night prior popped into his head:

Wouldn't it be a shame if that pretty little façade of yours cracked?

Lukas was tempted to laugh amidst his tears. Wouldn't Arthur be pleased to know that Lukas had been humiliated, just as his ex had planned?

In retrospect, Lukas wouldn't have been surprised to find that Arthur had paid Matthias to put up an act this whole time...

Actually, no.

No.

That was a lie, he realized, biting his lip. Even after his heart was shattered, he still couldn't believe that Matthias would do that. He still trusted the idiot, and (though he hated to admit it) he still loved him.

What had he just done?

"Lukas?" Emil cooed as he opened the door to his brother's room. "Are you and Mat still in there? Because I heard some veh-ry in-ter-esting—" he cut off, finally noticing Lukas, sitting on the floor and crying pitifully. "Shit! What happened? It isn't Mat, is it?"

Lukas didn't even look up. "I don't want to talk about it."

Eyes wide, Emil interjected, "So it is Matthias! What'd he do? Do I need to beat him up for you?" He didn't have anything against Matthias, but if it consoled his brother, he was more than willing to give the Dane a good smack upside the head.

"I..." He sighed. "I don't know. It was my fault."

"I'm sure it wasn't completely your fault," he replied with an eye roll. "C'mon, Lukas, what happened?"

The other didn't speak, opting to apprehensively bite his lip instead.

"Luke?" This was not normal. Emil had never seen him so distraught in his life. "Big... Big brother?"

"Oh, now you'll say it." Lukas had been trying to get Emil to use that title on him since the youngest was nine.

"That's 'cos I'm worried about you. What happened with Mat?"

"I..." He winced. "I slapped him in the face."

"What?" That wasn't what Emil had been expecting at all.

"And then he punched me in the stomach," Luke added.

Now, that was just downright out of character. "Mat? Are you sure?"

Lukas shrugged. "I told him to."

"Why would you do that?" Emil asked incredulously.

"Tired of doing everything wrong."

Well, didn't that remark make Emil feel like he'd been stabbed in the chest...

"Lukas, do you really feel that way?" He sat down next to his brother, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Shut up."

"No!" he insisted. "You can't do this to yourself. What did Matthias do after that?"

Lukas sniffed — clearly, this was a sensitive question. "He quit the band and left."

Emil gasped. "You're joking."

"I told you I do everything wrong," he iterated rubbing his eyes. "I bet I could've stopped it from happening. I should've stayed away from that punch-"

"Don't you dare," Emil cut in. "You had no idea the Allies spiked it. You drank it because no one stopped you, and you got Matthias in bed with you when you were drunk. We all know how you get when you're drunk."

"I know," Lukas said. "I know."

"Then why didn't you tell him that this morning?"

There was a pause. "I don't know."

Emil shook his head. "Why the fuck... Luke, the kid is in love with you; why don't you realize that?"

"Well, I kind of screwed that up, now didn't i?" Lukas broke down again, and Emil realized he had pushed him too far.

He wrapped his arms around the other, letting him sob into his shirt. "I... I'm sorry, Lukas. You've probably had a long day. Why don't we talk about it tomorrow?"

He felt Lukas nod into his chest.

"Do you want some coffee?" he asked carefully, looking for a quick distraction. Coffee was Lukas' favorite drink, and by the looks of it, he hadn't thought to make any that day.

Lukas mumbled, "That'd be nice."

"Alright." He slowly stood up, making his way back toward the door. "Feel better, okay?"

"I'll try," Lukas said as the door shut.

"The looks are always so deceiving

The truth is always misconstrued

To you"

~"Too Much Too Soon", American Idiot (B-Side), Green Day