Dean-
I woke up the next day, my arm wrapped around Lexi. I smiled thinking about last night.
"Good morning darlin", I whispered in her ear.
She shifted a little. Then turned over to look at me, she snuggled close.
"I'm cold", she said sleepy.
I chuckled and rubbed her back.
"You were amazing last night", she said.
"Right back at you beautiful", I kissed her forehead.
"Haven't slept that well in a while", she kissed my shoulder.
"Same, I'm use to holding you when I fall asleep. I'm glad I can hold you again", I said.
I kissed her.
"Are you ready for today?", she asked.
"Are you?", I asked back.
"There's nothing else you're keeping from me are you?", she asked.
"I told you everything", I said.
"Then I'm ready", she said.
She tried to get up, but I stopped her. Wrapping both arms around her. She giggled.
"Come on Jon, we have to get up", she said.
"No not yet, please I just want to hold you like this a little longer", I whined.
I got on top of her and she cupped my face, her fingers tangled in my hair. I pecked her lips. After sleeping another hour with her, we finally got up and showered. I was finishing getting ready when my phone rang.
"Hello", I answered.
"Jon, hey its me, Helena", she said.
I glanced at Lexi.
"Wrong number", I said, hanging up.
Lexi smiled at me. Seth and Nikki were watching the girls still. Getting to the office. Dr. Peterson smiled as we sat down.
"So Jon, why don't you tell me a little about you?", he asked.
"Listen Doc, just tell me what you want to know", I said, rubbing my neck.
"Okay, tell me something about your relationship with your mom", he said.
"That's easy, there is no relationship", I said shrugging.
"Why?", he asked.
Lexi put her hand on my leg to stop it from bouncing. I hadn't realized I was doing it. I took a deep breath.
"I don't want one, she pushed me away and I tried to reconnect with her once. She insulted my wife and my kid", I said.
He nodded and wrote something down on his notepad.
"What about your dad?", he asked.
"He left, went to prison, got help", I said.
"So its safe to say your relationship with him is okay?", he asked.
"As long as he doesn't hurt my girls, it's great", I said shrugging.
"Why not try that with your mom? Take the girls to meet her", he suggested.
I leaned forward.
"Hell no", I said.
"People change, Jon", he said.
"I am not putting my wife and my girls through what I went through. She had her chance and she fucked it up", I said, getting angry.
"Jon", Lexi said, grabbing my arm.
I took a deep breath before leaning back.
"Sorry", I said.
"If I mention Penny?", he asked.
I rubbed my shoulder.
"Don't like that huh", he said.
I realized what I was doing and stopped. Lexi let go of my arm.
"What do you want to know about her?", I asked.
Glancing at Lexi's hands, watching as she rubbed her wrist. She had scars there from the ropes Penny had tied on her tight.
"Can she step out?", I asked.
"No", she said.
"Its better if she's here", he said.
"I know how bad these memories hurt you and I don't want you closing yourself off again. Not from me, we just got back to a good place", I said.
"This will help you stay there. You, like her need to talk about this. If it stays bottled up, you won't like when it comes out", he said.
I took a deep breath.
"When you're ready, Jon", he said.
I licked my lips.
"Ask", I said.
"Your relationship with Penny", he said.
"It wasn't really a relationship, to me at least. I just wanted someone to come home to and she got pregnant. I told her I'd be there for the baby, but I didn't want her", I said.
"Why?", he asked.
"I wanted someone else, she was taken", I said.
I glanced at Lexi. She gave me a soft gentle smile.
"What happened after that?", he asked.
"She got an abortion and I got my chance with the love of my life", I said smiling.
He smiled too and wrote something down.
"How did you feel about the abortion?", he asked.
"I didn't know she did it till a friend of mine told me. I guess I didn't feel much", I said.
"Go on, then what happened?", he asked.
"My mom got sick and Lexi convinced me to see her. By then she was two months and I didn't want to take her there, but I needed her", I said.
I ran my fingers through my hair, angry with myself. I looked at her.
"This was my fault, I was selfish and I'm sorry baby", I said.
"We've been through this Jon", she said.
"Jon I need you to focus, what happened then?", he asked.
I rubbed my eyes.
"I rubbed Lexi in Penny's face, God I'm so stupid", I said angry with myself.
"Jon", Lexi said softly.
"I took her to a party and this jackass tried to", I stopped.
"He tried to rape me", she finished.
"What happened the day of the kidnapping?", he asked.
"I had sent Jon to Ohio, hoping he could convince Penny to turn herself in. Little did we know she was in Iowa watching us", she said.
"I should have never left", I mumbled.
"I asked you to go Jon, stop blaming yourself", she said to me.
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
"I heard gunshots outside and when I went to check, Penny was at the door", she said.
Lexi shut her eyes.
"She wanted to take Gracie, but Nikki locked her and Roman's daughter in the master bedroom. I offered to go with her so she wouldn't hurt Gracie or anyone else", Lexi said.
"How did you feel Jon? When you knew she took Lexi", he asked.
"It killed me. I went crazy and I hated that I couldn't do anything to help her", I said.
"When she took you Lexi, what happened?", he asked her.
That was something only Lexi knew.
"She'd find anyway to hurt me. She'd slap me, pull my hair or she'd talk about how she was going to hurt Gracie", she said, her voice low.
"Did she know you were pregnant with Amelia?", he asked.
She shook her head no.
"Jon, why did you decided to meet with Penny?", he asked.
"She had my world and I wanted to get it back anyway I could. I knew she wanted me, so I thought why not give her what she wanted", I said.
"Did you?", he asked.
"I couldn't, she wanted to do it in front of Lexi and I couldn't. I told myself that if I ever got the chance to be with the woman of my dreams, I'd never hurt her", I said.
"Then?", he asked.
"She pointed the gun at Lexi and", I stopped, feeling tears fill my eyes.
"I gave up", Lexi said.
"She had a gun pointed at your head, it's understandable", he said to her.
I squeezed her hand and wiped my eyes.
"How did you feel Jon?", he asked.
"Like I wanted to die", I said.
He nodded. I'm sure he noticed the look on our faces.
"How do you feel now?", he asked.
"Exhausted", Lexi said.
"Like I need to hit something, throw something", I said.
"You're angry, it's okay that you're feeling that", he said.
He sighed.
"I think that's enough for today. We can pick this up Wednesday when you back back from work", he said.
We nodded.
"I know you're both mentally drained, but I hope this helped and I hope you two can talk more. You need to tell each other what you're feeling, even if it's anger or frustration", he said.
I sighed. We nodded.
"I'll see you two Wednesday", he said.