Faithfully

Chapter 11: Cut My Life Into Pieces

"I'm… I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd. She still is refusing to see you." Nurse Barber said, closing the door behind her as she exited

He sighed and nodded, the answer not surprising him. He'd been there for 3 days now, going home long enough to shower and change. The rest of his time was spent sitting outside her room, almost like her body guard.

He leaned his head against the wall, rubbing his hand over his face, pinching his eyes closed. It would be so much easier to leave, go sit at Joe's and drink himself into a stupor. At least he'd feel like he was doing something instead of just sitting here. But, try as he did to convince himself to go, his heart wouldn't let him go anywhere.

Before he could do anything else, he heard the pitter patter of familiar feet. He looked up just as Emery flew into his arms. "Daddy!" She cried, wrapping her arms around his neck. He felt a pang of guilt rush through him. He hasn't seen much of his kids since he'd started camping out in front of his wife's room.

He pulled both his girls to him. Right now, they were the closest thing he had to Meredith. "How's mommy?" Emery asked, twirling her fingers around his hair.

"Mommy's still sick sweetie. But hopefully she'll be better soon and she can come home." He told his young daughter.

Before she could question him further, William Jones, Bailey's son, came tearing around the corner, his mother in close pursuit. As soon as Emery caught sight of her friend, she immediately released her father and ran to his side.

"I knew the day would come when she'd pick a boy over me. I just never thought it would be this soon." He tried to joke to Bailey as the short woman came to a halt beside him.

"Still sittin' outside huh?" Bailey asked, lowering herself onto the bench next to him.

"Can't force her. She doesn't want to see me, ok. But how long I do this for? How long do I sit here?" He questioned softly.

She didn't really have an answer for that. Or rather, an answer that would make him happy.

"Don't give up on her Derek. She will get out of that bed. This will get better, and she will need you. You just need to believe that." Bailey told him, allowing herself an uncharacteristic gesture of sympathy.

"I don't want to lose her, but I don't know what else to do. I'm at a loss Miranda." He confided to the woman.

"I can't tell you what to do. She's lost her child Derek. She's dealing in the only way she's been taught, it's the only way she knows how to grieve." Bailey went on.

Derek sat in silence, taking in the woman's words, trying to make them help, trying to make sense of it all.

"Has she seen the girls?" Bailey asked after a moment.

Derek shook his head. "The nurses have asked her if she wants to see them, she told them no." He replied wearily.

"Maybe it's time to stop giving her choices. Maybe you should let me take the girls in." Bailey suggested.

Derek thought about this for a minute. "I don't know about that. I don't think we should force her…" He trailed off.

"Derek, they are her children. She is their mother. It's not about forcing. It's about recovering and trying to move on. Meredith needs to know that she still has two perfectly healthy girls that she's going to lose if she doesn't start the healing process." Bailey pointed out.

He debated her idea. Hell, what do I have to lose at this point? Finally, he nodded. "Do it. Do whatever you think is best. I just want her back." He whispered. Bailey nodded.

She scooped up Delaney and called to Emery and Will. "We'll be out in a bit. Why don't you go get some food or something. Get away from here." She suggested, trying to coax him to his feet.

"I think it's better if I stay here." He argued, holding his seat.

"Let us do this. I don't know how this is going to go and I don't think you need to see or hear this." She argued softly.

"She's practically my wife. I can handle it." He informed the woman arguing with him.

"I know. I know you can handle a lot. But now is not the time. Now, now you can't. Just trust me. Go." Miranda instructed him.

He reluctantly stood and started down the hall, struggling not to turn back.

Once Bailey was sure he was gone, she gathered the kids around her and pushed through the door.

It took everything she had not to react. Meredith was thin, ghostly pale. Her body was hooked to tubes and wires everywhere she looked. She was facing the wall, the blanket covering her slender frame.

"Meredith." Bailey called softly to the young woman. She barely stirred. Bailey glanced down at Emery, who was staring at her mother with curiosity. Bailey leaned down to the child. "Say hi to your mom." She whispered to the child, gently guiding her forward as she told her.

"Hi mommy." Emery told her mom, resting her hand on her mom's leg as she did so.

Meredith, who'd been replaying the fall over and over in her head, was jerked back to present time by the feel and sound of her older daughter.

She turned so fast, she scared Emery. Her bleary eyes took in the room. Bailey, Will, Emery and Delaney.

Emery approached again, slower this time and Delaney reached out to her mother.

Meredith jerked back. "Bailey, get them out of here." She hissed, her voice low.

"Meredith. These are your children. You need-" Bailey started.

"GET THEM OUT!!!" She shrieked at the woman. Bailey's eyes went wide at her outburst.

Emery, largely unafraid of most things, still approached her mom. "Mommy, what's wrong?" She questioned, her voice small and slightly frightened. She laid her hand on her mother's arm.

Meredith jerked back, her eyes wild. "GET OUT!!!" She screamed. Monitors started going crazy all around her.

Emery now had tears streaming down her face, and Delaney was sobbing in Bailey's arms.

Bailey sprang into action, quickly gathering the children and turning them to head out, only to run head on into Derek.

He hadn't been able to bring himself to leave her floor and had been pacing at the other end when he heard a nurse call for assistance to Meredith's room. He took off behind them.

He entered the room as Bailey was leaving. She was surrounded by nurses, Addison and Izzie. "Cardiac arrest, brought on by sudden, strong amounts of stress, BP skyrocketed." Izzie reported to Addison, who'd come in moments before Derek.

Tears filled Derek's eyes as the love of his life flat lined.

His world around him slowly fell to pieces.

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