What was he thinking? Ara looked at the man sitting next to her on the bus with an unsettling sensation pricking on her chest, her heart still pounding furiously. It had all been so sudden she didn't stop to think about what they were doing, and she could bet it was the same for him. She had been the one to come to him for help in the first place. The landscape out of the window was still an urban one from the city she knew so well, the people walking on the streets looked so close she was afraid, for a moment, they would notice the guilt on her face if they were to look up. Familiar shops and buildings they passed by, the bus was going to come near her faculty some time soon, she guessed. It was a cloudy day and faint sun rays managed to go through the dense clouds in weak threads, if only to shed some light over the gloomy city without any warmth. She fixed the white, oversized jacket that was falling over one of her shoulders, feeling up the unfamiliar texture. Somehow, it all felt so unreal to her.
-What are you thinking? Leaving the building like that- she spoke up with a dull voice. The commotion from just a few minutes ago had melted inside of her as if nothing unusual had happened. And it was just that it felt exactly like that, the scene from before was like a story she could have read on a novel, like it didn't happen to her. Their eyes met when he turned his head to look down at her with a grimace twisting his mouth just slightly. A long minute of silence passed, his eyes scanning her, before he decided to answer.
-Did you ever report the abuse to the police?- he asked, and she shook her head- Does anyone besides me and you know about what has been happening?- he pressed, she moved her head 'no' again, to which he sighed- Then what do you think is going to happen when someone discovers the body? That man must have family and friends who notice his disappearance, and the apartment IS his property, it's registered under his name.
She bit down her lower lip, letting his words sink in. Of course it wasn't going to look good for her, they might not even believe her. Then again, the moment she buried that piece of glass on his chest, they weren't grappling, were they? She waited, waited until he was unaware and defenseless. Was it really justified to take someone else's life? Was it justified to kill a man? She could have reported it, she could have escaped sooner. If she had said something, he could be imprisoned now, but she chose to make herself a murderer. Maybe, the night Add had came to aid her, she should have left him call the police, or an ambulance, whoever could have taken care of the situation for her. None of that mattered now, it was too late.
But what about Add? What did HE have to gain from all this? If anything, he could be losing everything, because of her. She had dragged him into this mess over and over again until it was too late for him to draw back, she had implicated him in a murder of which she was the only responsible. Now that the guards, the building cameras had registered him leaving with her and once they found the dead body on her apartment, was he going to be able to go back? Was he going to be suspicious too? He knew about the murder, and he hadn't said anything to the police, that was reason enough to have him be an accomplice. If only she had kept her mouth shut and left the apartment alone.
Through the bus radio the news broadcasting station started to sound, they talked about a murder, about a body being found in the city. Cold sweat ran down her back and she flinched. So soon? Was that possible? Had they been found already? She felt a heavy hand on her shoulder and she turned to see Add's eyes fixating on her sternly.
-It's probably unrelated. This sort of thing happens every day in big cities and it's unlikely that someone has found him this soon- he spoke to her with a secure voice and she let herself relax. He was right, of course it was just a coincidence. Somehow, he had made himself some sort of voice of wisdom, and she was willing to believe anything he said if only to keep her sanity.
She sank on her sit and wrapped the jacket more tightly around her body, looking outside the window. They were getting into the less populated parts of the city, a residence area without any big buildings or commercial departments. The subtle movement of the bus cooed her into a dream sensation that filled her stomach. She felt like barely touching her sit, the jacket's fabric softly tickling her skin and the unfamiliar scent of that piece of clothing taking away her sense of reality. Looking towards Add, his presence felt so unreal, like both of them sitting next to each other on a bus, going nowhere was so unlikely to happen, so unfitting that his face looked almost dream-like. A warm sensation engulfed her heart when she thought how much he looked like a tower, so secure and stern, like he had everything under control. Would it be selfish to let him watch over her for a while?
As they sat in silence, the landscape outside of the bus started to change slowly with the bright colors over a grayish canvas of the city being left behind. Soon the buildings and houses became a rare sight, and only once in a while a few small convenience stores could be spotted near the road and segregated groups of houses in the distance, all of them standing over faraway hills drawn over the brownish dirt of the desolated terrain by the freeway. All of the electric connections that had been made subterranean in the heart of the city appeared now along the street as electricity poles, shadowing against the clouds and rising sun. Everything they were seeing now was fairly rudimentary and countryside-like, indicating they were getting to the outsides of the city.
Add busied himself by reading a book, while Ara was absentmindedly staring at the progression of the scenery outside the bus, half sunken on her sit. As they got farther and farther from the city they lived in she felt like leaving behind a part of herself, being washed away along with the urban colors. Without thinking, her hands went through the bruises on her legs under the black dress. She had sloppily put on the first thing she found before going to look for Add, and it probably hadn't been the best choice for an attire to run away into nothingness with. The purple circles hurt under the pressing of her fingertips, but it felt like an anaesthetized pain. Even so, it was a reminder that her scars were still travelling with her.
She felt sedated, as if whatever was happening outside the limits of her own existence was a faraway scene, and soon the tiredness of the sleepless night started to take over her as the world outside her window also became quieter. She wrapped the jacket tighter around her body, covering the small circles of dry blood that were adhered to her skin and softly leaned against the arm of the man next to her, closing her eyes. Nothing mattered.
As the bus got engulfed by the darkness of a tunnel and its dim, yellowish lights, he turned another page of the book.
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