Letter Bonnie writes Elena after damon coffins himself in 7x15


Dear Elena,

If you can asked me during the beginning of Junior year of highschool, where I thought I'd be after Graduation… I'm not sure what I would have said. The days when we were just girls with normal problems, (unfortunate, but normal none the less) seem as though they never even existed. Sometimes, I want to write about how much I hate my life, this life, the one I didn't ask for, nor chose. The truth is, I don't hate it. I feel almost like I am obligated to hate it, though. I'm all alone now, well, with the exception of Enzo… However, before everyone left I always felt like people expected me to hate everything, to be pessimistic, and discard them once I had the chance.

Since the beginning, the general beliefs of me have been: Bonnie hates vampires, she is the sacrificial lamb, she is the newbie witch who still doesn't have a handle on it, she is the selfless one, she hates Damon.

Honestly, these things are wrong. You don't know me at all. I don't hate vampires, I used to but that's not me, not anymore. I am not a sacrificial lamb, and I am not selfless. I am selfish, most of the time, or at least I want to be selfish. You've never given me a choice, between being selfish and being selfless, because I was always expected by someone, to clean up after everyone.

I'm not a teenage girl anymore, and I'm not a newbie witch with no control. I'm powerful, I can do things I never dreamt of in the snap of my fingers.

But, most of all…I don't hate Damon.

He came into my life, and I hated him, but then, one day, I looked over at him while he was looking away, and… I didn't. I didn't hate him anymore. I can't explain why, or how it happened. It was the feeling of the sun rising, and though the sun was the same sun that has risen since the beginning of time, it felt warmer. I was looking at Damon, and though he was the same man, that there had always been and always will be, I felt warmer.

I never thought, I'd care about 'the guy fro the grille' in the blue camaro, with his sunglasses, so much; but, I care about him. Elena, I love him; and he's gone, and I hate him.

It doesn't make any sense, but I hate him, so much that I don't hate him at all, I hate everything else. I hate the wind, I hate the rain, I hate the feeling of the sun, I hate the moon, and I hate, that Damon might never know how much I love him, because you're selfish, and you'll never show him this letter, and any letter I leave behind for him, you'll just hide.

You were friend, and I know you love him too; so please know, I'm not trying to be cold when I say this… I love him more than you, and more than you ever will.

Which is why I am not going to write to you anymore after this. In the future, as you live your life with him, I don't want you to know how the rest of my life went; because, that's what being selfless is.

Bonnie