Part 11

Ask me what, Lucas? Sami demanded to know, worry vivid in her eyes.

"Look, Sami, I think I've said this a hundred times in the past three weeks, maybe even a couple of those times to you: I hate what happened at Tony's that day, maybe almost, maybe as much as you do. I'm absolutely ashamed of my part in it. I'd really like you to believe that."

You're getting there. Sami admitted.

"Well, that's great. Nice to know when I'm making progress. See, Sami, when the ER doc said you might not make it that night ... It really set me back, you know? And I've been doing a lot of thinking the past three weeks, one day, six hours and nineteen minutes."
Sami tried her best not to laugh at his meticulousness. But who's counting? she finally quipped.

"Yeah, I get that. Okay well," Lucas started over, wanting to be at least a little annoyed with Sami, but losing that completely when he looked at her familiar, wicked grin. her bright face and her lithe form ...

Well, what?

"Well, well. I just decided that its about time I told you that I'd rather we were friends again, if that's ever going to be possible, than enemies across a truce table named Will. I mean, I know I haven't been the best possible father ... But I think I've changed ... anyway, Sami, I want to change things ... between all three of us ... for the better. So ... that's what I wanted to ask ... Do you want ... things to change, too?"

Looking across at Sami, seeing her eyes widen, Lucas hurried on before she could reply, and before he could make things worse, instead of better.

"Sami, this is gonna sound as crazy coming from me, now, as you thought your dreams sounded. Only they didn't, honest. And I told you that.
But this: See I had a best friend once, and really only once in my pathetic life. And I think I was a pretty darned good friend in return. We had ... some really great times, and some wild schemes together. And some of them worked and some of them blew up in our faces. But we told each other everything. We worked together so well that almost no one could get us down, much less stop us. And we cared about each other, a lot, and we trusted each other, a lot. And we hurt each other, a lot.
But I want ... I want everything but that hurt to come back into my life again. I want my best friend in the world back. I messed up things between us really, really badly, and nobody, but nobody knows that better than I do, believe me. I would undo so many mistakes I've made, in a heartbeat, if I only could, and see, I know she'd laugh at me now and say: And two of those are named Carrie and Nicole.
But you see, I've also learned that I can't turn the clock back, and it makes me feel kinda crazy, you see, because I miss her so much. You see, it was just the same for me, just that one night, and never again afterwards: I wasn't afraid, I wasn't afraid at all, not with her. Do you have any idea where she might've gone to? Maybe you could leave a note for her, somewhere, if you do? Cos I hate that it took almost losing her once and for all to get me wised up. And that note is a real simple one. It would only have to say these words: 'Sami, I miss you. I miss us.' "

Lucas stopped talking, and had even stopped looking at Sami for more than half of his monologue. He was biting his lower lip fiercely, because his outburst had left him on the verge of panic and tears were stinging the back of his eyes.

Sami stood less than two yards away from the man who had helped her give life to the best part of herself, their son, Will. She felt as if she had never seen Lucas before now, at least, not this side of him. At least not in something like nine years. His deep, softly dark eyes, as well as she could see them with his face partly turned away, were bright with unshed tears. The last time she remembered seeing tears in Lucas Robert's eyes was when he woke up and realized his driving drunk had nearly cost them both Will's life. His hands were clenched, and she knew very well, it was a trick of his learned at military school, to hide the fact that they were shaking. And his jaw was set, almost jutting out, as if to receive an unwanted but expected blow. But more than anything else in the world, at this moment, Lucas reminded Sami of nothing and noone so much as his son, when Will thought he was about to get grounded for the next 30 years.

As quickly as she could, Sami wrote on her board and walked over to her long ago friend. Then, without bothering to ask permission, she cupped his chin and turned his gaze back to meet her own. And then she held up the whiteboard for Lucas to read:

Lucas, I miss you, too. And I miss us. Where the hell did we get to?

Lucas felt his self control flowing away and so simply shook his head, trying to indicate how absolutely clueless he felt. Carefully taking the board from her, still not trusting his own voice, he wrote, with a faint grin on his lips:

Now you sound like Roman. And wouldn't he just hate to see us right now?

No fake. And, Kate ... she'd go postal! Sami agreed, fighting the warm, tingling sensation she got from the touch of Lucas' hand on hers.

You know what I say? Lucas replied, beginning to enjoy this silent conversation.

Nope.

I say joke 'em!

Sami felt her face grow hot. She knew the full phrase Lucas was pulling up out of their past, and couldn't remember when she or Lucas had used it in each other's presence except as the familiar Anglo-Saxon expletive.

I say fahgedda about 'em Sami wrote. And, hey, poor little rich boy, why don't you go get your own whiteboard? But she was grinning at him all the while.

"Well, if you feel that way about it, Ms. Brady. I will, but before I collapse for the night, I'd just like to say this .."

Lucas! What now?

"Glad to see you back in town. Real glad. In fact, I feel like celebrating!" Once again, acting before he had time to stop and think, Lucas pulled her into his arms, letting the board clatter to the floor. Gently then, and only once, he pressed his lips to Sami's and kissed her for the first time in what he could only think of as way too long. Then he stepped back and turned towards the apartment door.

Startled, Sami almost shoved him away, but his gentleness confused her too much. She felt as if someone had turned a light back on in her mind, her soul and her heart. She felt like grabbing Lucas back into her arms and returning the embrace. She felt like calling out his name. And then, startling both of them, She did, in a scratchy, faint, almost inaudible, almost unrecognizable voice: "Lu...Lucas."

Lucas turned on his heel and gaped at Sami, helplessly for a wordless moment.

"Sami ... Omig-d, I must be tired, I thought I heard ..."

"You ... d-did." She told him, even though her throat felt like ten miles of sandpaper.

"Alright!" Lucas exclaimed, and pulled her back to him, proceeding to whirl Sami off her feet and around and around just barely missing the card table.

"Very ... alright." Sami whispered, with a small, half scared smile on her face.
But instead of feeling dizzy, she had the strangest feeling that her world wasn't spinning out of control anymore. Instead she felt sure it was all coming back into place.