Title: Still here

Rating: PG13

Genre: Romance/Drama

Author: Idile-chan

Chapter10: His coldness and her tears

He sat at the rail of his bed and slowly rubbed his face with his hands, trying to push away the feeling that was hovering inside of him. He closed his eyes and sighed, his hands now covering his eyes as if to shield himself from this dreadful morning. No it wasn't just this morning; it was last night, last evening, last day and all of last week possibly. There was something he could not quite put his finger on. He felt tired thinking about it. Tsukasa rubbed his temples and continued to stare blankly at floor – he had again slept alone tonight... and not because she pushed him outside. He simply hadn't spoken to her, had not looked at her the nights before. They would barely speak- letting only the words that needed be said escape them.

She was extremely sweet to him every day- asking him how he slept, fixing his tie or just pushing the strands of hair out of his face when he was getting ready for a meeting. Still, her sweetness… he couldn't find the word… sickened him? He was afraid to voice this word out. It seemed as if he tired of her… already tired after having what he so long dreamed of doing. What was wrong? What THE HELL was wrong with him?

Exasperated he growled before wearily lifting himself up from the bed and walking to the shower. The cool droplets of water did nothing to soothe him though. He was cleaner, but not calmer.

He took a towel and began to dry his wet hair. Soon he heard a knock and said ' come in' before seeing the source of his troubles- her.

She heard him sigh unhappily and turn his gaze towards her with a questioning look. She, on the other hand, couldn't help but blush at him- he was only wrapped up in a towel, water dripping from his wet black and from the dampness straightened hair. She cursed inside her mind for not being able to hold her emotions to herself – she was supposed to be seeing him just like always, like 'yesterday'. Except that yesterday it wasn't her that was here- she had not seen this man for a whole week. A torturous week in fact, but she was thankful that the deal was to meet him exactly one week after the abrupt departure.

Tsukushi was happy when she walked through the door and immediately ended up next to his bedroom door. The first thing she did was see him. See that he was up and well, that he was not sick, not hurt, not anything… and maybe see that he had missed her too. The coldness he withheld was like a sad wave that washed over her. Had he changed this much in a week? Was it because she was gone… or had something else happened? He looked distant, as if creating a wall between them. She meekly smiled before coming close to him and voicing out her concerns.

"What's wrong?"-she silently asked looking him over once again. He was thinner- probably had been eating less; he also had dark circles under his eyes and a tired expression. He was clearly worrying over something. It broke her heart seeing him this way.

"Nothing. I guess... I'm just tired from work. It has been stressful… lately..."- she moved her hand closer to touch his face, but he pushed it away. "I just need some time to be alone". - he turned away from her completely, leaving her to watch his back.

She silently watched his back for a moment before turning around and walking away.

"I'll be on my way then, Tsukasa..."

Her voice was so soft; he could feel her voice touch his skin, if that was possible. He turned around sharply, but she was already gone. Had he imagined it? It faintly felt like the tingle she could awaken within him before. Maybe…

She closed his door and leaned against it. Her hair falling down on her face and covering her eyes. 'Damn you… damn you Domyouji… I missed you so damn much… why… why can't I just touch you? I just need to know you are real. There's still a lot of time for us to endure... so please... let me enjoy this as much as possible… please Tsukasa… I beg you...'- she whispered to herself before walking to her own room for the first time this week.

Tsukushi had received the report about Domyouji being quite distant and that they had neither kissed (not since the first day she left) nor slept together for that matter. She didn't know more, except him returning home later than usual every day.

She sat down and saw him already waiting for her in the far end of it at the same table. So they were eating separately again? She wasn't about to give in to that. She took her chair and dragged it all the way to the other end of the table and sat down next to him. He seemed surprised and was ready to say something but she was quicker.

"Sorry, but I don't feel like shouting to reach you two kilometers away". - she pouted and earned a small chuckle from him. Ah, he was returning to himself. She tried to speak with him more, but only got 'aahs' and 'hais' and the shaking of his head in return. When she noticed a rice grain stuck on his lower lip, she wanted to take it off, but he pushed her hand away once again before taking a napkin himself. He stood up and excused himself, saying he needed to hurry to work and that she needn't wait up for him because he wasn't sure when he was going to return.

She could feel the tears forming in her eyes, but she smiled at his retreating form and gave herself courage-'this only means that he is missing me, yes, it's only that!' But as soon as she was alone, her darker self crept up inside her mind. 'Well he didn't quite jump to embrace you, when the actual you returned.' Tears fell from her faceand onto her lap. She was stronger than this, she needed to believe.

"I can't... it's hard... without him it's too hard. It's not like me to give up, but I don't want this anymore."- She hugged her knees sitting on the bed. She remembered the deal. If she were to end it before the actual deal ended- Mrs.Domyouji would make sure she would not see him again. And that woman was indeed capable of that. She knew that nothing could keep her away from Tsukasa, even if she was to be sent to the Sahara dessert, she'd still crawl back on all fours and cling to him! She didn't know why this time she was worried. Why this time she didn't have the courage to have her way. Maybe because she so badly wanted to be accepted by his mother so he'd be less troubled? So that he wouldn't have to suffer because of their bond anymore.

She didn't know how long she had been crying on her bed, but when she looked around- her room was dark- it was night already. She had not seen him much today… and she only had one day. She had to leave tomorrow morning and the thought was breaking her apart. She couldn't even touch him, yet alone hold him, kiss him…

Tsukushi was startled by the footsteps she heard in the corridor. It was Domyouji! Coming back from work… and it was what…- 11 in the evening?

She rushed out of her room and met him near his bedroom door. He turned around slowly to look at her. He noticed she had been crying. Tsukasa felt something stab him in the heart- had his recent coldness done this? Had his stupidity allowed himself to hurt her? Tsukasa's expression saddened.

"I'm sorr…"- he was about to say, but noticed her walking up to him and intertwining her fingers in his straight damp hair. 'Has he been standing in the rain?'- she thought before a small smile crept up her gentle face.

"I love it when your hair becomes straight. You seem… more mature... calmer..."

Tsukushi slowly tried to reach towards his face, her hand shaking a bit as it neared it's destination. This time he gently looked at her, without pushing her hand away, motioning that she could continue.

She gently touched his face, letting her finger slide alongside his rough features. He could feel his skin burning up everywhere she touched- the fire within him awoken in an instant. It was back and so strong it almost made him whimper. He closed his eyes and his breathing quickened his heart beating faster inside his chest. With what felt like a second, her gentleness was gone from him.

When he opened his eyes, he saw her pulling away, sadness washing over her face as she tried to force a smile.

"Sleep well, dear."- she whispered then spun around leaving for her own room. With one swift motion he grabbed her wrist gently and turned her around to face him again, fire evident in his eyes. "Please… do it again…I need to feel it again…"- he almost begged her. She slowly nodded and her fingers found their way on his face once more.

Tsukasa wanted to feel her again, wanted to make this feeling more intense, so he took her hand and began to kiss her fingers slowly, the feeling catching more sparks each moment he did so. She let out a small whimper because of his actions and couldn't help it, but stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.

Tsukasa could feel his mind go numb. All of his tiredness, his worries leaving him at the exact same moment he felt her taste. Such an addicting taste- he couldn't get enough of her. It felt like his very first kiss. Had it been this long since they had last kissed? He didn't know… He didn't really care. She was beyond amazing right now and it was all that mattered.

He lifted her up in his arms and took her to his room, not letting her touch part with him. He needed to feel her more, to not let this feeling she caused him to leave again.

They lay in bed, they fingers intertwined, their noses touching and looking at each other. Her blushing as madly as she could- she was still not used to this, and him grinning like a boy who has just gotten everything he wanted for Christmas. You could not tell this was the same man she met this morning. He was truly happy.

"Hey, stop looking at me."- she pouted blushing and tried to cover herself up, but he just pulled her closer, his eyes wandering from her body to her face every few seconds.

"Not going to happen. You are mine miss future Domyouji Tsukushi…" – he smirked at her.

She turned around and he hugged her from behind, his head nuzzling in the crook of her neck.

"I missed you...I don't know why, even though I see you every day, but today… I just felt like I've finally seen you after a long time."- he whispered closing his eyes.

Tsukushi could feel tears starting to form in her eyes as she gently whispered to him:

"Please don't fall asleep yet, I want to stay with you longer…"- yet he was already falling into the land of slumber when he mumbled a 'mhm' back to her. The dark haired girl couldn't stop her eyes from watering when she realized he was already asleep and that she didn't have any time left with him.

'He was so tired... from worrying… and he hadn't slept for days. I can't be selfish with this.'- her mind calming itself. "Tsukasa"- she whispered, - "I'm sorry… I love you…"- she kissed his nose gently before unwrapping his arm from around her waist, which was incredibly hard, since he just decided to tighten his grip on her. Tsukushi put on her clothes and looked at the clock -'6 o'clock'. It was morning already… they had been up all night.

Before closing the door behind her, she looked over at the grinning idiot, who was able to smile even in his sleep, once again. Then she sighed and walked out through the door.

As she was leaving the Domyouji manor, she saw her copy walk past her with a small smile and head back to her place. It stung her heart, but she had no choice. She wanted him to be happy. To not have any more problems because of her.

She walked out of the house and a few blocks away was met by a "how did it go?"- from the driver of a white sports car. His warm eyes gazing at her.

"Get in"- he said. "We're going to the sea"- with that he took off, her sitting at the front seat next to him, tears running down her face freely. He knew not to ask questions and he was the only person she could talk to right now. "Tsukasa"- she continued to whisper like a prayer between her sobs.

(Okay, very short chapter but I tried! I wouldn't have written, cause I really have no time, but because you guys have been so darn nice with your reviews and favorites and everything- I just had to write! You guys are the best... make me feel good about writing Thank you so much! R&R and I hope you found this loving little chapter good- let me know!)