And Sesshomaru's good luck (what littlehe's had so far) really begins to fade in this chapter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! It made me feel loved.
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After recovering from his near tearing, Sesshomaru spent the rest of the afternoon with Jimatsu. They talked about everything; the pranks they played as children, Court members, fighting, and the palace as it was now. Sesshomaru enjoyed their conversation, alittle surprised at how easy it was to talk to his old friend; he had forgotten that it was possible to talk to someone and not have to worry much about saying the wrong thing. Of course, it didn't mean that the whole thing was devoid of awkward moments.
"To be honest, Lord Sesshomaru, I was surprise to see Lady Rin," Jimatsu remarked as they meandering around the palace grounds. "I remember how you used to fervently claim that you hated humans."
"I did, still do, hate humans," Sesshomaru muttered uneasily, glancing at him. "Rin is… different." He tucked his hair behind his ear, agitated by the comment.
Jimatsu noticed the nervous gesture. "Don't worry; I won't mark you less for liking a human. It doesn't matter to me who you like, and it shouldn't to anyone else."
Sesshomaru hmmed and dropped his hand, not noticing the hint of sadness that crept into Jimatsu's voice. His eyes followed the hand's decent, puzzled.
"What happened to your hand?" he asked.
Glancing down, Sesshomaru knew he was referring to his bandaged fingers; he was silent a moment, reflecting.
"Have you ever done something you know you shouldn't have and then regret it afterwards?"
Jimatsu smirked. "All the time, my friend," he said knowingly. "Did you really need to ask?"
Walking through a garden, they saw Taro and Jiro playing kemari. Hanging back behind some bushes, just out of sight of the twins, the older demons watched the younger ones play for a few minutes. They kicked the leather ball off the inside or outside of their feet, sometimes off the heel or toe, trying to keep it in the air as long as possible. Then Taro accidentally punted the ball and it arched over Jiro's head, landing at Sesshomaru's feet. The two boys seemed alarmed as they realized that they their father and his closest friend had been watching.
"Would you throw it back please, Father?" Jiro called politely, recovering from (or perhaps ignoring) his surprise.
Sesshomaru stepped down on the ball and brought it back over his foot in one smooth motion. Kicking it into the air, he bounced it off the inside of his foot twice before sending it back to his sons. They stared at him, surprised.
"You can play kemari, Father?" Taro asked incredulously.
"Yes," Sesshomaru answered, suppressing a scowl. Why did everyone seem to think that he never did anything entertaining?
"We aren't too old to join in, are we?" Jimatsu joked, walking over.
Sesshomaru shot him a look, which was returned swiftly as if to say 'spend some time with your children'. He blinked, surprised, but he consented, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation.
He was rusty, but what did he expect after not playing for over a hundred years? Within a minute or two his movements became less hesitant and awkward, and he was amused to find that he actually was enjoying the game.
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Inuyasha had been searching the palace for more than two of Kagome's hours and he hadn't found Sesshomaru yet. The stable hands had assured him that he hadn't left the palace grounds and the servants all said they had seen him with Jimatsu, but that didn't give Inuyasha a clearer idea of where his brother was.
Glancing down a corridor as he passed, he glimpsed Ochiba, passing into a room on left. She might know where Sesshomaru was.
Approaching the room, he could he hear complaining quite loudly about something; for a moment he considered finding someone else to ask-
"I can't believe he did that to me!"
-but curiosity got the better of him.
Creeping up to the open lattice blinds, he peaked in as he listened to the demoness rant to her ladies-in-waiting.
"How dare he show me such disrespect! He's the one who shamed himself countless times! He amuses himself with that pretty little infatuation of his, all the while ignoring his duty to his wife. I despise them both! That disgusting ningen peasant who can't even walk without giving away her pathetic birth; a little slut who lured a once proud demon to her bed. And him! He's making the same mistakes as his father. Lying with a human! What good can come of that!"
Inuyasha's mouth dropped. Sesshomaru slept with Rin! Astounded, he slipped quietly away from the room. Now he really wanted to try talking to Sesshomaru.
Searching the halls for the demon, that amazing fact kept repeating in his head. Sesshomaru had slept with Rin. Sesshomaru had slept with Rin. It was unbelievable, inconceivable. Back at the river he had been joking; he didn't actually think that Sesshomaru liked Rin that way.
He came to an abrupt halt. That hypocritical bastard! Sesshomaru would insult him for liking a human-
'It is inexcusable; a disgrace to your demon blood.'
-but he could be with Rin? Inuyasha didn't think so.
Stopping a servant, he demanded, "Do you know where Sesshomaru is?" In his anger he forgot the honorific title, but he didn't care.
The young page girl cringed away in fright. "I believe His Majesty is in the garden with His Highnesses Taro and Jiro, as well as Lord Jimatsu," she said quickly before hurrying off.
'Which damn garden!' Inuyasha wanted to shout after her. He controlled himself, and set off for the Inner gardens. The chance that Sesshomaru was in the Outer Palace was slim to none. Stalking through garden after garden, anger coursing in his veins, Inuyasha could practically hear every human based insult Sesshomaru ever said to him ringing in his ears; it only served to make him more enraged. Finally he caught sight of him.
"Sesshomaru!" he shouted.
Jiro jumped at Inuyasha's cry and the ball soared over Jimatsu's head, rolling to a stop at Inuyasha's feet.
The half demon remembered, unbidden, the exclusion from this game; the others watched him, bemused, as Inuyasha stared at the ball.
Inuyasha looked up at them, all demons, all nobles, and once more he was painfully aware that he didn't belong, would never belong. His anger surged back; he kicked the ball, hard, and it shot straight towards Sesshomaru, the one who brought him to this miserable place, the one who hypocritically mocked him, the one who constantly reminded him that he would never be good enough.
Sesshomaru caught the ball, glaring at Inuyasha.
"What do you want, little brother?" he asked in an irritated voice, tossing the ball over his shoulder.
Inuyasha twitched. That gesture, that condescending attitude; they're no better than the humans who scorned him. Completely forgetting his original reason for coming, Inuyasha ran at him.
"I'm sick of this stupid shit!"
Jimatsu and the two boys scattered as Sesshomaru caught Inuyasha's fist.
"What has gotten into you?" he demanded. Inuyasha swung his free fist and Sesshomaru jerked Inuyasha to the left, bringing the half demon across in front of him to successfully block the second strike. He shoved his off balanced brother backwards, placing a few feet between them.
"You lousy hypocrite!" Inuyasha bellowed. "You put me down for having human blood, you talk trash about me because I like Kagome; yet you can sleep with Rin and that's fine!"
Shit! "Be silent, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru commanded urgently, his voice betraying a hint of panic. He didn't need everyone to know!
"No, I won't be silent!" the half demon continued to rage. "I've put up with all these dumbass court rules for the past month almost, and for what! To find out that you're a liar! If you can love Rin, then I better not hear any shit for loving Kagome!"
"I don't love Rin!" Sesshomaru shouted, his face a brilliant shade of red. "It's fine if you like a ningen, you share their blood. But I don't love Rin!" He knew he was making a fool of himself, and in front of his children and Jimatsu at that, but the words just kept coming. "Don't presume you know anything about my life, Inuyasha. You know nothing! You barely know how to bow properly; don't you dare think you know something about the intricacies of court life!"
"The hell you don't love Rin!" Inuyasha challenged, ignoring the rest of Sesshomaru's insults.
"I don't!" Sesshomaru shouted back, his mind screaming for him to stop. "I don't love Rin, and I never will!"
Then he heard it, very faintly from behind him. "Sesshomaru-sama…"
He spun around; Rin stood there, nearly in tears. "Sesshomaru-sama…" she whimpered again, tears starting to flow.
"Rin," Sesshomaru said hoarsely. Someone just dropped a heavy weight into his stomach; he felt sick.
The little girl ran off, crying, and the demon lord watched her go, quite unable to do a thing.
"Swift, Sesshomaru; real swift," Inuyasha sneered.
The next thing Inuyasha knew, he was sitting on the ground, staring up at his brother.
"Get out of my presence," Sesshomaru struggled to say evenly.
"What?" Inuyasha muttered, slightly dazed from the punch that had knocked him to the ground.
"Do I have to spell it out for you, baka!" Sesshomaru practically screeched. "Get out of my sight!"
Inuyasha scrambled to his feet and, to his shame, ran.
The proud yet wounded lord stood still as stone, eyes shut, fist clenched. His throat felt constricted to the point of actually hurting and his chest ached. Calm down, breathe, calm down! Fully aware that all eyes were on him, he struggled for control. Calm down, find peace, you can think about all this later, just calm down. But as soon as the anger died down, a new emotion surged in to take its place: sorrow. He felt himself pitch forward slightly as the deep penetrating sadness filled his entire body, sweeping everything else away. A low sob escaped him as he screwed his eyes shut tighter. God, what was this? Never before had he felt anything even remotely similar… He had never felt anything this absolutely consuming, so perfectly overwhelming-
"Lord Sesshomaru?" he heard Jimatsu's voice from far away.
It hurt. This feeling actually fucking hurt. Sesshomaru grimaced. How did this happen? He felt sick; he couldn't breathe. Oh, gods, Rin…
"Lord Sesshomaru!" Jimatsu voice was more insistent.
The fact that he was doubled over hit him suddenly; he straightened up quickly, swaying slightly, hand staying at his mouth as if was going to throw up. Or scream; he couldn't tell which. He hoped neither would happen.
"Lord Sesshomaru, are you okay?" Jimatsu asked him earnestly.
'No, I'm not okay!' he wanted to snap at him. But he just looked at his friend. "I'm sorry," Sesshomaru choked out, his eyes strangely dilated.
He glanced over at Taro and Jiro. They looked frightened and more than slightly surprised; Sesshomaru couldn't tell if they were scared for him or of him. He dismissed them with a quick wave of his hand, and he could tell they were fighting the urge to run as they walked away. Giving in to Jimatsu's pleading, he sat down on the engawa.
Jimatsu was asking again, wanting to an answer if he was alright. Sesshomaru tried swallowing; his throat felt so tight he didn't know if he could manage a reply. His claws twitched as the idea of ripping his throat out to make the disgusting feeling go away suddenly seemed very appealing.
Finally he answered Jimatsu, his voice strangled. "I'll be fine." Which, of course, he didn't know for certain, but he definitely hoped would be true.
"What happened?" his friend pressed, peering closely at Sesshomaru.
The demon took a deep breath; he was starting to feel better. "I'm not sure; that sort of thing has never happened to me before."
He had heard people talk about inner 'attacks', when it felt like one was being ripped apart from the inside. Realizing that description fit what just happened to him, he only felt more ashamed. Only weak people who couldn't control themselves had the attacks.
"I see that look, my lord. You're too hard on yourself."
Sesshomaru looked over toward the entrance of the garden. Hoshikuzu walked over and bowed, greeting the two lords in turn.
"What you mean, Lord Sesshomaru is too hard on himself?" Jimatsu questioned.
"He believes that inner attacks only affect people who are weak in spirit," Hoshikuzu explained. Sesshomaru frowned; did the onmyoji see his humiliating moment too?
He continued. "In reality, these so called 'attacks' happen to people who are not at peace with themselves. The lack of balance in their ki causes incredible disruptions, which can be triggered by an upsetting event, or seemingly nothing at all. These disruptions of ki can cause very real physical pain, even though there is nothing visibly wrong with the body. Over time, the imbalance can cause sickness or, in extreme cases, death."
Jimatsu was on his feet. "Are you suggesting that Lord Sesshomaru doesn't have self-control?"
"I was merely explaining why attacks happen, nothing more." Hoshikuzu said, eyes sparkling. "No need to get up in arms defending your love from a non-existent threat."
Jimatsu flushed. "What do you mean by that?" he stuttered as Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed in disbelief.
"I don't need to explain that, I think. With your leave, Lord Sesshomaru." The onmyoji bowed and walked away.
"I should be going as well, my lord," Jimatsu said quickly. "That is, of course, if you don't require something."
Sesshomaru shook his head and his friend hurried off. Sighing, he stood up. Now there was another thing to worry about. Too many things it seemed. Rin was upset, Inuyasha was being an idiot, (plus he wasn't married to Kagome), Ochiba was infuriated, Jimatsu might possibly like him (what the hell was he supposed to do with that?), and to top it all off, he was apparently so imbalanced that he could get sick from it.
'Could things be anymore complicated?' Sesshomaru wondered, wandering off to the bath.
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I gave Sesshomaru a panic attack. Oops. Anyway, kemari is basically the precursor of hacky sack that was played by Japanese court nobles (usually only the men), and engawaare those wooden porch-like walkways you see in traditional Japanese houses.Questions? Comments? Please review!